A/N: Here is chapter 15. All the usual disclaimers, particularly about all medical stuff coming from google. I know I'm late again, but the week's been busy and we had a bit of a riot kerfuffle with demonstrations out of control downtown, so I've been working extra to clean damages. Hopefully the length will make up for it, and now I can get back to the old update schedule. Things are really getting interesting in the real show, (April moments a bound!) and I can confidently say I have absolutely no idea where things are headed in the last 2 episodes! As a heads up, I'll say that it looks like this story has about 2, maybe 3 chapters left before it's finished. Sad I know, but all good things, etc. I already have some plot drafts for a sequel though, so if any of you are still interested in AK2, look forward to that too. As always, I appreciate all the support you guys have given this story. I continue to be floored by your wonderful feedback, and the amount of hits each chapter gets. It's really humbling. Thank you, and feel free to let me know what you think.
Meredith sat on the edge of her new back deck, taking deep breaths, and staring straight out at her new backyard. In her left hand she held a baby monitor, and the gentle snores of Zola and Sofia could be heard through its speakers. That, along with the quiet laughter of the rest of the party nearby, were the only sounds that she could really hear. The only ones Meredith wanted to hear.
Next to her, Cristina sighed and said, "Say something."
Several feet away, Derek had the barbeque fired up, and all their friends hovered around the grill, laughing and drinking beer. It was supposed to be a celebration. For passing boards and becoming surgeons. Meredith watched as her sister chatted with Mark awkwardly. Jackson, Callie and Derek looked on with bemused expressions. Bailey crossed her arms while Alex, sitting at the lawn table, said something that made a slightly tipsy April giggle and blush furiously, and left Arizona shaking her head and taking another swig of her drink.
They were all happy. Happy and excited to have passed boards, and landed fellowships. Happy that their mentees had passed boards and landed fellowships. Happy for becoming attendings. Happy to be staying in Seattle.
Teddy wasn't there. Neither was Owen.
Finally Meredith swallowed, "What do you want me to say, Cristina?"
Cristina sighed, and waved her hands in front of her in exasperation, "Oh, I don't know, congratulations? Good luck? Something."
"Congratulations," she replied flatly. "Good luck."
"Meredith-"
"Cristina...You'll be leaving."
"I know. But," she paused, looking the same direction as Meredith, and taking in the nearby party. "It's just a fellowship. Two years. It doesn't mean it's for forever. I could work here...or anywhere after that-"
"You could just stay here! Do the cardio fellowship at Seattle Grace."
"It's Stanford Medical! The absolute best cardio center in the country," Cristina countered. "I mean...the stem cell research they are doing there, compared to what we are doing here? There is no comparison! Can't you at least get that I want to do this. I want to be the best. I've always wanted that."
Meredith took a deep breath as Cristina continued.
"Here is great, and I like Dr. Altman, but I have already been her student for two years. There is only so much she can teach me. And Seattle Grace isn't a cardio focused hospital. I can learn from others too. I want to go somewhere and be a surgical rock star. I want a challenge."
Cristina stared at Meredith pleadingly, willing her person to understand. And she did. She could. Meredith knew that Cristina was likely the most talented of any of their program. She always had been. So, it did make sense that Cristina would want to leave. Spread her wings. Make a name for herself. Beyond being a student of Burke or Altman. And Meredith knew, for her part, that the reason she opposed Cristina accepting the Stanford Fellowship was completely selfish. She didn't want her person to leave.
"I know," Meredith agreed sadly. "I understand. It's a wonderful opportunity. And...you deserve to be a rock star. A cardio god."
Cristina's shoulders relaxed slightly, relieved that Meredith at least understood her choices and accepted them. They sat in silence for a moment, taking in the beautiful view of Derek and Meredith's backyard, and the continued merriment of the party.
Finally Meredith spoke, "What about Owen? Are you guys breaking up? Because you'll be leaving him."
"I know," Cristina replied, still staring out at the party. "But he supports this. For my career. We're not breaking up."
"Really?" Meredith didn't mean to sound so incredulous, but for the past several months she could tell that Owen and Cristina's marriage hadn't been exactly picture perfect.
"Yes. Really. We're still working on things. The distance might do us good. And..." Cristina shrugged. "We're compromising. That's why, when the fellowship is finished, I will be coming back. If Owen is still here. If he's not, then I'll apply wherever he is."
Meredith gulped and worked to control her own emotions, deciding to be honest, "You'll be leaving us. All of your friends. Your...family. Me."
