A/N: Whew! The site is back! Here is chapter 5. Usual disclaimers. I thank each and everyone of you for your feedback. Working hard on chapter 6. (Hopefully next week, ffnet will let me post it on time). As always thank you for reading, and let me know what you think.
When April was a little girl, she'd been fascinated with all things scientific She had a burning desire to know how things worked coupled with a healthy interest in why things worked the way they did. How the body worked. How electricity worked. How the whole world worked. Because why?
She did science fairs, experiments, and projects all through her childhood. She could remember being very small, and standing in the doorway of her and Libby's bedroom reaching her hand to the light switch.
It drove her parents crazy. April would flip the switch on, and off, and on and off. Over and over again. Just to be sure. To be sure that the science and the wires and the electricity would always work. To be sure the lights would alwayscome back on. Because until you tested it, flicked the switch as many times as you could, how could you ever reallybe sure that they would?
Now, April felt like her whole world was reduced to that room, and everything she was aware of, everything she could see, was controlled by the flick of a light switch. It was confusing and frustrating, and more than a little frightening.
She'd thought her life was over. Reed had come to take her to die, and Alex was with her, and she hurt too much, and it was all just too hard. That was it. End of story. The end of a barely lived life. Lights out.
Except...it wasn't the end. Lights on.
This place was blinding. So different from the darkness she'd become accustomed to in the rubble. Everything was too bright to focus on. She could only make out shapes and sense movements. There were people all around her, moving so fast that she felt dizzy. They were touching her, making her leg hurt more. April felt cold, and exposed. She writhed and tried to escape. She tried to tell them to stop. That it hurt too much. They should just leave her alone. Let her die in peace. But April couldn't talk. Something was blocking her throat? She struggled more and gagged. She could hear voices around her. People she knew? Maybe. She couldn't tell.
The sounds faded away. Lights out.
Lights on.
It was less bright here. Her nose twitched against a plastic band that ran from ear to ear. She felt better. Still kind of like she'd been hit by a truck, but the pain and panic she'd felt before was muted. Her leg didn't feel like it was on fire. The invasive tube was gone from her throat. Everything was moving in slow motion. April might normally be anxious, because, logically she knew that things weren't supposed to move slowly like that but...but...She really didn't care.
The voices were there again. And she was sure she recognized them. If she could just remember? Who? What did they want? Squeeze their hand? Yeah. April thought she could do that. Her fingers tingled and she felt strangely gratified when her hand obeyed her thoughts and squeezed back. She smiled faintly to herself. Lights out.
Lights on.
It was darker now. Maybe the other stuff hadn't been real. Maybe they were still trapped. But she didn't hurt like she did before. Opening her eyes, April realized that Alex was there. Still with her. He could tell her what was happening. April wanted to speak with him. She felt a distant vindication when her vocal cords responded to her brain's commands. Even more so when Alex seemed to actually understand what she'd said. Her throat felt as dry as sandpaper.
"You're in the hospital," Alex told her.
Amazing. So she'd made it out okay. Well, given how strange she felt, probably not thatokay, but alive is alive. Incredible. April had now faced death twice in her life and survived. In other circumstances she might have tried to make more sense of it all, but right now, it didn't really matter. April numbly realized that she felt strangely disconnected from herself. She must be hurt. Well, she'd known that. Nobody feels that much pain and makes it out okay. April knew she should feel more worried, but right now...she just felt fuzzy.
She tried to move her limbs and managed to control her movements enough to lift her hand. She tried to make her eyes focus on her hand. It was easier said than done. April's throat still felt painfully dry. She turned back to Alex when he offered her an ice cube. He carefully slipped the moist square into her mouth.
Bliss.
April felt a sudden surge of affection for Alex. She'd always kind of liked him. Sure, he was a little scary at first. And at second. Even third. But deep down, April knew he was a good guy. She'd seen glimpses of it over the years. And again today. He'd stayed with her down in the rubble hadn't he? He'd remained by her side even when he could have gotten himself out. She really wanted to thank him.
"You sstayed..." April mumbled as best she could, still reveling in the sensation of the cool ice melting down her throat. As Alex talked, April was lulled by the sound of his voice.
"I may be an ass, but I am not a lying ass."
