Gosh, has it been that long since I've updated? Football season's kept me busy, along with all this homework. And okay, sleeping. But FINALLY I got a free moment to write this (even though I should be working on my biology) and I can only hope I haven't lost all my fans yet. Thank you so much for my chapter four reviewers: Zireael07, AnnyP, Laura-Isabel, lolchika21, PrincessLazyPants, Bucky5, rainbowspring, and, of course, lilbunny98.

And now, the story(:

Disclaimer: I'm not the creative genius behind Harry Potter, as much as I'd like to be (I'd also like to be able to truthfully say that I invented Toaster Strudels, Itunes, Pop Tarts, the wheel, flip flops, paper, and nail polish, but my claim to fame is how many reviews I have on .)

Astoria could not speak Chinese. Or pull off a somewhat understandable game of charades. And apparently she couldn't even read a map.

"Honestly Teddy, I could have swore we were suppose to go to the right," they were standing in the shade, Astoria biting her lip and scowling at the paper in front of her, and Teddy trying to block out the dull headache of sounds- animals and clinking money and all the words he didn't understand. "Well," he looked up to a smirking Aunt Tori-"Let's try the left this time, shall we?"

"And then, the curse hits Harry, making his hair go all washoo-" Ron held up his hands, food falling out of his mouth, and flung them wildly around his head-"so then I had to get em, course, but no one thought to tell me that there was one behind the crate of dried bat wings!" Ginny laughed, clutching her stomach. Harry didn't see what was so funny about over exaggeration. He clearly remembered that Ron had succeeded in deflecting the curse off of himself onto himself, and then succeeding in firing off a dozen crazy curses and knocking over the crate of jellied eyes.

"I'm hungry," Ron stopped mid sentence, hands in the air, as Hermonie looked up pointedly from her book (which was propped on her swelling stomach), raising her eyebrows at him. Ron looked around nervously, tugging at his collar, then thrust his plate of fried-well, fried meat, Harry wasn't exactly sure on the particular animal it came from, and wasn't sure he wanted to know- in her face. She wrinkled up her nose, emitting what Harry could've swore was a legitimate growl from the back of her throat.

"Not for your leftovers, Ronald, honestly, all I want is a snack! That's all! Just a snack!" shes shrieked at the end. Beads of sweat lined Ron's hairline. Harry was enjoying himself more than he thought he would.

"Um, dear, what exactly did you, erm, have in mind?" Ron choked out. A pleasant look suddenly came over her face.

"Key lime pie," she drawled in a dreamy voice. Harry kept his eye on her, trying to make sure they weren't fixing to be whisked away to some foreign place as his brother in-law scrambled out of his seat and into the kitchen to try and find some Key Lime pie. He chucked, remembering the time when Ginny had been pregnant with James and had been craving pineapple, and they ended up on this beach-oh merlin.

He swore, then stood suddenly, nearly knocking over the coffee table. Ginny and Hermonie placed their hands on their stomachs, looking horrified, as if the babies had heard them and were committing the word to memory.

"Harry James Potter! What on earth-"

"Ginny," He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, "what if I told you your godson could be halfway around the world at this very moment with only a crazed Malfoy to watch after him?"

Yep. He was definitely sleeping on the couch tonight.

Teddy was hungry. And tired. And hot. And wanted to go h- no, not home. Nothing was worse than Pregnant Crazy Ginny, not even this. No, he would be content with going back to Malfoy Manor.

"Merlin!" Aunt Tori groaned. Apparently, he wasn't the only one who was sick of China. "I guess it's time to go home. I hate to leave already, but..." she sighed, Teddy practically drooling at the thought.

"Oh, look!" now it was Teddy's turn to sigh. Of course they couldn't leave now, fate despised him and his 9 year old self. "Teddy! Do you see that vase that man has?" Astoria was gripping his arm, whispering and nodding toward a dirty red building, where a man wearing gloves and a hat carried a vase inside. Teddy grudgingly admitted that it was a pretty vase; with swirls of gold and silver intertwined and snaking around the pastel background. He vaguely wondered why a man who was obviously trying to stay undetected, with the whole black-gloves-black-hat-stay-in-the-shadows-no-eye-contact thing (hey, you didn't grow up around Harry Potter and not learn a thing or two) was carrying it around.

