All was silent in the room for a few moments. Olivia stared at Elliot, taking a sip of her coffee while Elliot stared at Olivia. Izzie, who'd been reading one of her favorite books, looked up. The man who stood in front of her mother didn't look familiar to her, at all, and that's when Izzie got defensive and protective of the only family she had left. With that, Izzie cleared her throat, and two sets of eyes looked her way.
"I'm sorry," Izzie said, marking her place in her book and closing it. That's when she looked at Elliot. He seemed kind enough, like he cared for her mother. Izzie knew they knew each other, probably from work, but Izzie didn't know him. That's when the seven-year-old looked up at the man standing near her bed. "Who are you?"
Elliot looked at Olivia, his brow raised. He thought that after the night before, Olivia would've explained her work and her colleagues to her little girl. But then, she was probably so sick at the Precinct that she didn't notice anybody else. He stepped next to her bed, holding out his hand. "Elliot Stabler."
Izzie smiled, shaking his hand, trying to search her mind for any memory or recognition of this man. She found none. "Elizabeth Benson-Russell. But, everybody calls me Izzie."
Olivia smiled sadly, but hid it. She thought it cute that Izzie hyphenated her name when she didn't have to. Legally, her last name was Russell, but since she started school, she used Benson along with it, since she still had her mother. The unbidden memory of her husband struck at her, but she did her best to push it away, and succeeded...for now.
Finally, with everything feeling more comfortable and less awkward, Elliot took a seat and pulled it over to sit beside of Olivia, who was at the head of the hospital bed. Elliot was placed more towards the middle, looking at the little girl who was the exact replica of his partner. "You know, I have a daughter named Elizabeth?"
Izzie's eyes went wide. "You do? Is she my age?"
Elliot chuckled. "No, she's twelve. She goes by 'Lizzie,' and I'm sure she would like to visit you, sometime." He didn't add that all of his kids adored Olivia, whom they called their "aunt." He didn't add that because this wasn't the time to make Olivia or Izzie feel bad. He could tell that something was up, what with the IV in Izzie's hand and the tubes that led to the plastic bags filled with fluids. He could tell there was a severity in her diagnosis, but now was not the time to question it. He decided to change the subject, to keep her mind off of her illness, whatever it was. "So, how old are you?"
Izzie smiled. "Seven. Well, almost seven-and-a-half...next month," she replied with a sheepish smile, causing Elliot to laugh.
Olivia, sitting right beside her, couldn't help but to look over at her and smile. Her daughter usually wasn't this outgoing with someone she didn't know. The school she went to was private, paid by her father's inheritance to her, and while there were a lot of kids who attended there, Izzie didn't really have any friends that she spoke of. Actually, on more than one occasion, Olivia had been called to the school over Izzie getting into a fight because some of the kids had made fun of her. Olivia was planning on pulling her out after this year, but she'd have to see about that, now. More than likely, she'd be tutored at the hospital or at home for the next few weeks...or months, depending on how she responded to the treatments, and maybe things would change for her, after that. Olivia could only hope.
But, seeing now how she was interacting with Elliot, made her feel guilty. She had her reasons, but she should've introduced her daughter at least to Elliot, before now.
Ruining the moment, nurse Rhonda came in with an orderly who was pushing a wheelchair. Izzie went rigid, and Olivia reached over and held her hand. What did they want with her daughter, now?
"Izzie, this is James," Rhonda said, introducing the orderly. "He's going with me to take you to the chemotherapy room, for your first treatment."
Olivia groaned inwardly. It was only Izzie's second day here. On the brighter side, her daughter might be home soon. But she cringed when she thought about how they couldn't give her an extra day before starting her treatments.
Izzie reached over to her mother. "Do I have to go?" she asked. Olivia could tell she was trying to be brave, but saw distinctive tears in her eyes."
"I'm sorry honey," Olivia replied, trying not to cry, herself. "But I'll come with you."
Rhonda reached her hand up to stop Olivia from standing up. "I'm sorry, but it's best for Izzie to go through this alone. We'll bring her right back after her treatments, but she does need to go alone. It's her disease, not yours."
Olivia felt anger boil inside, and she about punched that woman's lights out. The same nurse who'd been so nice earlier.
Elliot, looking to Olivia, knew she was about to blow a gasket, and he held his hand out to stop her. "She'll be back. And I'll wait with you," he said, taking her hand into his. Olivia wondered if that was by instinct or so he could definitely grab her if she did try to stand up.
Finally, after taking a few deep breaths, Olivia nodded. She only stood to give her daughter a hug and a kiss. She picked Izzie up and walked her to the wheelchair. James started to protest, but Olivia glared at him, like she would attack if he spoke. James looked to Rhonda, who silently nodded her head.
As the duo rolled Izzie out of the room, Olivia knew she could never forget her daughter's pleading and sad eyes looking to her, as if she would burst out crying at any moment. And, Olivia had to admit, she felt like doing the same thing at that very moment.
After being told that chemo treatments lasted for at least two hours, Elliot was finally able to coax Olivia out of her daughter's hospital room. After getting a couple of coffees, they strolled out of the hospital and onto the grounds, which looked more like land from The Secret Garden rather than a New York hospital.
They walked to a veranda across the way, which had an inside porch. They both went in and sat at a table Olivia sipped her coffee, not knowing what to say. She couldn't get her mind off of Izzie and the way she'd been treated. Even though it technically was "procedure" around that damn place, it wasn't anything normal to her daughter.
After a few moments of silence, Elliot finally spoke. "What type of cancer does she have?"
Olivia cringed at that word. It sounded dirty to her, even though it was just an illness. "Leukemia. Acute lymphocytic leukemia." She shivered, even though they were inside. Elliot saw this, and reached over and rubbed her shoulder. He knew she wasn't cold. She just didn't want to come to the actual terms of her little girl being sick. He couldn't blame her. He'd be the same way if he was in her position.
"I'm sorry," Elliot replied softly, taking her hand into his.
Olivia looked up at him, wide-eyed. He'd always been her best friend, and in some ways she felt like she'd let him down. "Why are you sorry, El? None of this is your fault. Hell, you didn't even know about her until last..." she trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence. She didn't want to bring it up at all, and yet a slip of the tongue had made it rear it's ugly head. If Olivia could've kicked herself, she would've.
Elliot looked at Olivia as she bowed her head. He thought she might cry, although he didn't sense that she was. He rubbed her back, allowing her a few moments of thought. Finally, he asked her so softly, "why, Olivia? Why didn't we know about her? Why didn't I know about her?"
Everything had come full circle. Olivia looked up, seeing only a few people in the veranda...patients, mostly, she assumed. She took a deep, staggering breath in, letting it out slowly.
Well, she thought, sighing. Here goes nothing. After hiding the truth for all these years, she now had to tell someone. Her partner, to beat it all. She'd just found out the night before that her precious little girl had cancer, and now she was having to drudge up the past after being a coward so many years ago. She knew that this day would come...she just wished that it wasn't today. But she knew it had to be.
Olivia felt tears brim in her eyes as she finally looked over at Elliot, seeing the hurt and pain on his face, once more. It was enough to break her heart. But she had to be strong and stand tall. She kept telling herself that she'd have to let the cat out of the bag at some point...why not today?
Olivia just wished that the conversation could've taken place under any other circumstance than this.