"I know," Cristina smiled sadly. "It's going to be hard."
Meredith's lower lip quivered and she nodded.
"But...it's Northern California. Not a bad drive. Short flight."
"Right."
Loud laughter erupted from the direction of their friends, and a smile ghosted on Meredith's lips as she watched her husband throw his head back in glee, along with everyone else while Mark looked sheepish.
"Right," Cristina sniffed.
"And you'll actually come visit?" Meredith asked glancing over at her friend.
Cristina tilted her head to one side and sighed, "When I came to Seattle Grace to do my residency, I was looking to make a splash. Get the best training I could, from the best teacher I could...I am a surgeon."
She shrugged, "I was never looking to find...people. You. Owen. Everyone. I didn't think I needed people. I thought it'd mess with my game. Too much distraction."
Meredith snorted.
"And I was right about that. You guys are ridiculous!"
"We can be."
"Maybe I needed you all. Need you."
Cristina smiled too, and they both dissolved into quiet laughter.
"It's just distance, really. It won't change anything."
"Just distance," Meredith echoed.
"I'll visit," Cristina continued, gesturing at the baby monitor in Meredith's left hand. "Of course, I'll visit. I have to see my girl."
"I'll miss you."
"You too."
Meredith reached one hand out along the ledge of her deck, lacing her fingers with Cristina's. It was hard to imagine life at Seattle Grace Mercy West without Cristina, even if the separation was only potentially temporary. Her best friend. Someone who had been with her through so much. Someone who was in so many ways her other half. Her twisted sister. Her person.
She sniffed shakily, and choked back tears.
"Don't," Cristina said thickly, waving her other hand in front of her eyes. "If you start, I'll start. And then we'll be the Debbie-downers. And we are so do not deserve to take that title away from Kepner."
"Okay," Meredith whispered, taking deep breaths and exhaling through her mouth, and leaning her head on Cristina's shoulder, like she had so many years ago.
Cristina would be at Stanford. Cristina was going to California. At least for a little bit. They wouldn't spend their first days as attendings together. She kept repeating the thoughts in her head, trying to get a handle on the reality of it all and failing. She was going to miss Cristina so much.
It felt bizarre. That in the end, at the end, it would only be her and Alex working as attendings together. In a way, the last ones standing. No George. No Izzie. No Cristina. Sure, new people like Jackson and April would be there. And new people she didn't really know yet, like Jackson's friend Mara, or the new ortho fellow from Hawaii. Even people Meredith had never met. It just wouldn't be the same.
Cristina rested her head on top of Meredith's and sniffed again. "Mer, can you do something for me?"
"Anything."
"Let Owen see Zola," Cristina said quietly. "Even when I'm not visiting..."
The request made Meredith blink, "Okay..."
"I mean, if you're letting Evil Spawn, Mary Poppins, and the two stooges babysit...Owen's bound to be a better influence than they are..."
"One of those stooges is her Aunt," Meredith said evenly, smirking. "And I already said yes."
Cristina pursed her lips, and nodded, "Good."
Her fingers tightened around Meredith's hand, as they continued to stare at the ongoing celebration. They said in companionable silence, until Cristina spoke again.
"Good."
April couldn't remember a more stressful period in her professional life. Ever. Not studying for SAT's. Or waiting for med school acceptance. It was more stressful than the months following the shooting. More stressful than the months she'd spent in rehab relearning how to walk. April felt like a walking basket case for the first week of working as an attending. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly around her, and April had a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that she actually was not a resident anymore.
It hit her the most when her first big car crash sine passing her boards came into the ER. Standing with the other attendings, April watched as patients were wheeled in from the ambulances, and was surprised to find that the group of residents were eagerly looking her way. Torres, Bailey, and the other attendings began pointing people out, claiming both patients and residents to work with for the day. Bailey took the newly appointed Chief Resident Lexie Grey, Simmons took Guzman, and Torres used a finger to beckon Spalding over to her patient bed.
"Kepner, you better pick someone quick," Callie said as she began to work on her own patient. "Before all the good ones get taken."
That seemed unfair. Everyone had their own strengths. But April's eyes widened as the remaining residents descended on her, crowding in a circle around her, each trying to speak over each other.
"Dr. Kepner! I need more trauma hours!"
"Pierce had the last big crash!"
"Mostow has shaky hands!"
Walking alongside the gurney of her injured patient, April opened her mouth and glanced pleadingly at Dr. Bailey nearby. She didn't know who the best pick would be. She panicked, "I-I...who?"