"Maybe it's a market!" Aunt Tori's green eyes lit up with hope as she beamed. "Maybe this day will get better, Teddy dear!"

Harry would be lucky to sleep on the couch tonight. At the rate he was going, he was going to end up outside. In the Forbidden Forest. Alone. For a week. In December. Without a wand.

"So you're telling me that our godson-who you gave to the Malfoy's, for Merlin's sake-could be anywhere at all in the world, and there's not a thing we can do except wait?" Ginny's own wand was twitching in her hands, her eyes narrow and beady looking. She reminded him of that Hungarian Horntail for a moment (he half expected her to breath fire). That wasn't good.

"Erm...Yes?" he said, already backing up.

"Wait, so all this happened because Astoria got a craving for something?" Ron looked warily at Hermonie, who was happily eating her Key Lime Pie. Harry bitterly hope it was worth his happiness. She looked up at him, as if she heard his thoughts, and smiled pleasantly, shoving a forkful into her mouth. Apparently, it was.

Too late he looked up at Ginny. Her eye twitched dangerously, then she lunged. Armadillo postion Potter. Armadillo armadillo armadillo armadillo armadillo arma-

"Boss?" Ginny smoothly rolled off of him, leaving Harry to grab ahold of the fireplace to stand up.

"Bridget?" he blinked. Standing in front of him was Bridget S., his "personal assistant" from Beverly Hills, where she had been determined to make it big ("I was yanked from my career before it began!" she had sniffled). Bridget was the stepdaughter of the Keeper for the Falmouth Falcons, and had moved a few months ago. Naturally, her stepfather had demanded she have a job, and naturally, Kingsley had deamed her "Head of the Assistant Squad to the Head Auror". Who was he kidding? Harry didn't have an assistant squad.

Bridget tugged on her hot pink bejeweled sweatshirt, the one with the matching pants (which she was currently wearing) that Harry hated with a passion ("It's Juicy!") and snapped her gum. Her curly platinum hair ("Are you sure she's not a Malfoy? Not even a distance cousin or somethin?" Ron had asked Harry suspiciously) was piled on top of her hair, and she looked irritated.

"This one's a good one Boss, I swear. I wouldn't have-paused-" She sighed as if it pained her-"the season finale of Jersey Shore if it hadn't been,". Harry blinked. She grinned, savoring the suspense. Harry thought she would have made a fine actress.

"It's for you and-" she paused, tossing a disdainful look towards Ron (she had heard the Malfoy comment and hadn't forgiven him since)-" him. It's like, all James Bond and stuff. Kay, so ya know how hard it is to smuggle dark artifacts too and from one country to another?" she grinned. "Well, this group of wizards has been doing it for years. They've made a killing," her blue eyes widened dramatically. "And they're suppose to be shipping some here. Tonight,"

Harry looked at Ron, who nodded. Then at Ginny, who rolled her eyes and huffed. Teddy could wait just a little longer; it had been months since a bust this big.

"Where is it?" he turned back to Bridget, who was inspecting her shiny nails.

"China," she replied, then Apparated.

It was definitely not a market. Teddy and Astoria were crouched behind some crates, looking at the dozens of people lurking around, packing things in boxes and muttering enchantments on things.

"Astoria," he whispered, watching as a particularly beefy man with slick hair take a handful of glittering powder out of the very vase that had tricked them into coming in, laughing quite evilly "I think we should go,"

"Good plan," she muttered back. Suddenly, all the doors swung shut, the lights dimming. "Bloody Hell," Astoria muttered, gripping Teddy's wrist.

Well, you couldn't say it was a boring day.

So about Bridget: she just came to me, and I had to write her. I was not trashing Beverly Hills or the people in it or Americans (I'm an American), it was just all in good fun, okay? So don't take it seriously.

Review please!(: