Authors Note: Again, this might seem familiar if you read this story when it was up on before. It's the same basic thing as it was before, I've just put a few more words in and I've given Pansy a bit more character. Hope you like it- Bee x


Dear Diary

I can happily say that today was a mostly ordinary day. That doesn't mean I'm not angry about what happened, it just means that it's what usually happens. I was sitting enjoying my breakfast in the Great Hall and lo behold the family Eagle owl descended carrying the ominous black envelope. I mean, you'd have thought someone had died, what with black being associated with mourning and funerals. Nobody had died though, unfortunately. The only people in the family I liked and cared for were already dead so anybody else dying really would have made my day, perhaps even my year. All the rest of the family (that were still living) were exactly the same as my parents and the other old pureblood family's that weren't labelled 'blood-traitors' Bigots, the lot of them. How I despise them.

So you can imagine the smile as I saw the black envelope, thoughts of which family member had croaked it occupying my mind. Then I read the letter inside. It was like the ceiling of the Great Hall was in tune with my own emotions. It was a calm and reasonably bright blue sky that very quickly became dark and overcast. The letter was from my mother, asking how the courtship with Draco was coming along and telling me that she had been talking with Blaise's mother about a marriage between him and myself. If Blaise's mother accepted I knew that another letter would be sent to me instantly telling me to stop fraternising with Draco and leave him to his own devices as he had no use to me and them anymore. There wasn't even a 'and how are you dear?' tagged on at the end. Nope, that's not what happened in my family. The day it did would be the day my mother either lost her mind or became terminally ill. They were the only two instances where she would actually care. Even if I was on my deathbed, she wouldn't be able to say that.

I'd looked up and somehow managed to catch the eye of Luna Lovegood, who was looking at me from the Ravenclaw table with blatant and obvious worry. I was touched to say the least. She had obviously seen the owl and the letter and was concerned about my welfare. As astounding as it should have been (but wasn't), she seemed to be the only one in my life who cared at all about Pansy the girl, not Pansy the potential bride or Pansy the broodmare. With a heavy heart I had thrown down my knife and fork unceremoniously and left the table, not really feeling any strong urge to eat anymore. My appetite had deserted me once again and I was feeling so upset and angry that I couldn't even bring myself to look at Luna as I left.

I'd headed towards the dungeons and the Potions classroom; it was my first lesson of the day after all. Then just when I was near the classroom I heard a voice call out to me and, naturally, I froze and thought 'oh crap!' There wasn't any circumstance where hearing that voice was a good thing, even though I was a Slytherin. You'd be surprised how most of the time that only made things a little better for you. Sure, he showed favouritism towards us but that was only for show. When no one else was looking he was rather harsh actually.

"Miss Parkinson, a word" I slowly turned round to find my potions professor and Head of house standing right behind me. You guessed it, Professor Snape in all his menacing glory. Menacing really was a good word to describe him. He was like an avenging angel, except he was far from an angel. Maybe a hellish nightmarish version of an avenging angel, or perhaps even a terrible avenging God. Snape as a God, what a horrifying thought.

"Yes sir?" I asked, trying to come off as cool and nonchalant as I could. I had no idea what he wanted to talk to me about but it was very rare that the great Professor Snape ever deigned to speak to such a lowly individual as myself. Draco perhaps, maybe even Blaise but not I, I was not in the same league as any of them. Naturally, I thought the worst and was prepared for a dreadful inquisition, which would lead to a week's worth of detentions with that old wheezy windbag filch and his blasted cat. God, I wished that thing had stayed petrified from our second year. Mrs Norris was a sneaky bastard and I didn't like that quality in a cat. It was disturbing.

"You seemed off a little earlier, is there anything wrong?" He inquired much to my surprise. Total shock in fact. Professor Snape actually did give a rat's arse about someone like me, a non-entity. Someone owl the Daily Prophet! I had to wonder now though, perhaps he had cared (or as close to caring as a cold-hearted, miserable bastard can) all along, and I'd just never given him any cause for concern until now. Now that I thought about it, it did make sense to a certain degree. It was the Slytherin way, unless we said, you'd never know we felt anything other than contempt and hatred for most of humanity.

His question though; 'is there anything wrong?' Well of course there was something bloody wrong! Pretty much everything I see or hear of is wrong and the worst of it is, I can't do jack shit to stop it now can I? No, I just have to play the game and slowly wither and die inside (not to be too dramatic) Still, I had to tell him something. Oh to hell with it; why not just tell him the truth? There wasn't much harm that could come from it.

"Yes sir, there is a lot wrong. Marriage proposals for one" I said with a sigh, leaning against the cold wall behind me and trying not to bludgeon myself to death against the stone. Professor Snape wouldn't be happy about clearing up the mess of blood and brain I'd leave behind. He sighed tersely and shook his head, striding past me to pull open the classroom door. He gestured for me to follow him in and I complied without saying a thing. I may be many things but I am respectful to my elders to their face, for the most part. Also, it didn't take Crabbe or Goyle to figure out that you did not speak until Professor Snape told you to; no good would come of any other course of action. He was a temperamental swine after all.

"Try not to think on it Miss Parkinson, you will only depress yourself. So long as you are in education at Hogwarts you will not have to marry. By that time you may find that you have someone in mind yourself. Or you might have successfully managed to convince your parents to leave you to your own devices" It was awfully rude of me to do so but I couldn't help laughing at that last part. I knew I was going to pay for the laughter but I really just could not help it. It was so optimistic of him, and that was one word that never went with Professor Snape, the Dark Cloud himself. However I was pleasantly surprised to find that he was trying not to smile. When this was all over and done with I was seriously considering going down to the Kitchens and demanding one of the Hogwarts house elves to tell me if someone had slipped something in my drink, or Professor Snape's. This whole thing was surreal.

"Perhaps I am being too optimistic. Now sit down and get your books out" That sternness made it's usual appearance in his voice again. The cameo of kindness was over. For all intents and purposes, I threw myself into a chair and hurriedly unpacked my books, ready for the lesson.

It made me wonder; perhaps I have found myself an ally diary

Yours

Pansy