"Ah," Bailey shook her head, working on the patient and waving one hand in the air. "I don't want to hear it, Kepner. Now is the time to stand on your own two feet." She paused and they both winced slightly at her choice of words before she continued, "You are an attending now! Quit whining and act like one."
That's when it hit April. She really was an attending. And the choice was all hers.
Taking a cue from Callie, she pointed to Steve Mostow with her free hand and said, "Come on."
The young surgeon grinned in victory, nudging past his peers, and fell into step with April on the other side of the gurney. Bailey shook her head as Torres made a face, and muttered, "Not the top choice."
But April didn't care. She was the attending now, and she could choose her own assists. And she knew full well that just because someone was a little annoying, it didn't mean that they didn't have potential as a surgeon. So whatever. April was an attending now. The choice was hers. She'd pick the underdogs. Because sometimes that is all an underdog needed to become a top dog. Sometimes getting picked could make all the difference.
The weeks seemed to fly by, in a flurry of cases and worries, and April was certain she'd made at least a million mistakes on things in that time. From accidentally forgetting that she could in fact use the attendings lounge to eat, to forgetting to update her surgical status to the whiteboards, a mistake she'd once railed at other attendings for neglecting. Now, she understood that it wasn't really so easy to remember to do as an attending. There were so many other things you had to keep track of.
April lost her first patient during her second week as an attending. It was a gruesome case of cyclist meets semi truck, and there had been very little hope to begin with. All the same, it'd taken her a full ten minutes to give up on cardiac massage, and one full replacement of the guys blood volume, which strictly speaking, April knew had been a reach given the extent of her patient's injuries. The flatline had still hit her pretty sharply. Calling time of death, she'd sniffed and pulled off her mask and gloves, surprising her assisting residents and the scrub nurses by roughly throwing her surgical utensils on a tray.
Glaring unnecessarily, April held her hand out to Bokey the scrub nurse, who'd handed her her cane. She'd booked it from the OR at a pace that made her leg ache, scrubbing out and heading to the attending lounge. It wasn't like she expected that becoming an attending would magically give her a better ability to save patients. April knew that wasn't the case, but she still wanted to be able to do more. Losing people remained her least favorite part of her job.
Most days were better than that though.
Her first gunshot victim was someone that most everyone had thought was a goner when he came in. Even April. He'd had a nasty abdominal would, and was at a high risk of sepsis. Gut GSW's were very dangerous. Often times deadly. As April knew full well. Charles's gunshot wound had been a gut wound. And even if the circumstances had been different, and he'd made it to surgery, his prognosis wouldn't have been good. Such as it was with this gunshot patient. He had damage to the vascular structures as well as his colon, and April knew surviving at all was a long shot.
The nurses and residents had all looked up at her as she knelt on the gurney, trying desperately to stem the guy's bleeding. She'd looked up and saw on their faces the questions she was asking herself. When is it enough? When to stop? When have we done all we can do? It was her call. April was the attending.
She'd looked back down at the patient. A very long shot. But...maybe it was because of Charlie. Or because, as Alex was fond of pointing out, there's always something you can do. Something. April's mind spun as she raced for something to try. Some procedure, or technique, a maneuver. Anything. A thought came to her, so instead of concluding treatment, she'd looked out to her surgical team and said, "I'm going to try a resuscitative thoracotomy."
Still a long shot, but it had done the trick for that particular patient. They'd gotten him stable enough for surgery, which he'd made it through. That had turned out to be a really good day.
Otherwise, things in April's life were going alright. It was clear that the status quo of their group of friends had shifted, so the rush and exhilaration of moving to a new career stage was tempered by no small amount of melancholy. It reminded April of her first visits back home after she started college. Now the hospital, like her hometown had been back then, was a strange mixture of familiar and unfamiliar.
Cristina headed to California, and her absence was acutely noticeable. Everyone now spent a lot more time in their respective departments. Jackson and Sloan were starting some big skin grafting research project among other things, and Alex and Robbins had this whole plan to expand the Africa project to countries surrounding Malawi. Meredith and Derek continued chasing lost causes. Because Owen was Chief of Surgery, April didn't really have a full time mentor who she could suddenly do projects with, so instead she focused on expanding the checklist system and helping Lexie find her way as Chief Resident.
She also made an effort to keep an eye on Meredith. She knew what it was like to suddenly feel the absence of a best friend. Meredith's circumstances with Cristina were thankfully different than her and Reed's, but April made herself available all the same. Just for company. Even if she knew that she'd never been the neuro surgeon's favorite person.
