Thoughts=Italics


If you were to ask me two years ago,

"What do you want to be when you grow up" I would have probably giggle and say…

I can't remember what the old me would of said. I don't even know what I want to be now.

It's quite sad.

Even as I lay here looking out my window I can't seem to come up with an answer... it was quite cloudy outside. It´s a bit chilly and the coldness of my windows cannot stir me from my thoughts. Everything around me is cold, and this house that once emitted happiness… was now gone. The laugh's of the people that once lived here, were gone, dead. Left once my father died.

The walls that once contained photo's of the family were now tainted with dents in them. The frames that held them were now broken, and if you squinted you could see the remains of blood, my blood. Little things that started accumulating with the beatings I took.

The floors that contained the many foot steps of hope, were now dirty, filled with broken plates and dust. I had tainted this house with my blood. Blood that escaped my now carved body. Yes, carved. It seemed to be her new pass time and it filled her face with such a happiness it scared me.

Almost like an aphrodisiac. That´s why I only wore long sleeve shirt. Because if I were to see such scars and bruises...it would prove that she truly didn´t love me. It would prove that I was alone

…..(Silence)

There had been many times, many times in where I looked out this window and thought to myself,

¨Run Away¨

And yet no matter how much I yelled I never once moved.

Because I was afraid to leave her.

Because I still desperately hoped that her love for me would grow.

It was stupid really, hoping for something he had never experienced...love, what had love ever done for him? Nothing

The only thing it had done was beat me.

Made me feel worthless.

Love had never done nothing for me, except, call me a monster


"Welcome home" I smile as I asked her if she was hungry. At first she never ate, but eventually she took the opportunity of the free slave and now she eats and makes me cook

"I'll be back soon" she tells me it's only 10am

"Okay" I nod

And when she leaves I start training, everyday I push myself to some limit and everyday my muscles are sore. But when I look in the mirror something is off. I can't place it but I know it's wrong. I´m to tired and leave my doubts behind, and as I walk into Gohan's ex room I search for my piano

And right now I feel compelled to play it, because it frees my heart from all it's sorrow

The melody is soft at first

When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

He stops playing because he can hear the droplets of the water clash outside his window, it was raining. And the noise outside made him realize how quite his house was. A storm was brewing. The noise gets louder and the thunder clashed outside his home, he shakes a little and shuts his eyes tightly...a little slowly he extends his arms this coldness is something he welcomes. It's refreshing, it's new and it doesn't hurt him, like the coldness of his mother.

Goten leaves the window open and continues to play,

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And no one is there to dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

And the door opens revealing his drunk mother….it's midnight, and for some reason he keeps playing this song over and over. Because it was this moment that he was looking for, he had wanted his mother to hear him play.

Another song about his love for her…the only way he had taught himself to express his bottled up emotions. She stumbles over to him, and for once he can't contain the happiness in his heart. It thumps so loudly it hurt.

His palms are sweaty and he feels like his words are cracking under the pressure, but she doesn't move

I know you haven't made your mind yet

But I would never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment

That we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling down the avenue

No, there's nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

Chichi doesn't understand the sudden sadness in her heart but it's there slowly building up. Voices start plaguing her thought's and suddenly tears well up in her eyes..was this guilt? The young child had probably forgotten

…today was his birthday.

It hurt to see him, because he reminded her so much of Goku. She hurt him for her own satisfaction and kept him for her selfishness. That was the only reason she kept this child.

The storms are raging

On the rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Through the winds of change

Are throwing wild and free

You ain't seen nothing like me yet

I could make you happy

Make your dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the earth for you

To make you feel my love….

To make you feel my love

How old was he today…..that's right he was 8 today. Trunks and him were suppose to be reunited soon, she had promised Bulma.

She would brake that promise…

She couldn't love the child, but she wanted him to suffer as much she was….she couldn't understand why but she had, and it all started with the wish she made to the dragon to turn Goten into a human.

It had started the day she asked the mailman to stop bringing the letters that brat Trunks had written to her son…..

It had started the day she spilt her son blood.

It also happened when she made her second wish to make Gohan forget Goten….

She was a horrible mother, she knew and sometimes she would plead for someone to stop her from hitting her child. Because so much abuse had caused her son to never smiled. The reason he faked sleep when she returned home. The reason he never spoke.

He was his fathers son after all...and that was the problem. The man that she had loved had left her, just like that. Always trying to save a planet but never there marriage. And by hurting Goten, it hurt him(Goku). It erased her pain when she did it. Serenity, that was the feeling, his screams, his pleas...everything calmed her at the end...