That was funny. She laughed weakly. Really, it was. He was generally honest, if nothing else, even if he didn't always say things in the nicest way. Or nice at all. What had she wanted to say? April could understand Alex's words, and she could see him but...
Everything felt...smooth. Loose. Imprecise. Like guesstimation...or estimation? Something like that. Whichever one was a real word.
It suddenly hit her. This felt just like when she'd studied abroad in college and accidentally gotten drunk in Italy. She hadn't actually drank anything though. A 19 year old April had just been deceived by three pieces of lemon liqueur dipped cake. A fruit filled cake saturated in 70 proof alcohol had been no match for a girl who'd never even drank as a high schooler. Nope, it hadn't ended well at all.
The rest was history, a history April definitelydidn't want Alex to ever find out. He'd never let her live it down, the fact that she got drunk for the first time off of a fruity cake of all things. Nice guy deep down or not, he still had a venomous way of teasing her and exposing deepest insecurities. Her voice, her virginity, her lack of friends...the list went on. With most anyone else, April could brush the comments off, but it was different with Alex. And right now she felt too fuzzy to handle it. Her incapacitation definitely felt exactly like in Italy.
Then again, she supposed, April's mind making another uncoordinated leap against her will, Alex probably had his own embarrassing memories that he didn't like to share. He might even feel as embarrassed as April did sometimes. She vaguely remembered learning at lunch once that Alex had somehow not only gotten an std, but spread it, to the so called 'heart in an elevator' guy, George. When the subject came up, Alex had made a hasty enough exit. He could have been embarrassed about that. If he was a real person, deep down. And she knew he was.
"You...you had syphilis." Oh dear. She hadn't actually meant to say it out loud. April panicked.
Why had she said that? A pre-emptive strike so Alex wouldn't tease her about getting drunk from eating cake? But Alex didn't actually know about that, did he? She'd just been thinking about it. And she really wasn't drunk, right?
Sedated. She understood that now. April knew that she was heavily sedated.
Alex didn't seem bothered by her accidental slip up, instead he just shrugged it off and laughed. As a smile pulled up the corners of his mouth, April was struck by how different it made him look. It changed the contours of his face, made his eyes twinkle, and made his features seem more alive. He didn't look intimidating, or hard, or harrowed. He just looked happy. Alex hardly ever looked that way, at least so far as April had seen in the time she'd known him. Which wasn't fair. Everyone deserved to be happy. Even Alex. Especially Alex.
And he looked hot. Oh boy. Definitely not lucid. But it was true. April knew she'd always thought so. If he smiled more...
Unintended words spilled out of her mouth again, completely against April's will. "You sm-mile nice. You should do it more."
"Okay, April." He was probably just humoring her.
Well, even if she hadn't wanted to voice her thoughts out loud, April would stand by them. It was true. Even with heavy duty pain drugs. And, the way she was feeling right now, she didn't care if Alex thought she was ridiculous. It was the truth, and she would say it. Call it medically induced courage.
"Really, I Iike it."
April was starting to feel even more disconnected. She was suddenly very sleepy, and it was getting hard to keep her eyes open. But she'd wanted to say something to Alex, right? Before her own muddled mind had distracted her. What was it? He offered her another piece of ice. No way she'd decline. Bliss to her throat again.
As the tiredness overtook her once more, April finally remembered. Alex had stayed with her when she was hurt. Kept her alive. She owed him her life.
"Thanks for saving me..." she mumbled, unable to resist the pull of sleep any longer. Her eyes closed and she surrendered to sleep. Lights off.
April felt like she slept a lot longer this time, though not as deeply. She was faintly aware of more voices, the sound of a woman crying, and the steady beeping of a heart-monitor.
Someone was gently touching her chest. And all around her she could hear...snoring? How strange. April struggled to open her eyes. When she finally succeeded she blinked out at a hospital room bathed in early morning sunlight, and directly into the face of Cristina Yang. She blinked some more, feeling more awake than she had for a long time, since before getting trapped and hurt in the earthquake, really.
Cristina was looking down, carefully probing at a line of stitches April was surprised to see running down her chest between...well, between...God, for whatever reason, she even had whisper the words in her own head. She flushed with embarrassment at the thought that her fellow resident was seeing that much of her.
