A/N: New chap! Also thought I'd mention I made some slight edits to previous chapters. I don't know why I don't update this more...


But, something was about to bother him. As he sat there, suddenly alone, he focused on the annoyingly jolly music playing in the background.

He searched the room to see a slightly overweight, scruffy looking lad playing a banjo or something of it's Old London equivalence to a woman sitting next to him on the stairs.

Seeing that Jack was in search for the one impersonating him, and that he hated overweight, scruffy, jolly, ye old banjo players - he grabbed his dagger and snuck up behind the unsuspecting man.

He pulled his back close against his chest all to make certain he had the man's undivided attention.

"Your infernal music is driving me mad," said Jack in a growl into the man's ear.

Ye Old Banjo Player gulped, "Awful rash way to come onto a man, donchya think mate?"

Jack let him go, "Don't get smart with me, son."

"Beg your pardon, sir. I ain't angry with ye! I be loved for me musical talents."

Jack smiled sweetly then, too sweetly, "Oh really, how interesting. What be your name boy?"

The man smiled, "It'd by me pleasure. The name's Scr-"

"I DON'T CARE!" Jack exclaimed touching the blade to the man's throat, "Now. Where be the bloody doppelganger?"

"Dopple who?" asked the man shooting a confused expression over his shoulder to Jack. "I know everyone in 'ere, and I ain't never herd of a mister Ganger..."

Jack bit is lip to keep from stabbing the man repeatedly in the throat, "I'm speaking of the man looking for a crew," he said each word with as much emphasis as possible.

"Oh!" gasped the player, "You mean Captain Jack Sparrow!"

Jack dropped the dagger from the man's throat, "No! Wrong! I'm – well don't you recognize me?"

Jack was accidently mistaking the 1700s as a time where wanted criminals would be accurately identifies. As if the technology existed to relay the information of his appearance across oceans.

Common mistake.

Jack walked in front of the man, who immediately started to laugh, "Ha! Is this some kind of joke!

You're dressed just like 'im!"

… Forgot the above comment.

"That's because I am him. I am Captain Jack Sparrow."

"No you ain't. I just saw Capt'n Sparrow – you certainly are not him!"

Jack rolled his eyes, "I am him!"

The man laughed again, "No. You ain't him."

This went on for an embarrassingly long time until Jack realized her could give a shit.

He looked away from Ye Old Banjo Player rolling his eyes. "What be your name?" he questioned rather uninterested.

"You mean for real this time?"

"Sure," Jack said without a hint of enthusiasm.

"Well, it's Scrum!"

"Scrum?"

"Scrum."

"Bloody hell I liked Ye Old Banjo Player better."

"Well it's a nickname. It's got a clever story behind it too!"

Sadly it is on the audience will never hear this 'clever story'.

*Audience* How will we be able to continued with our lives?

This was due to the fact that Jack caught glimpse of a familiar shadow splaying across the wall behind a crowded bar.

"See you around… or whatever," grunted Jack before walking away from Scrum and to a back room where the shadow had seemed to appear from.

As Jack walked by the bar he got many a glances from the men enjoying a mug of grog. He also acquired a few winks, countless obscene hollers and catcalls, one slap in the face from an orange haired lad, three peculiar hand gestures, and a total of eight ass grabs.

"Odd," he stated after making it through the crowd and to the entrance of the stock room.

There, in the back room Jack had cornered his Doppelganger.

Without a fuss.

Without any actual effort.

The smaller figure gazed to Jack from the other side of the room. His expression was hidden by convenient, yet eerie, shadows.

"You made this far too easy Doppelganger," Jack pulled out his sword and waved it about in front of himself, "It's almost as if you planned this… like a trick… like a ploy… like a ruse… like a—"

He frowned then, coming to the realization a bit late.

"Wait, this isn't a trap. Is it?"

The figure vanished behind a pillar swift and graceful as the prima ballerina.

"Hey, couldn't we do the whole mirror bit first? I'm absolutely positive the audience is craving—"

*Audience* NO.

"Fine," cried Jack, "Let's just do a sword fight. Nobodies f-cking sick of those things yet."

Jack skillfully chased his opponent around the pillar for a solid five minutes before the doppelganger turned the other way and confused him.

They were face to face, staring at each other. Oh but the convenient shadows were still menacingly cast across his face.

"You know what you're doing. I'll give you that."

The look-a-like darted to the side and their thrilling fight continued! The doppelganger ran up a ramp, Jack followed closely behind. Then—

*Audience* Look. We're just going to fast forward through this part when we inevitably buy this crap on ITunes. Can you just skip to the next part?

