1Belladonna
By: Fearless_Dranzer
Chapter 2 - Something Velveteen
I reclined back in my chair and it groaned out a warning, it probably wouldn't even hold my meager weight if I kept abusing it. Sesshoumaru regarded me quietly. I was lightly touching the petals of the flower he'd given to me and thinking, 'he loves me, he loves me not'. When I reached the last petal I smiled up at him. I could never bring myself to get to the end of that childish game. It was a given that half of the time my heart was going to be broken anyway.
We talked for hours and by 'we', I meant myself. Sesshoumaru wasn't much of a talker, he was the silent type but I knew that he was a good listener and cared about what I had to say. Never once did it come to me that I should ask him why he hung out in such an old decrepit building, but we were teenagers and teenagers do a lot of things for the hell of it. God knows I do.
We talked about classes and my friends, he said he didn't really have any friends and I left it at that. He asked me about school and college and I told him everything.
"Well I'm kinda nervous about college, but isn't everyone? I mean it's a big step in your life towards your future, towards your job and everything else. I just don't want to screw it up... I mean what if I'm one of those kids who totally burns out after high school and I fail outta college or something?" I started ranting and waving my hands around.
He laughed a laugh deep in his throat that made me shiver. "Kagome, trust me, someone who cares as much as you do about your future and school could never do something like that. You're a good person Kagome; you won't just throw your life away."
He wasn't prone to long speeches and I treasured that one for a few seconds before saying "Thank you." We continued to sit in silence, a comfortable silence as I stared into space and he played with a few of his flowers. "What about you? What about your future? College? A wife? Kids?" I asked.
He rolled lazy eyes over to look at me and their molten gold hue sent my heart a blaze. Beauty like that had to be the work of an angel. Or the devil. He just shook his head. "I'll go into the family business." Short, sweet and to the point. I knew I'd have to drag a conversation out of him.
"'The family business'?" I echoed.
"Nothing interesting; a corporate CEO, a desk job, a whiny secretary." He listed a few things nonchalantly but my jaw had already hit the floor.
"A CEO? Damn your family must be rich. Why do you hang out in a dump like this?" I asked, my face overrun by confusion.
"Sometimes I like to get away from it and be nobody. I like to wander the streets and take it all in." I knew what he meant, he liked to be anonymous, he liked to pretend he fit in for a little while at least. I knew exactly how I felt and I swear to God my heart stopped beating.
I never felt quite at home when I was in school, I always felt like I was pretending to be someone I wasn't. Pretending to be smart, to be athletic, or care about the nonsense girls my age are concerned about. There had to be something more out there than Tokyo U. I had to be something more than Tokyo U.
"I think I understand." I said simply. Sesshoumaru needed no extending explanation. If I said I understood, well, I understood. If he wanted to continue on with the conversation he would but I doubted it. In the short time I'd come to know him I knew Sesshoumaru wasn't one for talking or having philosophical conversations. And I was happy about that.
We could be friends without knowing everything about each other. I'd know him for a few bare days and already it had felt like a lifetime. This was true friendship, how we could sit here in silence and how we never really had to explain ourselves. In Sesshoumaru, I had found another part of myself.
"Here." He said and he handing me a flower chain that I slipped over my head. It rested peacefully on my sternum and throat, almost like it belonged there. But I didn't dwell on it for too long, a quick glance at my watch told me it was time to go home.
"I have to go." I said.
He nodded in response and gave a slight wave of his elegantly long fingers, entwined in a flower stem. I waved back and grinned at him as I got up and walked away. Some how it felt like I was leaving a piece of myself behind; I wanted to run back, grab it, and take it with me. I knew what I had left behind—it was Sesshoumaru. I looked back over my shoulder but he had already disappeared in the gloom behind me and as I moved steadily to the door I realized how morbid and depressed my surroundings were without him. Granted it was an abandoned building, but it still felt old and drained without him. Suddenly I realized I felt the same way.
Suddenly, I was old, drained and depressed. My black hair, once long and flowing, clung to my skull lifelessly. My blue eyes were dulled with age and my fingers stiff with life lost. My body felt limp and heavy, like a weight was hanging around my neck. I wanted to shout out for help but it was like I was trapped in my own body, held down by a weight sitting on my chest. Every breath burned and putting one foot in front of the other was like moving a mountain. My arthritic hands fumbled with the door knob and my knees shook like twigs. This place was killing me.
