Author's Notes: I admit. I have a problem. This chapter was supposed to be a mere 5,000 words. There's a slight 10,000 word addition to it. I am unable to shut characters up once they open their mouths. I'm actually a but nervous about this final chapter. It didn't come out as I expected, so I'll leave the judgement in your hands.

Disclaimer: Adult situations told from a character who's just too cute to say 'cock', 'jizz' and 'monkeyslut'. Sorry guys, this is censored porn. Seth style.

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Seth POV

My heavy steps echoed down the long, decorative halls. I didn't care what today was oh how flipping my sister complained she wanted it to be. It didn't matter now that I knew…

That I saw the invitation in his hand and he was invited.

Life had been fantastic without him. I was two weeks away from becoming a freshman in collage. I actually had a new set of friends and I had moved on.

Like he did.

I know college freshman aren't supposed to get teary-eyed, but it most certainly was from rage this time, not from missing him. I mean, it wasn't like I missed him at all. Not one bit. There was no reason I should, not after graduation and him disappearing altogether. It was as if that was it for him. I was no longer interesting to him, no longer a friend.

I hiccupped back a sob, lifting my fists to knock on her door obnoxiously. I could hear the whispered conversation from inside and my guts churned as I pulled back my fists to strike…

Life had to have been better without him. That night after the dinner, I sulked upstairs as my family had a round of champagne and good laughs for my special day. I was almost thrown that Leah didn't follow me up this time, harassing me as I expected. In fact, I hadn't spoken to her since the dinner when she switched seats with Uncle Charlie. Whatever was keeping her away I was glad for it.

I found myself waking up early the next morning, brushing my teeth, taking a shower –just going through the motions. I had put in for more hours for the summer, hoping to save for books for next semester. I was working while many of my co-workers were on vacation or at least enjoying the first weekend of the summer. It had been a dull, boring morning. The shifts were significantly longer and without meaning when Jasper wasn't nestled on the reading chairs, a book perched on his lap and deep dimples marking his cheeks. God, he was gorgeous and funny and everything I could ever hope for in a friend. And he wasn't here. And he wasn't ever coming back.

I felt my chest tighten, the world suddenly felt too close around me, pressing in, so much pressure. I shot to the bathroom, finding a stall to hide in until my attack went down. It took longer than I expected, like the first time after my dad's death. I clamped a hand over my mouth, quieting any cries my body was unable to contain. I felt abandoned again, lost to gather what little I had left of myself.

It was hard bringing myself down from the attack on my own, but once I had a marginal grip on myself, I stepped out of the bathroom only to be greeted by solid body and a slew of apologetic words. I recognized the voice right away.

"Edward?"

"Oh! Seth!" He smiled in relief, "There you are! I was just in the neighborhood and remembered you worked here. I wanted to drop by and say hi." There was a pink blush on his cheeks, suggesting that perhaps he wasn't in the neighborhood, but was wondering if whether I was still working here, "I was just giving up hope…" He chewed his bottom lip, avoiding my gaze.

"I was in the bathroom." My throat was still raw from crying, so I'm sure it must have sounded as if a frog was stuck in my throat.

Apparently Edward noticed. His eyes met mine, before widening, "Seth, are you okay?" I felt my throat tighten and the compression in my chest was back. There was no way to talk, so I shook my head no, "Do you need to sit down?" Without waiting for an answer, he gingerly took my hand in his, his long fingers cocooning my own before he guided me to the very same chairs Jasper used to patiently wait for me in. He took a seat next to me, offering me a gentle smile.

"You don't have to talk about it but is there anything I can do?" He was sincerely worried. His pink lips were drawn down in a frown and the softness of his eyes was directed at me. As alone as I felt, I knew I found a friend in Edward somehow. I let myself relax on the lounge chair I used to find a comfort in a few months ago. My body curled over, my shoulders hunched as I thought of what to say. Of course I wasn't going to tell him he could do something. There was nothing anyone but Jasper could do right now. And that was pointless.

"I..there's nothing anyone can do." I answered honestly.

"Do you just want to talk about something else then?" When I didn't answer, he spoke up again, his voice gentle but teasing, "Is it obvious that I just really wanted to see you?"

I frowned, unsure of what he was asking, "What?"

"You seriously didn't believe I was 'just in the neighborhood', right?" He asked, with a raise of an eyebrow.

When the question finally registered, I felt a grin crack on my face. Of course I had thought it, but knew not to confront him. I was actually shocked he brought it up, "No, I didn't, but I wasn't going to question it."

Edward groaned, "So we could have avoided taking about this to spare me the embarrassment, right?" Edward made a show of leaning back against the chair, hiding his rosy cheeks.

I laughed again, patting his knee reassuringly, "I won't hold it against you, Edward."

"I guess I ruined the smooth act, huh?" He pouted, peeking at me impishly. I had been surprised at prom seeing such a playful side to him, but in the light of day out of the rare circumstance of formal dressing and dancing together, I found myself almost flabbergasted. He had surely grown and matured since the last time we had time to ourselves over a year ago. The faint blush on his cheeks was complimentary to his lighter complexion. It was a physical response I wasn't use to. Jasper had only ever had that tinge in his cheeks during our strenuous hikes on Camelback or when it was a particularly hot day. It was never out of bashfulness. I felt my heart warm at the thought of him on prom night. I was sure I had seen a blush then, but maybe I was dreaming things.

And like that, I realized my hand was still on Edward's lap. We had both stopped laughing then, as if aware of a line that may have been crossed. My hand slipped from his leg and onto mine and I looked away, feeling guilty that I touched him.

And my heart jumped in my chest.

There, not a few yards away I saw the tall, lithe body I had become so familiar with and the head of golden hair shining even under the dim lights of the bookstore. My breath caught as I watched the illusion disappear behind the stacks. I had let my imagination run away with me.

A warm hand was on mine, "Seth, does it make you uncomfortable?" Edward asked. I blinked, returning to reality before looking at him. Edward was serious again. I had to wonder what he was thinking.

"Does what make me uncomfortable?"

"Us here like this. Me wanting to see you or…" He bit his lip, "Me touching your hand?" To emphasize his point, his long fingers weaved with my own. I watched in wonder and disbelief. It wasn't like I didn't know he was a flirt or that he was gay, I just never assumed he actually liked me.

"Umm," I was a bit taken back. His hand immediately untangled from mine and he pulled back, guessing I needed space, but I shook my head in disagreement, "No, it's not something that bothers me, Edward."

He didn't appear convinced, "You don't like me," He stated softly. He looked sad, but not necessarily hurt. Almost pensive. Again, I had to wonder what he was thinking.

"No," I stammered, but shut my eyes, unsure of how to explain this, "I mean, I do, but it's…I'm a little out of my element here, Edward."

His eyes searched mine, "I'm being too forward, right?" He winced, "I'm sorry, I always thought you were…but I didn't want to push you or anything, then at prom when we talked and we danced, I assumed that maybe..and we exchanged numbers." He ranted, looking more flustered by the word. I knew I needed to ease his anxiety, so I made the initiative to once again rest my hand on his thigh.

"Edward, you're not being too forward and I don't not like you. I've always thought you were nice and similar to me. I'm attracted to you, but I-" I inhaled deeply, "I'm trying to get over someone."

His eyes widened considerably, "Oh." And then realization dawned on him, "Oh. God, I'm sorry, Seth. You're upset about someone and here I am just eager to snatch you up, no questions asked." I was honestly flattered by his blatant admission about wanting me like that. Even with Jacob in high school, he had never been so open about wanting me for himself, though we were never in a relationship.

Even as my heart ached, I couldn't help but laugh, "Edward, it's okay. I'm happy you stopped by. We really need to hang out sometime." I knew he was heaven sent and was sure my entire summer would have been bleak if he hadn't stopped by. I thought maybe this was a sign. Maybe I was supposed to move on.

I spent much of June with Edward, touring the campus together, meeting his family again and even spending time with him at Changing Hands. It was different than time spent with Jasper. Blaringly different, but Edward was heartwarming, kind and playful. He was a comfort to my abandonment and time with him was well spent not thinking of Jasper. I loved and hated the distraction Edward was proving to be. And the possibility of more was right around the bend. We hadn't talked much of Jasper. All that he knew was that I had been in love with someone who didn't love me back. But that was enough to express I just wasn't ready for anything. This lead to Edward becoming consciously aware of our bodily contact and keeping his hands to himself, though I honestly didn't mind the occasional graze of the hand or pressing of his thigh against mine. I was amused that he'd stammer and pull away even if our shoulders touched, but over the weeks I pleaded for him to relax and convinced him I was okay with it.

And just like that, a dam broke.

