Author's note: There are a few important aspects of this AU which were never referenced in the summary. It's a bit of an oversimplification to say that there is no Geass in this universe: truth is, it does exist because otherwise Marianne's "death" would never have happened. But in this story, I won't be going deeply into the backstory of that and that is what I mean by there being no Geass. As for C.C., in this story Clovis never captured her, so she's probably still out there somewhere roaming free. Obviously, this means the Shinjuku incident never happened, and as this chapter will probably show you, that would have its own unique consequences.

There are some more differences between this world and the canon universe and I hope you've had fun picking out all of them so far. There's more to come, too. Just a word of warning, though: I might not be able to update this chapter at the regular time next week because year 12 exams are coming up and I'll have to go on a temporary hiatus because of it. Sorry about that. Anyway, that's enough preamble. Onto the chapter!

four
a man in love;

Shirley was waiting at the door for him when he came home.

It had been a trying day for him. He knew that he should feel a sinking sensation in his stomach at being caught out, but his mind was elsewhere. Shirley said, "Lulu, where were you?" and Lelouch said, "You know where I went." He tried to move past her.

But Shirley remained resolutely where she stood. She held up a restraining hand that guided Lelouch's gaze towards her face. She was tired, indubitably so, but the weariness was merely a facet of her multi-layered expression. Her smile lodged into place like a piece of a mosaic. "Oh, Lulu…" She heaved a sigh. Lelouch could sense a confrontation approaching and it was this realisation that shifted his thoughts away from what had happened at the casino.

"Shirley," he began, searching quickly for words, but then Shirley shook her head slowly and shuffled aside.

"Come on in," she said.


Manipulating the conversation with Kallen had been difficult but within his capabilities. The moment she pressed a switchblade knife against his throat had been Kallen at her most dangerous.

And Lelouch said, "You can't kill me in public, so I assume you're trying to kidnap me."

"With what you know, you could jeopardise our plans," she hissed into his ear. She was leaning in close to him as if she was about to kiss him and in fact that was how it would have appeared to any onlooker. Nothing suspicious at all.

"If I wanted to betray your presence to the authorities," Lelouch told her, "I would have done so already. But I suppose the possibility I could change my mind would always remain at the back of your mind."

She scowled; he had hit the nail on the mark.

"I told you before," Lelouch said smoothly. "I don't believe in taking sides. Another thing," he continued. "Although I admit I know very little about your code of honour, wouldn't terrorising civilians be against what you're trying to achieve? You're not terrorists, after all, you're freedom fighters. By choosing to antagonise me, you run the risk of not only losing your own countrymen's support, you might provoke Britannian resistance as well. And you don't have the manpower yet to fight a pitched war. Well, Kallen?"

As he spoke, he saw the expression Kallen's face flicker with uncertainty. Abruptly, she drew back so that she was no longer in such close proximity to him. She exhaled harshly.

"I think it's better if we never spoke again," she said.

"Maybe so," Lelouch replied vaguely. "Maybe so."

They parted ways, both of them keenly aware of who possessed the upper hand. Lelouch left the casino with the sound of an imperfect cadence ringing in his ears. One more chord was needed to resolve his entire song. What Lelouch intended to do he did not know, but some tantalising possibility whispered to him. He was flirting with a life he would have led.

But when he came home to Shirley, all his majestic chords faded to muffled background noise. He was not Lelouch vi Britannia, he was Lelouch Lamperouge. He was tied down to the mundane.

What, he wondered, had led him to become even more dissatisfied with this peaceful monotony? He thought for a moment and it made sense. Suzaku. Him and his impassioned views. When Suzaku had first mentioned his desire to change Britannia from within, Lelouch felt his insides squirm slightly. He felt as if something cold had just passed through him.

Then the disappointment settled over him.

"I see. I see."

"I'll get into a position where I can suggest changes to the system," Suzaku said cheerfully. "If I work hard, I'll be sure to be promoted."

"Suzaku," Lelouch said slowly. He thought of Lord Jeremiah, the esteemed pilot of the Lancelot and leader of the Purist Faction, and of the speeches he had made on television. ("Our country has no future if we count the Japanese as members of our own race! What would be left of our culture, of our unique greatness?") "Have you not been promoted yet?"

"Not yet, no."

"And how long have you been in the military?"

"Five years this fall," Suzaku replied. "Why?"

Lelouch did not want to say what he felt, that he was certain Suzaku would never be promoted, not for as long as men like Jeremiah had power to wield.

