A/N: Thank you for reading and reviewing. :) I would love to hear your ideas on what you want to happen next. And also, I am thinking on continuing Fix Me. Any ideas there?
A Thousand Snowflakes
Dedicated to my best friend Lina
Summer stripped out of her clothes and placed herself in the tub. The water was hot, almost too hot, but Summer liked how it felt against her skin. She sat there for awhile, thinking about what had just happened downstairs.
The day had begun just like it always did these days. She had woken up, seen Seth lie next to her and known that he was going to sleep for several more hours. She had sighed, kissed his head and got out of bed. Summer had taken Isaac and Isabelle out of the house, this time to church. She'd dressed them in carefully chosen clothes, something that she used to love, and done her best to make her own appearance match her beautiful children's. They'd been to church and afterwards Summer had just driven, the twosome in the backseat asleep.
After that day, and after the funeral when they'd all fallen into a daze, Summer had begun to occupy herself. She'd done everything you could do on the house, gone to all the places with the twins she could think of and somehow one of those places had been church. That was a place where she felt closer to her and it somehow calmed her and made her make it through another day. She figured that it was kind of the same thing for her as the grave was for Seth. She would just not stand to see her name, knowing that she was somewhere down there. It was too scary, too real.
There was nothing worse than losing your child. To have something you created and nurtured die and never again be able to see the life in those eyes that used to be so bright. There could not be anything worse. Summer hated to think about it. She hated to remember that day, the days after and think of what now was a reality. It didn't become easy, just bearable, to busy herself with Isaac, Isabelle and Seth. They still needed her. She could still be there for them. And that was what she was doing, being there for them. As much as she could. Because that made her push her own feelings aside.
Today she'd lost it though. She'd lost control and let it come over her. The mere thought of going to California sent chills down her spine. She knew what would happen if they went. She knew how they would all look at them, try to take care of them. But it wasn't their job. It was hers.
"Hello," Summer said as she lifted the phone to her ear. The twins had just gone to sleep and she had finished cleaning up from dinner.
"Summer, it's Ryan."
Summer sighed. "He's not home, Ryan."
"I figured. But Summer, I was actually wondering if you've thought about what I said," he said and Summer immediately tensed.
"Ryan, we're okay. Really. I think it's better if we stay here. This is our home and Chrismukkhah's coming up."
"All the more reason for you to be here. We always see each other over the holidays. I think it'll be good." When Summer didn't say anything he quickly continued. "We miss you, you know."
"We miss you, too. But Ryan, really, we're fine. And we'll come visit you soon. Just not now."
"Okay. I guess I can't force you."
"You can't."
"Alright. But if you'll change your mind…"
"Thanks, Ryan. I do appreciate it."
"Say hi to Seth, will you? Tell him to call, not be a stranger."
"Night, you two. Sweet dreams," Seth softly said as he closed the door to Isaac and Isabelle's room. He had put them to bed, read them a story, a story he'd never read before and which he thought wouldn't remind him of when he used to read to her. It had though. Everything did. No matter how he tried to get around it.
Seth felt the guilt build up inside of him all over again as he thought of how little he had spent time with the twins lately. He felt guilty for leaving it to Summer, even if she didn't show any sign of it being a burden for her, but he felt even more guilty because Isaac had gotten so used to Summer that he'd kept asking for her. He'd somehow become a stranger to his own children.
In their bed Summer was already fast asleep. She lay curled with her head next to the pillow, hugging the sheets to her chest. Seth carefully sat down next to her and watched her. She was beautiful. And he'd always loved to just watch her. But something hurt in him nowadays. She looked too much like their daughter, like Lina. She reminded him and therefore he couldn't look at her. Not for too long. Seth placed her head back on the pillow and left her, heading to the bathroom. How he wished that he could make it all not have happened.
"You want some breakfast," Summer gently asked as Seth walked into the kitchen. Isaac and Isabelle had been up for a while, as had Summer. She'd left Seth in bed like she did every morning and everything was back to normal. Like yesterday never had happened.
Seth shrugged. "Sure."
Summer formed a smile and helped him serve himself. She gave him the paper, poured him some coffee and put a plate in front of him. She then sat down opposite him at the table, sipping her own coffee. Looking down into the blackness of the liquor while listening to Seth as he turned the pages of the paper Summer hesitated about saying something or not. She felt bad about having raised her voice and rushed out the previous day. She should at least have taken the kids.
"Seth?" she nervously said and looked up. Seth lowered the paper and met her gaze. She wished that she could say something; she was usually the talker these days. But somehow she couldn't. "I love you."
Seth smiled. He could see that she had wanted to say something more but like so many other times those three words could say so much more. "I love you, too." He put the paper down and placed his hand on the table, opening it for hers to take. Summer responded to his smile and placed her smaller hand in his. Seth gently rubbed her fingers, brushing the gold band on her ring finger. "Love you," he said again, almost in a whisper.
As emotions of both sadness and love filled Summer she stood up, while still holding his hand, making him stand up as well. She leaned closer to his body and walked into his protecting embrace. She missed him.
Wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close Seth gently placed a kiss on top of her head. He missed her, too.
Just as they were standing there, holding each other, breathing in each other's scents the phone rang. Summer did not make an effort to move, on the opposite she had her arms tighten around his torso. As the phone kept ringing though, with none of them wanting to answer, Summer pulled away. It was just a small move; they kept having their arms around each other. "I you want to go, I'll go."
Seth met his wife's eyes, looking into her brown gaze. He could tell that she was serious, and that she again was doing this for him. It was enough though. Seth did it for her. "Thank you."
