Chapter Two

My life at the moment doesn't really consist of much; sleep, eat a little, shower and have my music glued to my ears 24/7. I guess, that's the main reason I'm getting a little restless with myself. I built the walls myself, preventing anything else from getting in but now, it seems like I'm going to have to go against what I started. Honestly, I think I'm beginning to go insane. I mean, imagine it, shutting yourself out from everything. No contact with friends and family. No foot has placed itself outside. And thinking about it, I've probably lost my job as well. But that's all going to change. Starting now.

So, with my new urge to go and do something, I think it's probably best I try and make things better between me and everyone I decided to blocked out through me, acting a wee selfish and immature git. I glance to my clock which reads a healthy half one, which means by half two, I should be showered, dressed and prepared a foundation of something to say to my mum.

"Hey, mum, you there?" Over and over I repeat the same calling, weaving in and out of each room.

"Mum?" Seriously, you'd think by now I'd suss out the fact she isn't actually here but, you know that way you get when you just keep going and going, until you have no will to keep going? Yeah, I'm a little like that right now. I actually need her. At least some indication from her would have been nice.

Giving up, I flop myself down onto the couch and peer towards the kitchen. A sickly sweet smell of chocolate seems to be finding its way to my nose, and being the lover of chocolate that I am, I go check it out. Instead of taking my time, I launch myself into the kitchen and stare at the masterpiece before my eyes; a massive chocolate cake. Making sure the coast is clear, I move like a ninja. Cupboard open; grab a plate before turning and snatching the first knife from the grips of the holder before introducing both cake and knife to one another. Then, in one swift movement a perfect triangle of cake was separated from the mass and, placed it ever so gently on my plate. Perfect.

Equipped with my chocolate cake and a fresh can of Pepsi Max out the fridge, it only makes sense that I head off to my room, and wait for my mum to get back. Thinking about it, I should probably start sorting through my phone, if there was actually anything on it. I'm starting to doubt anyone actually still has the will to care after I, continuously pushed them away.

With my new found optimism about everything, I decide that whilst still waiting on my mum, I'll plan everything out on how I wish to fix things with everyone. Right now, is probably the best time to check my phone; with The Summer Set – Passenger Seat playing pretty loudly, chocolate cake filling my stomach and for the first time in a long time, a smile on my face, I set to tackling my problem of any texts messages. Switching my phone on is an actual nightmare, I honestly swear I need a new one. To get it on, you have to slightly jimmy the on bottom at the top in a certain way whilst trying to push it down all at the same time; mind you, I am trying to stuff my face with cake at the same time, adding to the difficulty factor. After a good few minutes of fiddling away, 3 songs later and a few screams of frustration, I finally manage to push the little bugger in. That's what she said. I know you were all thinking it too!

It didn't really take long for my phone to continuously vibrate and lighting up informing me on the fact I have a new text. You'd think that people would actually begin to get the idea that I didn't want to talk to them for the past few weeks so you'd then think they wouldn't even bother to text. Then again, my friends aren't quite that bright. With the number adding up way past 30 it's probably right I wait with another slice of cake. With "Coffee Shop Soundtrack" by the overly gorgeous boys of All Time Low; I somewhat find myself singing and bobbling along to the words as I move awkwardly down towards the kitchen. "When it all comes down to a sunrise on the east side Will you be there to carry home the remains of my wasted youth? This wasted time on you has left me shaking in waiting, shaking in waiting for something more!"
And at that exact moment, my mum and Kasper decide that now was the perfect time to come strolling through the living room, towards the bottom of the stairs where, conveniently they begin to stare.

Before I can even get some sort of explanation out Kasper is already hurling himself on top of me, screeching about how I am alive, and how much he missed with – with the show of his hands stretching out to either side helping to empathise his point. Sitting there with his lump of a body squishing me, I can't help smile as I listen and watch the way he's acting; the little smile plastered on his face and the way his bright green eyes jump with excitement when talking about all the things he's been up to with mum.

"…and, and, and I made chocolate cake last night! You should see it Melly. It's MASSSSSSSSSSIVE" he beamed, showing off the gaps in his gaps through lost teeth.

"Ahaha! About that Kasper. I might have accidently fell and cut a slice of cake where it then fell into my mouth and I ate it. But that's cool, right? Because I'm your bestest and biggest sister in the world.."

And before I could get another word in, he hit my arm with a serious face on. Know that face when all kids pretend to be angry but soon fades when giggles escape their mouths? Kasper was standing right in front of me pulling the exact face whilst I myself, tried to keep a straight face and wait for the giggles.

30 seconds later, the giggles were out and he was jumping on the spot gleaming with joy. Apparently, he was happy to see me and that I could eat the whole chocolate cake if I wanted too. I thanked him for the offer before heading to the kitchen where I noticed my mum had headed with the bags of shopping.

To say I was nervous about talking to her would be an understatement. I knew what I wanted to say, but standing there watching her from the entrance of the room, I wasn't so sure if my words would actually come out.
I was scared. Not of the things that I had to say, but the things my mum might have wanted to say to me. I knew I had let her down; there was no question about it. But, when the one person you look up to you might say it, it's always going to hurt 100 times more than it would if it were to come from someone else, less important.

Breaking my stare, and the silence that was held present, my mum spoke first;
"Mell, are you okay honey?"

A little startled from the break in silence, my response isn't as solid as it should be, as a silent "yeah" escapes my lips. Biting my lip, I'm trying to find any courage of just spilling out my apology but I couldn't. I didn't know how to look my mum in the eyes and admit defeat. I wasn't like that. I'd fight my case – even if I knew I was in the wrong. I'd make up excuses, to try to turn things my ways.

Noticing the silence from my part, my mum takes matters into her hands. Finishing placing the shopping in the places it belongs, she slowly but surely walks over to and wraps her arms around me. And with that, I melt. The warmth of her hug sets me off into a downward spiral of tears. Continuous tears that refuse to stop.

"I'm sorry mum. I didn't mean to act this way.." Is the best I can get out through sobs. Within the 20 minutes standing there, a few more sorrys escape only to meet the "honey it's fine" and "shh, now" and "okays" from my mum.

Wiping my tears away in that fashion all mums seem to do. You know the way I mean; so delicately just with a single finger. And somehow, always smiling at the same time. It's a little motion that seems to help make things seem better. That it's okay to cry, and the reason for the tears is gone. It's vanished and you're safe.

Smiling her bold, beautiful smile, for one last time she reassures me everything is fine, that with every bone in her body, she understands the heartache and hurt that I was going through.

"Mell, we all know how you're feeling and how hard it must be for you. You're my little girl, and I never ever wanted to see you hurt like this. Neither I nor your dad did. And before you start, don't say sorry again. Everything is okay. I just wish you'd have come to see me before this. So you, could have felt better sooner."
And with a kiss on my forehead, she tells me to scatter off before one last word
"Remember Melody, I love you."

"I love you too, Mum."