After her son finished playing the piano, she broke the bottle she had in her hand. Goku´s betrayal hurt to much... she remembered how his eyes welled up with tears, how his tiny hands grasped onto her fabric. But she wouldn´t stop….

Some one save my child

Were the voices in her head

"It's all YOUR FAULT!" she screamed

And so I took the sharpest edge and carved his back.

¨AHHHHHHHH!¨

Were his delightful screams. My pain was now replaced with a sadistic emotion, I became aroused and the more he screamed the more I wanted to hurt him.

"Mom, I'm sorry!" Goten would scream

I licked my fingers tasting his sweet blood. At some point he had lost consciousness and I dropped the bottle there,

"I love you" I whispered kissing his cheek.

"Happy birthday son, my present to you"

Soon his voice didn't fill the house, but his blood colored the floor…..such a pretty color

It was all his fault, maybe if I wrapped my hands around his neck

….Just like that….

Maybe if I squeezed tighter

…Just like that….

And yet I collapsed

"Goku" were my pleas

Maybe if he was here, he would of stop me from hurting his son…the very image of him, the constant reminder that he(Goku) had left her

Why? Was she not all he wanted, what had she done wrong, they had been so much in love, everything she had to give, she did….

Goku save me

When had her love turned into so much hate. She remembered holding this baby boy in her arms, and she remembered how Goten had saved her, and now…..what had changed?


Goten awoke and quickly got up, despite the injuries to his back, his body ached and his back dripped with a crimson substance but he didn't care because the mess that he made would have to be cleaned before his mother came back

However just as he was about to clean he heard the whimpers and followed the noise….

"Mommy, what's wrong"

Chichi looked up, her child….why…..she had done everything…everything in her powers to….kill….

She cried,

I'm sorry I don't have a heart to give you, I think I lost it ….long ago

However once his frail body came into view something once again snapped and the voices ceased to exist.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, Your going to stand there and look down on me, like your better than me…..get away…GET AWAY, I HATE YOU…HATE YOU. MONSTER!"

Goten didn't move for a second, his hand shook, and tears fell from them, he finally had his answer, the one that he didn't want to hear….she hated him.

Chichi got up quickly, but Goten quickly followed because something didn't feel right. He followed her until they were in front of the piano, he didn't speak up…..he held his breath and prayed. But no matter how much he prayed no one ever heard him. Not even as she destroyed his salvation the final cut between him and his mother.

Nothing tied them anymore.

He moved closer until he was in front of all the pieces, he couldn't remember how she had done it, because everything happened so fast…time blurred but the conclusion was evident and the effects were now taking it´s effect.

Gently he picked the keys. As the tears fell, cascading down his face. The storm was still raging outside and thunder now surrounded the house he cried, cried louder than any scream, louder than the storm...he cried, because everything had finally caught up with him.

I could hold you…Hic…

And I know you haven't made up your mind

.I'd go to the ends,

To make you feel my love

And he held onto that key, until his tiny frame shook and his hand bled, his palms rubbed against his eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop.

"Maybe it's all in my head" he whispered

Maybe if he was born first, he would have a loving father and mother…maybe if he were a girl his mother would of loved him. A part of him had lost the motivation to continue on living.

And so he prays, for a better day.

He prays for his mother.

He prays for a different kind of love that wouldn't hurt him.

He was eight today, but today he wouldn't get a happy birthday, because no one was happy that he was born.


5 days later

"Goten!"

I think it's Gohan, but I don't know anymore. Mother hasn't been back, and I'm starving, I haven't eaten in days, so all I do is sleep. I can't go outside, but I finally feel a warm embrace, something that I have desperately wanted and so I cling to it with all my might…

I can't see, but I think I have finally found my way….


WOOOOO Another chapter, since so many have found an interest in this story I decided to update faster. Sorry if it feels rushed. But we need to move on right? Segments of his life will appear later on... This is a story about Goten and Trunks and I want to get there but it wont be for a while. Since I still haven't figured out how to introduce them.

What happened to Chichi? We'll see…no she wont' be back for revenge but she will affect Goten…..

SPECIAL THANKS!

NICE NIPPS-Hope I haven't disappointed you yet. And here is the next Update. Hope you like it. If not, let me know

CSSNDRFOX-I'm glad you've enjoyed it. I really don't want to disappoint, since I'm trying to get to that point. I don't want to rush the story but I don't want to lag it either. So were on step closer after this….

LOUSSI-Yes, I don't want to make Chichi the bad guy, even thought she is. But it will get better for Goten.

And to all of those who have read this, and have added made it a favorite. But most of all thanks for taking the time to read this. It means a lot…

Rate and Review -(might post another chapter)

(4-13-2012)