"There are a few things I don't talk about, April. Cristina is one of them." Words April had heard from Meredith before. Nonetheless, she figured it might help Meredith to know someone was there for her. Even if she never needed it.
Things between April and Alex had never been better. Attending fellow hours were somewhat less demanding than those of surgical residents. They were still working long and often draining hours, but the pressure was less intense. They didn't have to compete for OR time, and the drive to prove your surgical abilities was gone. If the American Board of Surgery thought you were good enough, most were unwilling to argue.
The hours were much more regular, and April found that she and Alex were home together in the evenings more often. Lexie was in the thick of her fifth year and wasn't home very often, and Jackson had taken to spending his free time 'helping' Mara get to know Seattle better, whatever that meant. And where once the near empty house had kind of made April uncomfortable, she found that now she kind of liked when it was just her and Alex. They ate dinner, bickered over laundry or tv channels, and laughed a lot. It was nice. Normal. Almost disturbingly domestic.
But April chose not to dwell too much on that thought.
As far as April could tell, Alex was settling into being a pediatric attending very nicely. Better than she was settling in. He never seemed to be plagued with doubts like she was. Sometimes Alex would pretend to grumble about some idiot intern, or difficult parent, but April saw this gleam in his eye and she just knew that he absolutely loved every minute of it.
He'd allowed her to convince him that he should go to Iowa for his sister's May 25th graduation. Alex had predictably resisted, likely afraid to have April meet his mother, and see where he grew up.
"It's her high school graduation, Alex!"
"Well, whatever. She almost didn't graduate."
"All the more reason to go to the ceremony."
"Are you even paying attention to this?"
Alex shook his head and reached for a handful of peanuts, trying to focus on the field in front of them. They'd been at a Mariner's game when the subject came up and April didn't really like baseball much so she'd spent most of the innings nursing a beer and pestering Alex to go to Amber's graduation.
"It's the kind of thing you go to, Alex. Trust me."
"Whatever," he'd only shrugged and continued to watch the game resolutely.
"If it's just that you don't want me to go meet your Mom that's fine...I'm not saying we both go. I'll stay here. You need to go be there for Amber."
"Will you just drop it?"
April tilted her head to one side. Did she ever just drop something?
Alex pursed his lips and glanced at her from the corner of his eyes, "Uh...it's not that I don't want you to see my mom...it's just...she's a lot to handle, you know? I just don't think..."
After years of keeping his family life to himself, Alex still seemed reluctant to open it up to other people. He really had made good progress with his family, and Amber, but he still never really talked about his past. April sympathized with him, and fully expected him to attend Amber's graduation on his own. And that was...fine. Really. What mattered to her was that someone would be there for Amber. If Alex wasn't ready for April to meet his mother and see where he grew up, she wasn't going to push it. Instead she'd sent him off with a smile, a card and tassel frame for a gift.
But, April wasn't too proud to admit that during the few days Alex spent in Iowa at the end of May, she ate more ice cream than she strictly speaking should have. She also did more thinking in circles than she usually did. The house definitely felt empty when Alex was gone. April spent those evenings working or alone in the living room. She felt more than a little unsettled. Because, maybe it did mean something that Alex didn't want her to go to Davenport with him? It sort of stung to think that he didn't want her see where he grew up. She was ready for him visit her family on the farm in the summer, right? Then again, April knew that her family was very different than Alex's. Very different.
But April couldn't stop the fears from creeping into her mind.
And Alex came back smiling, with an assortment of photos on his phone, showing himself standing next to Amber in cap and gown, full of pride. He animatedly explained to her in detail the outline of the St. Xavier graduation ceremony. Rita Karev had good days and bad days, and the graduation had evidently been a good day.
"She knew it was Amber's graduation and even congratulated me on boards and stuff. I didn't even have to remind her about where Aaron is or anything..."
Alex seemed so happy with the whole thing. April could hardly spring all her insecurities about the whole thing on him. Not when he'd clearly had such a good time. It was probably just her characteristically neurotic and insecure thoughts once again.
So, she'd squared her shoulders, pulled her lips into a bright smile and said, "Tell me everything."
