Chapter 14
Sometimes, I could almost make myself believe that being best friends was enough. Sometimes, the pain retreated enough so that I could breathe when Heero brushed past me. But, just as often, it walloped me over the head at odd times, or tried to rip my heart out.
Since the time I'd walked through that door, being with Heero had been a torturous pleasure. But I couldn't stay away. I acted as I always did; cheerful, bright Duo. They all fell for it without even the barest minimum of a struggle.
And Heero kept his promise. He never left me for more than three or four days at a time, and even managed to get most of our missions assigned together. The ones we weren't assigned together…well…I made a point not to sleep those few nights. It seemed like, now that I knew that I loved him, that the world felt even hollower when he was gone, so I welcomed his presence, and his brilliance didn't always remind me of what I didn't have.
Quatre and Trowa were perfect together. It did twinge, every once in a while, watching them, but seeing my brothers' happiness kind of soothed it away.
My brothers. I'd taken to calling Wufei one too, but refused staunchly to add Heero to the group. He was family, all right…it just seemed wrong, 'cause I loved him so. And not just platonically.
It was…a bittersweet time. I realized I had a family, and knew that Heero could never love me back.
We were on another mission together. High school. The two dreaded words. Originally, Wufei was supposed to come too, but there'd been news of an upcoming attack somewhere else, and he was called away.
We chose our own names. I didn't choose Keefe. He didn't choose Jeb. The memories from that mission were still too strong.
I'd hunted around for names again, and when I hit upon Uriel, I just really, really wanted to call Heero that. Angel of light. C'mon, how much closer can you get? Except for the fact that it sounded funny. Maybe some other time.
Then I found Harmon, and smiled humorlessly. Soldier. Well…why not? Harmon Wellings. Yeah, so I suck at picking last names. Shut up.
And Heero, I think, just picked a name at random…Yoshi. He told me it meant quiet. Okay…that suits him, I guess. His last name was Lowe again. And I thought I was bad.
I stood outside the building, waiting for Heero, who'd gone to get us lunch. We didn't really like eating in the cafeteria. There were just…too many people. Far too crowded.
And guess what? We'd acquired some crushes. On the first day, too. I really didn't know why I had at least three girls making sheep's eyes at me, when there was Heero around.
And then, bizarrely enough, I heard the high-pitched screaming of little children.
What the hell?
I flipped around, only to notice a swarm of tiny little kids stampeding my way.
Then they were on me, and I could finally distinguish their words. "New student! Wanna play!"
Cripes.
Who the hell were these kids? They were allowed to run around a high school like this?
There must've been around eight or nine of them milling around my knees, and I almost lost my balance when one of them draped her body all over my shin.
"Crap!"
Then, one of them grabbed my braid, and yanked.
"Ow!" I jerked it up into my hands.
Finally, I heard a voice somewhere near me, scolding the kids, and making them back off. Barely.
I looked up at my savior gratefully. He was taller than me by a few inches, and had a mop of black hair, along with really, really dark brown eyes. He had a lanky build, not unlike Trowa's. Half-Asian, I noted. Like Heero.
I flashed him a grin. "Thank you," I said fervently.
He laughed. "They are little monsters, aren't they? But we can't do anything to them unless we want to be thrown out of the school."
"The teachers let them run all over the place and harass poor, innocent bystanders?" I asked a bit incredulously.
"Well…yeah. The teachers are their parents." He paused, and then added, "My mom is too."
"What the hell they'd do? Decide to have kids all at the same time?"
"Uh…yeah, I guess so. They're all, weirdly enough, like best friends or something. I'm just the odd one out, I guess." He gave me a sardonic smile.
They were still staring at me.
"Uh…am I supposed to do something?"
"Well…they always, kind of…try out the new people."
"Oh…kind of like running the gauntlet," I joked.
"Yeah, except worse," he said gravely.
"Hey, what's your name, anyway?"
"Zephyr Wu." Zephyr. I like that name.
"Cool. Harmon Wellings. And what am I supposed to do again?"
"They like piggy-back rides," Zephyr Wu said solemnly.
"All of them?" I was a bit dismayed.
"Yeah. Like I said, worse than the gauntlet."
"Um…here," I gave him my backpack, and selected a brown-haired, blue-eyed little boy that reminded me almost painfully of Heero.
