Chapter 6: Maybe
"I need your help."
Cedric looked stressed and anxious. His hair was wild like he had permanent bed head, and I noticed him tapping his feet as he waited for my response. Kelly and Kim flanked me on either side, ready to pounce on the sudden predator at any moment.
"With what?" I asked, trying to ignore the tangible hostility coming from both of my friends.
Cedric cleared his throat, looked over both of his shoulders, and then said in a soft voice, "They've just told us about the Third Task."
Kelly and Kim's smug looks fell off of their faces. Kim's lips parted with concern; Kelly's sharp features softened.
"And?" I prompted.
"It's a maze," he explained, "Anything could be in there. Blast-ended skrewts, boggarts, massive spiders of death... I have no idea where to begin practicing. I thought you could help."
I opened my mouth to agree when Kelly interjected, "What about Cho?"
"She's smart, of course," Cedric said, sounding a little indignant, "Michelle just… she gets the way I think." He turned to face me. "You prepared me so well for the First Task. Despite the fact that you… yeah…"He shook his head. "Never mind. The point is that you're brilliant, and Cho is clearly not up to our level of magic, and I really want to win this thing."
"So you're using her to win?" Kelly snapped.
"No, I mean, I don't know, I just…" Cedric stammered. "Can I talk to Michelle. Alone?"
Kelly opened her mouth to protest, but Kim touched her arm. "We'll go," Kim said. Kelly was red faced. "See you later, Michelle. Cedric."
"They're intimidating," Cedric joked as soon as they were out of ear shot.
"They're worried," I corrected. "What's this about?"
"I wondered if you could help me practice for the Task. That's all, really," Cedric surmised.
I wanted to tell him to get lost. I wanted to him to hold me like he used to and kiss my forehead. I wanted George to appear from nowhere and beat the shit out of him.
Instead, I said cheekily, "What's in it for me?"
Cedric's face relaxed. He chuckled, "A pat on the back for helping an old friend."
I shook my head. "Not good enough."
He pretended to think very hard for a moment. "You could do it to be noble?"
"That feeling expired when we broke up," the words stung; they left my mouth too quickly.
Cedric winced. "Bad memories."
"We've clearly moved on."
Time seemed to freeze at the moment. Then, it was only Cedric and I in the hallways, students buzzing around us. I bit my lip, wondering if I should have kept that last thought to myself.
"Clearly," Cedric echoed. He must have felt the same sensation, because he was looking around our surroundings with a sudden sense of awe. "I still care about you."
"What?"
"A great deal. You were my best friend for six years, and it sucks that we just… stopped."
"Ced…" I said warningly. I wished desperately that Kelly and Kim would reappear at that moment, but my friends were long gone.
"I still love you," he admitted, right there in the open. There was a loud ringing sound in my ears, and I couldn't think.
"I mean, you know," Cedric stammered. He had obviously caught himself in a place he didn't want to be. "As friends. I love you as my friend. We've been through so much together, and I don't want to give that up."
"Why didn't you say this before?" I asked accusingly. "You don't speak to me for five fucking months and then you tell me you still think we're best friends?"
"I had to get over you first," Cedric said so quickly I almost didn't catch it.
"You're with Cho," I told him pointedly. "You rescued her in the Second Task."
"Because I requested it to be her." Cedric looked horrified that he was even saying this, "Don't tell her, please. I was leaving the library when Flitwick walked by. He stopped to ask how I was doing. Then he made some remark that hinted he was going to get you. I told him he couldn't. It wasn't fair to you and George, to me and Cho… Cho and I have been great since I rescued her in the task though. It's just what we needed. And you and George always look so happy. So it was for the better, obviously."
My heart hurt more than it did before. "Why are you telling me this?"
"I don't know," Cedric said desperately, and then he began to laugh. His laughter was contagious, and suddenly I found myself cracking up too. And there we were, two loons in the middle of the student rush back to their dorms, laughing like idiots.
We composed ourselves, wiping away the tears from our eyes, still letting go of a chuckle or two. When we turned to face each other, I saw Cedric smiling, looking relieved. The hurt in my chest had turned into a soreness that made my heart race. Was Cedric completely over me now? Was I completely over him?
"So you'll help me?" he asked casually, as if he hadn't just bared his soul to me.
I had to agree. It was the least I could do, "Absolutely, pal." And I punched his arm for good measure.
I had tried to keep Cedric's confessions to me buried inside of me, but the secrets wriggled their way up my throat and into Kelly and Kim's ears.
I was expecting an angrier reaction. Some call of "bullshit!" and maybe an overturned table. But my friends remained calm and understanding.
"It makes sense," Kim mused, "Your relationship was wearing thin, but that didn't mean you guys didn't love each other. You hurt his feelings when you cheated on him. He probably asked Cho out right away as a way to move on. But it didn't work until after the task."