April knew she could be sucha prude. She really needed to get over it. She lowered her eyebrows and looked down, trying to get a better look. The line of stitches ran straight down, in between her breasts. They must have had to crack her chest. Wow. She numbly lifted one hand to her head and discovered bandages wrapped amidst her hair. Brain surgery too. Whoa. She was all messed up.
"Incision looks clean...no indications of infection," Cristina said quietly to herself, still unaware of April watching her. She turned to make a note in the chart she was holding and mumbled. "Amazingly lucky."
"Virgin super powers at work..." April said carefully, smiling as best she could.
Cristina's head whipped up and she smiled. She really smiled. If April didn't know any better, she'd say the other resident was actually happy to see her awake. She must have really scared everyone if Cristina was being nice.
"I guess so," the cardio resident replied. "How's your pain?"
"Fine. I mean. I don't really feel anything painful..." Only numbness. Some aching.
Cristina nodded and then put a finger to her lips and whispered, "Good, now let me just finish this exam before anyone in the snore symphony wakes up again. I'm sorry, but I'm just not up to dealing with all your well-wishers, April. I mean really. Your mom gets all blubbery, and Jackson tries to tell me how to do my job...as if I'm not the best cardio resident in this hospital. Who am I kidding? On the whole west coast."
That sounded more like the Cristina she knew. April chuckled quietly and glanced around the room. It was pretty full of people. Most of whom were snoring. On her left side, behind Cristina sat her parents. They were snuggled together in the uncomfortable looking hospital chairs. Her mom's head was resting on her father's shoulder. Joe Kepner had his arms crossed and his head was leaned back against the wall behind him. His mouth was slightly open and from him came the room's loudest and deepest snores.
On her right side, closer to the bottom of the bed was Jackson. He seemed to have tried to stretch out a little, as his legs were splayed out in front of him, making his body seem like it formed an upside down letter Y shape. He was snoring too, but he was also moving a lot, with his head bobbing around, listing to one side and then another. And he was seated way forward in the chair, perched precariously on the edge. April smirked. What a goof. It looked like one wrong move would make him fall out.
Then April realized that someone was lightly touching her right hand. Turning to get e better look, she could see the back of Alex's head as it rested near her shoulder. Poking out from beneath the collar of his still bloody and dusty scrubs, April could make out some angry bruises. Probably from the earthquake and from saving her, she realized guiltily. He was partially leaning on her bed and on a chair, and it looked as though he had been holding her hand when he went to sleep.
But...that was crazy right? And had he stayed with her all night? Alex wasn't the kind of guy who'd fall asleep holding someone's hand for no reason. Not unless he really wanted to. And April didn't think he'd really want to for her. He never acted like it anyway. What a pipedream.
Everyone stayed asleep as Cristina quickly finished the exam, re-bandaging April's chest. She informed her that Dr. Torres would be in later to explain things later, and then she quietly slipped out, leaving April to stare blankly at the contraption that held her right leg elevated in the air. Metal rods and wires formed a sort of scaffolding around the knee and lower leg. It was easily the numbest place on her body, so April figured she had some localized pain management down there too, in addition to her drip. Deep down she knew it couldn't be good. But she didn't want to face that reality just yet.
She wanted to let herself feel happy to be alive. And maybe, just maybe, April wanted to let herself fell a little happy that Alex had stayed with her. Not just in the earthquake but all night. It made her fell a rush of feelings she couldn't quite describe. So, she'd let herself feel happy about it. Even if it was completely and totally irrational.
The sound of Jackson's beeper made him jerk suddenly, nearly making him topple from the chair. April laughed, but he recovered quickly grabbing and silencing the plastic object before it woke the others up. He squinted down at it for a split second before he realized that she was awake. Relief and excitement spread across his face as he rose from the chair and moved closer to the bed.
"Oh, it's you," April teased, scrunching her nose in mock disgust.
"Hey, sleepy," he replied jokingly sticking out his tongue.
They'd been friends a while, but after the shooting April and Jackson had become closer than ever. He looked out for her, listened to her, and generally supported her. It was probably because they'd both lost their best friend. She'd lost Reed. Jackson had lost Charles. And they both understood just how much pain that makes a person feel. For whatever reason, April was grateful for the result. Now, Jackson was the brother she'd never had. And she'd always wanted a brother. Plus, she could only assume that he was the one who'd gotten her parents out here now. He was a great friend.