I piggy-backed every damn one of them, all ten, before Heero had even gotten out of the cafeteria.
Then I collapsed onto the grass, and they all wriggled around me, giggling.
I listened attentively to their babbling for a few minutes, before, like one, they all fell into drooling, bubbling little sleep.
"Uh…it's their naptime." Zephyr Wu said above me.
"Oh…did I pass?"
"With flying colors," he told me.
"Oh, good." I tried to move my head to see if Heero was around, and finally caught a glimpse of his brown head trapped by several curly-haired blond ones.
"Damn. My friend's in trouble." I tried to sit up, and couldn't.
"Help?" I asked sheepishly.
Tenderly, he moved a few heads and arms off my legs, and I smoothly shifted two kids off my chest. They might have been little horrors, but they were rather cute little horrors, at that.
I stood up, brushing myself off, and asked Zephyr Wu, "They'll be alright?"
"Nobody's going to bother them; naptime is the only time any of us get any peace."
"Right. Now I got a best friend to rescue. You wanna meet him?"
"Sure."
I set off toward Heero, ready to beat off those girls with a giant stick. He's MINE, that possessive little voice said furiously.
I pushed through them, standing in front of Heero protectively, and said flatly, "Floor show's over, ladies. Please exit stage left."
I think they listened more to my tone, than my words, because reluctantly, they disbanded, probably to torture another poor guy, I thought uncharitably.
I turned to Heero, who cast me a grateful look, and I asked in a low voice, "You alright, buddy?"
"I'm fine."
I looked at him critically; he didn't seem too tense.
Then, remembering Zephyr Wu, I turned to him, and realized he was still holding my bag. "Oh man, I'm sorry. I made you carry that thing all the way here, didn't I?"
"It was nothing," he said quietly. This guy was like 'quiet' personified. Trowa was silent, in case you wanted to know.
"Here, let me take it back." I reached to pull it off his shoulder, and slipped it back on mine.
Heero came up from behind me; I watched with a faint sense of surprise as he and Zephyr Wu exchanged these appraising looks, and Heero raised his hackles.
He stepped closer to me, and said coolly, "And you are?"
"Zephyr Wu. And you?" His voice was just as wary.
"Yoshi Lowe." He put an arm around my shoulders, and I thought, out of the blue, of wolves staking their claim on their territory.
I didn't quite know what to make of their strange actions.
"Did you get lunch?" I asked, just to break that mysterious tension, and he nodded at his other hand, which held two bags.
I snatched one and peeked inside. "French fries!" I said, thrilled, "And ranch!" I smiled at Heero. "You got ranch for my French fries?"
Well, guess he remembered I like to dip my fries in ranch. Kind of weird, but hey, I'm the guy who likes scrambled eggs with ketchup, remember?
"Thanks, I really need the energy." I sat, leaning against the wall. "Especially after all those piggy-back rides. My back is never going to recover." I sighed exaggeratedly.
Zephyr Wu chuckled.
Then they both settled next to me, Heero on my left, Wu on my right.
"Piggy-back rides?" Heero asked.
"Can you believe that the teachers around here all have kids the same age? There're ten of them, ten freakin' five-year olds!" I said indignantly. "They have their own special torture technique, too." I looked at him earnestly.
"Piggy-back rides." I intoned.
I added on, pouting, "And my braid got pulled too." Other Duo said, still enraged, Go kill them. I shook my head at him sternly.
Giving Heero the most woebegone look, I dropped my head onto his shoulder.
"You need to eat," Heero urged. "You can't afford to lose any more weight."
"Hmph."
"He's right," Zephyr Wu said from my other side. "The kids weigh more than you do. I'm amazed you were actually able to piggy-back them all."
"They do not weigh more than me," I said grouchily, "if they did, they'd be fat as balloons."
I felt Heero sigh, and then he said threateningly, "Eat or I'll feed you myself."
"What?" I stared up at a resolute looking Heero with horror. I turned to Zephyr Wu for support, and didn't get any.
"You guys are both big, fat, meanies," I grumped. Mature, I know. I kind of regress a little to a kid when people try to feed me.
I pulled out the fries and then the smell reached me, and I grinned happily. "Mmm…fries," I said dreamily.