Somehow I managed to twist the doorknob and fling the door open. Moist city air blasted my face, filling my lungs with pollution, the most delicious breath I ever taken. Every time I gasped in that foul air I could feel my body becoming stronger and reclaiming its former shape. My legs strengthen and my hair shone, my eyes glowed and my hands held steady like an unmovable force of nature.
I hurried away from that damned building as fast as I could because I knew with absolute absurdity that it was trying to kill me.
When the bus finally came I dragged myself up its steps and sank down into an unoccupied seat, cradling my head in my hands I had to face the fact that what had just happened must have been my mind playing tricks on me. Buildings don't try to kill people. I fingered a delicate blossom as my mind tried to work things out. The deep purple of the petals brought out the color of my eyes and gave my neck a violet hue. But to everyone else on the bus it was like I was invisible and I allowed myself to sink down in safety and exhaustion threatened to overwhelm me. The bus screeched to a halt at my bus stop and I was forced to leave my sanctuary and venture out into uncertainty.
Once inside I nodded a greeting to my family and continue on upstairs without stopping for dinner; claiming I have too much home work and I'd eat later. With a thud and a sigh I seat myself down at my desk and pull all my books out. I swear the weight of the world was on my shoulders, I was so exhausted that I felt like an extra from Dawn of the Dead. I stared at my chemistry homework until the formulas and chemicals swirled before my eyes.
– School the next day –
I scowled as I straightened the front of my uniform; I had managed to fall asleep while doing my homework and somehow woke up at four a.m. and struggled to finish it. Earlier my eyes had threatened to close but I had managed to pump enough green tea into my system that I was wired better than a hard drive. My friends waved to me from across the hallway and I plastered a fake smile on my face, I didn't feel like telling them about my strange life. That would make everything sound too realistic. At least my days sounded somewhat normal in my own mind.
"Kagome! Kagome! Wait up!" A voice yelled from behind me and judging from the deepness it had to be a boy. I turned off to the side and allowed a current of students to stream past me until Hojo caught up to me, carried by the crushing tide. I jumped in beside him and we were both swept away. Hojo was smart and athletic; he was also cute, but only in a friendly-nice way. I could never picture being his girlfriend and after a while he realized that I was only willing to be friends. Luckily he was okay with it and settled on some new girlfriend who was probably a lot better for him than I could ever be.
He smiled at me; soft and pleasant. He was always sweet enough to make my teeth hurt. Seriously, everybody needs a Hojo; he was my partner in crime, my Bonnie to his Clyde. Too bad the worst we'd ever done was sneak into an 'R'–movie. "Are you ready for the Calculus test today?" He asked pleasantly.
"Huh?" Real smooth...
"The Calc test Kagome! You know, Rurumi-sama has only been reviewing for it for the last three days?" He laughed as he spoke but my heart stopped cold.
"Oh shit!" I groaned.
Hojo had pity in his eyes as he realized at the same time I did, that I'd forgotten all about the test and hadn't studied at all. "Don't worry about it Kagome! You're so smart and besides we've got five periods until the test, that's more than enough time to study." He tried his hardest to consol, bless his heart.
I moaned. "Yeah, I guess so." I sighed and he glanced at me sympathetically.
"Don't worry Kagome, if you do badly – which I doubt – there's always the midterm that'll replace one grade. And this is just one test, I'm sure it won't effect your average. You'll still have a good mid-year report to give Tokyo U." He's just made of sugar isn't he?
"Hojo, what did I ever do to get such a good friend as you?" I laughed and he blushed and stammered.
I rushed off to my first class as the bell rang and Hojo waved good-bye. I slid into my seat as the teacher came in and started doing roll call for home room. With a sigh I pulled my math notebook out after waving hello to a few friends and acquaintances. I shook my hands out and proceeded to spend the next six periods in a blur of Calculus. By 7th period I was dead and English and French were spent trying to recover from the beating studying had given me. I sighed as the final bell rang, I may have aced my Calc test but I had managed to blow off every other class I was in today. With the way I was paying attention, I might as well have skipped. It would've saved my teachers the time of checking me in during roll call.
