A/N: Yosh! Another update that didn't take ages. (beams) Hooray?

First things first, of course! THANK YOU, so much, for you absolutely amazing reviews! (glomps) You guys sure know how to keep my inspiration swirling. So thank you! (hugs again)

Awkay… (takes a breath) I suppose it's time to get to the business. I really hope this turns out to be a good ride!


Damaged


For all his life Derek had hated being judged or especially questioned. That's why he was shaking with fury as he sat before Erin Strauss with the woman interrogating like he was an UnSub when he should've been…

"Agent Morgan." Erin's eyes were sharp, definitely those of a predator. "Tell me how you knew detective Matt Spicer."

Derek glanced towards a uncomfortably loud clock hanging on the wall. Another minute ticked by. "He was my partner when I was still working in LAPD." He didn't feel like mentioning that he met Matt long before that, in another life. That Matt was the one who coaxed him out of Chicago, away from the shadows of past. "We worked together for years and became friends." Even after a decade the wounds were fresh and tender. But somehow he had a nasty feeling that the worst part was to come.

Erin nodded, making notes, then focused on him again. "How about Ellie Spicer?"

Derek felt like someone had just kicked him. He swallowed and could've sworn there was blood in his mouth. "She's detective Spicer's daughter."

Erin frowned, going through the documents before her. "I assumme you two were close. She was also your goddaughter. Yours and Kristin Spicer's, detective Spicer's sister's. Correct?"

Derek nodded, gritting his teeth. "Yes."

Erin made more notes, then searched through her pile of papers once more. The silence stretched, became heavy. "You were a part of the team that found detective Spicer and Kristin murdered, and Ellie taken." Her eyes seemed to see right into his head. "You were also the one who shot the man responsible, Billy Flynn, to death."

A stab of pain ran through Derek and he shuddered. Even with the help of Jason Gideon's BAU-team, despite all their attempts of reaching out for Billy, they'd been too late.

/ As clearly as back then Derek saw the blood all over unharmed Billy Flynn's clothes, the wicked smirk on his face, the gleam in his eyes. "Did you really think that I'd fall for your pathetic trap? That I'd let you take her away from me? She'll be with me forever." /

Derek's eyes narrowed slightly while his blood pressure rose. "Yes." With all the frustration he'd been forced to pent up lately he wasn't sure how much more of this he'd be able to endure without rupturing physically.

"You believed she'd been killed."

Derek's jaw hurt with how tight it became. "Even though we couldn't find her body we had every reason to assume so, yes."

"Derek." The use of his first name caught him off guard. Erin sighed and leaned forward, taking off her reading glasses. There were no walls between them. "I know Ellie is the reason you joined the FBI. I understand that you care about her a lot. And that's what I'm worried about." She rubbed the bridge of her nose with two fingers. "Now that she's involved this is no longer just a case we helped with for you. When it comes to her I'm not convinced that you'll be able to make rational decisions."

Of course Derek understood her concerns. But nonetheless his blood boiled and his fists balled so tightly it hurt. "Are you seriously saying that I'm not allowed to work on this case anymore?" His voice shook with rage and frustration. Finally, after ten years, he had the chance to find Ellie. He finally had the fucking chance to catch Foyet. And now… "This case requires the entire team's work! You can't…!"

"Yes, I can. But that's not why I'm doing this." She sighed, visibly on the edge of snapping. "This case isn't ours to deal with anymore. Do you understand that, agent Morgan? Your team did everything possible. Now you need to trust other people to take care of the rest."

Derek sent her a flat look, disbelief and overflown fury striking him numb. "If I'm supposed to sit back doing nothing… Then why are you asking me all these questions? Why…?" He trailed off.

He'd never seen the kind of a look on Erin's face before. It was a hurricane warning. "Because in full honesty I'm not sure I can trust you to be professional – to not do more than your job. Because I think you need break."

Derek's facial muscles spasmed and he could feel an explosion coming. "A break?" He didn't need a fucking break. He needed this whole nightmare to be over!

"Your perfomance at work hasn't been as good as it should be for a while now and it's something that raises concerns. That's why you'll be on a paid leave for a month. I've already discussed this with Aaron. I want you to leave your gun to me."

Derek couldn't believe that this was actually happening. So he was pushed away, just like that? "What if I don't approve?"

Erin's expression was nearly pleading. "What exactly do you think you'd accomplish with that?" She leaned closer to him. "This isn't a punishment – this is an opportunity, the best you could get. I'd suggest you take it."

