Chapter #4- Blind Solitude
The day passes with me trying to stay out of Zero' way. I was making a fool out of myself, I know he noticed when I would suddenly dissapear or purposefully avoid him like the plague. Zero may not express his own feelings but he was always perfectly in-tune with the feelings of others. And my feeling were a mess. Towards the end of the day, I started to realize how ridiculous I looked. Zero was obviosly not affected by what happened, so why was I the only one reacting like this? So, as the time for duties drew near, I decided that I had to act like nothing had happened between us. Act the way he was acting. As if that kiss had never happened. That it had been a dream. At the thought, there was suddenly a slight sting in my heart but I ignored it. Focusing on my duties. I see Zero there and he turns to look at me, his eyes wary and cautioned. I smile at him. Normal Yuki. His eyes widen slightly and I turn away, going back to do what I came here for. Okay, so that wasn't so bad, I could do this.
As Kaname came out the door all my worries left my body and everything started making sense. Of course these feeling for Zero weren t love, I told myself. It just confused me. He didn t mean it, I didn t mean it. Kaneme looked at my direction and smiled at me. My face heated and I smiled back, this is what I was supposed to feel. My body just humming in pleasure by the sheer sight of him.
When the night class were in the building and the day class had gone to their dormitory's I approached Zero. Like nothing happened Yuki, I told myself.
"Where do we patrol first?" I ask, proud that I sounded normal. After seeing Kaname, this felt like normal. His eyes traveled over my face.
"Are you okay?"
I smiled and nodded. "Of course, why wouldn t I be?"
He stares at me for a few seconds, I keep my eyes on his. His amethyst eyes land on my lips and I feel my heart skip a beat. No, that wasn t supposed to happen. I feel the edges of my lips twitch slightly and I try my hardest to keep my smile in place. His eyes return to mine, a small and almost invisible pink tinge covers his upper cheeks. He turns away and I try to calm my beating heart as I follow him.
Time passes at the academy and before I know it, the effect that Zero had over my heart had all but vanished. Partly due to the fact that I started to focus most of my thoughts and attention on Kaname. Though there were times when I would look at Zero to see him already staring at me, when my heart would beat loudly in my ear, my stomach would drop and my face would heat up like a volcano. But these occurances were rare now and things were back to normal between us. As normal as they could be. Snow started to fall, a blanket of white over the academy. Winter break would be here soon and student were getting ready to leave for their homes. It was on one of the last nights before winter break started that I found myself sitting on the roof of one of the academy buildings, staring at the expanse of snow flakes falling from the sky. The night wasn't as cold as the others and the effect of the snow made it the more beautiful. White against black. I took a deep breath and snuggled deeper into my jacket. My nose was cold but other than that, my body was warm. I needed time to collect myself, I always did at times like these. When students would leave the academy with shining faces to see their parents again. To return home. I would go to my room in a while and help Yori with her packing, but right now, I felt I couldn t face her. That she would see the sorrow in my eyes, the jealousy in my heart at what she had. I shook my head at myself. I should be grateful, I had so much to be thankful for. I close my eyes against the small snow crystals landing on my bare skin. The sound of the window behind me opening had me turning around, my peace ruined. Fortunately, it was only Zero, with a look of concern crossing his face. That's right, I thought to myself, I had Zero. The thought made me smile and I patted the spot next to me, indicating him to come sit beside me. He does so and look out to where I had been looking a few moments ago. We stay like that for a while, looking at the snow covering the academy. Neither of us talking, comfortable in each other's company.
"What are you doing here?" I look to Zero to see him watching me. I smile at him.
"Looking at the snow."
"Alone?" I nod. He sighs, his breath making a cloud of smoke protrude from his mouth. "You shouldn't be out here alone. I nod.
"I know. I just didn't want to go inside yet." He doesn't say anything, just looks straight ahead. If I could count on anyone to understand the heavy and lonely emotions I was feeling right now it would be Zero and only Zero. We were in a similar predicament though how we got to this predicament was different. We were both alone, with no real family. The difference would be my lack of memory of my real family, but Zero had to witness his parents and brother getting murdered. I scoot myself closer to him, suddenly feeling cold and lonely. I lay my head against his shoulder, closeing my eyes, almost anticipating the moment when he pushes me away. But he doesn't, instead, his body slowlyu relaxes and his heat engulfs me like a blanket. I knew Zero hated snow. It reminded him of the day he lost his family. The falling drops reminded him of the sakura tree. The same for me, when the winter season came, I dreaded the start of the snow and the nightmares of the vampire coming to suck my blood. Another thing we both had in common.
We stayed there, sitting close to each other with my head against his shoulder and my body pressed slightly against his. At that moment I didn't think I had anything to be afraid of. The idea of being alone almost sounded appalling to me at that moment. Why would I ever feel alone? I had this boy with me didn't I? I couldn t help but smile softly to myself at the thought. I never wanted Zero to leave me, if anything, I would need him forever. I took his hand in mine and gave it a small squeeze. He looks at me, but I don't move my eyes to his as he keeps them trained on me. After what feels like hours I feel my eyelids getting heavy and falling. I think I fell asleep then because I woke up in one of the chairmans many guest rooms the next morning, my hazy memory feeling almost like a dream. I recalled the memory slowly, the feeling of being lifted up into strong and warm arms. Floating in the air, almost flying. It was Zero, he was carrying me.