Jackson's expression became serious and he tilted his head, scrutinizing her closely. "How are you feeling, April?"
Leaning back on her pillows, she replied, "All things considered? Not so bad. I think I'm on morphine, so that's probably why."
Jackson snorted and nodded, "Good. That's good."
He stood awkwardly for a moment looking at his feet. April bit her lip and twisted the edge of her bed sheet with the hand that wasn't touching Alex's.
"I, uh, I'm really...I mean we could have lost you," Jackson said finally, lifting his gaze to meet April's once again. "I'm really glad you're okay. I mean...well, you're okay."
He faltered and sniffed loudly, "So, I just wanted to say that, uh, you mean a lot to me. People don't say that often in everyday life. But if you don't, you might miss the chance. I thought I'd learned that the hard way already but...anyway, you're a great friend, April. I don't say it enough."
April's lower lip quivered and she blinked back tears as she listened to Jackson's words. "You too, Jackson. Really. I haven't exactly had that much luck with friendships. Even before Mercy West and here, people thought I was annoying and stuff. I'm glad I met you. You're of one the best friends I've ever had. I don't tell you enough either."
"Well, from now on, we can remember to say it."
"Deal."
They both nodded. The quiet moment was broken suddenly when a particularly long and loud snore emanated from her father. They both burst out laughing, which caused Alex to groan and shift slightly as he started to wake up. The sound made her mother's head pop up. Karen blinked wearily and yawned, beginning to wake herself.
Jackson's pager went off again, and he sighed, heading for the door. "Some of us have to work for a living," he teased again reaching for her shoulder and giving April a reassuring squeeze. "I'll be back to check in when I get a break, okay?"
April smiled as she watched him go. By her side, Alex gave a long sigh and sat up, scratching the back of his head and stretching. She winced as she could hear the popping of his joints. Staying in a chair overnight must have been so uncomfortable for all of them. She felt suddenly guilty to have been the cause. When Alex saw that April was watching him, his eyebrows lifted.
"Uh, hi," April said, feeling suddenly awkward in his presence. Before he had time to reply however, she was interrupted by her mother's excited voice coming from behind her.
"Oh, April! Sweetheart. You're awake. Thank goodness! Joe! Wake up! April's awake!"
Alex slept surprisingly deeply, in the chair next to April's bed. He'd never been the kind of person who was all about creature comforts anyway. He certainly never had many growing up. He'd slept in worse places for worse reasons than in a hospital room with someone he cared about. Now that he knew he cared. So, crappy hospital chairs? No big deal.
At least, he'd felt that way last night as he fell asleep. When he woke up to the sound of quiet talking and started to stretch however, Alex was reminded of his aching bruises from the earthquake. Damn. He used to be able to bounce back from bad wrestling matches, beatings from his dad, anything. But that had been years ago. Alex was currently painfully aware that he wasn't as young as he used to be.
He shifted and rubbed the back of his neck, groaning as all his joints seemed to pop. Alex had the strange sense that someone was watching him, and when he lifted his head, sure enough, April wide awake staring right at him, looking better, though still pale, and more lucid than she had last night. He was trying to determine just how 'with it' she was when April greeted him. Alex was about to reply, when he was shocked to discover that there were other people in the room. At the sound of a voice, April turned away from him.
"Oh, April! Sweetheart. You're awake. Thank goodness! Joe! Wake up! April's awake!"
On the other side of the bed Alex could see a man and a woman walking over to stand by April's bed. It was the woman who'd spoken, and her voice left Alex with absolutely no misunderstandings. He knew from the sound alone exactly who this woman had to be. April's mother. What was her name? Karen? That sounded right. No way she was one of the pack of sisters, and that voice had to be genetic.
Alex assumed to dude yawning next to her was April's dad. Joe. He remembered that name for sure, because of the bartender.
Parents. Great. Alex winced. Even at his job in peds, he wasn't typically very good with parents.
Operation 'stop being an asshole' was getting underway much earlier than he'd expected it to. He'd realized the previous night that he had feelings for April that ran strong and deep. But he'd also come to understand that he'd messed things up with her far too much already to get very far with her now. He'd blown it romantically.