I waved weakly to a few friends and didn't stop to chat; I had to hurry off to prep class had they had all their sports and clubs to participate in. Could you blame me if my good-byes were tinted with jealousy?
Before catching the bus to my class I stopped by a drink machine and bought myself a few more green teas, it was going to be a long day.
Sitting on the bus I took a few shallow sips of my tea, waiting for the caffeine to hit me when I started thinking about Sesshoumaru. Strangely, I hadn't thought about him once today until that moment, my life had been ruled by Calculus. Should I go see him? I really don't have the time too. I blew off every class today, so I have some studying to catch up on...but studying can wait. I do have book I have to read for English but I've already read most of it and bet most people in the class won't read more that the first chapter. Why should I have to do more work than them? Oh right, because I want to go to Tokyo U.
Someone should shove a big stick up Tokyo U's ass and twist it. Too bad Tokyo U would probably enjoy it. Once more I seriously thought about ditching Sesshoumaru for today, but I knew I couldn't. I'd only known him for two days and he was almost like a complete stranger, but somehow, our souls melded together. Yin to yang, we were light and dark. As I stared at a murky alley way I wondered who was which.
– Prep Class –
I stared at the clock and willed it to move faster. No good. Obviously my mental telepathy wasn't strong enough yet. I'll have to hone my skills. The teacher won't stop talking about nonsense in a nasally voice that makes it sound like he has a permanent cold. He's writing a sentence in English down on the board but I've already translated it and I look around at the other suckers in class with me.
One kid has his headphones blaring and I'm not sure how the teacher can't hear it himself. Another girl has been fastidiously applying make-up to the same area of her face for the past twenty minutes and I'm certain the creeper in back of me has been snoring since before the class even started. Why do I bother? There are only three other girls in the class and there as shallow as a shower. The deepest they've probably ever thought was 'blue or purple shirt'? People are stupid.
The other kids in my class that are actually paying attention are boys. Nerdy boys. They've all got glasses and most still have acne and braces and I'm quite certain a few of them may have skipped a grade or two. One kid is by no means a senior; he looks like he's five. And they all sit there with the same glazed look on their eyes as they struggle with English tenses and phrases. I on the other hand, had learned perfect English from my father who often traveled to America and England for business. If he could hear me owning these kids he'd be proud.
For the umpteenth time, I found my thoughts wandering to a certain silver-haired someone. I sighed quite audibly, but not even the teacher looked at me. Making up my mind I raised my hand and asked to go to the bathroom. There was still half-an-hour left of class but I was burnt. I put my notebook in my back and placed my mechanical pencil into its place before snapping my messenger bag shut and carrying my textbooks out. No one even glanced my way. As the door closed behind me, I drifted off down the hall way. There was no one to follow me; I took prep classes at one of the community colleges located sporadically around the city. They were pleasant enough places with pleasant enough students and pleasant enough teachers, but I was looking for something more. Where was the pizzazz?
Would I be forced to live my life out as an actress on a forever-darkened stage? As I walked down the street I contemplated what I really wanted from life and my thoughts kept going in circles. I soon got dizzy and let my thoughts wander to more interesting subjects.... yes, like Sesshoumaru.
Even when I thought about him my heart thudded and sped up, my breathing got shallow and my cheeks flushed. Was this teenage puppy love? Or was this infatuation? Or even... obsession? In my heart I knew it was probably just a crush, but I let my girl hormones run wild as I pictured myself as a 1950's American housewife and Sesshoumaru as my 1950's America working-husband. I just couldn't picture him yelling out 'Honey, I'm home!'. Yeah, my two and a half kids, white picket fence dream definitely wasn't happening.
I stopped outside the old building and stared up at its empty windows, darkened with soot and time. The behemoth that stood before me was old and run-down and still so powerful. Warily I touched the wood door; I'm not sure what I expected to happen. But I reassured myself and opened the door before walking in. When it closed behind me, it effectively cut me off from the outside world and sunlight, I unconsciously shuddered. But buildings don't try to kill you.