Derek wasn't in the mood for being appreciative. Quickly, gritting his teeth to keep himself from hissing out something that'd get him into a even deeper mess, Derek took his gun and tossed it to the desk. He couldn't resist slamming the door upon leaving.

Derek wasn't surprised to find Aaron in the hallway. In an instant anger flared through, seeping to his tongue. "I just figured out why you've been keeping an eye on me." His tone was openly bitter, almost hostile. "So you actually went and questioned my performance to Strauss."

"You refused all help, Morgan. With the way you've behaved I had no other choice." Aaron's voice was tight, seemed to carry a message he didn't quite catch. He felt uncomfortably lot like he'd been profiled as the man looked at him. "I understand that this is hard for you…"

"No, you don't", Derek snarled. His eyes narrowed ever so slightly while the chill inside him hugged even more tightly. "If you did you would've never done this to me." With those words he stormed out of the building, into a world that was even colder than the one inside him.

The shadows of past were everywhere around him, closing in on him. And there wasn't a fucking thing he could do about them now.


Spencer discovered that playing a violin and shooting a gun were almost polar opposites.

With his violin all he needed to know were the notes and the most basic functions of his instrument. The rest came from his very soul. He never played with anything less than all of his heart. Never without letting the music take over all of his mind.

But with a gun… Well, before he'd even agreed to take the weapon into his hands he'd studied each and every part of it, just to know what he was dealing with. In the process he got a all too clear picture of how dangerous the piece of metal was. But he wasn't supposed to feel a thing – one musn't fire a gun with emotion. It was all physics and math. Physics and math with which he was preparing himself for killing someone. Ready, aim, press. That's all. No strings attached, even if he saw Foyet's face before his eyes every single time he fired the gun. Or was it George he saw, the man who shared his bed, the man who…?

Spencer really, really hated guns.

He sensed a presence and tensed up until he recognized the scent that lingered around the arrival. He finished off, the turned around to discover Emily standing behind him. One of her eyebrows arched while she took a look at the shots he'd made. "Impressive."

Spencer shrugged, feeling a tiny hint of pride although the metal he was still holding seemed to burn his fingers. "It's not that hard to estimate which angle I have to choose to hit the target – it's basic geometry. In here it isn't even necessary to calculate the effect of wind."

Emily stared at him almost incredulously for a moment, then shook her head and smiled. "C'mon. I'm taking you home."

The drive was silent but Spencer didn't mind. With Emily silences were always comfortable and it felt nice to have at least one person around him with whom he wasn't obligated to talk.

They'd almost made it to his apartment building when she spoke. "I think you should know… Morgan was forced to take a month long leave today."

Spencer blinked once, feeling his facial muscles tighten. "Oh." Why was she telling him this?

Emily was thoughtful for a moment before talking. "Morgan… has some issues he isn't comfortable with sharing. Issues that… complicate certain things in his life." She waited for his reaction and went on upon receiving none. "I'm not going to go into details because it's not my place. He needs to share those things with you at his own pace. But… I just need you to understand that he isn't hurting you out of spite. You'll just need to have a lot of patience with him."

Spencer felt the load of questions on his tongue. They were so sharp that it burned. But instead of unleashing them he half-whispered something else. "What if I can't do that?" His eyes narrowed and he rubbed them with one hand. He was so sick and tired of all this. "I can't shoulder both our burden, Emily. It's unfair."

Emily smiled slightly, stopping the car outside his apartment building. "That's not what I'm asking you to do. I just wish you have the heart to give him a one more chance." She then looked at him, appearing slightly worried. "I'll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself."

Spencer nodded, a smile making its way to his face. "You too. Goodnight."

She gave him a wave. "Goodnight."

Spencer took a good look around him, making sure there were no suspicious shadows lurking on his tails, then walked quickly to the building and entered. His head was a blur as he marched up the stairs, fidgeting at every sound that cut through the absolute silence.

His brain, apparently, chose to go out of control. He honestly couldn't tell who owned the imaginary hands sneaking their way forward on his skin.

/ "Don't be so shy, Pretty boy. Let me show you how beautiful you are." /

/ Foyet's lips claimed his as his pleasure reached its peak, effectively swallowing and devouring the cry that crawled through his throat. /

/ "What the hell are you expecting of me? What the fuck do you want me to say?" /

Finally making it to his apartment's door he opened it and slipped in as quickly as he could, hurriedly securing all five locks. It felt like he'd been locking himself into a dungeon. He closed his eyes when the room spun as claustrophobia began to set in.

Spencer took several deep, wheezing breaths, trying to will his tight chest into loosening, then opened his eyes once more. They shimmered in the room's cold, dead light.