So, Alex figured the very least he could do was to treat April better. To try and live up to the kind of guy she thought he was. Be a friend to her. The best friend he could be. Certainly better than before. Which would be hard, but he'd try. In as much as he was able, Alex planned not to be so rude and insensitive around her. He knew he was capable of it, he just...didn't have a lot of practice.
So he'd be starting with Mom and Dad. Right, farm jokes are out. And definitely don't say anything about 'the voice'. Piece of cake? Well, baby steps.
It would probably be a good idea for him to say his goodbyes and high tail it out of here as quickly as he could. He could go home, get showered. April wouldn't be alone with her family here. He could check on her later. Take nights to visit her or something. That way he wouldn't have the chance to screw it up with her parents.
Karen and Joe hadn't seemed to notice Alex was there at all, let alone awake. They were completely focused on April. Which made sense. They'd thought their kid was dying. Seeing her awake and alive must be a relief. He'd seen it a thousand times in peds.
It gave him a second to plan out his escape, but also to take a closer look at April and her parents. His sick curiosity about functional families reared its ugly head again. He knew he was never going to have one. Why did he keep torturing himself by look at other people's?
Karen Kepner wasn't a particularly tall woman. She was a little on the plump side, and her auburn hair was laced with gray strands. She wore one of those ubiquitous teacher sweaters. As soon as April had turned to face them, her mom got all chocked up with tears.
Sitting back in his chair and cracking his neck Alex watched as April's mom reached her hand toward April several times. Karen was fighting back tears, and Alex guessed she was probably a little afraid to touch her, like if she did, April would break or something, or disappear and this would all turn out to be a dream.
Alex could understand that.
"Good morning, ladybug," Joe Kepner was less afraid to touch his daughter. He lifted her closest hand and held it tight in both of his. Where Karen Kepner was on the small and heavy side, Joe was lean, and had to be about 6ft tall. Big dude. He had laugh lines at the corners of his eyes. Looking at his face, Alex was shocked at just how much of April's facial features came from him. The cheeks, the nose, the forehead. She totally looked like her Dad. Except for the hair and eyes.
Genetics or whatever.
April seemed a little overwhelmed to see her family. She wasn't crying yet, but she was close. "Mom. Dad. Thanks for being here with me. I'm sosorry you had to fly out and leave everything. What about your students? And the farm? I didn't mean to..."
Really? Alex shook his head in disbelief. Kepner apologizing again. She didn't need to do it nearly as much as she did. Even if sometimes she annoyed people, it wasn't like she was an imposition on anyone else's life. She shouldn't feel that way. At least, Alex didn't want her to feel that way.
Joe only shook his head and held April's hand tighter, "Don't you even think on it. It's not your fault. They've got substitute teachers for that sort of thing. And Mike and Libby can handle the farm! Don't worry at all. We're just...so, very thankful you're still with us, April. I love you so much."
More waterwork's from Karen, as she finally reached out and gently touched her daughter's cheek. Alex made a face. Geez. He felt out of place, like he was intruding on a private family moment. He slowly rose from his chair and moved to the door.
"I am gonna let you guys have some privacy. I'll just head out..."
Alex had almost made it out when all three Kepner's said, "Wait!"
Karen turned to face him, gingerly fishing a wadded up tissue from her purse, "Dr…Karev? You're the one who saved her right? Jackson said..."
"He did Mom," April chimed in tearily. "He absolutely did."
Alex cleared his throat, and shrugged, rubbing his aching neck again, "Yeah. You know. Whatever."
Joe Kepner stood staring at him for a long time, and Alex was ready to just freakin' bolt. It was like the farmer knew everything. Like he could see right through Alex, and like he'd pass judgment on him. As well he should. Alex knew he was the guy who'd ridiculed and yelled at Joe's kid.
He stood his ground though. He'd take responsibility for everything. He'd made the decision to approach all things related to April differently now. Because he cared about her. If Joe was judging Alex, he had every right to.
Even if Alex was pretty sure the man had no idea how he'd treated April. Because if he knew about the on-call room alone, Alex figured he'd be unconscious already.
Finally Joe bit his lower lip, an action so April like, that it made Alex take pause. Really? The older man sniffed and nodded once, looking down to his feet. He slowly lifted one hand and held it out. Cautiously moving closer and reaching out with his own hand, Alex thought that Joe just wanted to shake his hand.
