Chapter 2: Oh, Shit

The sound of students stomping down the staircase stirred me the next morning. But it wasn't until Fred shook us awake that I was entirely conscious.

"What time is it?" I muttered, sleep still weighing down my eyelids.

"It's nearly eight. We're going to be late for Transfiguration," Fred urged, which was not something he did often in relation to attending class.

"What?" I sprung off of the couch, and gathered my bag that I had left on the floor overnight. I smoothed down my hair with both hands, tucked in my uniform and frantically exclaimed, "How do I look?"

Fred and George stared at me, frightened.

"Brilliant!" I clapped my hands together, and got a running start out of the common room. "See you there!"


It wasn't until class began that everything that happened the night before flooded back to me.

Cedric sat in front of me in Charms, next to Kim. Kelly sat next to me. Kelly watched me shift uncomfortably in my seat, sheets of her honey colored hair falling in front of her face. She tucked the short strands behind her ear, her green eyes flickering with curiosity. It seemed like she knew everything that had happened just by watching me.

As the class wore on, my mind drifted farther and farther from Charms. Guilt poured in my veins. I felt bad for Cedric. I watched the way he paid attention in class, but his mind seemed like it was somewhere else. He ruffled his hair at least three times each minute, and shifted his legs just as often. He was anxious. So was I.

How could I possibly tell Cedric what happened last night? Should I even bother? Were my feelings for George real, or just a product of late night, heart-to-heart conversation?

I would have to tell Cedric because that is what good and trustworthy girlfriends did. Besides, maybe my own confession would prompt him to tell the truth about himself and Cho. I guess we would figure out what to do with our relationship from there.

I wasn't quite sure what I wanted right then, though. When I thought about George, a familiar burning roared in my stomach, and I felt my lips break out in a smile. George Weasley—who would have thought? My heartbeat raced and I wanted nothing more than to plunge myself back into that moment, on the couch, in front of the fire.

But Cedric. Cedric was the first boy who told me he loved me and really meant it. (Before that it was Roger Davies in our third year; his kisses were harsh and he always tasted like chips.) Cedric gently held my hand, and ran his coarse fingers over my smooth palms. He told me he wanted to be with me forever, and would begin sentences like, "When we're married…" I had spent weeks at his house over the summer; his parents added me to his life plan. In the summer before our fifth year, we fucked for the first time. It hurt, but it was beautiful—us as one. He was my lover, my best friend, my everything. I couldn't just leave him and be okay. My chest ached, my heart hurt so much. What had I done?

I took a deep breath and sat back into my seat. Kelly was still staring at me, her lips thin.

"What?" I mouthed, a little annoyed.

"Do you have your scarf?" she whispered, barely audible above Flitwick's demonstration.

I shook my head. Kelly reached into her bag and rustled around. A few seconds later, she pulled out her Ravenclaw scarf.

"Put it on," she urged, and then faced forward again.

I wrapped the scarf around my neck, feeling a little silly about wearing something so warm in class. But Kelly's face was serious, so I trusted her without question.

"Make sure you practice those spells tonight! You'll be quizzed on it next class!" Flitwick squeaked.

Students suddenly stood all at once, and a warm hum of chatter resumed in the classroom. When I stood, Kelly grabbed my arm and whispered sternly in my ear, "You're in huge trouble, missy."

We pulled away; I was horrified. But Kelly managed a smile and winked at me. I noticed Fred and George waiting for her at the door. I swore I heard her say, "Nice hickey work, George."

The color drained my face. Before I could manage a thought, Cedric grabbed my hand. He looked petrified.

"Tonight. Can you stay over?"

I nodded. My throat was not yet working. Cedric kissed my cheek, and walked out of class.

Kim noticed the scarf too, and also seemed to know exactly what it meant. "So what are you going to tell Cedric?"

"How the hell did you guys do that?" I asked, embarrassed and ashamed.

Kim rolled her eyes, like I was the one being unreasonable. "Please. Like a scarf doesn't scream massive hickey."

I contemplated this for a minute. Cedric had never been able to give me a hickey (he said I had tough skin; I said he didn't nibble hard enough).

"I can't tell him tonight," I sighed, "The first task is tomorrow. He needs to focus."

"On you not being a cheating whore?" Kelly had reappeared, and the three of us began walking.

"Kelly…" I started. I sounded like my mother.

"You sound like my mother," Kim laughed.

"I will tell him," I insisted.

"Do you want to stay with him?" Kelly asked. We had stopped walking and relaxed against a wall.

"Yes," I said surely. But then I thought of George, and my stomach fluttered again. "No. I don't know."

"Sounds like you have this all worked out," Kelly said sarcastically. I tried to look as desperate as possible. It worked; Kelly softened. "Oh, Shell. What happened?"

"We were just talking and then," I lowered my voice, which was starting to sound hysterical, "we made out. For a really long time."

"I bet George was thrilled," Kim mused, "About time."

"He was ecstatic," Kelly corrected. "Best bloody night of his life; his words exactly."

"Brilliant. What am I?" I asked frantically.

"A cheating whore," Kim concluded.