/ "I don't want this!" /

/ Foyet's hands were hard and demanding when the man cornered him against a wall, those hands trapping his wrists. There was something that chilled and allured him in the man's eyes. "I want you, Doc", the man growled into his ear before licking the skin. "And when I want something… I pursue until I get it." /

/ "I don't know what the hell you're doing to me." /

Spencer didn't care if it was much too late for coffee. He needed caffeine to chase away the headache that was crushing his skull.


Ellie Spicer had always been good at sneaking around unnoticed. She liked to think it was something she inherited from her father for whom such a quality was crucial in the line of duty. She couldn't help wondering what he'd think of her if he'd see her now, if he'd know who'd protected his daughter after he no longer could.

Ellie yawned and stretched, turning her head from side to side. She'd never been a particularly patient person. This hiding around doing basically nothing was driving her insane. That's why she'd decided that she needed some fun.

She heard steps long before the deep, gruff voice of George Foyet spoke. "What the hell do you think you're doing? You know we can't risk using the internet."

Ellie smirked, quickly hiding away all evidence of what she'd been doing. "Relax. I was just fooling around a little bit." She then glanced towards her companion and wrinkled her nose at his disheveled appearance. "This hiding around really doesn't suit you."

George snorted, then turned sharply and began to make his way back to the bedroom. "Make damn sure you leave no traces, then get back to bed. We'll have a busy day ahead of us."

Ellie nodded like a good, obedient girl, then looked towards the computer once more and smirked slightly.

She was sure Derek knew she was alive by now. She would've given a lot if she'd been able to see the look on his face when he'd receive her official 'Hi'.


Several weeks with barely any sleep do things to people. Spencer felt like he'd been sleepwalking as he made his way through a long, uncomfortably brightly lit hallway. Despite the clothing in between he scratched his arm and frowned.

It was three weeks from when he felt Derek's hands on him. So why couldn't the touch disappear already?

That was when he heard it. A violin, a melody that wasn't as pure as it should've been. That and a tiny, heartbreaking sob.

Unable to stop himself he peered into the auditorium he'd just passed by. In there a girl who couldn't be older than eleven with long, black hair and huge, equally dark eyes was on the verge of tears as she stared at her instrument helplessly.

Spencer had never been fluent with children. That's why he was about to leave until the girl noticed him and looked at him with her eyes full of despair. She chewed her lower lip. "I… heard you here, last week, when I visited daddy." She appeared embarrassed. "I was hoping I'd be as good if I'd play here."

Not quite sure how to feel Spencer approached slowly. "Can I try your violin?"

The girl nodded eagerly, handing the instrument. As soon as he caught a hold of it Spencer noticed how heavy it was, paid attention to the delicate strings. Expensive, and much too demanding for a child.

Spencer took a deep breath, then played a couple of notes. That was all it took. The music sneaked right under his skin, caught a hold of him before he could do a thing to stop it. Two notes turned into ten and soon music filled the entire auditorium, echoed in the walls like a howl.

Spencer had made it about halfway through when he felt the eyes. His eyes opened halfway, shifted towards the furthest seats of the auditorium. His teeth gritted together.

This girl wasn't the only one who knew he came here to practice. Derek showed up almost every day, most likely imagining that he was too worked up to notice. Sometimes he preferred thinking he was imagining things because whenever the music faded away the agent was already gone. But today he was done pretending.

The melody changed, deepened, gained a much angrier sidetone. He'd never been a overly verbal person when it came to expressing his emotions. This was the best way he found to show just how deep the cut went.

The music flowed on, like the hiss of a angered poisonous snake, unleashing all the venom that'd been circling inside him. He played until his fingers and wrist hurt, until he was sure he wouldn't be able to hold back the tears any longer. Fire flared under his skin and he wanted to scream out loud but decided to let the music do all the talking instead.

And then it was all over. On the outside, at very least.

The music's echo died out. It became very, very quiet. The only sound he could hear was the beat of his heart and the rush of his blood. Everything inside him was screaming.

The girl stared at him with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Wow."

Spencer swallowed. As he handed back the violin his hands trembled so badly that it was a miracle he didn't drop the instrument. It took his all not to glance towards Derek. "The violin… It's alright. You'll just need to tighten the strings. And keep practicing. One day you may be better than me."

The girl beamed up at him. "Thank you."

Spencer did his best to offer a smile in return, then turned and walked away as fast as he possibly could. Walked away from the eyes burning holes to his back.

Derek felt like he'd been torn to shreds as the music kept reiterating in the back of his head.