To shake the hand of the guy who'd saved his daughter. No big deal.
What Alex didn't expect was for Joe Kepner to grip his hand and pull him into a tight bear hug. The taller man fully enveloped him, and he was pretty sure that even Joe was crying now.
"Dude!" Alex said, awkwardly patting the older man on the back. Now they were allin tears. He heard April and her mom sniffling away being him. What was it with Kepner's and crying? You'd never catch Alex's dad crying in a million years...well that was a stupid train of thought really. Because the truth was you'd just never catch his dad. Because he'd left and stayed away.
"I, uh, I was happy to help and all," Alex tried again, cautiously trying to extricate himself from Joe's arms.
Then he heard the man whisper, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Don't know what we'd do if...As far as I'm concerned son, I owe you everything. You're as good as family."
Alex sighed and gave the man a gentle squeeze. His realization the previous night had made Alex feel guilty enough for treating Kepner the way he had over the years. And now? Now, Alex could see that April's parents really loved her. They really did. Which made him feel even worse. She was lucky to have them. So lucky.
"That's okay, uh, you don't need to..." Bother with any of that crap. Alex knew that they couldn't really want him in their family anyway. He'd just mess it up.
Still unable to pull back from the hug, Alex was rescued by a knock on the door. Dr. Torres cracked the door open and popped her head in, giving him the chance he needed to step back from the hug.
"Hello," Callie said, stepping into the room further. Her voice was friendly but more professional and diplomatic that Alex was used to hearing it. "I'm Dr. Torres. I'm here to walk you through what's coming next for April's recovery."
This was going to be the leg prognosis. Which Alex knew wasn't good. His eyes flicked sympathetically back to April. Her eyes were red-rimmed and her lower lip jutted out. She was staring numbly at her elevated leg. She knew what was coming. Of course she did. Damn it. Still sucked.
Alex was torn. He didn't want to leave April. Not when she was about to hear some of the worst news of her life. But he wasn't her family. He didn't think she'd want him there. That was probably right. He took one more step toward the door, but April's voice stopped him.
"Alex? Um, can you…" she turned to Torres. "Can he stay? I-"
Callie nodded vigorously, "Yeah. If you want him too. I mean, unless he has somewhere else to be."
He didn't. Even if there hadn't been an earth quake, today would have been Alex's day off. And Robbins would've probably let him off of work today anyway if he'd had it. He had absolutely no excuse notto stay. No matter how hard it was all going to be for everyone to hear. For Alex to hear. If only there was something he could have done differently to treat April's leg.
He looked at April once again. Now she stared right back at him, eyes wide and pleading. How could he refuse that? She still needed him, wanted him there. Asked for him.
"Okay. Yeah sure, April. I can stay."
"And, because we don't want to risk muscle atrophy, I usually recommend starting physical therapy within 24 to 48 hours of surgery. That way we can keep the rest of your muscles strong, which will help you adapt better when your leg heals enough to bear weight."
April sat, glumly taking in everything that Callie was explaining to her. Blinking slowly, she realized that she wasn't really listening anymore. She couldn't kid herself and say that she hadn't had an inkling of the extent of her injuries. But listening to Dr. Torres explain, April felt like her world was falling apart. It was devastating.
Rods, and pins, and rehab. Her knee wasn't even real anymore. April felt like her life as she knew it was over. Over. She'd never walk without a limp again. Probably never be able to run again. So, how could she be a trauma surgeon? Who would give a fellowship to someone whose leg was so messed up?
Callie continued, "So, if you are up to it, after you take a nap, I've scheduled your first round with of therapy with Bobby downstairs. This afternoon. Sound okay?"
April continued to stare. Her back up specialty was ortho, but now that was out too. No one wanted to have a bone doctor whose own bones couldn't be fixed. She probably couldn't be chief resident anymore either. She'd probably get fired. Again. And really with all the rehab and the pins and the rods, she might not even be able to be a surgeon anymore. She was a fifth year. This would reduce her OR time. She'd never pass boards. And she wouldn't have a specialty. This was washing out.