"He seemed so long gone toward the end of our relationship." I closed my eyes, and remembered how distant and uninterested he seemed.
"He probably had a lot on his mind, with the task and all," Kelly rationalized. "He still loved you; he just didn't have the same time or effort to show you. He figured you guys would be safe if he pulled away for a little."
"So I'm the bad guy?" my voice got shrill. "Cedric admitted that he thought about cheating on me with Cho!"
"But he didn't cheat," Kelly said matter-of-factly, "You cheated."
"I didn't mean to," my voice worn thin. Tears burned behind my eyes. "I had a lot going on in my mind too."
"We're not saying it wasn't… for the better," Kim said delicately. "The situation could have been handled better. On both sides," she added quickly, noticing my red eyes.
"I feel like an asshole," I moaned. Kim touched my shoulders; Kelly held my leg.
"Don't, it's behind you now," Kim reassured me, "You're happy with George, right? And Cedric's got Cho."
"Could you have imagined how fucked up things would have gotten if Cedric had to save you in the task?" Kelly chuckled. "Shit, George would have killed Cedric."
"Cedric and I probably would have died from mortification, anyway," I smirked.
"Or he wouldn't have jumped in," Kim flailed her hands. "Just crossed his arms and been like, nope. I don't love her. And then Cho would have come and pushed him in the lake."
"So I would have drowned?" I grimaced.
"Harry would have rescued you," Kelly squeezed my arm.
"And then George would have assaulted him for touching you," Kim concluded.
"Makes sense," I nodded. Kelly and Kim beamed. After a moment of silence, I asked, "Should I tell George?"
"About what?" Kim sounded nervous already.
"About me helping Cedric," I clarified.
Kelly and Kim sat quietly for a minute. Kim said, "It's up to you. Do you think you need to?"
"I mean, I shouldn't be afraid to tell him," I reasoned. "It's not like I'll be snogging Cedric."
"Alright," Kelly said warningly, as if I was getting out of hand.
"What?" I asked defensively.
"Nothing," Kelly spoke softly. Kim nodded in agreement.
"Whatever you do, let us know," she urged.
I decided to tell George, because that is what good and trustworthy girlfriends did. He took the news with a tight jaw and locked face. He wasn't pleased, but he understood that I would not be coming home to snog him with a hickey on my neck. That phase of me was done.
Spending time with Cedric again was mostly business, somewhat fun, with a dash of awkward. Cedric was a fast and eager learner. He didn't need me to teach him anything; he mostly needed me as an ego boost—a reassurance that he really did and would remember everything when it counted most: inside the maze. After a "lesson," Cedric and I lay on his bed and talked—about classes, and our future; about Cho and George; about his father's high expectations, and my parents' anxiety to move back to the States. I knew Cedric better than I knew George, but I loved George deeper. It was a refreshing feeling to have every time we hung out.
I had one unresolved question about our relationship, though. It was a week before the task, and the question had infested my brain for weeks—months, really.
"What happened at the end of our relationship?" I asked. Cedric and I were laying on his bed next to each other, flat on our backs, arms to ourselves. "Before everything, I mean."
"I don't understand," Cedric answered. I liked that he was honest.
"You were so distant from me. You acted like you didn't care," I explained, my voice high and defensive.
Cedric was silent. And then he said, "George has loved you for a really long time."
"Now I don't understand."
"I knew when I saw him looking at you one day. I recognized the spark in his eyes. It was toward the middle of our fifth year, but I later found out he's liked you since our fourth year." I was silent, listening.
"George was persistent. And after a while, it was exhausting competing with him. He wore me down. I kept thinking that if he liked you so much, for this long, maybe you guys should be together. Who am I to stand in the way of that? Maybe you and I aren't right."
"But I loved you," I said softly.
"I didn't know how to tell George to back off, because he would still hang out with you. He would always be a part of your life, whether I liked it or not. So I guess I just… gave up," he explained succinctly. "You were always on about how great George was, how much you missed spending time with him. Combined with George's relentless efforts to be extra charming around you was enough. I thought you wanted George anyway. And when you… you know. It only seemed to confirm it."
"I didn't mean for that to happen," I repeated. "You were pushing me away, and George was there for me."
"Which is what he wanted to happen all along," Cedric said bitterly. "I rolled over and let him take you. I got angry too late. I fought back too late. I should have told him to bugger off from the beginning."
"I'm very happy with George now, if that counts for anything," I told him.
"And I love Cho," Cedric stared at me, serious. "But I regret everything that happened. I think we would have broken up later on, under much different circumstances."
"Why's that?"
"Maybe we're not meant to be."
I was caught on the one key word. "Maybe?"
"If we are, we'll find a way back to each other," he explained. "But for now, we're happier apart."
Our conversation wasn't sitting well in my stomach. I thought I understood everything, but I didn't want to.
A/N: So what do you think? Has Cedric really moved on? More importantly, has Michelle? Leave me a review and let me know!