He'd never, ever meant to cause such pain. Spencer had to know that, right? Spencer had to understand that…

He'd already pushed himself up and taken one step to follow the genius until his cell phone started to ring. Fighting the urge to curse loudly he picked up. "What?"

"It's me." At first he wanted to hang up but something in Aaron's voice convinced him otherwise. "I know you're still on leave but something important came up."

Derek shuddered, feeling lightheaded. Spencer was already long gone. "I'll be right over." So saying he hung up and instead of following the brunet went the opposite way although everything inside him screamed against it.


Although she was a bit of a nerd Emily Prentiss detested computers. They never worked too well with her.

That particular day her left eyebrow began to twitch when a yet another of Penelope Garcia's attempts of opening a e-mail's file from Ellie Spicer led nowhere. The computer genius shook her head, appearing desperate. "I'm sorry, but… It's so well encrypted that I can't make any sense to it. I have no idea how to open it."

"How about the password?" David inquired, his voice tighter than usual.

Penelope shook her head. "One more wrong suggestion and the entire file will self destruct. I already got a warning."

"Can I try?" Derek's voice startled them all. Turning their heads they saw the man standing by the room's doorway, a determined look on his face.

There was obvious tension in the air while Aaron nodded, giving the younger man a clear route to the computer. There were things that would have to be talked through but the time for that was later. Once in front of the computer Derek typed and pressed enter. In an instant they were granted an access.

Emily blinked. "What was the password?"

Derek's jaw tightened to what looked like a painful extend. "It was her dad's badge number. She wanted me to be the one who opens this."

The screen was black. They all leaned forward with frowns on their faces. Was someone playing a stupid joke on them?

And then Ellie appeared. Ellie, completely naked and a bizarre, calm look on her face.

In an instant Emily saw the deep, long scars all over the girl's pale skin. It was easy to see that the young woman had gone through a hell. Emily couldn't even imagine how much it hurt Derek to see the marks.

"Hey uncle Derek. I know I shouldn't have done this but I wanted to leave you a message. I wanted you to see what happened to the little girl you once knew." Ellie put on a shirt, then went on. The look in her eyes changed to something a lot more dangerous. "You weren't supposed to abandon me, ever. You swore to my father that you'd always protect me like I was your own daughter. But you betrayed us both – you gave up on me. Now I'm going to make you pay for breaking all your promises." So saying she switched off the camera. The screen was black once more.

It was completely, absolutely silent. The just about only movement in the entire room came from Derek's chest that moved harshly with his laboured breathing. There was a absolutely torn look on his face and he squeezed the desk before him so hard that his hands shook. Anyone could tell that he was only an inch from breaking down.

"Derek…", JJ started but was cut off by a firm shake of head.

"Just leave." It was a hiss yet held no fire in it. Derek's eyes shimmered for a moment. "Just… Just leave me alone, for a while."

The team was reluctant but they knew that there was nothing they could do for him now.

While everyone else left Emily and Derek remained. She gave him a look. "We haven't lost her yet, you know?"

Derek nodded slowly, unable to look away from the screen. "Yeah. I know. I just… wish there was something I could do for her."

"There'll be time for that later. But right now…" Emily paused for a second, wondering if she was saying the right thing. "Right now, there's someone else with whom you could reconcile. Someone who needs you to be there for him."

Derek's eyes narrowed. "I don't want to talk about it, Prentiss."

She shrugged, preparing to leave. "You shouldn't be talking about it with me, anyway. But you really should have a chat with him." She began to walk away. "If you ever want something from him you have to give something in return." With that she was gone, leaving Derek to his thoughts.


It took almost a week before Derek managed to not only gather himself for following Emily's advice but to find the opportunity to do as she'd told.

It was already two in the morning and he'd been driving around for so long that he was almost out of gass when something caught his attention through the pouring, blinding rain.

A man was standing there on the sidewalk, arms folded to a chest in a desperate attempt to chase away the cold. The man was so drenched that it took long before Derek recognized him as Spencer Reid.

Derek felt his heart stop for a second.

Spencer hadn't seen his car yet – it would've been so very easy to drive away and pretend that he wasn't even there. Instead he stopped the car and pushed the passenger's door open. "You look like you could use a ride." His first instinct was to ask what the hell Spencer was doing there at such hour, if the man was alright, but he chose against it. If he wanted even the slightest chance of making things right he'd have to approach with caution.

Although Spencer didn't seem to be drunk it took a couple of second's before the man's bleary eyes recognized him. When they did the brunet fell even paler than before. For a while it looked like the man would run away.

"C'mon." Derek hoped he didn't sound as desperate as he feared. He felt choked up although he couldn't tell why. "Believe it or not this is most likely the best offer you'll get tonight."

