Sam and Dean spent the next year with a therapist. They each talked about what had happened and how it had affected them, though Sam was quicker to open up than Dean. Sam could admit that something bad had happened. Dean couldn't even get himself to say till nearly six months later that he had been in an abusive relationship.
Dean got out almost two years after Sam but it was expected. The amount of trauma he had gone through, the gang rapes, beatings, murders – just all the things he had ever been through. That wasn't just going to go away.
Dean managed to talk Cas into taking a detox program and AA. They decided he needed some therapy too, considering the root of all his drug and alcohol abuse. They almost suggested medication – but that defeated the purpose of detoxification, didn't it?
He was certified an emotionally somewhat-healthy person about four months before Dean, and Dean, Sam, and Gabriel even went to his "graduation".
Now it was Dean's turn. He had his certificate in hand and was walking away from his therapist, who waved and said a heartfelt goodbye. He felt he was a little too old for an honest-to-God diploma, but his last day had corresponded with some kids who were graduating out of group therapy and, somehow, they had gotten it in their heads to make diplomas for the children. His therapist had heard about it and asked if they would make an extra one, so now he had a paper with his name written out in old English, rimmed in green, and with a photoshopped '67 Chevy Impala on it.
He told himself he wouldn't keep it. He wasn't twelve anymore! But he knew he was going to. It was his fucking accomplishment. He deserved to get a little reward, even if it was some kiddie credential.
Castiel was outside to pick him up. Sam and Gabe weren't there and Dean frowned. It was his big day, damn it, where were they? They had all been there for Sam and Cas, so why was he the odd one out?
Cas saw him and smiled. "Hello, Dean. How do you feel?"
"Like a champ. See, I even got a pretty certificate." He flashed it and Cas's eyes sparkled amusedly when he saw the Impala.
"That's good." When Dean was close enough, he wrapped an arm around his waist and brought them affectionately close. Their foreheads bumped and then Cas edged him towards the driver seat of the newly resurrected Chevy Impala.
It had taken a while to get the right parts and put it all back together. The prices and the availability hadn't always added up either, and Dean would have rather thrown the whole idea out than buy a new one.
He grinned as he got behind the wheel. It always made him feel good to do that, to just drive and it was a healing balm all its own for his psychological scars.
Castiel got calmly into the passenger seat. "We have to go meet Sam and Gabriel now. They have a… surprise for you." He looked sideways at him and Dean quirked an eyebrow.
"A surprise, eh? Just seeing them would have been good enough, now they have a surprise?" He thought about it for a moment. He started the car and pulled off the curb. "Can't hurt to get spoiled a little, I guess."
Castiel chuckled.
Dean gave him his best adorably imploring look. "You wouldn't happen to know what the surprise is, would you?"
"They knew you would ask me."
"Is that a no?"
"I know."
"… You gonna tell me?"
"They knew you would ask me."
"What does that mean?"
"It means that, if I tell you, they will know I told you." He shifted around a little uneasily. "I wish to one day make love to you."
Dean would like that too, and he zoned out for a minute thinking about it. Before Michael, he had been libido on legs. During him, sex had still been frequent, even if Dean had or hadn't liked it at times. Now it was nearly three years later and the only thing he and Cas had done were hand and blow jobs. Heavy make-out sessions that were making Dean short of breath just thinking about them…
"Dean!" Cas's voice dragged him out of his daydreams and the wheels of his baby screeched to a halt as he noticed the red light. "Dean, are you okay?"
Had he been drooling? He was starting to think so. He wiped his chin quickly. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm okay."
He looked down at Cas's lap. Beneath those black slacks lied a gentle giant.
He made himself think clearly. Was he ready for that? His therapist had suggested against it at first, saying some psychological jumbo, and while Dean hadn't been up for listening to her, Sam had been. That first year and a half, he had gone out of his way to make sure that Dean and Cas didn't "sleep" together.
There had been a few occasions when he had even used nightmares as a reason. Gabriel wasn't home those times and it had been early in his therapy, so he would walk in on Dean and Cas – whether they were doing something or not – and ask to sleep with his big brother. He'd give him that puppy-dog look and Dean would be cowed.
Sam was a big guy, though, and that officially eliminated Cas from the bedroom just to make room for the brothers.
After that, Dean and Cas just hadn't… hadn't been able to get back into the loop. They tried to, once, the very night Sam had said he would stop trying to get in their way, but that hadn't gone well. Dean had started losing the rhythm the moment Cas was above him, both naked, and Cas prepping him. Cas had asked him to lift his hips and Dean had said…
Dean swallowed just at the mere memory.
"Yes, Master."
Now they were honestly waiting. Dean had no clue what for and Cas didn't seem to know either, but they just knew that they were this close to jumping each other and there was just something holding them off. Something that needed to be done or said before they could leap that bridge.