Thinking about it all at night, Lelouch understood why he called himself neutral. His lack of resources made it impossible to be anything but.

"Lulu, what are you thinking about?" Shirley asked him that night in bed. She had not mentioned the casino at all. The thought lay between them like an unborn child.

"It's nothing," Lelouch said.

"That's a lie," Shirley replied. "You're always thinking." She smiled tiredly. "Good night."

Normally, Lelouch would have nodded at that; she would have rolled on her side and he would have gazed at the ceiling. But this time, he caught something in her voice and he turned his head to the side to peer at her.

Glistening wetness. It was there in her eyes fleetingly. She rolled over then, and nothing was said. Lelouch felt as if he had seen something he had not been meant to see.

He tilted his head back up, gazed at the ceiling like he was meant to; and he knew he would not sleep that night.

Then the quietness settled.


Suzaku came like a saviour mid-morning the next day. He rang the doorbell and asked, bashful smile playing on his lips, if Lelouch would like to spend some time with him today. He was even dressed in white – his jumper was creamy white and seemed suspiciously like something purchased from a second-hand clothing store. His presence was something of a comfort to Lelouch.

"Yes, yes," Lelouch said quickly. "I'll go."

He glanced behind himself at Shirley, who was preparing to leave for college. She was already dressed in a sleek, brown skirt and wearing very light makeup on her face. She appeared like any decent well-to-do city girl would. Lelouch explained that he was going out with Suzaku and quickly found his things. It occurred to him that Suzaku would not judge him and would probably try to cheer him up. The insurance was there and simply knowing that relieved him for now.

"So where do you want to go?" Lelouch asked Suzaku when they were out the door. The sun shone brightly over a clear sky. In spite of that, it wasn't particularly warm and Lelouch felt a small shiver pass through him as he gazed at Suzaku and found his friend gazing back at him.

"I'm not sure," Suzaku replied. "Maybe Shinjuku."

Lelouch shot him a puzzled glance. "Why the ghettos?"

"Because," Suzaku replied tentatively, "I thought I could… I thought maybe…" He stopped and ran a hand through his hair, the way he always did when he was at a loss for words. "I wasn't thinking, Lelouch."

"You've been giving your paycheck to the ghetto dwellers, haven't you?"

Suzaku blinked.

Lelouch sighed. It was all the answer he needed. As usual, he did not have the heart to mention that the truth was far from Suzaku's imagination. He thought by giving he could do good but when it came to the ghetto dwellers, it made no difference except in the number of Refrain sales.

Even so, Lelouch could not help but feel a rush of glowing, warm affection for this foolish, kind friend of his.

"Let's eat somewhere," he said. "I'll tell you a few things."

So they did and Lelouch debated with himself whether or not to confide about Shirley to Suzaku. He was not accustomed to discussing his feelings. In the end, he only mentioned Shirley fleetingly, enough to insinuate that he was not quite sure how to show his regard for her. To that, Suzaku smiled and said:

"You really aren't good with women, are you, Lelouch?" He laughed, not derisively or in cajolement; his eyes sparkled with mirth. "I'm surprised you're married. How did you propose?"

"I don't remember," said Lelouch.

"Was it that long ago?"

"Well, no," Lelouch answered. "It was about two years ago." He thought back. "We were friends in the student council."

"And then?"

Under Suzaku's eager nudging, Lelouch revealed in snippets the birth of his relationship with Shirley. They were at their graduation ceremony and she took him aside and told him in no uncertain terms that she was in love with him. She had been distraught; she spoke of her fear that she would never have the opportunity to tell him how she felt again. He was leaving, their childhood was at an end and-

"You kissed her?" Suzaku asked.

Lelouch nodded, numbly. He did not mention the sudden rush of confused emotion that had preceded the action. It had been something resembling panic, like everything was about to end if he didn't do something, like he'd just stop being him. He had never felt anything quite like that since. Whatever it was had been what bound him to Shirley and the memory of it was what continued to do so ever since.

"You should kiss her more often," Suzaku suggested brightly. "And say you love her."

"I don't want to carry on about it," Lelouch said, somewhat exasperatedly. He was beginning to regret telling Suzaku about Shirley. "Look, let's just get something to eat, all right?"

"Yes, sir!" said Suzaku, saluting. Then he laughed, unable to keep a straight face. "Sorry, my training got ahead of me. I'll just – hey, look out!"