Spencer hesitated for a couple of more seconds before finally sliding cautiously to the passenger's seat, staying as far from him as possible. The silence between them was stiff, harder than any stone. As he led the car back to the road Derek couldn't help wondering if he was too late, after all.

In the end the icy silence got too much for Derek. When the car stopped to a red light he took a deep breath, then squeezed out the words. "I didn't say those things because I wouldn't care about you, Spencer." The light turned green but he didn't press gas pedal. At such hour there was no one who would've minded. He swallowed although his throat felt uncomfortably dry. "I said those things because I'm starting to care too much."

It was suffocatingly quiet once more, apart from Spencer's unnaturally loud breathing. Rain made it impossible to see if the traffic light was red once more.

Derek rubbed his face with both hands, wanted to pull his hair. What the hell was he supposed to do? "I'm trying to stop fucking things up but I don't know how, okay? I don't have a clue what the hell I'm supposed to do next."

The light turned green. "I don't know a thing about you, you know?"

Derek blinked twice, looking towards the younger man. "Huh?" This was not one of those directions he'd expected this conversation to take.

Spencer glanced towards him, then went on as though not having even heard him. "You don't know everything about me, either. But… I'd like to get to know you", the brunet said quietly, staring into space for a moment before focusing on him once more. The genius' eyes appeared a lot older than before. "I believe in second chances. Just…" The man fidgeted. "Don't ever push me away like that, got that? Never make me feel that used again." Spencer looked so terrified, so throughoutly petrified, that it broke Derek's heart. But the brunet didn't make a move to leave. Spencer cared about him so much that the man was willing to sit still and face the storm. Spencer considered him worth it.

For the longest time Derek could only stare.

The few people he'd told about his past experiences had told him it wasn't his fault. But at that very moment all those words, the absolution, materialized in the form of Spencer.

Derek didn't fall apart but some cracks appeared to the armor he'd built around himself. Cracks that let a part of the acid that'd been running through him for such a long time pour out. It felt so good that it was almost terrifying.

Derek had absolutely no idea where the two of them were headed and it scared him out of his mind. But the fear was nothing compared to that he felt upon realizing what he'd have to say next. "There's… something I need to tell you. It's no excuse for anything, but... I want you to know." He refused to look towards Spencer, instead gulped thickly and licked his lips. His body was trembling while his heart hammered. "There's… When I was a child I knew this man, Carl Buford…"


William Reid was perfectly aware of the risks of being predictable. But nonetheless he had certain routines. Ironically, that particular day he didn't follow them.

Instead of being at work until the night was already upon him William was taken down by a headache at seven thirty p.m. Grateful that there was still a pharmacy open he stopped by, purchased a huge amount of Aspirin and drove home. He knew there was something wrong the second he opened the door.

Most days his cat Daisy, a twelve-year-old, one-eyed old lady most probably considered hideous, was far too lazy to even crack her soul eye open when he came home. Today she ran almost right at him, mewing loudly.

William frowned, scratching the feline's head. She refused to calm down. "Hey, princess. What's going on? Are you hungry?" Unfortunately the cold shivers going all the way through him proved otherwise.

The headache, however, swept over caution. Deciding that he needed immediate relief or he'd lose his mind William made his way to the kitchen, ignoring Daisy's distraught noises. He'd managed to swallow down one pill and some water until he heard the steps.

The hair in the back of his neck rose and he knew.

"You should've made a deal, William."

A gunshot echoed through the apartment like a loud, vicious snarl of rage.


TBC, right?


A/N: Uh huh… 'Looks like a storm is upon us. (shudders)

PLEASE, leave a note! Let me hear ya out! It'd seriously make my day. (gives puppy's eyes) Easter's just around the corner. I may have some chocolate eggs to sweeten the deal…

IN THE NEXT ONE: Things have turned upside down once more and Foyet is more dangerous than ever. How will the new twists affect the budding bond between Reid and Morgan? Emotions run high on every side.

Until next time, folks! I hope ya'll stay tuned for that one.

Peace out!


Nicolethecrazyone: Awww! (grins from ear to ear) I'm almost blushing here.

Poor boys, no? (winces) Let's hope Morgan manages to make things right before it's too late.

Gigantic thank yous for the review!


Winter Cicada: He does, doesn't he? At the moment he's hurting two people. (groans)

The joys of fanfiction, no? (chuckles)

And now Ellie's in. (quirks an eyebrow) We'll see how that twist affects things…

Huge thank yous for the review! I'm really glad to hear you found the song fitting, too. (beams)