"Jesus," I swore.

"No, Jesus never cheated," Kim quipped, and Kelly laughed.

"I'll wait until the task is over… Until my feelings reassemble themselves," I rationalized. I was a Ravenclaw, after all.

"Sounds reasonable," Kim agreed.


"Dragons," I repeated breathlessly. "Harry told you the first task was dragons? Today?"

Cedric nodded. He had been pacing his bedroom for the last fifteen minutes before he could even muster the word. Now he was silent again.

"Jesus Christ. Good thing we practiced transfiguration," I muttered, mostly to myself. Cedric was too busy working a track into his floor.

"What am I going to do?" he flailed. "I am going to die. I just know it."

"You are overreacting," I reassured him, but he shook his head.

"You can't overreact when dragons are involved. Absolutely not."

My neck was beginning to sweat from wearing the scarf all day. Cedric had not questioned its presence at all; I assumed he too was ignorant about the scarf equals hickey law of cheating whore girlfriends. I figured it was dark enough in his room that I didn't need to wear it anymore, so I tossed the scarf to the ground.

Cedric rushed over to me, and kneeled by my side. "Help me," he begged.

"You need to relax. Practice the spell again. We just need to distract the dragon, right?" I was very good at helping people—another reason why I was a Ravenclaw. "So transfigure something in the arena to something that moves. Then you'll be free to grab the egg. You remember that spell, right?"

Cedric stood too quickly, and stumbled over his robes. He brandished his wand, and muttered the spell. The chair I had been sitting on turned into a small black dog. The dog waddled around his room, panting and barking.

"See? You're fine." Cedric beamed from my praise, but I was feeling edgy. My neck felt too exposed. I moved over to his bed, where I was now farther away from him, and shrouded in shadow. "Everything will go perfectly. The dragons are just a hiccup in your plan. You just need to—"

"Relax, yes," he cut me off. Cedric waved his wand and the dog was just a chair again. He stuffed his wand in his pocket and walked over to me, leaning over me, pressing me against his bed. "Help me?"

Before I could think to respond, Cedric kissed me hard. His mouth was a little dry, and my stomach didn't flop. All I could think of was George. George was warm and inviting. Cedric was routine and normal. We scooted up the bed, and I pressed my head against the pillow. Cedric brushed the wavy blonde hair from my face, and cupped my cheek in his hand. Cedric was sentimental and slow. A careful, cautious lover.

"I love you, beautiful," he told me. His breath tasted like the soup we had at dinner.

Despite this, or maybe because of it, I told him, "I love you, too." I meant it, but I didn't feel it.

Cedric's lips traveled from my mouth to my chin, then down to my neck. He brushed the hair away from my neck and then stopped.

"What's this?" he asked accusingly.

My eyes widened. Shit. "What's what?"

Cedric sat up. His eyes were hurt. "Bloody hell, Michelle."

Cedric crawled off of me, and fell like a weight into the spot next to me. I sat up, and grabbed his hand. "Cedric, no. It's not what you think."

"I think you snogged Weasley. Am I right?"

I didn't want to tell him. He was going to freak out, and stress, and get hurt in the task tomorrow. More than that, I didn't want him to be mad at me. I didn't want him to leave me. I loved him. I really, truly loved him.

I hesitated, and then admitted, "Yes." Cedric narrowed his eyes at me, and opened his mouth to yell when I cut him off, "It was a mistake, Ced! I was caught up in the moment; I wasn't thinking at all… It just sort of happened."

"You could have stopped it," Cedric shouted. His body was shaking, and I felt awful. My heart tumbled down to my stomach.

"I know. I should have. I just. I wasn't thinking. Ced…" Cedric had gotten out of bed and was adjusting his robes. "Come on, listen to me. I'm so sorry. It was a dumb mistake. Don't do this."

Cedric stared at me, hard. His features were etched like stone and he looked murderous. "I want you to leave."

"I thought you were cheating on me." The words got caught with a sob in my throat. The desperation reached my eyes and suddenly I was sobbing, my chest heaving, begging him not to make me leave. "With Cho Chang."

Cedric's face softened, and his arms dropped to his side. "What?"

"I'm so sorry," I sobbed. My eyes burned from the tears. "It was dumb. It was so wrong. I love you, Ced. I really love you."

I buried my face in my palms, feeling like my lungs were going to collapse in on me any second. Cedric's footsteps got closer. He sat down next to me on the bed.

"I'm not cheating on you," he said softly. "But I can't say I haven't thought about it."

I stopped crying, and stared him in the face. His eyes were glassy and pale. My world felt noiseless, like the end of a film. I had suspected it for so long, but actually hearing that he wanted to made me nauseous. I was going to be sick.

"Maybe I should go," I muttered, and hopped off the bed. I slipped on my shoes and robe, and was heading out the door when Cedric called my name.

"Do you really love me?" he asked, sounding small. "Do you mean it? Honestly?"

I knew the answer in my heart. It screamed, "Yes."

"I love you, too."

I stood in the doorway, waiting to feel some end to our relationship. But all I felt was nothing—numb.