A/N: Thanks to my incredible beta Paula (vampirealchemist13) and my friend Leo. I couldn't have done this without them!
When last we met...
Nyota meets an attractive Romulan named Sorel, who agrees to help with a linguistics paper she's writing with Spock. Sorel asks her to dinner, and she agrees, much to Spock's irritation. But Nyota's feelings for Spock are too painful to ignore.
Posted: 12/29/11
Last edited: 12/31/11
That night, thoughts of Nyota with the Romulan consumed Spock - the other man touching her skin, tasting her lips, feeling her cool body molded against his. Had he slid her clothing from her? Had he claimed her?
It is of no consequence, Spock repeated for the seventeenth time. He unclenched his muscle groups one by one, then seated himself in front of his asenoi. After several hours of meditation, he had regained enough control of his thoughts to sleep.
Spock's efforts were undone by his subconscious.
He found himself in the school of his childhood, face to face with the Romulan.
With a savage yell, he knocked his rival into a learning pit. Straddling the Romulan's chest, Spock beat him brutally, relishing the sticky heat of green blood under each strike. He felt the Romulan's left cheekbone snap under his final blow.
Then Nyota was with him in the pit, naked and glorious, her hair spilling down to her waist. Spock forced his rival to watch as he lifted her with one arm against the curved wall of the pit. With one smooth thrust he claimed her, her legs around his waist and her rough moans urging him deeper into her cool wetness. Her mind cried out for him. Thrusting wildly, he grasped a handful of her hair and tilted her head back, biting her neck to mark her as his mate.
Spock awoke damp with sweat and filled with shame.
Several more hours of meditation allowed him to suppress the images, but the shame remained even as he readied himself for the day. When Nyota entered his office almost an hour earlier than usual, he was unprepared.
"Commander, may we talk?" she said in the voice from his dreams.
"Certainly, Cadet," Spock said, motioning for Nyota to sit. "What is the topic?"
Nyota remained standing and steeled herself. "I must resign as your aide." Spock raised both eyebrows, and quickly she continued. "I can recommend a qualified replacement for this spring, should you require one."
Spock blinked twice. "Cadet, this is short notice." It was unusual for him to state the obvious this way.
Nyota forced herself to breathe. "I apologize for not informing you sooner." This was the right choice. She had waited too long already.
"Please explain," Spock said, his tone intense and his eye contact unwavering.
Nyota was taken aback. She had expected cool logic - anything but this emotional response. Why was he reacting so strongly?
Stop, she told herself firmly.
When it concerned Spock's emotions, her overactive imagination had led her down a treacherous path, a path she had chosen to end. "I must resign for personal reasons, Commander."
Spock softened. Hesitantly, he said, "I understand that human friends discuss personal problems in order to provide emotional support to one another. I consider you to be my friend."
Friend. "Friends are what Terrans call people who love each other but don't pair-bond, right?" Gaila had never understood the different kinds of human love. She gave the same kind of love to everyone she was close to.
Nyota could not say the same. "I've decided to end the non-professional aspects of our relationship, as well," she said softly. I'm sorry.
Spock took in a small breath, a deep crease forming in his brow. "Have I made some... error?"
Nyota's eyes prickled, and she blinked several times in rapid succession. She shook her head. "It's nothing you've done, Spock." She had to be clear to avoid hurting him. It's who you are.
Nyota's eyes began to glisten, and Spock felt a pang of fear.
"You are crying," he said. He was acutely aware that he was stating the obvious for the second time in as many minutes.
"Spock." Nyota took a shaky breath and met his eyes. "I have realized that my personal feelings prevent me from continuing our friendship."
Spock's side tightened painfully, and he almost missed the implications of her phrasing. Personal feelings. His breath caught in his throat. "To what feelings do you refer?"
Nyota bit her lip. For 9.7 seconds she did not look at him.
Then her dark eyes met his, and Spock found he could not breathe.
"I'm in love with you," Nyota whispered.
Spock's heart pounded in his side. Against his will, possibilities flashed through his mind.
Nyota waking with her hair splayed across his chest, her skin glowing in the morning sunlight.
Her voice and his ka'athyra filling their home with music.
Their minds, one and together, touching and touched. His longing reciprocated. Shame replaced with joy.
A little girl with caramel skin and pointed ears, smiling in his arms.
A fresh wave of fear rushed through him.
Nyota understood him better than any other with whom he had not shared a bond. She accepted him for who he was and challenged him when he fell short of his ideals. She was intelligent, strong, and worthy of respect. She had the power so few did to make him emotionally compromised.
She was everything he could not allow himself to want. These feelings were dangerous. Nyota had made the decision he had been too weak to make.
She was waiting for a response from him. Spock willed himself to remain impassive - to remain Vulcan. He called his shame to the forefront, forcing out everything else. "Please forward me a list of qualified replacements by the end of the weekend," he said with none of the emotion he felt.
Nyota's lips parted, trembling. She squeezed her eyes shut, then turned on her heel.
She was gone before Spock remembered to breathe.
A/N: This is a short one and a cliffhanger, but I'm currently on holiday, so the next one is coming soon! (And if you drop me a quick review, I'll be more excited to post the next chapter quickly!) Also, I respond to all reviews, even thumbs-up or thumbs-down. :-)