I opened the packet of ranch, wolfing down the whole bag of fries in less than a minute, humming blissfully.
Reaching back into the bag, I pulled out an apple, and shined it on my shirt. I felt the weight of eyes upon me, and looked at Wu.
He continued staring at me for a second longer, then said, "Lowe, is he always like this?"
"Totally unpredictable and erratic? Yeah." Heero sounded…affectionately exasperated. Weird combination.
I crossed my eyes at him.
Then I caught the sound of shrill little cries, and froze, realizing something. "All of the new students?" I asked Zephyr Wu.
"All."
Looking at Heero mournfully, I said in a melodramatic whisper, "They're coming."
I waited smugly as the shouting grew closer, expecting Heero to get ambushed at any moment.
They came, they saw, they conquered.
It was totally hilarious, watching Heero piggy-back these grinning little cherubs, and I couldn't stop laughing the whole time.
When he finished, he collapsed onto the grass like I did, and they crawled all over him.
I decided that not helping him right now could be considered really cruel, and walking over to him, fended off some pudgy little hands.
Then I pulled his head into my lap, just because seeing him like this, with that bit of humor lingering in his eyes, writhing little children all over him, made me want to hug him and never let go.
"Torture indeed," he said, a little winded.
I smiled at him, and removed his bangs from his eyes. He gave me that crooked smile, that one I'd seen only once before; the one that would've stolen my heart away if he didn't already have it. It was the most human expression I'd ever seen on his face.
Zephyr Wu sat down quietly next to me, cross-legged.
After that, Heero and I somehow became the all-around favorites of the teacher's kids. It was kind of annoying, having them follow us into classrooms, and even into the damn bathrooms. Whoo yeah. That was a bit embarrassing.
Zephyr became a friend, the first we'd ever had outside of the other pilots during the war. Well, the friendship between Heero and Zephyr was more of a kind of tolerance…which I really didn't get.
Or at least not until that incident with Donnelly Torvan.
Donnelly Torvan wasn't a bully, by any means. He was just…frustrated. His schoolwork sucked, his girlfriend had switched camps to Heero, and I heard talk of rumors that his dad was a mean drunk.
But none of that excused an insult to Heero. Or a threat to the little kids.
I'd finally shooed the gaggle of little geese – I don't know why I called them that, they just reminded me of little goslings trundling after their mommies and daddies, away so Heero and I could change in the locker room. Zephyr also shared physical education with us, and I waved. Heero motioned that he needed to use the restroom, and left.
While passing Torvan's locker, I heard him mutter about just wanting to wipe the smiles off those little brats' faces. A few guys around him agreed loudly.
My protective instincts screaming, I turned around, and told him very coldly, "Don't even think about it."
He sneered at me. "And you're going to stop me how?" He eyed my slight build contemptuously.
"There's not just me," I said icily. "I doubt that Yoshi would let you harm an innocent child either."
"Yoshi," he spat, "that fucking player. What's that bastard going to do, huh? Set one of his whores on me and scratch my eyes out? Since he's obviously too fucking weak to take me on himself." Torvan's voice was scornful, and I could barely believe the garbage that was coming out of his mouth. "I could knock the son of a bitch over with a finger."
"Shut the hell up!" I shouted at him. What he was saying about Heero…I was so angry I was seeing red. "Never talk about Yoshi that way again."
"Never talk about Yoshi that way again," he mimicked in a high falsetto. "I'll talk about the bastard anyway I want, so fuck you. And fuck him. Fuck that damn son of a bitch." He was taunting me. Seeing how long it'd take me to break.
I was literally shaking with the need to slam my fist into his ugly mug, (okay, so it wasn't that ugly, but right then, he looked the epitome of hideous), and could feel Shinigami banging on that door, trying to get out.
I turned around blindly in a haze of fury, and smashed my fist into a locker.
It actually dented in several inches, and I realized that my knuckles were probably bleeding.
I turned back to Torvan, and said very, very harshly, "One more word, and this fist," I showed him my bloody one, knuckles raw and weeping, "will be shoved into your face."
I'd scared him. I knew it in the way he watched the blood drip onto the floor, and the way he was leaning away from me.