April willed herself to just let everything go. All the niggling insecurities that had plagued her mind while Alex was away, and all the doubts and fears she felt about her work. To heck with all of it. Mostly. Everything Alex did wasn't necessarily laden with some hidden meaning. And there was no way April could progress as a surgeon without being okay with being more decisive. She'd do her best to ignore it all. Attendings are confident. April tried to let herself be more secure in her circumstances. Because things really were going well, all things considered. Great job, great friends. Alex. No logical reason for April to drive herself crazy with worry over things she didn't know.
Especially when there plenty of things for April did know about and could worry over. Like her and Alex's upcoming visit to Ohio. Would her younger nieces remember her? Did the fact that her parents were now meeting Alex as something more than her friend really make a difference?Was Alex going to get along with everyone?What would her sister's think seeing her leg now? Would the treat her the same? There were also worries about her fellowship to consider. Was she really doing a good job? As an attending surgeon? A teacher? A fellow? Owen wanted her publish a paper on her checklists, and she still hadn't found the time. Was she neglecting something?
Plenty of real things to worry about.
And as the weeks went on, the OR losses became easier to bear and the successes were more noticeable. Her disquiets about understanding Alex became less unsettling and less frequent. They didn't disappear, but the stress faded, and gradually, April found it easier and easier to be an attending. May turned to June, and June inched toward July.
Alex held his hands under the steaming hot water of the scrub sink. Avery bustled in behind him, complete with his silver glittered scrub cap, slipping his own arms under the running water.
"Dude," Alex said. "Your scrub cap is ridiculous. You look like an idiot."
"You only wish you looked this good," Jackson quipped, grinning, but still clearly a little uncertain about utilizing Mark Sloan's gift.
Alex only rolled his eyes, as both his and Avery's gazes moved to the window in front of them. April was already in OR 3 with Dr. Warren, prepping their patient. Both men looked to their right as the automatic OR doors hissed open and Meredith exited the operating room, moving to the sink to scub out. Looked like she wasn't going to scrub in on the procedure with them.
"So, this isn't going to be a surgical quartet?" Avery joked, leaning toward Meredith's ear.
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, and continued to wash her hands under the faucet, "Luckily for the patient, she doesn't appear to have and neurological damage on top of everything else. Poor kid. Getting mauled by a dog is more than enough to be dealing with."
Alex shrugged and smiled, "That's true. Still, it woulda been cool. Like a class reunion or something."
The pediatric fellowship was by far and a way the coolest professional experience Alex had ever had. Robbins let him take on even the most complex cases, virtually independently. At the same time though, she was extra demanding in terms of how he managed his care plans and research. Because if he really did want to do great things in pediatric surgery, like being 'the future of the hospital' type things, Robbins felt that a meticulous paper trail was a must. So was publishing. Which Alex had once kind of hated. Hell, he still wasn't really fond of it, but now that he'd finished residency, none of that crap seemed so bad.
However, Alex also knew that as a result, he'd had less time to deal with other stuff. Most of his free time he spent hanging out with April. Or sleeping. Or...sleeping. None of which he really minded. He'd had a few big cases that kept him at the hospital on longer shifts. He'd also gone back to Iowa in late May for Amber's graduation, which had actually turned out not to be a total disaster.
At any rate, Alex felt guilty or whatever for not paying better attention to Meredith. He knew that things were hard for her lately, with Cristina gone to California. Add to that it felt like she was more cut off from the rest of them, aside from work, because the new house was across the sound and away from the city. It wasn't intentional on anyone's part, but Alex knew that they were all spending less time together as a group, inside or outside of the hospital. He missed Cristina too, but he knew that for Mer, it was probably even harder. Alex just wasn't that great with dealing with emotional crap. Going to Ohio tomorrow for four days wasn't going to help much either.
He just didn't know what to do. Or where to begin. She was usually the friend who coaxed him to dealing with feelings. Alex had tried to talk to Meredith about missing Cristina. A little bit anyway. But, it was hard to get a chance to talk, again because of the new living arrangements, or because Zola was running around or something. The conversations usually weren't terribly productive either.
"So," Alex had said once, as he and Meredith hung out in the attendings lounge. "Yang's really gone."
"Yup," Meredith's brow had furrowed and she'd taken a long drink of her coffee.
"Kind of sucks."
"Yeah, it does," she'd finished her coffee, and left the room.
Par for the course for the past few months anytime Alex had mentioned Cristina. He knew he should probably push her to talk more about it, but damned if he wasn't sure how to. Because maybe she was just grieving the change or whatever. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it. Because it made her sad. Alex certainly didn't think April's overly concerned, 'let's go shopping and talk' approach was quite right for Meredith. It just seemed too girly, however earnest and well intentioned April was. And it wasn't like Alex could try that crap anyway. Not that Meredith accepted the invitations very often anyway. Alex knew he'd figure something out eventually.