It was only a few days after our last –of many –discussions about my being comfortable with him and the occasionally innocent touches, did a touch of the not so innocent kind occur. It was an exhaustingly hot June afternoon. Edward had invited me over for a day spent swimming in his family's massive pool. After a few hours of sunbathing and goofing around in the clear, blue water, we called it quits and decided to make lunch and watch some old re-runs of cartoons on the Boomerang channel. I was momentarily content, full on a turkey and swiss sandwich and giggling at the prospect of Edward admitting that much of his television time was spent watching cartoons when I felt the tingle of his fingers against my skin.

I had been aware of his eyes watching me when we were swimming, and I admit I had been watching him too. Admiring how the sun made his hair shine and the reflected drops of blue sparkle on his skin. I had known that if given the chance, I'd touch him, but something held me from doing so and I wasn't sure what exactly it was, "I love how flawless your skin is." Edward sighed. I shuddered at the tickle of his finger along my shoulder, "And God, it looks even more beautiful after hours in the sun."

I held my breath waiting for the next words, the next touch.

"Is this okay?" his breath was a warm puff against my neck as he leaned in, open palms now gliding down my chest. The lasting wetness of our swimming was evident in our trunks, clinging to our thighs. With the shifting of his hips, I could feel his wet trunks against my legs getting a sharp intake of breath from me. I nodded, scared as to where this was going, but not exactly ready for it to stop. The terry cloth towels under us wrinkled and slid as he moved again, his palms sliding down my torso and up again until fingers were curled around my skin, touching my dried hair at the nape of my neck.

"Please," He begged, "Can I kiss you?"

Without a thought, I answered, "Yes." And despite the cool breeze blowing from the air conditioner, or the last shivers from a fresh glass of ice cold soda, our bodies pressed together in a warm embrace and our kiss a searing heat I knew I wanted for so long. We were stuck in that dance, applying and retracting pressure as we got used to the feel of each other. Edward eagerly ran his fingers through my hair, combing and tugging lightly, before pulling away to chew his lip.

"I've wanted to do that for…so long." He chuckled, before groaning contently, "Seth, I like kissing you."

It was an understatement. By the first July weekend, I was sure my lips were constantly swollen by just how many times Edward and I kissed. It was all we did. Since my mother and Leah were constantly distracted with wedding plans, my home was empty more so than not, so I took advantage on the 4th and invited Edward over, knowing that even on a holiday, my mother and Leah would be holed up at some café going over plans. They wouldn't be home until the start of fireworks, which gave Edward and I time to talk or just simply make-out.

I had opened the door that afternoon, greeted by green eyes and a bright smile. No dimples, no sterling blue. There was a blush in place of a knowing smirk. And while my heart ached, I was still happy to see him. At this point, I was sure that life was good even without Jasper.

As expected, we wasted no time, throwing ourselves onto the couch, kissing, whispering heated words and giggling. Edward was particularly playful that day, nipping at my exposed neck, making me groan and wiggle from the tickle of his breath. I knew he could feel what he was doing to me. It wasn't the first time, though I was still a bit conscientious about it. I knew from his skill and ease with touching and kissing that I wasn't the first person he was with. And judging by how he had taken my reaction to his touches, he may have gotten farther than actual kisses.

But I hadn't. Well, not until I felt his hand skimming over the front of my denim.

"Edward!" I gasped, shocked but definitely pleased with his ingenuity. The pressure of his hand had me squeaking out.

"Is this alright, Seth?" He panted, staring down at me with disheveled hair and rouge cheeks. I was surprised at just how hot I found him. I wanted to voice it, but I noticed we had changed slightly. I was now cornered between the arm and back of the couch, with him straddling my lap. When did we allow ourselves in this position?

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked when I didn't answer quickly enough. Part of me did-the part that still yearned for Jasper.

But he wasn't here.

"Don't stop." I could tell myself that life was fine with Jasper and I was going to be alright, safe with Edward.

Edward –as expected –didn't waste a second.

There we were, on my living room couch, breathing heavy from kissing, both of our lips bruised and plump. He had my shirt off, his hands never ceasing movement, touching, gripping, and clenching me through my clothes. I was quite aware with my time spent with Edward that he was indeed the sexual aggressor out of the both of us. I had never been the type to take control, to dominate so to speak. And to make matters more out of my hand, I had little experience. I watched in anticipation as Edward disrobed his top as well before pressing his chest against mine, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck. My back arched at the feel of him on my entire body. It was electric, a razor, hot zap through my system resulting in violent tremors that I couldn't control. I heard Edward's chuckle in my ear as his nimble fingers found the zipper and button of my jeans.

And then his warm fingers were on me, and the world –even Jasper –disappeared for a second. I couldn't hold back the groan emanating straight from my body with force. Cupping his face, I kissed him again, nonverbally giving him the permission to continue. His hand worked slowly, getting to know my body, before the pleasure came tenfold. Our kiss grew more intense as he applied pressure. Only once did we stop and that was to lean back and lick his palm erotically before reapplying and continuing where he left off, his touch slicker. With my legs hugging his hips, Edward continued with vigor, nipping and licking a line up my neck, enjoying every outburst I made.

I was so close.

My eyes rolled back, completely lost at the overwhelming sensation.

Almost there.

My whines became a chant, I hadn't become aware of. My thoughts a blur of blue and gold, a husky, twang lingering like a forgotten melody. My head was thrown back and my world fell apart.

Jasper.

Muscles tightened, convulsed and released, Edward's encouragement whispered in my ear, my body humming from the short-lived euphoria. It felt wrong. So wrong. The pressure against my body wasn't his, the lips touching me and the sweet, soft melodic voice wasn't his husky drawl.

I felt my muscles tighten again, my body wracking. It wasn't until Edward scrambled off of me, did I realize I was sobbing.

"Seth!" Edward's arms hugged my sides and pressed me against his chest as the tremors increased. My head lolled onto his shoulder as I attempted to come down from the bawling, but it was an all-encompassing sorrow. He was gone. He really was gone. And I wasn't sure I could do this. It felt too much like betrayal.

I still loved him.

Edward waited patiently, rocking me gently as my cries softened to whimpers. When he finally spoke, I had since quieted the last of my hiccups, though my cheeks were still wet, "You're not ready for something like this." Edward stated, "I like you a lot, Seth, but it's my fault this happened. I won't do anything like this again."

"It's not your fault." I argued, though it was hard to sound convincing with an overworked, raw throat from crying. I pulled away to look at him, "I thought I was over him. I thought I could do this. I like you too, Edward." He gave me a sad smile, before wiping a stray tear away with his thumb.

"Tell me about him?" He finally asked with curiosity and understanding in his eyes. I knew I could trust him, but I was scared that maybe I would hurt Edward. It was bad enough I cried after him touching me the way he did.

I hesitated only after a second or two before nodding. Edward's eyes lit up to my surprise, before he stood, suggesting we clean up the mess I made and button up. I was suddenly aware of my predicament. I would have laughed if it wasn't so pathetic that I had just been crying not moments before. I felt bad for not returning the favor or thanking him and he saw it before I could speak up.

Pressing his lips chastely to mine, he whispered, "All I care about right now is making you feel better, Seth. I can take care of myself later." Before I could argue, he spoke again, "Now, please. I want to know about him."

That night I told Edward everything. From the moment I saw Jasper, to prom, to the graduation dinner. I watched Edward carefully as he smiled when I mentioned Jasper's nicknames for me or when he bought me the corsage and frowned when I mentioned his mood change at prom. When I had finally finished, it was nearing the time I expected my mother and Leah to be back. We were presentable now, but I wasn't ready for my sister to see Edward with me, especially since now I knew for a fact I wasn't over Jasper yet.

Our time was almost up, but I was still eager to hear what he had to say nevertheless. I watched as he thought for a second, before he leaned in to cup my cheek, "He means a lot to you and you sure do mean a lot to him too, Seth."

"I don't-" He shook his head, suggesting that he wasn't finished.

"I think…" He sighed sadly, "I think maybe Jasper is hiding something as well."

I snorted, "Like a girlfriend?" He shook his head again.

"Something else, maybe."

The days that followed were a blur of shopping for school supplies and preparing for college. My mother wanted to get all of it done early before the wedding and I was eager to have my mind off of Edward's words and Jasper for the moment. I spent hours reading the first chapters of each textbook, trying to get into the school zone, but it was a failed attempt. Edward was still keeping contact with me, though our relationship had quickly transformed into something other than what it had been before. There was no flirting on his part. I was partially disappointed that I had been pushed into a friend zone, but I was still thankful that Edward cared enough to acknowledge that I wasn't quite over the heartbreak. The next weekend that passed, I found Edward on my doorstep a bright smile on his face. He talked animatedly, almost too fast for me to catch. He found out there was a LGBQ club on campus and had already met some of the people there.

"The president, Kate was so sweet. She invited us to one of their meetings. It's more of a get-to-know type of thing, rather than an actual formal meeting, but she said they'll be other freshmen there." I gawked at him as he rattled on, only taking a breath after he realized I hadn't spoken a word yet, "Seth?"

"Edward, why are we going?"

"Don't you think it'll be nice to know more people like us? Meet some guys and-"

Oh.