"Dean, it's flattering, but you need to keep your eyes on the road."
Ah, shit, had he been staring at Cas's lap the entire time? It was enough that the more depressing thoughts were forced away and he managed a Dean-worthy smirk. "Aaaw, Cas… There's a beast down there I have to get to the bottom to, y'know?" He purposefully lowered his voice and added a nice husk, just like Cas enjoyed.
The man shivered. "Dean, we still have to meet Sam and Gabriel."
"No we don't… not unless someone tells me why we have to."
"I repeat, I want to one day make love to you."
He was happy he hadn't bothered looking away. Though he managed to keep half an eye on the road so he didn't switch lanes or nearly run another red light. Dean stared fixedly at Cas's lap. "Yeah, I want that too, trust me," though the choice of words made him a bit edgy – when had Michael ever made love to him? Maybe that first time, but every time after… no. "But what does that have to do with jack shit?"
"The wrath of Gabriel is terrifying. The wrath of your brother is… somehow worse."
"… Oh."
"Yes, Dean. Oh."
~::~
Sam had planned a function behind his back, and had even talked the local church into helping him. So there was the house of worship with the front board saying "With God and his angels as our guides, may we find the path to self-forgiveness".
Inside were fidgety women and men. If Dean hadn't been confused before, he was now. What did this have to do with a surprise?
He found out soon enough.
Sam took the podium first and he… he talked about himself. About his life and what he had gone through that night with Michael and his lackeys. Gabriel was in the front pew and Dean and Cas were leaning against the nearest wall. He looked between them constantly for support.
Dean doubted completely he was being much of a help. He felt ashamed and yet humbled with how Sam described him to these people – who he figured out were victims like him and Sam. Of course, Sam left out their rescue mission. No need admitting to that now, though Dean heard there were still some people looking for the missing bodies.
"Even though I felt all this shame and rage inside of me for what happened to me, I felt even worse for knowing what my brother went through, and… and the amazing part is that, when I learned that he still loved me, that I was still just Sammy, still just his little brother, I felt… a little better. I wasn't okay, not by a long shot, but… it was the beginning to a better day." Sam smiled back at a choked up Dean.
There was a hesitant round of applause before silence fell again. Some third sense that people have when they know a speech wasn't done kept them still.
Sam turned his smile to Gabriel who somehow managed to look self-hateful, proud as a peacock, and murderous at the same time. He had the right to be, Dean supposed. For one, he was Sam's lover. It was pretty much a given that, when people were so in love like they were, they were protective of each other and a bit possessive too.
For Sam to stand up there and admit to all of this was a good enough reason for them all to tear up, though.
"My boyfriend –"
'Butt buddy' Dean could see Gabriel mouth to Sam, who promptly rolled his eyes and then went on with his speech,
"Gabriel, helped too. He didn't pressure me into anything afterwards and he let me heal on my own time. I felt like I was pregnant – I'd wake up in the middle of the night and ask for something and he'd get it for me. If I was sick in the morning, he'd hold my hair back and – it wasn't something he blamed me for, and he wasn't disgusted of me. He still loved me and I just want you all to keep that in mind, that what happened to you… it isn't a brand and it's not going to mark you for life, you can still live these beautiful lives and… and I hope you'll think about what I've said today. Even if you think it's a bunch of crap now, or if you think it's impossible, I still would like you all to give it a moment's thought. Thank you."
Everyone applauded. Gabriel gave him a standing ovation and Dean had to walk outside for a moment.
Fuck, but his brother was turning him into a total pansy.
Castiel followed him out a moment later. "Dean, Sam is looking for you."
Dean sniffed and rubbed his eyes. "Gimme a moment, something's stuck in my eye."
Castiel turned him around and pressed his lips to each green orb. "Is it better now?"
"… A little bit, but could you aim a little lower?"
Castiel's eyes immediately fell to his mouth. "How much lower?"
"You've got the right idea."
That was how Sam found them, a few minutes later, lip-locked. "Hey, uh, Dean? You mind?"
He did, but he still wanted to talk to Sam too. He reluctantly broke free of Castiel and his lover good-naturedly wandered off to chat with Gabriel, who was facing off with a few questionnaires himself.
"Sammy… That was… That was something." How could he describe it? He didn't know.
His little brother smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I thought it would help… them and us."
"It did…" All these years later, he had still been blaming himself. Sam wouldn't have gotten into that situation if Dean hadn't been there to begin with. But Sam had gotten up there and he had said… everything Dean had needed to hear and been terrified to know. How could Sam blame himself for Dean's problems? It wasn't like Sam had introduced him to Michael or some shit like that. "Sammy, you're amazing."
They shared a manly hug, thank you very much. And it felt good.
Author's Note: The story isn't over yet, darlings.
