Nights In New York

What happened last night in my bedroom was rather wasted. He wanted to stay with me for the night but I wouldn't and couldn't allow him. Even if he did not touch me, I couldn't trust him a hundred percent. I am not even sixteen years and a day old, specifically speaking. My birthday is roughly two months away.

I try to focus on what would happen in school today. Kiyoko, Olivia, Lloyd, Chace and Caleb will be around me to get my mind off of things that happen at home especially Barnabas that arrogant authoritative vampire.

Barnabas woke me up ten minutes ago. I was quite surprised that I had forgotten to set the alarm clock to wake up early for school today. I did manage to wake up after a few attempts of him calling my name sweetly in my ears while shaking my shoulders.

I get off of the bed and head to my closet to get my clothing for school. I purposely choose a long sleeved button up shirt, hoping that someone would notice that my top is similar to Barnabas and also I decide to wear a plated skirt slightly shorter than my usual skirts just to tease the vampire. But of course, I would be wearing black tights because after all, I am heading off to school today.

When the usual bathroom rituals were done, I gracefully walk down the stairs, pretending that I am walking down the stairs like a queen during my sweet sixteen party.

I walk to the dining room and I am surprised to see only David and Barnabas at the dining table. Where is my mother, Roger and Dr Hoffman?

I analyse the dining table. An empty plate and a glass of milk were prepared for me, placed next to Barnabas' seat on his right. David is sitting far away from him. That is a good cue for me to probably flirt with Barnabas with my eyes.

The vampire looks up at me, his head lowering down to my skirt. I place a hand on my hip and walk toward my seat.

I sit next to him and put some grapes on my plate. My eyes roll over to him as I pop a piece of grape into my mouth and slowly chew it.

"Good morning, Carolyn," he says as he clears his throat to signal David at the other end of the table.

The ten year old boy looks up at me and bluntly says, "Oh, hi."

In a louder tone, I casually, "Good morning."

I munch more grapes with full of dignity as I ignore Barnabas' stares.

Picking up a slice of bread from the plate of sliced bread in front of me, I notice that David has been eating like a greedy pig.

I shake my head as I spread some jam on my bread.

"Where's mum?" I ask loudly.

To my surprise, David answers me but Barnabas remains silent.

"She went off with my dad to visit Willie before they head off to the office."

I stare at him curiously.

"Like, seriously? Shouldn't they be having breakfast with us before heading off?"

David shrugs his shoulders.

I bite my bread and stare at Barnabas.

He shows me an emotionless expression as he sips his coffee.

I continue eating my bread when suddenly I could feel his leg brushing against mine repeatedly underneath the table.

I shoot him a death glare as I stab my fork into the grape.

He grins casually at me and continues brushing his leg against mine.

I bite the grape and pull my leg away from him and stare elsewhere.

The vampire softly says to me, "I'm sorry about last night."

I ignore him.

He places a hand on my shoulder. I look at David. My cousin seems to be reading his comic while savouring his breakfast. He isn't bothered about what is going on right now.

I look back at him and say, "Are you really sorry for last night?"

"Of course I am," he says.

"Leave me alone," I hiss at him.

"I can't leave you," he quickly says.

I stare at him.

I lean forward and whisper, "Don't take it literally. We'll talk later, after school."

The vampire pulls his hand away from my shoulder.

"Promise me?" he says in a firm tone.

"I'll text you later," I say as I spread some butter on the bread.

I turn my head away from him and look down at my plate. He really is annoying me right now, just as terrible as David annoying me with his stupidity.

I can only depend on school to take my mind off of my weird family for the time being.

"I think we should start listing people you want to invite," Olivia says as she goes through last year's school yearbook.

"I take your advice," I say with a grin.

Olivia had her sweet sixteen six months back and she has a lot of experience in organising events and such due to the fact that her mother is an event organiser. In addition to that, she is the wisest and the eldest one among my group of friends.

"Let's start with Cheryl Hart. She's the hottest senior of the lacrosse team," Kiyoko says excitedly as she looks at the yearbook.

"Well, why not let's start with you first," says a masculine voice from behind her.

I look up to see a bespectacled boy with messy jet black hair which sweeps across his face halfway. He wraps his arms around Kiyoko's neck as he leans forward to her left shoulder and kisses her cheek.

"Caleb," Kiyoko purrs as she turns her head to lock her lips on his.