"I'll take you to The chairman's residence. You can sleep in the guest room," he had said but I didn t answer, too tired to. Instead, I turned my face to his chest, his scent hitting me like gong. I snuggled closer, noticing the irregular beating of his heart thudding in my ears. I had drifted off in his arms again and woke up again as he lay me down on the bed. I smile at him as thanks, too tired to say anything. He brings the covers up to my chin but I was already asleep and I think I only dreamt that Zero kissed my forehead, so softly that I would have cried if I was conscious.
I woke up the next day in the chairman's guestroom. There was still some time left for classes to begin so I had enough time to go back to my dorm and get ready. Yori was awake when I came in and I apologized for not coming in last night. We went for breakfast after I had taken a shower, dried my hair and changed my clothes. The cafeteria is almost empty, there are hardly any students left in school and nobody really stays the last day of classes. Zero comes in a few minutes later and doesn't give a second thought into grabbing a chair at our table and laying his head down. I look at the back of his head, remembering the events of yesterday. I couldn't explain it but I felt that the relationship between Zero had I had somehow strengthened. Not that he would ever acknowledge what had happened yesterday night again, but I knew that at that moment both our hearts had connected, in sync. Like we were the only people in the world. Adam and Eve. I didn't realize I was in a daze and I snap back to find that I had been staring at Zero and he was staring back an amused look in his eyes. My face heats and I look down at the tray of food in front of me. That was embarrassing. We finished our food and head to class. There were only a few teachers left teaching class, others had left or gave us a free lesson. I used this time to make up the night I had missed with Yori. She was leaving after school and I spent the free classes talking and spending time with her.
"Cross, I need you to deliver these papers to the chairman," calls the teacher in the middle of the lesson. I look up at the balding head of the same math teacher who had given us the test. I got up and left the class with the papers, promising Yori I wouldn t take long.
The school was quiet, and every window I passed showed me white. The snow was building. It would be hard to go out in this weather. I should have a snow ball fight with Zero when this is over. I almost laughed at the thought. Zero was too mature for that. Still, the idea settled in my head.
"Where are you going?" I jump at the sound and turn around to find Zero smirking at my mini heart-attack. I stick my tongue out to him for scaring me. His cocky smirk widens.
"You didn't answer my question."
I hear a group of boys coming down the hallway behind me. I sigh and lift the papers slightly before bringing it down again. "
The crazy math teacher told me to take these to the chairman," I tell Zero.
"It's Cross and Kiryuu," I hear one of the boys from behind me say. I ignore them. People were still puzzled over the relationship between Zero and I. I was the only one close to Zero, well, as close as you can get. Though some got used to the sight of Him and I together, others still stared.
"Are you willing to have a one-on-one snowball fight with me today?" He blinks at me.
"I feel sorry for them, they have to stay here even when it's vacation cause they have no where else to go."
There was a pang in my heart at their words but I ignored it though I couldn't stop the pain from coming into my eyes. Zero caught my reaction and must've heard them because his fists clenched slightly.
"Your so weak you'll be down with one throw," Zero says to me, his jaw slightly clenched. I frowned at him, pulling my eyebrows together.
"Would not." I knew he was trying to distract me from the guys who wouldn't leave and kept talking behind us. I was trying to distract myself too, couldn't they leave, didn't they have something better to do.
"Though I wouldn't mind making cross feel better." Heat flamed my face at the innuendo intended there. The other guys started laughing. "I know exactly how-"
I heard a sudden thud that made me jump slightly. Zero had used the side of his fist to punch the wall. The guys behind me had stopped talking. I looked at Zero and a shiver ran down my spine, his eyes were murderous and his face was dark. The place where his fists had punched had damaged the area considerably, the wall jutting in where his palms had hit. Nobody moved for a second, his eyes stayed on the group. I didn't dare move. I didn't want him to look at me like that. For a second I worried about the guys on the receiving end. Finally I hear the shuffling of feet and one of them saying, "Let's go."
I breathed a sigh of relief as they're footsteps faded and Zero moved his hands away from the wall. I looked at the hole on the wall, incredulous. He straightened up and turned around, starting to walk away.
"Hold on," I say. He stops. I putting the papers down against a legde on the window and walk towards him quickly so he wouldn t run away. I stand in front of him and look at him, my hands on my hips, trying to show myself angry. Which I was a little. He didn t have to over-react so badly. Everybody talked, we were just here to hear these guys. "Show me your hand."
He looked taken aback, as if he hadn t expected this from me, probably thinking I was going to rebuke him. When he didn t make an effort to move I roll my eyes and reach out my hand and grab him. There was a slight red color that was slowly receeding and before my eyes, the color of his skin returned to normal. Vampire powers do that to you. He snatched his hand away. For a second, my heart stings, his rejection towards me hurts me more than those boys jokes ever could and the pang in my heart makes me numb for a second.
"I'm fine. You should get to class. I'll take the papers to the chairman."
And before I can say anything he gathers the papers I have left on the ledge and walks away.
