A/N: You guys are amazing. I woke up to ten reviews this morning, and a couple more came in during the day. Thank you!

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with this chapter, but after rashida7777's comment that she didn't "want it too easy for Spock to get Ny," I had a flash of insight. It was obvious what Ny had been asking me to write for her. I got into the flow today, and the bits that weren't already written wrote themselves in a few hours.

Thanks as always to my beloved beta Paula (vampirealchemist13) and to Leo, whose last-minute edits helped me polish this up.

Posted: 01/03/12

Last edited: 01/13/12


Spock's new aide for the spring term was a third-year cadet named Leila Kalomi. She was a botany student, but she was minoring in linguistics, and she was happy to assist him with Advanced Phonology, replacing Nyota.

Succeeding Nyota, Spock corrected himself.

"Commander," Cadet Kalomi said, looking down at her PADD. "I've finished grading this week's Andorian transcription assignments." Nyota had recommended Cadet Kalomi for her exceptional work ethic and attention to detail, qualities that Spock valued.

"Thank you, Cadet," Spock said curtly. "You may begin grading the quizzes."

Miss Kalomi made eye contact for approximately .6 seconds before biting her lip and returning to work.

Spock found it inevitable, even logical, that he would compare his new aide to his former aide. Though Nyota was the best student Spock had ever taught, Cadet Kalomi was also near the top of her class and had earned high marks in Advanced Phonology as taught in autumn 2256 by Professor Arturo.

Cadet Kalomi was more than qualified to assist with the course. Despite the cadet's obvious competence, however, the dull ache under Spock's ribs refused to subside. He missed the precision and grace of Nyota's speech as she easily replicated complex xenophonemes. He missed the innocent way her tongue would dart out to wet her top lip while she graded papers. He missed her habit of absently humming choral pieces while they walked to lunch together.

He loved Nyota's wit, her beautiful determination, her ability and willingness to debate him point for point (occasionally even pointing out a flaw in his logic)...

Truly, she was irreplaceable.

Cadet Kalomi had so far heeded his orders with shyly averted eyes and small smiles. Spock appreciated that Miss Kalomi's quiet nature did not distract from his work, but he found himself yearning for Nyota's lively company.

Logic no longer offered Spock the serenity it had before. Nyota had made him happy for the first time in his life, and he could not be satisfied with mere consolation.

In her absence his efficiency had decreased by fifteen percent. Allowing this inefficiency to continue would be illogical.


Nyota sat on her bed finishing her Advanced Andorian homework for the coming Thursday. It was only Sunday afternoon, but with her extra time now that she was no longer Spock's aide - officially or unofficially - Nyota had been able to throw herself wholeheartedly into her schoolwork.

Gaila, as always, heard the needs she couldn't voice. She'd left a note telling Nyota that she'd gone grocery shopping in the city, which Nyota knew would mean the ingredients for Nyota's favorite dishes from home.

The door chimed. "Forget your key, Gay?" she called.

"May I enter?" said a masculine voice over the comm.

Nyota's heart pounded instinctively, and she tried to calm her breathing. Why had he come here? They were able to conduct their research perfectly adequately over messages.

She realized he was still waiting for her response. At a loss, she palmed open the door.

Spock's face might have seemed stoic to someone who didn't know him, but Nyota was surprised to note a small crease in his forehead and a slight downturn of his lips.

Her anger returned all at once.

'Please forward me a list of qualified replacements by the end of the weekend.' His tone sliced into her like an ice-cold blade.

He had no right to miss her.

"Permission to speak freely, sir?" she said bitterly.

Spock nodded, an unfamiliar expression on his face.

"Who do you think you are?" she demanded in a quiet voice.

Regret flit over his features. "I have made a mistake," he said.

"Damn right you have," she snapped. She expected him to leave then, but he didn't.

"I was not referring to my decision to come here," he clarified.

Oh.

Not that it matters.

She stared him down. "What could you possibly have to say to me?"

"Nyota," he said in a soft voice. "I find your absence most unpleasant."

She shook her head. She wouldn't let herself feel sorry for him. "You know, I never would have imagined you could be so cruel. I didn't expect you to return my feelings, but you didn't even acknowledge them," she spat. "How's Leila working out for you? I hope she doesn't fall for you, too."