I had a sudden urge to hug Edward. Not only did he want to help get my mind off of Jasper, he was hoping that maybe I'd meet someone new.

"Edward," I sighed, "You're such a lovable person and just…perfect. If I could turn you down, what makes you think I won't turn others down as well?" He rolled his eyes, not impressed.

"I'm not asking you to fall in love with anyone. It would just be nice, you know?"

He had a point. So I found myself not hours later, standing in the doorway of the club's office, staring at a dozen smiling faces. We were welcomed and introduced to all present, though there were many members who weren't there at the meeting. Kate, a pretty brunette with chin length loose curls and bright hazel eyes was as sweet as Edward mentioned. I got to know the others a bit as well, though it was hard to keep track of all the names and faces.

"Jake still isn't back from vacation yet, but you'll love him off the bat when you see him." Kate said with a roll of her eyes, "He's just charming that way."

"He sure is." Peter added with a smirk. He looked like a bad boy with blue eyes, dark, short tendrils and tattoos cloaking his entire right shoulder. He shot me and Edward a wink that had the both of us blushing.

"Wait until you see some of the other new-comers," A boy I remembered as Alec spoke up, "There are some studs. Like that tall blonde. What was his name, Kate? Juniper?"

"I hardly remember any Junipers." Kate chortled, "But I do remember him. There are a lot of new faces, so don't worry about it. Everyone eventually finds their place here."

And it didn't take long for us to. After meeting the group twice over the following week, we were already familiar with the members. By mid-July, Edward and I had been invited to a few parties, but it wasn't until Jake stepped into the picture that I knew things were really going to change for us. It was during another random meet-up with Kate introducing us to Dmitri, one of the new members, did we hear the knock on the doorframe. There standing taller and more muscled than the last time I saw him was Jacob Black, my first kiss. There was a wide grin on his face as he greeted everyone warmly, exchanging banter with Peter and some of the others while hugging Kate. I watched, baffled at how small the world was, when Jacob's eyes landed on me.

"Well, would you look at how you grown." Jacob smirked, "Hey, Seth. Long time…"

"Ditto." I replied. His arm came around my shoulder in a friendly hug before he pulled back to look me over, "Looking good. I guess that mother and sister kept you nice and safe from predators like me." He joked, causing me to roll my eyes. Jacob had always come off a bit edgier than what my mother was used to. And the motorcycle didn't help. I turned to Edward, ready to introduce the two, but found myself amused by his expression.

He looked mesmerized and nervous, his hands fumbling together as he chewed his lip. I almost laughed, noticing just how his cute and innocent act was a clever cover for how handsy and devious Edward really could be. Jacob noticed where my gaze was and followed. And I was once again entertained with that dreamy mesmerized look. I checked to see if anyone else noticed, and sure enough, they were all watching with levels of interest.

"Jacob, this is Edward. Edward, this is Jacob. He went to our school."

A bright smile graced Jacob's face as he spoke, "I sure as hell would have remembered you."

I was unable to contain my snort, "Edward moved to Tempe junior year after you graduated." I spoke for him, knowing Edward would be no help.

Jacob's hand shot out for a shake, "Nice to meet you, Edward."

"….Hi." Edward replied meekly shaking his hand. I could hear Peter behind us cough to cover his own laugh.

We all watched as their hands met and a look of perplexity took over them both. Edward's lips were parted and Jacob frowned before covering the confusion with a laugh, "Well, it's a pleasure. Really, it is." At that, Peter didn't cover his laugh and neither did Kate.

It didn't take long before Edward spoke to me a few days later, bothered about something. We were innocently sitting in his room, eating lunch and talking about the courses we were going to take, when he cleared his throat.

"Seth, I was wondering if it would be okay if Jacob took me out to dinner." He started slowly, eyes fearful.

I frowned, wondering why he would need my permission. Maybe he thought I'd be jealous that he was seeing someone? I didn't think it was fair to be in any type of relationship with Edward while missing Jasper, even if I like him a lot. And it certainly wasn't right to keep him from seeing someone he was interested in, "Sure. I could tell you like him." I shrugged, grabbing an orange slice before popping it into my mouth.

"It doesn't bother you?" He asked, confused.

I shook my head, "Why would it?"

He averted his eyes, picking at the crust of his tuna sandwich, "He told me you dated in high school…"

Oh.

I laughed, thinking back to being 16. Jacob was indeed my first crush. He was as confident and cool now as I remembered him back then, but I couldn't feel a trace of those affections for him, never could since Jasper.

"It's okay. I promise." Edward stared at me for a long while, still unsure, "Edward, it's okay. I can tell he's smitten by you." I teased.

His smile was bright and big, "Can you?" He was hopeful, brimming with excitement. When I nodded, he nearly squealed, grapping me into a hug, "I really like him."

Indeed, a small world it was.

As I expected, their first date was a success. As was their second and third. I lost count after that.

The second half of July became dismal.

Hearing Edward talk on the phone day-in and day-out about Jacob hurt. At first, I thought it was because of the cruel irony of them both being men I had some intimate relationship with, but it was more than that, so much more than that.

I felt abandoned again.

I knew I wasn't. Edward still called and came over, though it was less frequent now that he spent much of his time with Jacob and the club members. I was happy that he was able to find someone like Jacob, but resentful that I had something marginally like that and lost it.

I hid in my house, focusing on mindless things or preparing for school with early studying. With the excitement at home at its peak and Edward spending a lot of time with Jacob, it was harder for anyone to notice just how withdrawn I had become. But I did, as well as the fact that I was thinking about Jasper more, not less. I missed him so much, too much, that at night, the pain was overwhelming, a pressure against my chest, until I was panting for breath.

Most anyone in the world could walk away from me, just not him. With Jasper, I had my first real friend, the person who made me braver, more adventurous, and willing to take risks. I was beginning to overcome dad's death. But now, it felt like a fresh new wound.

It was a week before the wedding when my phone rang on the nightstand as I stepped back in my room after a shower. The ringtone was almost an intrusion to the silence I had been used to in the last few days. I couldn't even recall the last time it rang. Sometime over the week, I suppose Edward must have stopped calling, though I couldn't even recall noticing when that could have been.

I checked the caller ID, seeing a number I was unfamiliar with before answering.

"It's nice to see you're alive."

"Jacob?" I couldn't keep from sounding surprised, "Is there something wrong? Has Edward-"

"Tried to call you for the last few days? Yes, he has. And you haven't answered." He finished for me, "You know, I can tell Edward doesn't want to step on toes here and give you some space but I won't. This is when you need someone to talk to."

I didn't answer right away. Now I wasn't so sure I wanted them around. With Jasper on the forefront of my mind nearly every moment of the day, I didn't know if I was ready to see Edward and Jacob make googly eyes at each other.

"Tell Edward I'm fine." I tried to sound convincing, but I wasn't sure I had the capability to do so.

Jacob was silent for a second, "Why don't you tell him yourself."

There was a rustling on the other line as if the phone was being handed to someone, "Seth?" I groaned, knowing this must have been one of those situations where Edward confessed a concern and Jacob was taking action.

"Yeah." I sighed.

"You haven't….answered my calls." He sound hurt, rejected and it cause a twang of pain in my gut knowing that I was responsible, "Did I do something?"

"No, Edward." I gripped my hair in frustration, pacing around my room with my phone pressed to my ears, "I'm just…I can't…"

And there it was again. The pressure.. It only ever happened late at night when I couldn't sleep and my mind began to work…It only ever happened when I knew I'd never see that dimpled smile again.

"Seth?" Edward sounded panicked over the line. I bent over, attempting to take in big breaths, "Seth, say something!"

My hands were trembling too much to hold the phone. It clattered at my feet as I stumbled and grabbed the frame of my bed to keep myself up. My legs buckled and suddenly I was finding myself curled on the mattress trying to keep my breath.

I didn't understand why it would hurt this much. Six months wasn't 13 years. Why did it feel worse than losing dad? I knew I loved him and he was my best friend, but this is what happens when you got older, right? This is growing up; letting others go and making new friends. I was supposed to be happier that I could be out.

But my heart just wasn't in sync with my brain.

My knuckles lost all color, cramping as I clutched the comforter of my bed. I had momentarily forgotten that Edward could still be on the phone. How much time had passed? Before I could think to move, there was a thunderous banging downstairs. My breathing had somewhat returned to normal, but I was too tense to move and find out what it was.

My phone rang for the second time that day and there was an even louder bang, before I heard the heavy footsteps and Jacob's voice calling me.

"Seth, where are-"His voice died in his throat right as we caught sight of each other. He looked fearful, though I wasn't sure why.

"Seth," He called softly, taking tentative steps.

"Jake, is he okay?" A less heavy pattering of feet followed before a disheveled and concerned Edward stepped into the room. Almost instantly his eyes brimmed with tears when he saw me, "Oh god."