He had noticed movement at the window in the building they were walking past. A girl with vivid lavender pink hair was dangling precariously from the windowsill and as Suzaku and Lelouch stopped to gape at her, she elicited a feminine giggle.

"Watch out!" she cried. "Geronimo!"

She jumped.

This all happened so quickly that Lelouch could do nothing but stare. Suzaku, however, remained admirably calm and neatly caught the girl in his arms. His military training did have its benefits after all.

"Hey, uh…" He stared at the girl in his arms. "Are you all right? Aren't you-?" Suddenly, his breath hitched. His eyes widened. He let go of the girl as if she was a scalding iron.

The sound of a bland, emotionless voice drifted from the window the girl had fallen from. "You forgot your sunglasses, princess."

Lelouch suddenly felt nauseous. He took a step back and then turned away sharply, hoping the girl had not seen him. She was Princess Euphemia – if he could recognise her, she could recognise him.

"I need to go," he said quickly to Suzaku. "I'll see you later."

Suzaku threw Lelouch a frantic look, but his friend was already gone.


"Pleased to meet you," Euphemia li Britannia said to Suzaku Kururugi. "My name's Euphie."

For his part, Suzaku was extremely flustered by this encounter, although for different reasons to Lelouch. He had never encountered any royalty save for his friend and his first impulse was to fear that his mere presence would taint her. What would people think if a mere Honorary Britannian was seen conversing with a princess? It did not even occur to him that this was in fact the very stroke of luck he had been hoping for.

"I-I'm glad you're okay," he stuttered. He backed away hastily, bowing so deeply his head almost hit the concrete. "T-Take care of yourself, Your Highness!"

"But you didn't introduce yourself," she said, puzzled.

"Suzaku Kururugi," Suzaku answered rapidly in a very small voice.

"Suzakurugi?" Euphemia cocked her head.

"Suzaku Kururugi."

"Suzaku Kururugi!"

"Yeah," said Suzaku, smiling wanly and forgetting, for just a brief moment, the great divide between them. It was all the opening Euphemia required.

"Anya!" she called, seemingly to the window. "Come down! I'll introduce you to Suzaku Kururugi!"

"Understood," spoke the bland voice Suzaku had heard earlier. Then there was a sound of brief shuffling and another girl appeared at the window. Nonchalantly, she proceeded to leap out the window and she landed poised on her feet within a moment. Suzaku was instantly reminded of the superstition that cats would land on their feet no matter where they were dropped. The girl did not pay much overt attention to Suzaku and instead started playing with her cell phone. She had a pale, almost ghostly complexion and her hair was of the precise same shade as Euphemia's. She was dressed in a snug-fitting white coat – the standard issued knight's uniform.

"This is my knight," Euphemia announced proudly. "Anya Alstreim! Anya, say hello to Suzaku!"

"Hello," Anya intoned. She did not look up from her phone.

Euphemia turned back to Suzaku. "With my knight here, you don't have to worry about what's proper," she declared. Suzaku blinked at that; so Euphemia understood his concerns after all. "So," the princess continued with a bright smile, "is it all right if you show me around town?"

Suzaku looked at the smile on Euphemia's lips and then at her eyes (they were a lot like Lelouch's in a way, he thought) and he realised abruptly that he had no desire to say no.

"Where would you like to go?" he asked.

The princess stood up and brushed herself briskly.

"Shinjuku," she said.


When Lelouch returned home, there was nothing but silence for the most part there to greet him. His maid was vacuuming the bedrooms and so Lelouch chose to sit in the drawing room. He took up embroidery for something to do, but his mind was distracted from the task at hand. It remained fixated on the street corner outside the government offices, where Euphemia Li Britannia had fallen from the skies.

Euphemia, Lelouch knew, had come to Area Eleven about three years ago as a foreign envoy – he had read about that in the papers. Since then, she had done nothing of journalistic interest and so Lelouch had forgotten about her. He had certainly never dreamed of coming across her, much in the same way he had never dreamed of coming across Suzaku again. Although he had been fond of Euphemia as a child, she was still a member of the Britannian royal family. Lelouch could depend on her no further than he could throw her.

Ten years ago, terrorists had stormed the Imperial palace, an incident that had resulted in the deaths of Lelouch's mother and younger sister. Lelouch had never stopped suspecting that there had been a cover-up that day – there was, after all, no possibility that terrorists could storm such a well-fortified palace. Having noted that the strength of Japan's liberation forces rested on a bunny girl, Lelouch did not doubt his conclusions. Seeing Euphemia reminded him what he would have done if he had the power: he would have found exactly who was behind his mother and Nunally's deaths and he would have snapped their fucking necks.