"Can I help out too?" he asks as he kisses her lips again.

I stare at the both of them incredulously.

"Go get a room!" I say sarcastically as Lloyd and Chace start to laugh.

"Alright you all! We have to help Carolyn right now! Come on!" Olivia says authoritatively as she writes down a few names on my notebook.

"I'm in," Caleb's twin, Chace says.

Chace is identical to Caleb without the glasses.

The couple stops kissing and they pay attention to me.

"Alright," I say as I pick up Chace's yearbook, "guys get me a list of cool guys to attend my party."

"Sure," Lloyd says.

I pass the book back to Chace and join Olivia and Kiyoko.

"So, Cheryl Hart is number one priority," Olivia says as she flips open the next page on my yearbook.

"Oh, wait! What about Melinda Parker?" Kiyoko says as she points at a picture of a bespectacled girl with pixie haircut.

"She's hot," Olivia states as she writes down her name.

"Hey Olivia, thank you for helping me out," I say as I stare at Olivia, observing her wavy strawberry blonde hair which reaches her shoulders.

"Sure, not a problem, Carolyn," the girl says with a smile.

"Oh my god you bitches are leaving us out?" says a perky high pitched tone.

I look around and I see a quartet of girls standing near us.

The girl who spoke to us is Ellen.

"Good morning, Ellen," I say casually.

"You're picking out names from the yearbook, I see," says another girl, Wanda.

"Of course, Wanda. The yearbook is a perfect guide to select people who deserve to attend your prestigious parties and what not," Olivia says in a factual manner.

"However, we won't invite you girls this time," Kiyoko says in a joking manner.

"Shut up, bitch! We'll crash the party if we have to," Ellen says teasingly.

"It's her party, not yours," Olivia says in an honest manner.

"We are invited, aren't we?" Wanda says as she looks at me.

I roll my eyes and laugh.

"Of course, silly! Now, leave us alone and we'll talk to you girls later!"

"See you later!" Ellen says as she waves at us.

The three of us wave at the other four girls as they leave us.

"That pompous little girl," Olivia says as she laughs.

I look away from those four girls and say, "Well, life would be awfully boring without them."

"Can't agree more," Kiyoko says.

My cellphone rings. I search inside my bag and pull out my phone. I simply retrieve the call without even looking at the caller ID.

"Hello," I say casually.

"Carolyn," says a familiar voice which sounds like my mother.

I could feel my cheeks stretching a bit as I smile.

"You left early this morning," I say as I stand up, leaving my friends as I walk over to a place with less students.

"I'm sorry about that. We had to make sure that Willie is fine, that's all," mother says.

"David told me this morning,"

"Fine, then. So, how are things in school?"

"We're just making a list of invited students,"

"Oh yes, dear. Speaking about your birthday party, this Friday we are leaving for New York to go to the record company and discuss with the artists who are going to perform for your sweet sixteen. You won't be attending school this Monday and I'll notify the headmaster later,"

"That's fantastic! I can't wait!"

"If you have plans with your girls these weekends, tell them to cancel it and we'll deal with your dresses and such later,"

"That is awesome! Thank you mum!"

"I'll talk to you later, goodbye Carolyn,"

"Bye mum."

She hangs up.

I walk back to my friends and say, "I am going to New York this Friday!"

My friends stare at me incredulously.

"Carolyn, I am jealous of you!" Kiyoko says frankly.

"What do you want from New York?" I say with a wide grin on my face.

"Minced pies," Chace says stupidly and we laugh at him.

"Why are you leaving for New York?" Lloyd asks curiously.

"I'm going to discuss with some artists who might be performing at my party," I say with full of pride.

"Get us autographed CDs and posters," Olivia says with an innocent smile.

"Have fun in Collinsport during the weekends while I'm in New York," I say sarcastically.

^%^%^%^%^

Is this an illusion?

Is this just infatuation?

Why do I feel so weak around you?

I can't believe what I'm feeling

I can't seem to read what's in your mind

I stop writing down my lyrics in my notebook. I look up to see the Physics teacher writing down the solutions on the blackboard.

I sigh and look back down at my notebook. I've been writing many random lines about my feelings towards Barnabas. The current lyrics in my notebook has already been made into a song that only I know and I sing it to myself without anybody's knowledge, not even Barnabas.

I had been writing three songs recently about that vampire. I poured out all of my feelings as I wrote those lyrics and composed those songs. I keep the lyrics well hidden in my room.

