Chapter 8: Judging You

When I woke up, my heart was pounding, my heart was racing, and I was drenched in sweat. Nausea surged through my stomach and up into my throat. I needed to puke. Now.

I couldn't have run to the bathroom any faster.

My throat burned. I curled up on the floor next to the toilet and whined. The tile was cool, and I pressed my forehead against it.

I heard footsteps stick across the tile. A hand rubbed my side.

And then I heard his voice, "Are you okay?"

My eyes widened. I rolled over, and there was Cedric, standing above me. He was only wearing his boxers.

"Oh my god," I sputtered, and then retched into the toilet again. Cedric held my hair, just like he used to.

Once I had emptied my stomach, Cedric helped me off the floor. I hugged myself, and then realized I was wearing my underwear and what was his t-shirt from the night.

My head pounded, and I pressed my hand against my temple to try to make it stop. I wondered where I had left my wand—I could have very easily done a healing spell that would have alleviated the pain. But I left my wand with Kelly before I left, after I said goodbye to George…

"George," I gasped. Cedric grimaced at his name. "And Cho. Merlin Ced, what have we done?"

George was going to kill me. Or worse, George would guilt me. I promised him nothing would happen between Cedric and me and yet here I was, dressed in his shirt, traces of his saliva still on my lips. I thought I had moved past my feelings for Cedric; I thought I had better control over myself. What had we done?

I felt another wave of nausea that had nothing to do with alcohol.

Cedric pressed his lips together. He crossed his arms in front of his bare chest, and stared at me sadly.

"Merlin," I said again, softer this time. "You meant it."

"Of course I did," he muttered. "Didn't you?"

"I can't remember anything past when you first kissed me."

Cedric chuckled. "Still a lightweight."

"When you said Cho didn't like me, is it because she knew that you still loved me?"

Cedric shrugged. But he said, "Probably."

I pressed my hands against my temple, trying to stop the throbbing in my brain. What would George think?

"When we had sex, I told you I loved you?" I tried to remember, but the past few hours were completely blank.

"Yes."

Did I lie? My filter was completely shut off by then, so I must have told the truth. But if I still loved Cedric, was it possible for me to love George in the same way? Who did I love more?

Cedric watched my face twitch. He offered, "I'll walk you home. Get some sleep and sober up, love. We can talk tomorrow."

"Your task is tomorrow night," I reminded him.

"We'll find time," he reassured me.

"Cedric…" I said warningly.

Cedric pulled me in an embrace. His shoulder was cold, and I rested my head against it.

"No matter what happens between us, I'll never regret this night." Cedric rubbed my back in steady circles—the same way he used to when we were dating. "You're perfect, even when you're drunk."

I wanted him to kiss me. Maybe I could crawl back into his bed for one more night. Maybe I could savor this memory and no one else would know… I wouldn't tell Kelly or Kim or George. This could be for Cedric and I.

When Cedric found my clothes and told me to get dressed, I almost told him no. But then I thought of George, sleeping soundly in Gryffindor tower, and obliged. Buried deep down somewhere, I was still a kind and trustworthy girlfriend.

As soon as I got back to Ravenclaw, I found my wand and eased the pulsing pain in my temple. Kelly was asleep, and I briefly thought about waking her up the same way I did that night I cheated on Cedric. She would rub my back and fetch Kim, and we would snuggle in my bed until we fell asleep.

I couldn't think anymore. The room was still spinning when I closed my eyes.


June 24, 1995.

Kelly shook me awake rather violently. I swatted at her, but she persisted.

"Michelle," she sang. When I didn't budge, she sat on top of me. "George is looking for you."

My eyes snapped wide open. All at once, the events of last night and early morning came flooding back to me.

I asked, panicky, "Why?"

Kelly snickered. "He's your boyfriend? He wanted to know how last night went."

"What time is it?"

"Past noon." Kelly flicked her wand at the curtains in the window, and they drew open. "Gorgeous day for the task. Hope Cedric's sobered up."

"Jesus," I swore. I scrambled out of bed and quickly rifled through my dresser for something that didn't say "I'm a cheating whore girlfriend."

"What's going on with you?" Kelly asked. "Are you okay?"

I almost told her. The words were so close, on the tip of my tongue, the roof of my mouth, but I swallowed them down into my stomach.

"Yeah," I answered shakily. "Just thrown off."

"Right." Kelly didn't believe me, but she also didn't persist. "So how was the party?"

"Fun." I wriggled a new pair of pants up my hips, and zipped them back. "Kim and I got very, very drunk."

"Kim says you disappeared at the end of the night," Kelly said matter-of-factly, "with Cedric."

"Fuck," I said a little too loudly. I hurried around my room, looking for the right shirt. "She said that, huh?"

"What's going on?" Kelly repeated.

"Nothing," I said shrilly. "Everything's fine."

I didn't hear Kelly move. But before I could think, I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"I'm not judging you," she said softly. "But George needs to know."

"Know what?" my voice was frantic and shrill.

"That you slept with Cedric," Kelly said matter-of-factly.

The color drained from my face. "How did you know?"

"I ventured a guess. You are acting pretty weird."

I relented, "I'm an asshole, right?"

Kelly smirked. "A little bit. Why'd you do it?"

"I was drunk, mostly." The situation seemed so pathetic when I thought about it. "He told me he loved me, and then he kissed me, and honestly I can't remember anything about that. We definitely fucked that. My lady parts hurt."

"He said he loved you?" my friend repeated.

I smiled weakly. "This is my life."

"How do you feel about Cedric?"

"Compared to George, I have no idea. I love both of them, as wrong as that sounds," I thought aloud, "I'll have to make a choice though. One or the other."

"Or neither," Kelly suggested. "Give yourself some time to think it over."

I didn't like the sound of it, but I knew she was right. Breaking up with both boys would be the right choice.

"I think I'll do it after the task tonight," I told her. "Ced said he wanted to talk. Maybe once he's sober he'll realize how absolutely awful I am. Then I can cry to George and we'll move on."

"Something tells me it's not going to be that easy." Kelly shook her head.

Something told me she was right.


A/N: We're almost there... who do you think Michelle should pick?