Now Meredith only smiled in response to Alex's statement, moving to dry her hands, "Well, that would have been interesting. Especially since I doubt I'll be seeing you again before you jet off to the land of cows."
Alex blinked, "I think her dad grows corn, but...I guess...I mean it's a freakin' farm, so there's bound to be a cow or two..."
"So literal. He's not nervous at all," Meredith laughed and Avery snorted.
"Shut up," he replied. Whatever, if they were teasing him. So he might be a little apprehensive about his upcoming trip. Joe Kepner was a nice enough man when they'd met, but he was a big dude, and no matter what April said about him not being violent, Alex was irrationally worried. At least Mer was in the mood to mess with him.
"Have a good trip. And a good surgery!" she added as Alex and Jackson slipped into operating gowns and made their way into the OR.
April and Ben looked up as they entered, and Jackson and Alex took up their positions around the little girl.
"Shall we?"
As they buckled down and started the procedure, Alex scrunched up his face and shook his head. The 11 year old they were working on had been attacked while walking home from school by her neighbor's dog. Her arms and face were severely affected and she'd come into the ER hemorrhaging far too much blood. But April and her new 'project resident' or whatever, freakin' Mostow, had prevented the girl from bleeding out and stabilized her enough for surgery.
Alex and April worked to fix the internal injuries, while Jackson assessed her external damage, acting where he could and planning ahead where necessary. It was all part of his and Sloan's knew plastic surgery angle. For severe cases, get someone from plastics in early, even during the first surgery, so that they can see what's going on sooner, and place balloons for skin growth or take cartilage samples all the sooner. Potentially cutting down on the number of individual surgeries a patient might need. As idiotic as the 'plastics posse' acted some of the time, Alex had to admit that they came up with some really good stuff.
"What kind of person keeps a dog that would tear a kid up like this? I mean, I get keeping a guard dog or whatever, but what the hell?" Alex said, as they carefully worked on the mangled child.
"She'll need some facial reconstruction on the left side. Maybe a graft, if this skin is too scarred," Jackson added.
April winced, and he could tell she was grimacing behind her surgical mask, as she gingerly twisted one of her surgical tools, pulling it back from the girl's arm, revealing a dog tooth between it's two metal prongs.
"Seriously? Freakin' A. Just look at that!" A tooth in a kid's arm! Damn.
The sharp object clanked into a basin, and April shook her head and continued her work saying, "It is awful. Really awful. But sometimes with animals, you just don't know. Things happen. Even the nicest or tamest pet can flip out, given an unknown element. They get spooked and...things happen. Children and animals should be supervised. It just takes a second."
Jackson glanced up from his careful suture work on the girl's facial lacerations, "Farm experience talking or...?"
"I-I'm just saying..." April stammered.
Alex paused in his work too, and took a moment to watch his girlfriend carefully. She ducked her head and shrugged, moving on to the next step in the procedure. Yep, that's the posture. Even if he couldn't see her full expression, Alex had discovered in the past several months that April had this way of avoiding eye contact when she had something on her mind that she wasn't particularly keen to share. He supposed she was trying to make herself appear inconspicuous, but it usually had just the opposite affect.
"Spill," Alex coaxed, because usually the stuff April was reluctant to share turned out to be her best stories. Like getting drunk as a monkey off of a lemon dipped cake when she was studying abroad. He'd practically howled with laughter when she'd told him that story over beer at Meredith's new house a while back. Or like the story April had told him about her volcano science project gone horribly wrong at the Ohio regional science fair. Or probably a dozen others. April just usually wasn't comfortable enough to share stuff like that. But Alex figured, whatever? Why get so embarrassed over crap you did in the past? Especially if it was funny. Or relevant to something happening now. And everyone had dumb stuff that they did when they were little. So, he usually tried to get April to fess up.
April sighed and glared at him over the top of her surgical mask, rolling her eyes and tilting her head to one side, seemingly contemplating her reply. Finally she shrugged and looked back down at the patient, "Fine...when I was 8, Libby and I snuck into the horse stalls when we weren't supposed to."
"And, the horses we had...they were all really good. I mean we thought they were desensitized. Bomb proof, if you will. At least kid proof. But Dad never let us be with them alone. Rule to ride- Mom or Dad had to be there. Sparkle was my horse and-"
Jackson and Alex both chuckled at the animals name and April gave them a withering glare, "I was 8. I thought it was a great name at the time."