Instead of writing down my feelings in a diary, I write them down as lyrics and turn them into songs. It had been a habit ever since I was fourteen.

Thinking of Barnabas, I hadn't asked him if he is coming along this Friday. I would definitely miss him during the weekends.

He would be thrilled to listen to my trip when I reach home but it wouldn't be the same as having him accompany me during the trip. It would just be me and my mother this Friday, which is just tomorrow.

I flip open the next few pages to stare at blank pages.

I turn to my left to see Olivia fully paying attention to the class.

Sighing heavily, I pay my attention back to class and shove my thoughts about Barnabas aside.

^%^%^%^%^

"Well, the dinner with the manager of Good Charlotte was great, wasn't it?" mother asks as the hotel door swings open.

"Yeah," I say casually as we step inside the hotel.

"Good Charlotte is going to perform for your sweet sixteen and that's a dream come true for you, isn't it?" she says as she nods at the bell boy as a sign of 'thank you'.

"I am excited," I say, feeling quite gleeful and quite odd at the same time.

A part of my mind is still thinking of Barnabas. I hadn't spoken to him for two nights and he hadn't called me except text me a few times. I wonder what he is up to right now. I can't read his complicated mind at all. It's as if his mind is not penetrable at all. I don't blame him because maybe he is a vampire and none of us mortals would have any ability to read his mind.

"I'm very sure your friends would be thrilled with those gifts in our hotel suite," mother says.

"Obviously," I say monotonously.

As we approach the elevators, the doors open and we enter it. I press the '10' button and the door slowly closes.

I turn to my mother and say, "Are we allowed to stay here longer?"

"Oh no, Carolyn. You still have school to deal with," mother says as she gives me a disapproving look.

"Fine," I say sourly.

The doors open as the elevator reaches the tenth level. We walk out of the elevator and head to our suite.

I slide the card at the door and push it open. The suite lights up as I slide the card in place at the power source near the door.

My mother locks the door as I head off to the living room to watch the television.

"Oh, now what?" my mother groans as she searches for her ringing cellphone in her handbag.

"Hello," she says on the cellphone.

I ignore her phone conversation and channel surf the television. There are too many channels to watch and for a moment or so, I have completely forgotten about Barnabas.

"Carolyn!" I hear my mother calling out to me.

"Yeah!" I reply monotonously.

"I'm going to meet Pauline for a drink and I might be back by eleven thirty. Just call me if there's something wrong," she says from the hallway.

"Alright!" I say as I turn back to the television.

I could hear the door swinging open and slam shut. I walk back to the door to double lock the door.

I head to my room and belly flop on the bed. I whip out my cellphone from the pocket of my jeans to check any new messages.

There were three messages sent from Ellen, Kiyoko and Barnabas. I immediately reply Ellen and Kiyoko but hesitate for awhile when reading Barnabas' text message.

He sent me a message which states:

I can't wait for you to return home. Tell me everything about NY when you reach here.

Forever yours,

B C.

I smile while reading his message repetitively for almost a minute. I read his previous messages and I could suddenly feel my heart have suddenly dropped. I haven't listened to his voice for two nights and all of a sudden while reading his past texts, I feel like calling him up and talking to him on the phone. The thought of it makes my heart pound hard against my chest and my fingers tremble as I press the buttons on the keypad.

I look at the 'Call' option on the screen as my index finger trembles. It would just be like calling anybody and to have a normal conversation but somehow I feel nervous and a little frighten right now.

"Call or not to call?" I ask myself softly as I tear my eyes away from the screen of the mobile phone to look at the door.

"Call," I mutter sourly as I look back at the phone in my hand.

I immediately hit the 'Call' button and close my eyes. I pull my hand up to my ear and gently press the electronic device against my ear.

After a few seconds of engaged tones, the vampire finally picks up the phone and breathes in a deep voice which makes my back shiver.

"Carolyn?" he breathes on the phone.

I breathe nervously as I stare at the wall.

"Carolyn?" he mentions my name again.

I sit up and curl up my legs against my chest.

"You," I mutter.

His tone becomes serious.

"Are you alright, Carolyn?"

"Of course,"

"I wanted to talk to you, honestly,"

"You should have called,"

"I was afraid you might be offended with me."

I roll my eyes and snicker at his statement.

"Yeah, I could've been mad at you and drain your blood to leave you dying," I say sarcastically.