She was washing out. And if she washed out? If she couldn't be a surgeon? Without her job, what was her life? Pathetic. Guys didn't like her before. No one would ever love her like this. Scarred and crippled. No love, no work. Nothing. She'd lose her insurance and have to go back to Ohio.
Ohio, the place she'd spent an entire childhood dreaming about leaving. She'd end up alone in Ohio, with a bum leg and 25 cats. Physical therapy wasn't cheap. She'd be nothing but a dead weight on everyone. She'd bother all her relatives, and bankrupt them. This stupid leg would not only ruin her own life, but her family's too.
April felt almost sick as she watched all of her dreams, everything she'd worked so hard for, disappear. Just like that. She shook her head, trying desperately to hold back the onslaught of tears that threatened to roll down her cheeks. It was no use. This was too much.
She began to cry. The kind of cry that Kimmie long ago dubbed, her 'ugly cry'. The kind tears that made April gasp for air. Made her face scrunch up. The kind of crying that she'd done when she was little and came home from school after being ridiculed, or doing poorly on a test. The reason her family had occasionally called her April-Showers.
April was crying so hard that her body shook with each racking sob. She felt her mother slide on to the bed next to her. As Karen wrapped her arms around her, April buried her head in her mother's chest and let it all out.
"April?" Her mom's soft voice whispered, as she gently rubbed her back and rocked back and forth, "Shh...you'll be okay."
April wanted to explain, she tried to. It wouldn't be okay. Didn't they understand that it was all over now? Her whole pathetic un-lived life would stay that way. Except all that came out of her mouth were disjointed phrases, "C-can't finish...boards...no f-fellowship...or insurance...'m no-othing..."
"Hey," It was Alex speaking now. Through her tears April saw that he had moved to the edge of her bed. He reached out one hand tentatively and brushed her arm. He seemed to have understood what she had said.
"April, nothing Dr. Torres just said means you can't be a surgeon anymore," he continued.
"No, no, no," Callie quickly added. "I'm not going to lie and tell you you'll have a full recovery, but you will be able to work again, April. I can probably clear you for admin stuff in a matter of weeks. And someday, I am optimistic that you'll be able to walk unaided. Things will be different, but you can't let this get you down."
"Yeah," Alex agreed. "Hunt will let you delay boards. You got hurt saving a freakin' patient. And me. You'll get through this. Alright?"
April sniffed and lifted her head to look at him. She didn't really know quite what had possessed her to ask him to stay for this. And she didn't really understand why he was being so nice to her all of the sudden. Probably just pity. Well, right now, she'd take it.
"You'll find a way to do what you need to," Alex continued. "So what? You might need a cane. You can be like that one doctor dude on tv. House? Badass."
That made April laugh despite her tears. He was looking at her, and for some inexplicable reason she felt her cheeks flush.
"Huh?" Alex murmured, still watching her closely. "Badass like him. Only nicer. I know it sucks but, I also know you are not a quitter. Stuff doesn't get you down. You've got this. You do. And, uh, we'll all be here for ya."
April shrugged and used one arm to wipe her eyes. She gulped and took a couple deep breaths. Alex was right. Rehab was rehab. She'd never thought she'd be able to get over the shooting, getting fired, or graduating medical school. Yet, April had survived and accomplished all of that. She squared her shoulders. April believed Alex was right. He'd been right about her making it out alive. This might be hard, but she'd done all that and she could do this too.
Alex shifted uncomfortably and clenched his hands on the steering wheel of his car. He really had no idea how he'd ended up in this position. Driving Joe Kepner to the house to pick up some stuff for April while she got some rest before starting her physical therapy. Apparently operation 'don't be a douchebag' was already making him soft. Because he might have actually sorta volunteered to do this. Then again, it fit in with his whole 'be better for April' plan. In the end, her Dad was getting the clothes and things for her. So she'd feel a bit more comfortable being in the hospital for the next stretch. Which was good, even if Alex felt awkward.
They were halfway home from the hospital and they hadn't said more than a few words to each other. Alex kept glancing over to the older man, wondering if he felt uncomfortable on the silent ride. He didn't really know what to say. Or if he should say anything at all. Alex sighed and drummed his fingers, reminding himself for the 100th time not to speed. If he got pulled over driving April's Dad, he'd never live it down. Not with Meredith, and Jackson. And certainly not with Cristina.