Alex frowned slightly and inclined his head toward Avery, "Sloan still thinks so. Avery Sparkle."
Jackson only rolled his eyes.
"I rode Sparkle all the time with my Dad, so we thought, 'Why not go for a ride now? Who needs Dad?'"
"You?" Jackson mocked, making Alex chuckle. "You did something against the rules? I thought you said that rule following was the hallmark of your childhood."
"It was. After this, it really was. Libby helped me climb up and everything was fine, just like it was when we rode and dad was there. But then..." April's eyes widened and she shrugged and blinked. "Something spooked Sparkle and she bucked, and threw me across the barn. Head first. Broke my nose. Scared me and Libby big time. We got in trouble, I had to get surgery and it all just totally sucked. I could easily have died."
"Rhinoplasty?" Jackson asked incredulously, looking mildly impressed. "Who was your surgeon? Did good work."
"It's not something I talk about!" April continued defensively, as she finished up her last stitch and looked tenderly at their young patient. "The point is, sometimes things happen. They just do. For no real reason. It's not all the animals fault or all the kids fault. Or anyone's. Bad things happen, and you just get through it. She's strong, she'll get through it."
As they finished the surgery, Alex didn't quite believe what he'd just learned. April had had a nose job? She'd never told him that before. Well, it had to have been more of a nose repair than a nose job. Still, Alex had thought April would be comfortable enough with him to have mentioned it. She talked to him about her knee replacement, and surgical scars. Maybe she...Whatever. It probably just hadn't come up. Jackson didn't even know. And he was the best friend.
Pulling off her surgical mask, April stood between Alex and Jackson as they scrubbed out, each man trying to get a good look at her nose without her noticing. Of course April was well aware of their gazes. She snorted, pulled off her operating gown and limped into the hallway, glaring back at them.
"Stop it."
Jackson tapped the side of his own nose, "You'd never know."
Alex nodded. It really wasn't obvious at all. She'd gotten a really good repair. Still, he wished the topic had never come up at all, because it was a touchy enough subject to put April in a mood for the rest of the night. And a lot of the next day. At least, he thought that was what set her off. That night at the house April started off all frantic with the packing list in her little freakin' notebook, snapping at Alex. Do this crap. Don't forget that crap. Yada yada. All Alex had was an easy night. Put his feet up, watch some tv. Chill out before being trapped with a bunch of people he didn't really know. Even if they were April's family.
"April!" he snapped as she handed him another stack of folded clothes.
"I'm sorry you had to cancel your precious appointment with the sofa and "My Strange Addiction". I'm sure you'll be missed," she said briskly.
Smirking, Alex raised his eyebrows, and tried to lighten up the conversation, "Before that show, I had no idea about half the crazy crap people put in their mouths. And I'm a doctor that works with small children, so that's saying something."
April didn't so much as grin or look up from her folding.
"What's with you?"
"We need to pack."
"Yeah. Easy. Throw some crap in the suitcase and be done with it. It's only four freakin' days!" Alex held up the third pair of jeans she'd handed him. "I won't need this many pants."
"No harm in being prepared for-"
"I know what the Midwest is like in the summer, April. I grew up there too you know."
April pursed her lips and angrily replied, "Oh, I know. Not that you ever volunteer much information about it. I'm the only one who has to talk about growing up."
"Whatever, April."
Alex rolled his eyes and stuffed the clothes in his suitcase. What the hell was her problem? It wasn't unusual for them to bicker with each other, but it usually didn't feel, weird like this. And since they'd become attendings, Alex had thought that the two of them had gotten more comfortable in the course of the past 7 months. They kind of just gelled together. Whatever. She was probably just nervous about going back home. And taking him home. And, if he was really honest with himself, Alex knew that he was a lot nervous himself. They'd get over it soon. Surely.
The next morning as they sat cramped next to each other on the plane to Columbus, Alex realized that 'soon' was definitely a relative term. He and April had been tense the whole night, and hadn't slept much. And they were both still very grumpy. They'd barely said anything to each other for the entire six hour flight. Which, with April was highly unusual.
Alex messed with the volume on his ipod and glanced back down at the list of names April had given him to help keep track of her relatives. Some first impression he'd make. April gets excited and brings this guy home, and whatever, and all her parents and sister's would see is a pair of sullen people barely talking to each other. They'd Alex was an ass. And he was. Sorta. Before, anyway. But now...