Then, I think he realized what it looked like. He, a big hulking, wide-shouldered, football player, backing off from a pretty boy with a braid. I had a sinking feeling that what would follow would send me off the edge.
Zephyr was getting nearer, but he had a whole crowd of people to get through, who were watching us, frozen.
"Are you one of his whores too, you little bitch? Does he play both camps?" It began.
I felt coldness overtaking my body. Other Duo was screaming at me from somewhere…I couldn't make out any of his words, though.
"He is a pretty boy, isn't he? With those blue eyes, he is a pretty little bitch, isn't he? I wouldn't mind getting a chance to take him and break him at all." Even as he spoke the words, he was frightened, frightened of what I would do.
That unfeeling coldness had me now, and I looked up at him slowly.
He flinched, and I wonder what kind of look I had in my eyes.
"You said," I whispered in a voice I hardly recognized as my own, "one more word."
Lightning quick, I jumped up onto the bench between the lockers, dodging the panicked blow he aimed at me.
He seemed terribly slow, and I blocked an arm lazily as it drifted towards my gut, shoving it back.
That simple push sent him flying into the lockers. I sobered up pretty quickly after that. I'd never gotten so angry before that I couldn't control my punches.
Slowly, my murderous rage drained into more manageable, and I leaped down lightly in front of him.
"Threaten Yoshi again and you won't have a mouth left to talk with. Your last warning." I restrained myself from punching him in the face like I said I would and walked away from him.
Zephyr was standing in front of me. Zephyr looked kind of…awed. And a little scared.
The crowd automatically split to let me pass by, and he followed me outside.
Once outside, I kind of just sagged onto the ground, staring unseeingly at nothing.
Zephyr picked me up and I lolled in his arms, wanting Heero.
Running footsteps came our way, and then, finally, I heard his beloved voice. "Harmon! What happened?"
"Give him to me," he demanded, and there was a moment when nobody moved.
I was slowly handed over, and I said in a cracked voice, "Yoshi?"
"I'm here," he crooned.
"You'll always be here?" I asked, my voice like a little child's. "You won't leave me again?"
"I told you, dammit, I'm never going to leave you again." He cradled me gently in his arms.
I gave a hoarse sob, and just let go of that coldness, and kind of lapsed into unconsciousness.
When I woke up, we were in our dorm, and I guess Zephyr had insisted on accompanying us, because he was there too.
I was still in Heero's arms.
"Harmon," Heero said, "what happened back there?"
"I lost my temper," I said in a small voice.
"Lost his temper." Zephyr snorted.
"And why did you lose your temper?" Heero asked patiently. They've all become experts at dragging stuff out of me. I wasn't really happy about that, since that meant I couldn't hide anymore.
"Because Torvan said one more word."
"Because Torvan said one more word? What?"
I hid a small, pleased grin. Ha. See what you can make of that.
"Because," Zephyr enlightened him, "he called you a lot of rather derogatory names, ranging from fucking bastard to pretty bitch."
Heero was quiet. I wasn't sure if he was insulted, mad, or what.
"Oh yeah," Zephyr remembered in a dispassionate voice, the kind you use to relate things that you find distasteful, "and he threatened to take you and break you."
I shuddered.
"Oh." Heero didn't seem to know what to say. Well, what could you say after you heard that kind of thing?
"I'm sorry," I said, "I screwed things up, didn't I?"
"No," Heero sighed, "you did exactly what I would've done under the same circumstances. Except I wouldn't have been so merciful."
"He was incredible," Zephyr said, a bit wonderingly, "I've never seen anyone move that fast. And I'm afraid that locker you punched is never going to be the same."
I throttled a sigh.
"Well, I better go," Zephyr said unwillingly, "my next class is with my mom."
"Sucker," I managed, and he reached over to stroke my head.
Heero's arms clutched me closer to his body; I saw him glare warningly at Zephyr, who stared boldly back before leaving.
"You know, Wu likes you." Heero said suddenly.
"Huh? Which way?" I asked warily.
"Both ways."
"He does?"
"Why do you find that so surprising?" Heero questioned me, with a curious tone.
"But, but…who could like me that way?" I stuttered, my mind totally blown away by the concept of quiet, serious Zephyr liking flighty, volatile me.
"Plenty of people," Heero said noncommittally.
"Who?"