The tone of his voice lightens a tad bit.

"I can still feel the unique and beautiful sarcasm in your tone on the phone," he says and he hangs up on me.

I stare at my phone incredulously.

"Stupid vampire," I mutter sourly as I toss the phone at the pillow on the bed.

The phone rings. I quickly pick it up. I check the caller ID. It is Barnabas and I am not surprised.

"Stupid, what were you doing?" I say, my sarcastic and cold self kicking back into my system.

"I cannot allow my beloved lady to spend a penny on me. I should be the one who spends everything that I have to prove to her my love for her," he says proudly.

I snicker and say, "Yeah, right. How many times have you used this repeated sentence? Oh wait, I think it's been repeated too many times over the years you've been living, that you can't even remember how many times it had been repeated? Or perhaps you can't even remember how many hearts you have broken the past few centuries, I suppose?"

I could hear his hollow laughter.

"You are one kind of a girl, Carolyn," he says deeply.

I force myself down to the bed and shut my eyes.

"Don't push my buttons Barnabas," I snap at him.

"Why do you have to be so cold with me, sweetheart?"

"I've always been a cold person since the day I was born and brought up in Collinwood,"

"I beg to differ, my dear. You used to be the little sunshine of the manor,"

"I've never been that much of sunshine anyway. I don't need to be one. I love myself for who I am,"

"Don't be stubborn, my dear Carolyn. You know who you really are."

I sigh as I try to digest his last sentence. What he said is the truth. I had been rather cold to him ever since I started to have strange deep feelings for him. But I've never been that close to him anyway.

Even as a child, I always hung around my mother. I got closer to Dr Hoffman when she moved in to Collinwood.

It is difficult for me to explain the exact truth of why I act cold towards him but the truth still remains that I couldn't completely trust him with my life. He is in fact, a living creature with feelings and has a mind of its own.

I admit that I might have watched too many soap operas and dramas that the events and characters associated with them affect the way I think and act. It is common fact that cheating on spouses occurs in everyday lives and I am just one of the people who have trouble with trusting another especially when it comes to love and men.

I have knowledge of Barnabas' ugly truths about himself and I can't believe all the time when he keeps saying that he loves me and treats me like I am his only lover.

People do change, that is true but sometimes, some parts of a person do not change at all. I know I have grown cold towards him and to certain people but deep down in my heart, I am still the Carolyn that my family knows.

If Barnabas could actually prove to me that he really loves me and will never cheat on me or breaks my heart, then maybe I could place some trust in him.

But for the time being, I'll just maintain things as how they are right now.

"You are weird," I state without thinking twice.

He breathes deeply and says, "Of all the nights you have stayed in New York, why do you choose this night to have a proper phone conversation?"

"Because I was bored," I lie to him.

I could hear him saying, "Mmhmm."

I change the topic by saying, "How's things back in Collinsport and Collinwood?"

"A lot of plans on expanding business overseas but England would be the best start," he says in a very enthusiastic manner.

"That's it? Spare me the details when I reach home," I say monotonously.

"You are not ending this conversation right now, aren't you? It would be a shame to do so," he says thoughtfully.

"Whatever. I'm going to watch some tv now and we'll see each other soon. Good night Barnabas," I say as I fake my yawn to indicate that I have grown bored of the conversation.

"Good night, my love. We shall see each other soon," he says.

I hang up on him and shut my eyes.

I was deceiving him all along with the tone of my voice and my sarcastic sentences. I can't believe what I was doing. It feels quite painful at the thought of it.

If only I could call him back to tell him that the reason why I called him is because I want to hear his voice to soothe my complicated, weary soul.

Slowly, I lift open my eye lids and turn my head to the table next to the bed. A pencil and thin sheet of notepad has been placed next to the table lamp and untouched since the first night I arrived in New York.

I sit up and pick up the two objects. My fingers flip around the pencil back and forth between my fingers as I stare at the blank notepad. A sudden thought dwells in my head and I randomly write them down, hoping that they would be the lyrics to my fourth song about him:

Could I be honest with what I feel?

Could I be honest when I speak to you?

I sit alone in a big city

Thinking about you

Hearing your voice in my head

As I wonder how this distance

Makes me feel so deceptive

About the feelings I have for you

I stop writing and lay back on the bed with the notepad pressed against my chest.

Once again, I have deceived myself.