My muscles relaxed finally, giving me the opportunity to move, "I'm okay." My voice sounded brittle, though I was glad that I was at least able to speak.

Neither of the two appeared convinced. Edward marched over, placing a palm to my forehead, frowning when he didn't catch a fever.

"It was just a panic attack." I shrugged, "I promise, I'm okay."

"You don't look okay, kid." Jacob said with raised eyebrows, "You're in the fetus position in…boxers."

I wanted to laugh at his observation. I didn't look okay, but I was-

I blinked. My heart felt heavy as I recalled what Jacob said. Kid, he called me kid. Before the realization hit me, my eyes teared up. I felt the weight of the bed dip as the familiar long fingers combed through my hair in comfort. Through a blurred vision I watched as Jacob gave Edward a pleading look. Edward nodded curtly before Jacob stepped back away from us.

"I'll give you two a moment to talk." He said gruffly, before treading out of the room. Edward's eyes followed him before he was completely out of sight.

Wiping my eyes, I stared at Edward, appraisingly, wondering what the heck nonverbal conversation they exchanged, "What was that about?"

He considered my state before answering softly, "He thinks you're upset because we're dating." I scoffed, feeling surprisingly bitter. Edward's expression drew down at my reaction, but I couldn't really empathize. He didn't have to worry about Jacob leaving him anytime soon. The boy was like a lovesick puppy.

"Jacob doesn't have to worry about that. I didn't want you, remember?" Edward winced at each harsh word I spat out. Unfortunately I couldn't be indifferent to his feelings for too long. I sighed, apologizing for my snide remark. He nodded without speaking, letting me know it was okay, "I just need to be by myself, okay?"

"Why?" He asked, suddenly looking slighted, "We can talk about it and hang out like we use to. You were better before…"

"Before you became busy." I tried to keep the sullenness out of my tone, but it was hard. Edward had a relationship with Jacob that reminded me of Jasper. He was a confidant and someone I could trust with just about anything. I couldn't be in Edward or Jacob's company being constantly reminded of it.

Edward chewed his lip nervously, "Seth," he said slowly, "I wouldn't do that to you. I've been trying to call you to hang with us, go out."

I shook my head, "I can't be a third wheel…"

Edward's eyes widened like saucers, "What? No!" He cried adamantly, "Most of the time we're with other people or just Bella, Jake's best friend. She's been asking about you a lot…" His voice trailed off.

My eyes lifted to meet his, "So you talk about me?"

I was relieved to see him smile shyly, "Of course. This summer has been so much fun. I really missed you." He sighed, "I was scared to say anything since I thought you were mad or something…"

I shook my head, fingering my boxer briefs, before clearing my throat as I realized just how this must make Jacob uncomfortable, "Umm, maybe I should get dressed." Edward's eyes followed mine before widening again. As expected, a blush tinted his cheeks, though I'm sure this time it was from the same concern I had about Jacob rather than anything perverse.

"Oh. Right." He nodded and jumped up, already high-tailing it to the door. He stopped only when I called after him.

"I'm not mad," I clarified, "Just- I miss someone too."

His eyes softened in empathy, "I know, but I'm here to help."

I decided that it was better for me to distract myself with friendly company rather than be alone. It was driving me crazy being in the house all the time, studying for classes that didn't officially start yet. That fated afternoon changed in that speaking to someone about Jasper more kept from the insane anxiety attacks and the need to get over him by myself. With the exception of Jacob's initial concern about me and Edward together, we got along and eventually over the following days, he relaxed and all our romance history was forgotten. Edward had been right about being in the company of friends. It lessened the pang of Jasper not being there. In the entire week, whenever I was in their company I was also with Bella, so I never felt like a third wheel. I actually liked Bell, who was sweet, but knew how to hold herself in the presence of men –gay men, but men all the same. By the time my sister's wedding had come, I was still getting my mind around freshman year with a whole set of new acquaintances and no rockstar smile and deep dimples.

So of course, there was my surprise when I caught that same face I missed for 3 months standing no more than 6 feet from me, entering the estate with her. My legs trembled as I turned on my heel, marching right to the room where I knew my sister to be.

And here I was, knocking on the door as if I had indeed gone completely insane.

The voices hushed before my mother opened the door, perhaps expecting the wedding planner to be frenzied with concern about uninvited guests or a ruined cake. Instead, they got something worse –me.

"Seth, honey, what is it?" She cupped my cheeks, probably noting the tears threatening to spill out. Instead I jerked away from her and entered the room where my sister stood in a gorgeous modern gown, an uncharacteristic look of joy on her face. If this had been anyone else, I would have avoided barging in and demanding what she had done on her own wedding day, but this was Leah. I knew she had been expecting this. It was all part of some insane plan, which disturbed me only because she never made dumb plans, just insane ones. She had something up her sleeve and she had been keeping it from me from how long?

Well, it did make sense. She had been too silent about Jasper and that girl even after the catty way she had spoken to him at graduation. She never brought either of them up after and I had been too consumed with spending time with Edward or just being unavailable to notice. She watched me through the mirror, as if expecting something.

"Why are they here?" I hissed out.

"Who, honey?" My mother was the one to acknowledge my question. I ignored her, glaring at Leah's reflection. Her lips lifted in a coy smile.

"Seth," She started slowly, "There's a lot of family and friends here, many we haven't seen in awhile and we've all missed. Maybe you should stop and say hi." She was being smug I knew it.

"Leah is right. You haven't seen your cousins in years. Don't you think it would be nice to see how they are doing?"

"Jasper is here!" I shouted, "With…that…girl!"

My mother looked to Leah, then back to me, her expression morphing to understanding, then purpose, "Well, that's nice." Her lips twitched, but that was all the reaction I got from her.

"Aren't you…mad?" I nearly screeched. I wanted to throw a tantrum, stomp my feet and maybe scream.

"About what, honey?" My mom asked casually.

"That the boy I've been in love with for a year just disappears without a word and then suddenly shows up with a girl I never knew about…twice!" It came out so fast and so swift that I literally gasped right after the words left my mouth.

I just came out to my mother.

Now my mother looked smug.

Oh lordy.

Leah spoke, finally turning away from the mirror to face me, "Did you even ask Jasper if Maria was dating him?"

Leah seemed a little too rational about the situation. I felt my eyes narrow when I thought back to the graduation dinner. She had switched seats with my uncle….to sit next to that girl Maria. What the hell did she do?

Leah appeared to be done with the conversation, heaving a content sigh before standing on her feet, "This dress was a steal, seriously." She said nonchalantly to my mom, "Rosa has the best deals."

"Doesn't she?" My mother gushed, and like that, they were squealing little girls again talking about satin, lace and gowns. It was as if my sister wasn't getting married in less than an hour. It was as if I hadn't come out.

I felt kind of deflated and annoyed and I just couldn't stand there in the room with them any longer. I may be gay, but I've never been into high fashion or interior design. It was all annoying actually.

I made to leave the room, unsure how to face the rest of the day, when I heard my mother call me. Surprised I turned to see her eyes sparkling with adoration, "I'm proud of you, honey." She said warmly, "Now please be cordial and spark up some conversation to the guests." I could only guess what she meant.

I wasn't even going to look at Jasper, let alone speak with him.

But it was going to be really hard.

Even with that cloud hovering over my head, I stepped out of the bride room feeling lighter. I had never really thought about coming out to my mom, officially. There was no reason to. I never had a boyfriend to introduce. And even with the brief first crush relationship with Jacob and my unrequited love for Jasper I never thought it was enough to say anything, but I think deep down I knew she knew. There was never talks about a girlfriend and not once did she do the typical "I can't wait until you get married" after Leah's surprise proposal.

In fact, it was her idea for Jasper and I to go to prom together.

I was beginning to understand where Leah got her insane ideas from.

I marched back to the guest hall where the groom's kin was thankfully handling a lot of the guests. Leah's soon-to-be husband had a big family and thankfully they filled the gap for ring bearer, best man and all the other male roles I didn't have to face. I was even blessed with not being a groomsman, but I think that idea was my sister's, mainly because that I had to partner up with one of the bridesmaids. And that could have been awkward for me.

My job was just to be there in support. I could do that, especially now that I knew that being up there aware that Jasper could be watching me would have made me uncomfortable. I said a few quick hi's to cousins and my aunts and uncles I hadn't seen at my graduation before I was walking out to the bright garden outside. My sister had thought it better to have a wedding and reception out of a temporarily rented massive estate on the outskirts of Phoenix where the air was actually clearer and the properties were more expansive. She got her way, bringing Sam's family all the way from their home state back to ours. She claimed she wanted to do it here because she wanted to bring the wedding as close to dad since he couldn't literally be here.

I followed the small maze out to the open field and felt a modicum of peace. It wasn't for long. A shiver rushed through my body at the feeling of eyes on me, before I was turning immediately to spot just who might be watching. A blur of golden blonde had my attention, but it disappeared with the crowd walking onto the terrace. I walked towards the family sorted seats, finding mine in the front and decided it was best to just wait here, out of sight.