Deep down I felt terrible about cutting out early on my prep class but I managed to distract my mind from my guilt by trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to learn anything I didn't know anyway. Besides who could pay attention to English when half-naked Sesshoumaru's were leaping in flower fields in your daydreams? What straight red-blooded girl could ignore that I ask you?
It was terribly dark inside the building away from the streetlights that were just beginning to come on. My shoes crunched on something and I was too crossed out to even try to figure out what. In a big city like this you learn not to always look so close at what you walk on. I mean, come on, those city streets are disgusting, take my advice and don't look at them anymore than you have to.
The sweet smell of flowers filled the air and I almost tripped over a box that was hidden in shadows, I left out a soft grunt as my shins collided with something hard. Ouch. "Sesshoumaru?" I called, my voice holding only a small whimper of pain. I rubbed my shin and tried to will away the tears forming in my eyes.
Suddenly a hand grabbed my arm and I almost gasped but Sesshoumaru's white hair glowing in the darkness identified him as a friend. "Are you alright?" He asked in his deep baritone voice, his eyes holding concern as he examined my shin. It wasn't like he could even see anything anyway; my leg warmers covered my leg from below my knee to my ankles.
"I'm fine." I said with a laugh, not willing to let him see my weakness. I brushed off my shin and he loosened his hold on my arm. He didn't look like he believed me and I knew I didn't sound very convincing. I also knew that by tomorrow morning I'd have one helluva bruise. Oh well. No one would care anyway.
We moved back into the building and when I stumbled in the darkness, Sesshoumaru looked back and took my hand. The blood rushed to my cheeks but he couldn't tell in the darkness and I was grateful. There was no need to look like a blushing pre-teen around a guy. I could see a lantern lighting up a large area towards the back of the building. And suddenly I was confused. He hung out in an old decaying building, growing flowers and making tea. But how the hell did he make the tea when there was definitely no stove in here or electricity. I was about to ask him how he pulled off his tricks when he spoke first for once.
"I won't be here for the weekend." Oh God, my heart dropped past my stomach into a dark part of myself and it felt like there was an internal emptiness growing and consuming my soul. With that one sentence it felt like he was killing me and my brain was so fried I didn't even start crying. I just had a vacant look on my face and I felt my eyes burn, but no tears spilled. I looked at him and I knew my expression was angry, but he was completely emotionless twirling a deep purple flower between his thumb and forefinger. As if he could sense my soul's demise, he placed the flower gently behind my ear, tucking it into my hair.
My breath caught in my throat and for a second his hand lingered more than was necessary and I thought he might kiss me. Instead he let his hand drop and I gazed down at my feet feeling foolish. A guy like him would never like a girl like me. First of all I'm a nerd and no guy wants a nerdy girl. Second, he's rich and I come from a struggling family, my only way out being college. Third, he was like a god and I was just mortal.
"Do you have a girlfriend?" I blurted out, not thinking and immediately I was embarrassed.
He laughed at my stupidity, but it was an endearing chuckle. "No, I do not."
"How come?" I asked, now I was curious.
"No one has interested me enough." He replied simply with a shrug of his shoulders and I let the conversation drop. I wasn't a very interesting person anyway.
Instead I went back to a topic that was sure to make me upset. "Why won't you be here?" I asked softly.
He looked away and his expression hardened. "My family is having a meeting." He moved his fingers in the air making quotation marks around meeting.
"A meeting?" I asked, prompting him.
"It's hard to explain. It's like a business meeting between members of my family. We're all involved in different enterprises under the same company name, a company run by my father, so we – my brother, father and I – have to check up on them." He rubbed his eyes and temples.
"You don't like the family business?" I asked.
"I don't really care about the family business. Sometimes it's interesting and sometimes it isn't." He ran his hand through his hair, frustrated. "It's my brother that drives me mad."
"You have a brother?" I asked shocked, he had never mentioned a brother.
"A little, half-brother. Quite a nuisance."
"Aw, he sounds adorable a little Sesshoumaru! What is he five?"
"Eighteen."
Ew... nice one Kagome, I'm sure he's adorable and eighteen year old and you think he's five! Great! Jeez, his little brother's older than I am... "How old are you?" I asked, dreading an answer.
"Nineteen."
"Oh," My mind did the math. About a year between there births but pregnancies lasted eight months or more... so less than half a year between conception...and his mother died when he was young...what a tangled web we weave.