Alex cleared his throat and glanced over to Joe again. The man looked solemn, and tired. His features were drawn and he was leaning his head on the passenger side window. Joe sighed and ran his hands down to his knees.
Looking back to the road, Alex tilted his head from side to side. He really probably should say something. Be polite or whatever. The guy had had a roller coaster of a day.
"So," he began tentatively. "Avery tells me that you came up to Seattle for Thanksgiving once."
That's really about all Alex knew about Joe Kepner. That, and a rambling story about him teaching April to care for chickens. Which she'd told him when she was trapped. And he really didn't want to explain how he'd found out that little bit information. So, Alex went with the lame-o-lame topic of conversation.
Joe glanced up, looking slightly surprised, "Oh, um, yeah. We had dinner with her friends. Reed and that tall boy. Before they died. That was...oh 6, 7 years ago? Something like that. Before the, um, merger thing. April was in her first year interning."
Alex nodded. "That's what Jackson said."
Oh yeah. Way to go.
Alex cleared his throat, "Look, I'm sorry. I'm not much of a conversationalist or whatever."
Joe smiled faintly, "Don't worry. I don't mind the quiet. I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise for most of my life."
"Right," Alex replied, chuckling slightly. "You lived with five chicks."
"More than that. I grew up with five sisters. I have got nine nieces, four daughters, and four granddaughters. And my wife. So, to say I am used to being outtalked is definitely an understatement."
Damn. "Whoa!"
Joe's smile grew and he looked out the window, "Wouldn't change a thing about my life though. God knows I love them all."
Flipping his turn signal on and guiding the car off of the freeway exit, Alex took a deep breath and said nothing. For most of his life Alex had been sure that dudes like this didn't exist. Who fully committed to and loved their families. Dads like this didn't exist. He still wasn't sure. Kepner's dad could be a fluke.
"Did you mean what you said in there? To April? About her job? She loves that job. Gives her a lot of joy. You meant that? And helping her through all this?" Joe was looking at him intently.
"I'm positive the chief of surgery will let her wait on her board defense. And she'll get a fellowship. She's a great freakin' candidate, leg or not. And yeah, we'll help her. The whole house will. And there are attendings who like her. They'll help too."
"And you? You already saved her life. You'll be there for her?"
"Yeah, I will. Whatever." That was true. This whole thing had gotten Alex to realize that April mattered in his life. So, if she needed help, he'd do what he could.
Joe didn't look away from Alex. He nodded and continued, "Because, you know...April's...always been a little...different."
She was un-jaded. Special. Alex remembered thinking that, in the collapsed building, when he thought April was dead.
"I hate to see her sad. She's always been kinda sensitive, you know?" the older man shrugged. "Making friends was never really easy for her. Kids can be cruel, and all that. People can be cruel. Then that whole shooting killed two people she was close with. So, it's...nice to see that she has such great friends here. I appreciate that. Like I said. I owe you a lot."
Alex gulped. He still had this strange feeling that when Joe looked at him, he could see everything. More than just his life now. More than as it related to April and whatever feelings he had for her. It was like the man could see all the crappy outcomes, family issues, the crazy chicks, the skanks, asinine decisions, bad wrestling matches, and failed foster placements. Everything.
"Whatever." It was all Alex could say.
"Is that your favorite word?" Joe nodded, and looked back out the window. "It doesn't really have that much meaning, does it?"
He shrugged, "I'll trust what you say, Dr. Karev. You'll be there for her."
As Alex guided the car up the street to Meredith's house, he sighed and squirmed in his seat. He should probably tell the guy not to trust him. Alex knew he was a screw up most of the time. Yet, here he was again with someone, a Kepner, who expected the best of him.
After a long silence, he responded quietly, "Alex. You can call me Alex."
Why not? He was trying to turn over a new leaf right?
"Alex. You seem like a tough nut to crack. But I owe you big. Call me Joe."
"Uh, okay. Joe."
Joe Kepner smiled brightly, an achingly familiar smile that made Alex's chest grow tight. He pulled the car into Meredith's driveway and threw it into park. They unbuckled their seatbelts and got out the car. As Alex shut the driver's side door, he looked over the top of the car and saw that April's dad was still smiling at him.
And, for reasons Alex couldn't begin to explain, he smiled back.