Soon the crowd followed finding their seats, all animatedly speaking amongst themselves. A surprising cool breeze brushed my cheek, making me sigh in relief. We were still in the dead heat of August, but were fortunate to have clouds in the sky today and a nice drop in the temperature. It was thankfully different than graduation day, sitting in a field, the sun square on my shoulders.

A lot had changed since then.

A felt a warm hand secure around mine before it was brought onto a lap. I didn't need to look up to know it was my mother. The scent of lavender and the familiar warmth at my side was enough. She was already sniffling and blubbering. I didn't expect her to talk.

"I want you happy, honey." She whispered quietly, "Most of us only get one chance in our life and even then, we are on limited time. I know you're young, but I urge for you to cherish what you have." I felt bad hearing those words. I knew where it was coming from. Mom and dad had been happily married before he died. Afterwards, I could tell mom was alone and sad, but there was a tranquility to her, even with the working schedule she had and how tired she was, I never did actually see her miserable.

"I know, mom." I mumbled, keeping my eyes trained straight. I knew if I looked at her, I'd probably lose it, "I'll always keep that in mind."

"Good." Her small, warm hands embraced mine, "A good start is talking to him."

I wanted to argue, but this wasn't the right time. And already the quartet orchestra was playing and everyone was in place. The ceremony wasn't as long as ones I had grown up watching in years past. Leah was definitely a "get it done and over with" kind of girl, even if it was a wedding. I knew very well that she preferred the extravaganza to be in the reception, not the ceremony. I had watched as the rather tall, beaming man that was now my brother-in-law spoke in a rumbling voice that was surprisingly full of adoration and respect. I had only ever seen him when he was able to visit on rare vacations from work. From what I knew he was very stable financially, but that meant working some insane hours. I could only guess this was why he was so will to give her a wedding how she wanted and where she wanted it. Vows were exchanged and rings and soon everyone was erupting and standing from the neatly assembled wedding chairs to cheer at the couple as they kissed.

"Blegh!" I stuck out my tongue at the site of sister eating her husband's face. I felt a strong slap on my arm, followed by my mother's chuckle. I waited as the crowd followed the bride and groom back into the massive estate. Already, I could see the catering for the reception was set up on the terrace and inside the house. Knowing I was expected at my assigned table, I walked back inside, trailing slowly, getting an eyeful of people greeting the bride. Leah had already slipped into something less constricting though it was still a very lavish dress. I rolled my eyes at the sight of her. Anything to play dress-up.

I took my seat at the family table, sipping on champagne and nibbling on food as there were toasts and tears. I kept my eyes trained away from the table where I knew a familiar head of blonde hair was. I couldn't even glimpse at him without still being amazed. It was odd, being in the same room and yet not being here with him. And it was even more weird knowing he was here with a girl. I just had never thought about a life where both of us would date. I guess I had been too obsessed with being around him to consider it.

I was an idiot.

Finally, with all the formal stuff done, people were moving around, heading to the ballroom where some music was classy music was already starting, while others remained behind to give their blessings to my sister. I had already been a witness to my mother's sob-filled toast, so I decided to take a break and grab another slice of cake. Out on the terrace a view of the sun setting behind the mountains in the distance, giving that trademark Arizona pink and red glow to the sky caught my attention. I admired it for a second taking in deep gulps of a hazy summer near gone. This really was a great wedding on such a beautiful day. It was just ridiculous that it was hard to enjoy it with all that was on my mind. I thought over my mother's words about cherishing life and being happy. Was it worth it to let Jasper's presence upset me even if I still couldn't get over him? Should I take this as a signal to just move on?

As if an answer in corporeal form, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.

I turned and almost immediately had to work against letting a scowl form on my face, "Hey, Cutey." She said sugary sweet, "You look fantastic in a suit. It's nice to know Jasper wasn't exaggerating." It was Maria, smiling as if we were the best of friends.

I blinked at her, not sure what to say. Why was she speaking to me? "I..thank you." Was all I could manage.

She shrugged and tendrils of her long hair fell back over her shoulders. She was really pretty, it was almost sickening, "Loved the wedding." She commented, looking over the decorations and catered food, "The wedding planner must be real special. And that dress," She gave an over-dramatic sigh, "I wonder where she found such a treasure." She snickered coyly, causing me to raise a brow. I knew that look. I had already seen it twice today.

"I have to…"I motioned towards the inside of the house, hoping it would be excuse enough, "Um, nice talking to you." I grumbled when it seemed to work. I nearly scampered away.

"Nice meeting you Seth." She called after me, winking, "We're going to be great friends!"

I felt confused but otherwise relieved to be out of her company.

I made it back to the table without any problems. Everyone appeared to be on the dance floor so I knew I would have some alone time. Right as I was ready to sit and enjoy my cake, I saw it.

A single rose corsage. I stared at it, unsure of what to do. I looked around to see if there was anyone near-by who may have been put up to it, but all lingering guests appeared to be too focused on conversation or eating. I set my slice down, picking of the corsage with a trembling hand and looking it over. It was the exact kind Jasper and I had worn to prom. I couldn't really gather why it would be here…

Unless Jasper was the one to put it there…

My eyes focused on the napkin it had been laying on. There was sloppy writing on it in black ink. I picked it up with my free hand to get a closer look at the scribble and felt my breath hitch and my eyes water when I read the words:

I miss you.

It was in his handwriting.

I looked around again, but didn't see him in sight. I didn't know what to think of it. It was so easy to just say he missed me on paper, but why wasn't he here? While I didn't know what to think, I couldn't help feeling angry. He had to be insane to think I'd just forgive him after not being told he had a girlfriend then being avoided for three months.

I threw both the rose and napkin down, angry at him and myself. Without another glance, I was rushing to the guest room of the estate on the second floor. The lavish designs on the walls and the winding stairs blurring by as I rushed through the house made me feel sicker, so I kept my eyes down until I was inside the massive bathroom.

And then I was pacing.

He had no right! None! He could have explained why he kept her from me or maybe even told me in the beginning. Why would he keep her a secret? Had he known all along?

"No, no, no." I chanted to myself. I had refrained from thinking about this for the entire summer and maybe I was right to. It didn't matter why he did it. He did it and that was that. And maybe it was for the best. Jasper was a great best friend and he taught me a thing or two about growing out of my shelf. Maybe he was only ever meant to be my friend before college. Maybe-

No, then I wouldn't have fallen in love with him. And he wouldn't have left me a note like that. Man, what the heck was I to do? Could I face talking to him now that so much has changed? Talking to him again would eventually lead to him meeting Edward and Jacob. Could I endure him rejecting me and my new friends was we were gay?

I wracked my brain for what seemed like hours when I heard the soft knock. I jumped, grabbing the counter to keep me from falling over.

"Seth, it's me." My knees buckled at the sound of his voice. It had been weeks since I heard it, "can I come in?" I didn't answer, not because I didn't want to. I just couldn't. So instead, I stared at the door, waiting for him to speak again.

"Please, Seth." He begged, "I just want to see how you're doing."

How I'm doing? He wanted to see how I'm doing? Like some sort of friendly conversation? He really had no idea then, because if he had, he'd know that I could barely stand a morning, a day, and especially a night without thinking, fawning and dreaming about him. I resented him for not being aware, for being in love with a girl. I knew it wasn't his fault, I was aware that he'd move on after I entered college but still, somewhere inside I still resented him.

"Go away." It was a weak attempt at getting him to leave and for a moment I really thought he had gone, until I heard a small thud against the door.

"Seth," His voice sounded closer to the door, as if his lips were almost pressed against it, "I really missed you. Just, I need to-" He paused as if at a loss for words.

Suddenly my interest was piqued. It was unlike Jasper to lose his cool, to sound so distraught. He was always a well put together person.

"I know I'm just some hick from Texas that you hung around with. I'm nowhere near as smart as you. You're going into college, and will meet some genius people, fall in love with one and forget about me. All that I'm asking is to see you again-"

Wait a minute. This was not how I was seeing the conversation going. Without another thought, I opened the door, catching his shocked expression before belting out "What are you talking about?" I couldn't understand just what would get such an idea in Jasper's head. Had I ever let on that I thought he was dumb or I was better than him? I fretfully thought back to any intellectual conversation we ever had. All I could remember was being amazed at the knowledge he had. He impressed my history teacher at prom for crying out loud. Where could he be getting this from? "I don't think I could ever forget about you Jasper and in no way do I think you're stupid or hick."

He appeared puzzled, "Then why didn't you speak to me after graduation or after-"

"Because I was angry with you!" I said heatedly, "And hurt that you couldn't tell me that you had a girlfriend!"

"Maria is not my girlfriend!" Jasper said vehemently.

"Then why didn't you answer any of my calls then?" I challenged, "Were you and you're not-girlfriend too busy?"

