Summary: If there's one thing to cause the champions of Chaos untold grief, it's their access to cyberspace...
Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish I owned it... Maybe then I wouldn't be up to my neck in tuition-debt!
Queen's Quornor: Seph will always be my favorite silver-haired man, but I think Kuja's becoming a close second. The ending of FFIX did something that only three other games have ever managed to do: make me cry like a little bitch. I really like how dramatic the man is, and I have to admit that I really like his hips. So, since Seph already has an entire fic dedicated to him in the FFVII section (see "Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity!") Kuja gets the first individual chapter in this fic! Also, I have decided to put a cameo appearance in this chapter, for my friend AmazonTurk. It's a reference back to the AU that our mutual buddy MysticSpiritus originally created (and has subsequently removed), in which AT's OC Kandi was paired up with Kuja (see her fic "Caged Canary"). Amazon hasn't been on here lately, so I'm hoping to maybe lure her back this way...
Vengeance with a Flair
Kuja slipped onto the computer, certain that all of his peers were sleeping. With single-minded dedication, he opened an artistic program he enjoyed playing with during his spare time and began to paint.
Since discovering the conclusion drawn by so many others concerning his sexuality and nonexistent relationship with Zidane (he wasn't even going to acknowledge the one they thought he had with Sephiroth!), the Silver Wizard had made it a point to refute the gross misconceptions. He had turned his leisurely doodling into a serious endeavor and now churned out gorgeous pieces of art every few days. They were posted to the same gallery as the atrocities, and Kuja reveled in the admiring comments left by captivated canaries.
The latest piece was another depiction of himself with a random female he had imagined, this time a rather well-endowed brunette with bright red streaks in her hair. He had no name for this woman, but of the women he had painted opposite himself she was his favorite. This picture showed them standing together on the Lunar Subterrane, the woman gazing tenderly at him while he combed the fingers of one hand through her lengthy tresses.
Pictures such as this garnered the best responses. His first submission, a picture depicting him laughing to the heavens, arched in glory while Zidane burned in the light of his Seraphic Star, had gotten some praise but not quite as much as the romantic ones. Any actor worth his salt knew that engaging your audience, capturing their hearts and minds through your best work, was the most effective way to make them change their opinions.
Kuja continued to paint, so absorbed that he did not hear the heavy footsteps approaching.
"That's a very good picture." The deep, smooth voice made him jump nearly out of his chair. "You are a man of many talents, it seems. I had not thought painting would hold your interest."
"Every actor needs a way to relax," Kuja snorted, twisting to face Sephiroth, who was leaning over his shoulder as he examined the screen.
"I can appreciate that. However," the older man smirked, straightening, "it appears that you are using your relaxation to prove your sexuality."
Kuja frowned. "Don't pretend you wouldn't do the same. You prefer lovely canaries and singing nightengales, not the shrieks of hawks and hapless chickens."
Sephiroth snorted. "As do you. However, people will always form their own conclusions about their idols. They will often ignore the truth because the lie is far more appealing."
"Your point?" the Silver Wizard challenged.
"No matter how many paintings you submit, there will always be somebody who prefers to envision you with Zidane, or me. Perhaps even somebody else." Sephiroth nodded to the computer. "You can change a few opinions. But you can't force everybody to accept the truth. It is futile to try."
Kuja knitted his brow. "What you say has merit..."
"But you're not going to listen," Sephiroth sighed.
"A great actor can win the hearts of any audience, and I am the greatest!" Kuja flicked his fingers at the other man dismissively and returned his attention to the computer. "You concentrate on your puppet show, and leave me to my play. These idiots will act as my script demands."
Sephiroth snorted again but departed without saying anything more. Kuja paid him no heed, concentrating on finishing his picture.
Ur the gratest, SilverWizard001!
The expressions are so real, and I love the lightning effect of the moon. Very tender and erotic! Your sensual work is gorgeous!
I love how manly you make Kuja! He's so effen' hot!
Kuja reveled in the praise of his audience. They adored his latest piece, and were not shy about fawning over his depicted self. They loved him! They really loved him!
Even better, a number of the artists behind the atrocities had converted to reality; the amount of romantic or sexual depictions of him with another male had gone from the vast majority to a serious minority, a welcome change indeed.
Kuja stetched and smiled, pleased the opinions were shifting in his favor.
Just as he was about to sign off, a new message appeared in his mailbox. He debated savoring the anticipation and opening it when next he claimed the computer, but finally caved and clicked on the icon.
Ur an asshole, dumass. Kuja's such a frickin gurl, no way he'd ever fuck a bitch lik this. He's getten it up the ass from Zidan or Sefiroth, no dout!
The world seemed to take a breath, anticipating purple armageddon. Kuja was certainly tempted; he felt his magic pulsing within his being, at his fingertips, just itching to be unleashed. But after a moment of silent outrage and the flare of an unbidden spell, the Silver Wizard calmed himself. Destroying this world, satisfying as it might be, would not punish the perpetrator of this heinous message. Whoever possessed such an erroneous view of him deserved a satisfyingly explosive demise.
The sender was an artist called HotMunkyLuvKZ, and Kuja immediately recognized the name. This person continued to post pictures of himself and Zidane, despite the advent of his coming. Most of HotMunkyLuvKZ's pieces depicted them engaging in sexual acts during Trace, and featured heavy use of their tails. Kuja always had to suppress his gag reflex if he caught sight of the other person's latest whenever he logged onto the site.
Clearly this person was not going to change his or her opinion. If the actor failed to win a critic, drastic measures were needed.
An evil smirk curled the wizard's lips as he began to write a letter to his enemy. This was no friendly correspondence, nor even a scathing retort. This letter only served as a vessel for something decidely more irrefutable than a denial and flurry of insults spelled entirely in capital letters. Kuja smiled as he sank one of his Ultima spells into the letter. The moment HotMunkyLuvKZ opened this letter, he or she would be little more than a blasted pile of smokng soot. His greatest rival in terms of proving his sexuality would be annihilated!
"Never criticize an artist's masterpiece," Kuja laughed, sending the letter on its way.