He listed them clinically. "Wu, for one. And those girls that stare at you all the time. A few guys too."
"What?" I was totally flabbergasted. "Remember, they like me in the cute little kid way, not the way people like you."
"No," Heero refuted assertively, "they like you in the 'he is totally hot' way, not the cute little kid way."
I just gaped at him.
He looked at me, a faint hint of annoyance creasing his brow, and said passionately, "You're beautiful, can't you see?"
My jaw dropped all the way past the floor to land somewhere around a graveyard of moles.
"Oh for Christ's sake," Heero rubbed the side of his head.
I thought about Zephyr, thought about his quiet omnipresence, his tolerance for all my faults, and was astounded.
"He really might like me," I marveled.
Heero said, with a strange tone in his voice, "And do you like him? That way?"
This question left me absolutely thunderstruck.
"What? No, I couldn't…" I trailed off.
"What? You couldn't what?" There seemed to be a odd need in his voice for me to say what I couldn't do.
"I couldn't love anyone who didn't have eyes as beautiful as yours," I finished softly.
I lifted my hand up and traced his eyebrow. He didn't move. At all.
"You've spoiled me for life, you know," I teased a little sadly, "because I doubt that there's anybody with eyes to beat yours."
"Nobody?" he breathed. Wow. The guy really doesn't think much of his eyes.
"Nobody in the whole universe and beyond."
After all, I couldn't love anyone who wasn't you, Heero.
Okay, so it was quite possible that Zephyr was…fixated on me. I found that rather…idiotic. I mean, he could probably have his pick of the pool, and he chooses me?
The guy has to get his priorities straightened out.
Don't get me wrong. I like Zephyr just fine, and he will always hold the distinction of being my first friend beyond L2 and the other pilots. In fact, if I hadn't ever met Heero, he might've had a chance. He was pretty hot, and as you can tell, I've always sort of had a weakness for half-Asian's. There was the added bonus of me actually having my affections returned, but, every time I looked at Heero, everybody else seemed to pale in comparison.
We were almost done with out mission: search and destroy. We'd found our target, all that was left was to fix a date, and…well…obliterate it.
Oh yeah, ever wonder how we were able to always disappear the day after the explosion without any suspicion arising? Well, Heero somehow always either had us conveniently transferred out of the school, no questions asked, or sent us off to die in some tragic accident. Boo-hoo.
I wonder if Oz found it strange that Lowes and Wellings kept popping up around the world, only to die days after.
That is, if they actually went and scoured the school records regularly. A bit time-consuming, don't you think?
I felt like a total cad though, having to die on Zephyr like that, but in a war, you can't jeopardize yourself to spare someone else's feelings. It's the rule of a soldier. Even if it sucks like hell.
And then came the crunch. Zephyr asked me if I could ever think of him as more than a friend.
We were eating lunch, Heero was opportunely away entertaining the kids (Gods, Heero playing with little children…nobody's gonna believe me when I tell them that), and he popped out with The Question.
"Harmon, could you ever love me?"
Christ, talk about blunt.
"Uhh…uhh…" I stammered wittily. Okay, I definitely had not expected him to phrase it like that. You should always prepare for the worst, Other Duo advised me pessimistically.
"No, I didn't think so," Zephyr said forlornly.
"Why…why would you say that?" Does he know?
"Because of Yoshi." There wasn't even a question in his words.
Shit! He knows!
"How…?"
"Sometimes," he said carefully, "when you're not aware of it, and you just watch him, the look in your eyes…" He shrugged. "It's pretty obvious if someone watches you as much as I do."
I was frozen with terror. "He…doesn't know?"
"No," he smiled at me sadly, "you never do it while he's looking at you."
I nearly sobbed from relief.
"Why won't you tell him?"
"Because he could never love me," I said desolately.
"Never love you?" Zephyr barked out a laugh. "He already does."
"As his best friend," I answered despondently, not even skipping a beat.
"You know, for someone so smart, you can be so very stupid."
I got the feeling he was on the verge of telling me something very important.
But then Heero stalked up, probably not very happy with the way we seemed so absorbed in our discussion. He can be a damn possessive best friend, sometimes.
Whatever Zephyr wanted to say died in his throat, and Heero and I left that night.
I didn't even get to say good-bye.