"I had things on my mind, Seth. I'm surprised it mattered to you with your new friend Edward so willing to take my place." His tone was harsh, so unlike him, "And it wasn't as if you tried again after your graduation, did you? You and Edward were the ones who were busy." The words stung, but for whatever reason I wasn't sure. He was implying something and I wasn't sure I wanted to know what it was. Either way, he was right. I hadn't tried calling him again. Maybe he was hurt by it, but it wasn't like he tried contacting me either.

With nothing else left to say, I pushed pass him on my way to the reception downstairs. If this was my fault, then what was he doing here?

"Seth, wait!" He called after me.

I turned, "I'm sorry, okay, Jasper! I guess we both had things on our mind." That should have been it. He was supposed to be happy with that. That was what he came for, right?

But he didn't seem satisfied, "Seth!" He tried again, though this time, I felt his hand wrap around my elbow, "Seth, please-"

I turned, letting my hurt and anger rule my speech, "I'm gay!" It was another classic moment of outing myself at the wrong moment, but I just couldn't hold it back anymore, "That's why I never called again. I knew you'd find out eventually and maybe I was too scared to face up to it. Yes, I was mad that you didn't tell me about her, but more than that, I was mad that-" Anymore and I would have gone too far. I watched for his reaction but he just stared back blankly.

With my heart in my throat I waited. For anything. But all I got was that distant stare. While it was better than an angry outburst, it wasn't what I wished for –the unrealistic acceptance and confession of his love for me. I shook my arm off, ready once again to be leave. But he didn't move. In fact, he looked almost fearful that I was ready to turn away.

"You're…gay." He repeated after me, though it sounded odd coming from him. It was as if he just couldn't believe it.

"Yes." I answered meekly.

"And you didn't tell me."

"I didn't think you'd react positively." I replied, noting how he chose to stare my\e in the eye, "And I'm guessing I was right."

"What?" Finally our gazes met, "Seth, I'm sorry. It's just-"

Well, at least he was taking it better than most straight best friends did, "it's okay, Jasper. I didn't expect you to like this."

"It's not that at all, I mean-fuck!" He uttered under his breath, combing his fingers through his waves, "I just..it makes sense." He thought for a second, before his eyes narrowed, "Are you with Edward?"

I shook my head, "No."

He sighed in relief, "Okay, good." Maybe he could deal with me being gay, but not in a relationship? And what about when he found out I had feelings for him. It was daunting to think that even if he was okay with me being gay, he would definitely not be okay with me being in love with him.

"Jasper," I started hesitantly, "There is something I need to tell you-"

"Don't worry, Seth." He chuckled, looking more like his carefree self, "It's okay. I don't care if you're gay. In fact, I'm very okay with it."

"No, but you need to know-"

"Hey," He held my shoulders, beaming at me, "It was all a misunderstanding, okay? I'm not in a relationship with Maria and you're not in a relationship. Maria was right, if we had spoken sooner, this would have all-"

"I'm in love with you!" I really needed to work on not jumping out of the closet.

"…What?"

And there it was; my confession now out between us. Jasper appeared willing to forget about our misunderstanding, but could he now? Could he stare me in the eye and say that-

My knees acknowledged his maneuver before my mind did. My legs had already buckled under my weight. He had been quick, sweeping one arm around me so our lips would meet in the middle. I had opened my mouth to gasp in surprise, only to be met with….tongue. Oh lordy, it was tongue!

Jasper….Jasper was kissing me!

My skin was the second to respond accordingly, sizzling wherever his body touched mine. He had moved his left hand in my hair, pressing me closer just as he bravely deepened the kiss.

I was still in shock.

Why exactly were we kissing? It wasn't like I didn't enjoy it. I did, very, very much, but I had to be dreaming this. Jasper wouldn't kiss me.

He pulled away, affectionately kissing the corner of my mouth then my cheek before humming contently, "I've thought about doing that for so long." He whispered huskily.

I wanted to dance and jump for joy but all that came out was a groan before I collapsed against him, burying my nose into his neck and inhaling him in. This couldn't be real. Jasper couldn't really have kissed me.

"I did." He reassured, as if reading my mind or maybe hearing me speak out loud.

"Jasper, this is crazy. What about that Maria girl? And what about your first girlfriend? Did you know you were-" He chuckled, covering my mouth with his hand.

"I told you. Maria isn't my girlfriend." He dropped his hand to my chin, trailing his thumb along my lips. This was so surreal, "But I don't know about liking girls or…guys. I know I like you, Seth. Well, actually," And lordy he was blushing, "I'm in love with you."

My jaw dropped.

He...this wasn't…

There was no proof that Jasper was in love with me. I mean, he was always friendly. There was nothing –

And my brain went into overload, targeting ever look, every smile. From him asking for my number the first time we met to prom.

Prom.

The corsage.

He had given it to me that night. No straight man would have done that for their best friend, let alone refer to them as a date so openly.

Jeez, no wonder he had been so down after prom. Was that what he was worried about? He didn't call me after because of Edward?

"Edward huh?"

He had been jealous? Jasper had been jealous!

"Seth?" I hadn't noticed I standing there with my mouth open for so long, "Please, say something…" He begged uncertainly. He really was full of surprises. Jealousy, uncertainty, love.

A rush of courage shot through me and before I knew it, I was hugging his neck and kissing him so hard, he stumbled back a few steps before righting himself. I could savor the moment now that I had initiated it. His lips were pliable and his scent stronger than ever; that pinewoods smell that reminded me of warm sun rays and an embracive summer air. I took advantage to move my fingers through his hand, combing and feeling the soft texture of his thick waves. He took better care of his hair than I thought. I drew back momentarily at the feeling of scruff against my jaw. Never had I felt that before, but it felt good, like Jasper. He leaned in, closing the space between us to peck my lips.

"We should talk." His lips brushed mine as he spoke, "Somewhere where no one will catch us. I don't think it'll be possible to explain just why we're hidden up here like this."

"Okay." I panted, getting that Jasper chuckle I loved so much. He took my hand in his as I lead the way, searching rooms for somewhere we could talk. All of them were surprisingly furnished. We had passed an office and what looked to be an art room before we found double doors leading to the typical library coupled with a fireplace and a long, black leather chaise lounge.

"This should be good." Jasper's breath tickled the back of my neck. I suddenly felt hyper aware. We were alone in the room after I had told him I was in love with him and after he said he was supposedly in love with me. That could only mean that being alone…

"Hey," He jolted me from my thoughts, "You okay?"

I nodded slowly, feeling a bit overwhelmed and excited, tingles and all, "Yeah, it's just I thought this would never happen."

I felt his chortle vibrate against my back. He was so close to me, "Imagine how I felt every night after obsessively fantasizing about you." He couldn't have possibly been alluding to…

I kept my back to him, unsure if looking him in the eye would give away to exactly what I was thinking, "Um, so we talk?"

"Yeah, we talk." He answered.

We didn't.

As if with the same train of thought, I was already turning to face him and he was ready, leaning in to kiss me again. This time there was no surprises. It was the two of us meeting in the middle. No waiting for the other, no miscommunication. For the first time in three months it felt like I finally had Jasper back –tenfold.

I thanked the irony of mastering my kissing technique with Edward, because Jasper was a mouthful –no pun intended. He had tricks that were challenging to keep up with. Every nip of my lip, massage of his tongue was a shuddering tingle down to my core. It was exhilarating. We blindly walked to the chaise lounge, still tongue-tied, until finally, I felt my back bounce against the shockingly soft cushion, Jasper following my fall.

Oh lordy.

He was snuggly on top of me, licking under the collar of my button down to kiss at my neck. I squeaked just when his tongue grazed a particularly sensitive spot. I was ready to say something, question if this was too soon. We were supposed to clear up things, talk about whatever it was that was going to make everything okay.

But all thoughts went out the window when I felt it.

It.

I'm sure I sounded like I was having an asthma attack, but the feeling of Jasper moving his hips against me and groaning into my neck was enough to put me on auto-pilot. My hands pressed and fumbled between us just to have a feel for itself and Jasper's groan gave way to a whimper. I guess I had learned a thing or two from Edward.

Without a second wasted, I was attempting to open his slacks to get to what had been so greedily pressed against me the last 10 seconds. I had no idea where I had the courage to take charge. I had only one flute of champagne. Jasper sure didn't seem to mind. Resting on one elbow, he tangled his fingers in my hair, nuzzling himself into my neck as I attempted to move my squished hand between us. It was awkward and spontaneous, but that was just how we always were before; me as the awkward and Jasper as the spontaneous. The moment-as surreal and straight out of my fantasy as it was –was perfectly us.

Finally, my hand got through and I felt it. I didn't know what to do really other than what I remembered what had been done to me. Edward had stroked me and then…licked his hand.

I bit my lip, considering whether or not to do that. What if it looked silly, licking my hand like some little dog? In the moment I had thought it hot when Edward did it, so maybe if I tried, Jasper would think the same thing. I got a growl of agitation when I pulled my hand away from his slacks. But his disappointment was surely gone when he saw me lick my palms to slicken them up.