Spinning her cane in circles between her hands, April winced and shifted uncomfortably in her cramped seat, stretching her bad leg into the aisle. Alex looked on sympathetically. This was also April's first major travel experience since her leg injury, and he could tell she was getting really stiff. Torres had sent prescribed some pain meds knowing the trip would probably cause pain. Not that April had taken any yet. For some reason, she was always resistant, insisting on waiting until her pain levels were really high.
He should probably cut her more slack. Because her going home this time was about more than just introducing Alex. This was going to be the first time her family really saw her after the earthquake. Karen and Joe had seen her early on in the wheel chair, but other than that no was from April's family hadn't seen her since. Maybe that's what was on her mind. Or something.
Whatever it was, Alex needed to find out what was bothering April. Because her mood was bugging the crap out of him. His own anxieties and stuff seemed less important. Alex just wanted to get April figured out. It was throwing his game, right when he wanted to put his best foot forward for her family.
An announcement played over the plane's intercom, informing them that the flight was making it's final descent into Columbus. Pulling one earphone away from his ear, Alex sighed and leaned toward April, testing the waters. The last time they'd said anything to each other on the flight, it had ended in a fight."Truce?"
She sniffed and fidgeted with one ear lobe, "Okay."
"What's the matter?"
April gulped, "I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me."
Yanking the other earphone from his ear and wrapping the cord around his ipod Alex replied, "I bet your leg hurts, for one thing. You should take a pill."
"I've taken this flight so many times over the years...and it never...hurt. Before. It's not short, but I never had a problem with it."
"You had a knee replacement and rods and crap put in 7 months ago," Alex said diplomatically. "It's no big deal. That's what meds are for. It's fine."
"I know...it's just different. I'm different."
"Yeah..." Seemed like they were getting to the root of things. Alex thought she'd come a long way in accepting her new circumstances, but he could see her being worried about how her family would see things. April didn't know how her family would react to her limp.
"I don't even think my niece's will recognize me. I mean, everyone else still lives in Ohio and I hardly see them and now..."
"You said you haven't even met the youngest one yet so..." Alex ran his hand down her arm, until he grasped her hand. "They're little kids, if they forgot they forgot. They'll get new memories, and the older they get the longer those will last. Whatever. Your the cool aunt that lives in a far away land called Seattle. Has to beat Ohio anyday."
"What if...what if my family...doesn't...like me? Like this," April shrugged, twisting her cane again.
"Then they're a crappy family," he replied matter of factly. "But I'm pretty sure your family isn't. I know what a crappy family looks like, and your Dad has no place in a crappy family. Your family still loves you."
April smiled faintly and Alex teased, "Besides, they'll be too busy not liking me to worry about you."
"Right," she chuckled. "I'm supposed to be the one giving you the pep talks about getting off on the right foot with everyone."
"I give better pep talks. Fewer words."
"Whatever," April retorted. "There is still plenty of time for one of mine, if you need it."
Alex's brow furrowed, "Uh, we're landing. We're almost there, right?"
April sighed good naturedly, and gestured to the piece of paper Alex held in his hands, "Did you even read my itinerary?"
"Not really."
"We're almost to Columbus, yes. But our farm is in Cook, Ohio. That's a forty minute drive from the city. My brother-in-law Diego's picking us up at the airport."
Damn. Alex was sick of sitting down and the prospect of enduring another stretch of travelling sucked. Then again, April seemed in much better spirit's as the plane slowly landed, so maybe the this last leg wouldn't be so bad. She grabbed his arm and pointed out landmark's through the tiny window on his left, seeming excited for the first time since the previous evening. Whatever insecurities she had, it was clear that a part of April was really glad to be back. Alex never felt this happy about seeing the Davenport skyline upon his arrivals in Iowa. Usually it meant something was going wrong in his family. He'd been excited for Amber's graduation sure, but Alex felt more excited to see the Seattle skyline. Especially now that he was dating April. It felt more like home than anywhere else.
The plane came to a halt and the other passengers began to clear out. Alex and April waited until most of the people behind them had left before April painfully rose from her seat. Alex was pretty stiff himself, and he cracked his back as he stood up. Before he grabbed their stuff from the overhead carriers, he leaned down and peered through the windows out onto the tarmac. It was a beautiful, bright, and sunny summer afternoon.
Hello, Ohio. Alex shrugged, and his nerves flared up again. April's family. He was meeting April's family. Here goes nothing. Don't screw it up.