*Movie* Is magically fast forwarded. The pair jump around at hyper speed. Jack is seen deflecting a blow with a nearby goat. The look-a-like seems impressed.

*Writers* We were legally obligated to make mention of this.

*Audience* Somehow this is worse. Just stop it now.

*Movie* Abruptly goes to normal speed.

-and I don't care if it takes fifteen goats I will beat you!" proclaimed Jack midsentence running from the clone.

The pair then, wildly trying to catch their breath after the unbelievably fight that was choreographed to perfection, met in the center of the room, swords locked.

Jack heaved, but took a moment to make a wicked smirk.

"I may not have seen your face but I could recognize that fine ass anywhere."

And then, without any warning on the copy's side, Jack kissed his dueler.

After a short moment he pulled away, "I only know one person who can do that. Hello Ange—"

"Hello Jack!" exclaimed Will Turner ripping off the dreadlocks and tri-corner hat.

Jack's mouth gaped open to the ever jovial lad.

*Certain!Fangirls* never had a chance to see the end of this movie… or the rest of their young lives.

"I've made a huge mistake," Jack finally muttered starring off to no where in particular.

"I'd say," cam a sultry woman's sexay sexay Spanish accent as she sauntered into the camera's view.

She smiled knowingly to the still distraught Sparrow, "Hello Jack."

Jack shut his mouth and nodded, "Hello Angelica."

The three stood in silence until Scrum jumped between them, "Hey mates, I was just inspired by this electrifying moment. I wrote a new song!"

Jack's eyes were glued to the floor as the man began to strum his banjo-thing to the tune of Jimmy Crack Corn.

"I just kissed a man and I was unaware! I just kissed a man, glad I wore underwear! OHH! I just—"

"SCRUM," snapped Angelica, "Not. Now."

Scrum quietly disappeared into the background and the attention was re-cast onto the trio.

Angelica twirled to face Jack, her long brown curls sweeping across her petite shoulders, her thick makeup covering any sun damage or age spots.

"HA!" she proclaimed, "I knew you would fall for my trick. It was my idea to impersonate you, si! But, of course I knew it would be comical to attempt it myself, what with my bountiful chest and obvious hips," she took the moment to whip her hair back and stare devilishly into the camera. "No! I needed someone else, a man, who knew you well."

Jack glanced between Angelica and Will. "Um. Okay. But what is the whelp, eunuch-y snip snip, doing here?"

"Glad you asked, Jack! I'm here to—"

"Don't talk," said Angelica stepping in front of Will, "His importance matters little."

"Tell me something I don't know – but he's the Captain of the Flying Dutchman!" Jack turned his sight back to the son of Bootstrap Bill. "Your heart is in that chest. You can't be here on land!"

"What?" laughed Will, "Didn't you hear the good news?"

"William, I am afraid you are making the ever common mistake of believing we are from, say, the twenty-first century. I haven't heard from you in however long it has been since At Worlds End."

"Well Jack, the crew said I could go!"

Jack clasped his hands together, "What on God's green earth do you mean?"

"I don't know! They were all so nice about it though. They said to me; "Will, you've done good here but we all think it's time that you… go!" So I did," exclaimed Will.

"William," said Jack grabbing Will's shoulders, "You need to return. The Dutchman needs a Captain! Like Davey Jones before you and whoever came before him. Who knows what could be un-done from this horrendous overlook! The very fabric of time could be unraveled! The oceans could go dry. The whole world could—"

*Authoress* would like to take a moment to note the passing of The Monkees singer Davey Jones today. She knows of existence by his picture always coming up for when she image searched for Captain Davey Jones. Do not ask her why she was image searching for said character.

Angelica rolled her eyes, "ENOUGH!" she screeched. "I could not care less about plot holes and previous character arches. This is about me!"

Jack nodded, "Okay, love. But Will, I have one last question; does that kinky little murderous wife of yours know?"

Will blinked, his smile dropping. He caught off guard by Jack's point blank, shock worthy, question.

"Uhhh… I'd figured I'd wait that one out. Besides, I left her on some dismal little island. Whose there to mess around with? A merman? She's fine! She likes it there! It's all good."

Will continued to laugh for an awkward moment before clearing his throat and muttering; "That whore will rote there."

Then, in charged the Royal Navy following a screaming Scrum who darted behind the group nervously playing his instrument.

"I just kissed a man and I swear, I didn't lead the royal navy into kill us all—"

"SHUTUP!" Shouted the group in unison except for Will.

"Guys, would this be a bad time to ask for Mermen are real?"