"Nyota," Spock said hesitantly. "I miss you greatly. I do not wish to..." He pursed his lips. "I do not wish to lose you."

"You already have," she said with finality. This was over. Her decision to cut off all unnecessary contact had been healthy for her. His cold reaction two weeks ago had only confirmed that.

Spock drew in a sharp breath, as if she had punched him. He looked stricken. "Regardless, I... Nyota, I find that words are inadequate. Please. Let me show you." He extended two long fingers between them, pleading with her.

Nyota had never seen him so vulnerable. Her resolve weakened.

Slowly, she brought her fingers up and touched them to his.

Immediately, painful loss washed into her mind like freezing water. She jerked her fingers away in shock and clutched at her right side, choking for air.

"I apologize," Spock said quickly. "I miscalculated how much I should shield my emotions."

It took Nyota a moment to realize what he was telling her. She bit her lip. "Are you saying that wasn't all of it?"

Spock swallowed. "It was not," he confirmed. He seemed... ashamed.

Why would he be ashamed?

Unless...

"Show me the rest of it," Nyota said abruptly. She reached for his hand and placed it against her temple. More gently, she repeated, "Show me."

Spock searched her eyes. "If you are certain..."

"Please," she confirmed.

After a long moment, he said cautiously, "A mind meld is a deeply private exchange."

Nyota nodded her understanding and stepped aside to allow him into her room, palming the door shut behind him.

Slowly, giving her time to change her mind, Spock replaced his fingers on her meld points.

"My mind to your mind."

My thoughts to your thoughts.

An ice-cold wave of loss slammed into her, knocking her over inside the meld.

Spock caught her as she fell. His fingers were hot against the bare skin of her arm, and a torrent of emotion swirled around them.

All at once Nyota was submerged in dark water that bubbled as if alive. It was black and red-orange like a hot iron - a liquid feeling of longing, of claiming, around her and inside her and filling the deepest corners of both their minds.

She could not breathe.

Spock's fear and shame floated around them like motes of dust. He forced them aside, but she knew how much he was sacrificing to show her this. Nyota felt his tenderness as he held her close.

She opened her eyes in her room and realized that she was crying. "How were you able to hide such strong emotions?"

"In the end," Spock said simply, "I could not bear to."

A sob came from her throat. She projected joy through their contact to reassure him.

"Your happiness would seem to imply that you have accepted my apology," he said tentatively.

Nyota smiled through her tears and nodded. "Before I forgive you, I must point out that you were a fool," she said as she stepped fully into him, reaching her arms under his and grasping his shoulders.

Spock drew her close, inhaling deeply. Nyota pulled back slightly to look at him, and he held her eyes for a moment before his gaze dropped to her lips. After so long resisting him, she found she couldn't restrain herself anymore.

They came together without hesitation. Spock's arm slipped around her waist, and with his free hand he cupped her face, holding her close. They fit like she'd always known they would. It was simple, and it seared her straight to her soul.

"I've wanted to do this for three years," she admitted between kisses, brushing her thumb over his cheekbone.

Spock pulled the hair at her neckline and tipped her backward to deepen their kiss. Nyota moaned.

She was astonished to feel his lips curve into a wicked grin. "So have I."


A/N: We're almost to the end now. Reviews will make me more driven to finish before my break is finished! As always, I respond to all signed reviews, even thumbs-up or thumbs-down.

For those of you who didn't catch the canon reference, Leila Kalomi is from a wonderfully Spock-centric episode of The Original Series called "This Side of Paradise." When I was first writing this fic, I watched many Spock-centric episodes to help me get into his head. Spock's relationship with Leila made me wonder why Spock Prime had been able to resist Leila in the prime timeline while alternate Spock was unable to resist Nyota in what I imagine to be a very similar situation.

If you've seen the episode, please let me know what you think of my take on Leila/Spock!

I love praise, but constructive criticism makes my day, too - I'm continually editing chapters I've already posted, so I really appreciate it! (I never post an unedited chapter, but chapters 5-7 have had less last-minute beta work than chapters 1-4 because I've been hurrying to post.)