Lelouch carefully treaded his needle and surveyed his embroidery. He prided himself on his rigidly straight needlework.

It was difficult to control the waves of bitterness that swept through him at times. He felt he could plunge himself into darkness if he so chose. There just wouldn't be much of a point to it. Not right now. Lelouch lived his life under constant reminders of his own blackened heritage and subsequent powerlessness. Euphemia he had not anticipated, but it mattered very little in the end. Unless…

He flipped open his cell phone and quickly dialed Suzaku's number. He asked when he had left Euphemia.

"I'm with her right now," Suzaku replied.

Lelouch inhaled sharply. "What?"

"I'm showing her around Shinjuku. Euphie just found a stray cat and – ouch!"

"Suzaku? !"

"It bit me," said Suzaku.

"Oh." Then with a shake of his head, Lelouch went on: "You didn't tell her about me, did you?"

"No, of course not," Suzaku insisted. Lelouch believed him.

"All right, then…" He paused. He considered asking Suzaku to bring Euphemia to him so that he could press her on the events of that fateful day. But it was too risky and he doubted Euphemia would know anything anyway. Her sister Cornelia was a different matter. In the end, Lelouch decided that, like with Kallen, he could keep the opportunity close to hand. Maybe one day he would have all the pieces necessary to bring about chaos. "Stick close to her, Suzaku," he said.

"Don't you trust her, Lelouch?" He sounded disappointed.

Lelouch trusted Euphemia like he trusted everybody he met. He could predict her moves down to the letter.

"Of course I trust her," he said, speaking in the fluent language of liars. His deceit was so palpable that it could have been the truth. "She's my sister."

Then he hung up. He picked up his embroidery and waited for Shirley, wondering what to do.


Suzaku parted ways from Euphemia in a significantly lighter mood. The two of them had gotten along well and just as they were about to leave, Euphemia had asked him to give Anya his number. The implication that the two of them could have another encounter caused a strange, light, feathery sensation to well inside of Suzaku, as if a part of his stomach's interior had become a mess of sick, gooey substance. He had given his number then because he felt obligated to, and if he had to be honest with himself, he was more than a little bit frightened. Yet when he left, he did so feeling somehow more cheerful. He found himself replaying their conversations within his head at sporadic intervals. Euphemia had said she loved the Japanese and thought of them as a kind race. He wanted to believe in that.

The streets he walked in looked different now. It was like something in the cosmos had tilted and now everything seemed somewhat different and yet somewhat the same. The light cast shadows from angles he had never noticed before. As he walked past a particularly tall office building, Suzaku looked up at the windows and smiled softly. He would have glanced back down again at his dirty sneakers in another moment if he had not noticed the movement up on the building roof.

At first, he did not recognise what it meant. And then he froze and stared. Someone was standing precariously at the edge of the roof, poised as if about to jump.

"No, don't!" he yelled and sprang instantly to his feet.

The person – it was a woman – screamed. She buried her head in her arms and was evidently sobbing. Suzaku feared that if she did not jump she would slip, and that led to the same thing. With the haste and dexterity of a desperate man, Suzaku began to scale the building.

Of the climb itself, he experienced no bodily sensation. All that he remembered afterwards was his entire body pulsating with the thought of "I have to save her!" He heard the woman scream – something about NO and GET AWAY – but he paid no heed. Soon, he was up on the roof beside her and he was pulling her to the side, safe from the danger of the height.

"You'll be all right. Don't cry." He did not remember what it was exactly that he said to the woman, but he knew what he was feeling and that he wanted to comfort her with all of his might. In response, the woman only wept harder and threw her arms around him. She did not perceive him, only the warmth of his torso. "Look at me," Suzaku told her gently. "You'll be fine."

So the woman did, and Suzaku's breath suddenly caught in his chest because it was at that moment he realised it wasn't fine at all. He recognised her.

It was then he thought of Lelouch. The woman's wracked sobs reverberated painfully throughout his entire being and all he could think of was Lelouch. His heart became heavy with the thought of his friend. He thought of the darkness in Lelouch he had noticed from the beginning but had never addressed. Suddenly, the darkness had gathered into one specific area and he was seeing it all laid it before him. He was shaken, prised apart and redefined like a man in love.

Lelouch…