"Oh fuck, Seth," He whined, pressing his hips into my thigh, "That's hot." I felt pride swell in me at the thought of Jasper thinking something I did was hot. I squished my hand between us quickly, not letting my spit dry before I had him wrapped in my fist. He was so warm and filling in my hand and the little wiggling he was doing on me didn't help my own problem much, but I did my best to move my hand in a way I knew worked well for me when I was alone at night. Judging by his groans, he was getting some joy from it. But being Jasper, he wasn't fully satisfied until he could be of help.

He pulled his weight up, suggesting we lay side-by-side. It was a tough task, but we were able to squeeze onto the chaise lounge, hands squish free facing each other. With free hand opportunity, Jasper took advantage, distracting me with a kiss before pressing his digits against the front of my slacks. I squeaked in surprise, but there was no denying that I did want more. My hands hadn't stilled on him, but were at a casual, friendly pace; just enough to keep him happy, but not enough to get him anywhere. And now he was already pushing the band of my briefs down to get to my-

"Jas!" I cried out just at the tickle of the tips of his fingers on me. He was a little more hesitant, watching my face for a reaction as he tested each flicker of a digit. It felt good no matter what, it was Jasper, but I knew that this had to have been his first time.

"Do what you like to do to yourself." I suggested, giving his pouting lower lip a quick caress.

He seemed to understand the instruction so it didn't take long for me to go cross-eyed, "Like this?"

"Y-yes."

"Seth," A puff of his breath warmed my mouth as he spoke, "I thought of touching you all summer, you have no idea. It drove me fucking crazy." Imagining him fantasizing about this was insane, more insane than doing it now. The muscles in my back tensed right as he did that special trick with his thumb. This was turning out to be less of a marathon and more of a sprint situation. I decided to up the ante, changing my pace and grip. He was responding accordingly. Soon it was just gasps and pants and kisses and caresses. We didn't talk about orientation, love, supposed relationships and misunderstandings. Right now, this was all we needed.

It wasn't soon before I felt it, that euphoria nearly ready to spill over.

"Jas-"

"I know, baby."

Baby.

Not kiddo, not squirt. Baby. I could take that.

With my head tucked in his chest, I panted his name wildly until all my muscles lost tension and I was a wet noodle in his arms, the only thing moving – barely – were my hands. I was already cramping, but a second longer was all Jasper needed and I pulled my face away to watch as his eyes shut tight and his head was thrown back against the cushion. We held each other until our heartbeats were back to normal. When the fog had cleared and both of our eyes lost that drunken glaze, Jasper looked between us and I turned away shyly. It had occurred to me that I had been in a similar situation before, only before it ended in tears and this was ending in a chuckle; Jasper's to be exact.

"What?" I pouted. I knew crying wasn't common after being touched like that, but laughing could have possibly been worse.

"Well," Jasper teased, "I can see where the name 'squirt' fits you." Jasper gestured to the mess I made on his suit.

"Shut up." I sulked, slapping his arm and hiding my face away from him.

He continued chuckling, only to groan in frustration, "Rosa is going to kill me!"

I frowned, trying to pinpoint where I heard that name from, "Rosa?"

"I rented this tux from her. Same place I got my tux for for prom." His thumb traced my lip as he spoke. It was an intimate gesture, one I was surprised to get from him so soon. It was just like Jasper to be completely calm about touching another boy like this even if he wasn't sure if he was gay or not.

"I'm sure we can get the uh…stain out."

"We better." He sighed, "I got a good deal for this one."

"Cause you're a charmer?"

"Well," He snickered, "More like Maria knows her personally."

Maria.

Well son of a gun.

That's how my sister invited them. She must have been talking to Maria while I was unaware. I knew for a fact, Jasper had not spoken to her, otherwise he would have said, but it made sense. Maria supplies the cheap wedding dress and bridesmaid's gowns and they get an invitation.

"Leah and Maria are sneaky girls." I grumbled.

With a snort, Jasper agreed, "They sure are. I wouldn't have been invited if it weren't for Maria, so I guess we have to thank her."

I pouted, "I guess."

"She was the one that told me I was in love with you. She knew way before I did."

Well, that's interesting, "I would have thought she would jump you."

"Can't blame the girl for trying," He lamented, "But once she knew I was yours, she backed off…mostly."

We were silent for a moment, lost in our thoughts. There was still a lot to talk about, but now at my sister's wedding. It wouldn't have been a perfect time. I wasn't looking forward to seeing his face when I admitted my brief relationship with Edward.

"You didn't take the corsage." He spoke softly, stirring me from my thoughts.

"Hmm?"

"The corsage. I saved it from prom and thought that maybe if you saw…"

I mentally kicked myself, "I didn't know what it meant. I thought you were trying to get out of being jerk."

"I wasn't," He laughed, "I thought that maybe if you remembered prom, you'd relive how perfect the beginning of the night was. I wanted us to go back to that, just me and you."

"It was perfect." I whispered and leaned in lightly pressing my lips to his, before puckering gently. He hummed in appreciation, fingering the jacket of his suit until it opened revealing concealed rose corsage. I fingered the flower, wondering what he felt seeing it left there on the table, "I'm sorry."

"It was my fault." He took my hand in his, pressing a kiss to my knuckles, "I should have just written 'I love you' instead of chickening out. Maybe you would have understood then why I was such an ass."

I smiled, "Maybe."

"I won't do it again, Seth, I promise." He kissed my cheek, pulling back to get a good look at me, "I don't know where to go from here or what to do. I'm as confused as you are about how I feel, but it's real Seth. It took me an entire summer to realize just how real it is. I'm in love with you and I don't care where that leads us, but I'm hoping that through all this you're by my side." He watched me with vulnerable eyes, waiting for an answer. He didn't have to wait long.

"By your side." I agreed, happy to get a rejoiced, deep kiss from him, "I guess we're going to have to clean up and thank Leah and Maria."

Jasper heaved an exasperated sigh, though I could see the dimples shining through that massive smile, "Meddling women."

\/

"I love your skin." His nose trailed along my torso, breath tickling my navel, "it fucking glitters in the sun and shines like gold. You need to be naked in the day time more often." I giggled when his lips pressed against my hip bone.

"I'm sure the campus security will love that."

His thumb traced my hips, drawing inward, "Why wouldn't they?"

I scoffed, "We better get ready." I patted at his darkened blonde hair still wet from our shower, "I really don't want Maria walking in on us…again." Jasper groaned but rolled off of me. He hadn't enjoyed it either. Maria was an oogler and I could speak for the both of us when I say it's not fun to have her watch quietly only for us to realize she'd been there for the entire show without our knowledge.

We got dressed silently, sneaking looks at each other when we thought the other wasn't watching. My chest swelled at the expression of lust on Jasper's face. I knew it was going to take a lot longer than 2 weeks to get used to it, but I will willing to see how long –if ever. The past 14 days had been blissful, scary, agonizing and new. Jasper and I talked the night of the reception. I invited him over, and we did much more, of course but afterwards we got a lot off of our chest. I had told him almost everything, leaving out Edward for a better time. And when I did get to it a few days later, it was right after Jasper had officially met both Edward and Jacob for lunch on campus. Jacob had a charm like Jasper and they got along fairly well, but Edward remained stand-offish, scrutinizing Jasper with looks and saying very little. It was unlike him since he was naturally a nurturing and loving person and it certainly was obvious to both Jacob and Jasper. Afterwards, Jasper asked about him. He had his own resentment about our association and when I finally came out about our very brief relationship, Jasper fell silent. He didn't say anything for a long while, until finally he grabbed his stuff and left. I sat there in the living room, stunned for a second, but before I could comprehend what had happened, he was walking back in the house, apologizing. He admitted that he was still jealous and scared that I might have made a mistake ending it with Edward and being with him instead. He was afraid that I'd 'come to my senses'. I told him he was an idiot. And that was all it took to convince him that everything was alright. We talked about Edward and discussed awkwardly of that on physical relation when I exploded into tears. I explained that in the end it was him that I had always wanted –even if Edward got me off –and there was no way I could see that changing. He held me for the rest of the night, apologizing until my mom arrived home.

It opened up a lot more conversations. I was finally able to listen to him talk about his first girlfriend and their superficial relationship and –to his discomfort –he learned that Edward wasn't my first short romance, but his boyfriend was as well. Fortunately he took it better than the Edward debacle. When everything was finally out and discussed, we moved on to more important matters –like physical exploration. I still couldn't get over kissing my best friend, but it got easier to accept it each day. In our entire relationship, I found that I was finally the lead in something. I initiated more than he did and often took control. It was a rush for me and a whole new dimension for us. We used our hands and eventually I explored him with my mouth, but that was as far as we got in the 14 days. I knew Jasper was still coming to terms. I had about a 3 year head start of knowing who I was than he did and I didn't mind if I would have to wait that long. All that mattered was that he wanted me and loved me.