Maybe he could see the thoughts on my face or maybe he just figured I'd ask anyway. "My father cheated on my mother before I was born. She died during childbirth and he remarried less than a month later."
Oh God. "I'm sorry." I said. My father was dead but so far as I knew, my mom hadn't even gone on another date with a man. She always claimed it was true love and that nothing could break that kind of love even in death. I could understand now Sesshoumaru's annoyance at his brother and his negative attitude towards his stepmother. A woman dying during childbirth was so ridiculously uncommon in this day and age that Sesshoumaru's mother's death was almost like a one in a million chance. It almost seemed like his father had tried to replace one mother with another.
"I guess I can see why you don't really like your family so much." I said.
He nodded. "My father acts like my mother never existed and my stepmother is a bleeding heart who tries to hard. Inuyasha... Inuyasha is a pain, useless and waste of breathe." Ok, so maybe he didn't dislike his brother—it was better to say his heart burned with hatred over his brother. On that I couldn't really relate, I loved Souta.
"He's the favorite isn't he?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Inuyasha, he was your dad's favorite." I said simply and even though he said nothing in response I knew it was true, Sesshoumaru who was so perfect and aloof was dying from lack of attention from his father.
From looking at Sesshoumaru one could tell he was a perfectionist and had the makings of a shrew and cunning businessman. He had the athletic build of a distance runner and the wiry strength of someone who didn't back down in a fight. Any dad would love a son like him, calm, collected and level-headed but somehow Sesshoumaru's father turned a blind eye. Sesshoumaru's perfection could only be the result of years of determination that came from jealousy. I shook my head sadly.
We sat in silence and he gazed off into a dark corner before I spoke once more and changed the conversation. "It's too bad you won't be here this weekend. I was hoping maybe we could hang out."
He shrugged his shoulder. "There is always next weekend, but what about your studies?"
Now it was my turn to shrug. "I have all weekend to work on that." Yeah, I just won't sleep. "Maybe we could go to the movies."
He smiled mysteriously, "We'll see," was all he said.
I looked down and checked my watch; it was almost time to catch the bus. I smiled wistfully at him and he knew it was that time of the day. I picked up my bags and books and waved. "Stupid bus." I said and he waved back and I left, quietly picking my way through the debris towards the front door.
"Good bye belladonna." He called to me and my heart swelled.
Once the circle of light left me I almost felt crushed by the darkness and turned around to ask Sesshoumaru to help my but he wasn't there. There was no lantern there anymore. There was nothing and my heart pounded and I let out a strangled moan. I hate this building. And that bastard, never here when I need him.
Yeah, I found it strange that he had packed up all his crap and high-tailed it outta there in a second but then again I didn't doubt the man's talent. I'm pretty certain if anyone had secret hidden ninja skills, it would be Sesshoumaru.
Somehow I managed to find my way out of that labyrinth and made my way to the streets of Tokyo. The bus was pulling up by the time I got to the stop, which was a good thing. Even in Tokyo, it gets dangerous at night. Every city has the same problems, even a city as techno-savvy as ours. We still have gangs running around; you especially have to watch out for them in this part of town. You have your occasional criminal, but usually its gang-related issues. But I'd never had an issue with any gangs, and they weren't a problem at my school.
I got on the bus and sat down towards the back and as the hulking metal behemoth pulled away with a sputter of acrid smoke I chanced a look back, over my shoulder and the old building. It was dark and empty with no sign of life.
Deep in my mind worry festered and I wondered about Sesshoumaru. I liked him that was for sure, but he was strange and I felt totally comfortable with him. I felt like we had been friends for years instead of just days. I flashed back to when he said he'd be leaving me and I shuddered. I could barely bare the thought of him leaving me for just a few days. This was definitely obsession.
But I didn't care.
End Chapter 2
Author's note : OK, so it's starting to take shape and we're noticing the strange relationship Kagome has gotten herself into. But remember in this story nothing is what it seems. Seeing isn't everything.
I apologize for the gaps between updates, I'm in very hard classes and I do a sport every season, so let's just leave it at that I don't have a lot of free time to spare.
Thanks to my beta reader, Dyn Rite! She really is amazing!