And he did. He loved me. He said it everyday, every moment he could spare to, followed by an apology and half a dozen kisses. I had forgiven him since his first 'I'm sorry' but I couldn't complain with all the kisses and affection. I felt he needed to make up for the last 3 months.

When we were finally ready to see daylight after many nights locked away in his dorm, I got to meet Maria officially for the first time. She was actually amusing and nowhere as annoying as she had been the first time we met. After a few hours alone talking to her, I was thankful that she was there to help him work through everything. It made our reunion that much easier. She introduced me to her uncles a week after the wedding, cooing over me and Jasper as if we were children. I thought she was bad…until I met her uncle Eleazar. I was able to catch a sympathetic look from Jasper before I was swept into a tight hug and was forcefully pushed inside to meet the lesser enthusiastic of the hosts. They gushed over the both of us and shared stories of Jasper's occasional visits over the summer. I had shot him a look and he shrugged. Afterwards, he explained that he knew Maria wanted him to see the possibility of her uncles being the two of us in the future.

And crazy as she was, I wanted to kiss and thank her.

"I actually like Eleazar and Santi. They're cool, once you get over Eleazar's squealing." He grumbled.

"Yeah, they seem nice."

His next words had my heart in my throat, "You think….that could be us someday?"

I felt my skin burn at the thought. Me and Jasper in a house together? In love? "I would want that so much." I thought of Eleazar humming and dancing around the perfectly designed house, "You'll make a great Eleazar." I teased.

Jasper winked, "I'm more a Santiago man."

I could agree. Meeting Santiago was like meeting an older Jasper.

When it was time to meet some of my friends, I found that maybe it was fate after all. Jasper had been acting a little strange on our way to the club's floor. I hadn't explained exactly where we were going or who we were meeting, so when we stepped off the floor, I was surprised to see him leading us to the room.

The group was there, Jacob and Edward included when we entered.

"Hey, Juniper is back!" Alec shouted out, before he noticed me, "Hey Seth, long time no see!"

Jasper turned to face me with a puzzled expression, "You come here?"

"A few times a week." I'm sure my expression mirrored his, "And you…?"

"Small world." Jacob snickered.

If I had turned away from him that day, didn't listen as he called for me, we would have had another chance to try, even without the interference of Maria and my sister. But I'm not sure it would have been as easy the second time around.

"Baby, I know you're amazed by me, but you really need to finish putting on your shirt. Maria said she'll be here in 5 and she's never late." Jasper snapped me from my thoughts.

"Okay, okay." I mumbled, attempting to fit my arms through my sleeves only to spectacularly fail. I bratted and grumbled and Jasper watched amused and fully dressed, "Shut up." I pouted.

"Aww, is your brain putty?" He teased. It was his fault. He woke me up from a great dream with his….hands. And he didn't stop until I made a mess. This was the third time this week we had to wash his sheets and I was running out of quarters. And to make matters worse, he did stuff to me in the shower –fun, sexy stuff, but stuff nonetheless.

I squeaked at the sound of Jasper's growl, "Don't do that."

"Don't do what?"

"That…thing." He growled again and already I felt myself reacting. He chuckled, pulling me in his arms.

"Seth," Oh no, we was using the bedroom voice, "I think I'm catching up in the bed arena, don't you think?" This morning had been the first time he touched me without asking. Maybe he was catching up…a little.

"Maybe." I didn't want to give him the advantage though I knew it was coming sooner or later. Jasper was getting more relaxed about touching and often hinted at other things we could do…like have sex. He growled again, burying his nose into my neck.

"I want to see more of your skin." He pawed at my shirt, before lifting it from the hem.

"If you haven't noticed, I just accomplished getting dressed." I scolded, though made no efforts to stop him when his fingers trailed up my chest, pinching my right nipple, "Jas." My leg gave out, but he was quick, holding my weight up to keep us from falling over. I tried in my weakened state to leave the room, but he wasn't having it, pressing wet kisses along my neck, before his tongue followed the trail. An odd gurgling sound left my throat. It was embarrassing the noises I made in front of him.

"Um, I'm guessing one of you is my new roommate." I jumped at the voice, slapping Jasper's hand from under my shirt. He pulled away calmly, staring at our surprise visitor standing in the doorway. He was tall, around Jasper's height with broad shoulders and blonde hair, but unlike Jasper's, it was straight, shoulder length and tied back. He wore a short sleeved tee that revealed some festive tattoos on his right arm. His appearance was on the tough side, but the expression he wore was amusement.

Oh lordy, he saw me and Jasper!

"Oh no!" I gasped, hiding my face into Jasper's shirt.

I heard a snort, but wasn't sure who it was from, "Jasper Whitlock." Jasper introduced himself as if his new dorm mate didn't catch him fondling me.

"That hand is sanitary, right" The other joked. Jasper must have been doing the friendly thing, offering a handshake.

"Don't worry. We showered." Even though I couldn't see Jasper's eyes, I knew they were sparkling with deviance.

The other guy laughed just I pulled away just in time to see them shake hands, "I'm Garrett Walden." He said with ease, "And I can say I'll certainly never forget this welcome."

"God!" I groaned, hiding my face again.

"This is Seth." Jasper spoke for me, "When he gets over being mortified, he'll apologize for you catching us like this."

"No problem." If I had been looking at Garrett, I'm sure I would have caught a shrug, "I had the misfortune of catching my little brother with his boyfriend –very traumatizing. So, where's my room?" He chatted casually.

"Right on the other side of the bathroom." Jasper answered.

"Thanks," It was as if he hadn't caught two men together, "I'll drop my things off there." His fading footsteps told me he had left the room.

"God," I groaned again, "We are so lucky he didn't have a problem with that."

"With what?"

"Us…being together." I was beyond embarrassed, but if Garrett would have been angry or disgusted, that would have been really bad, "He has a gay brother and doesn't mind us together. We got lucky there." I sighed.

"It wasn't necessarily luck." Jasper said conspiringly. When I gave him a look, he elaborated, "After your sister's wedding I put a request in that my fall roommate be gay-friendly. I guess the only luck there was that the request wasn't too last minute."

"Gay-friendly?" I didn't even know you could put in requests, "You can do that?"

He shrugged, "I don't see why not. If you can pick whether or not you want a political science major or a smoker, why not someone gay-friendly?"

I slapped his arm, "Well that's all dandy, but this still could have been avoided if you remembered that today was the official move-in for dorm students."

As usual, Jasper kept his cool, smiling that deep dimpled smile. I was swooning again, "What can I say? I lose track of time with you." He leaned in for a kiss, but I dodged it.

"Cheesy!"

He went in for an attack, but the sound of the dorm door opening and the call of Maria had us both freezing, "Sweeties, we need to be at the restaurant in 10 or Leah and Sue or going to have our hides!"

I rolled my eyes, "Since when did she start referring to my mother as 'Sue'."

"Since she offered those discounts on the gowns." Jasper snickered quietly. I smiled, knowing that he was right. Maria had won Leah and my mom over before Jasper and I even made up.

I groaned, adjusting my shirt, "She's right. We need to get ready." It was the first time I'd be seeing my sister since the wedding. She had just arrived back from her honeymoon in Italy and needed a group of people to tell all the sordid details to. Also, this would be the first time she and my mother would see me and Jasper as a couple. It was going to be a very interesting day.

"Boys, I hope you are fully dressed, because I'm coming-Oh hello there!" Jasper and I exchanged glances, knowing just what Maria had spotted.

"Hello." Garret's deep voice sounded just as pleasantly surprised, "I can only guess you are looking for my roommate and his boyfriend. They are fully dressed and ready to go." I sighed a breath of relief. Garrett was proving to be a blessing.

"I suppose so." Jasper snickered at the sound of Maria's more sultry tone, "and who might you be?"

"Garrett Walden."

"I'm Maria. You'll see me around…a lot."

"Oh lordy." I groaned.

"Looks like poor Garrett is going to have his hands full." Jasper laughed. We listened in as they exchanged conversation while we were forgotten.

"Mom's going to kill us when we arrive. We're already running late."

"We can say its Maria's fault."

I watched him, cool and collected, back to his usual rockstar self, "You're not even a little bit nervous that I'll be re-introducing you as my boyfriend, are you?"

Jasper shook his head, looking unfazed, "Not at all."

"How can that be possible?"

He gave me a sly smirk, "Because I was you mother's first choice as your prom date." Well, there was that.

I shook my head, bewildered by the fact that everyone seemed to know what was going on between us but us, "Meddling women."

He laughed, pressing his lips against my temple, "Indeed."

\/

AN: Thanks for waiting and reading, guys! It's not completely done. I'm pretty eager to hear thoughts since I had the muse to write all this out, but wasn't sure if I was doing Seth's POV justice, even with 15,000 words. I'll let the readers tell me if that is so.

Now I must head off to finish my other mini-chaptered series. Until next time!