Chapter 16: A Nightmare and a Vision
After Harry's patronus left, Hermione excused herself to go take a shower. Despite her clothes being dry, her hair was still rain soaked and all the stress and emotions of the last few hours warranted a hot shower. Harry told her to use the bathroom on the second floor and she was free to take whatever spare room she wished on the third, with the exception of Teddy's room. Once Hermione was gone, Harry sat back down at the kitchen table and took a long drink of his now cold tea. A thousand thoughts and emotions were whirling through his mind as thought back on everything he had just learned. A large part of him wanted to head straight to the Burrow and beat the daylights out of Ron, but he knew that would just upset Hermione more and if he had to guess, Ginny probably filled Mrs. Weasley in on what had happened. A verbal lashing from her was almost as good as an arse kicking any day.
What he didn't know what to do with was the small part of him that was thrilled that Ron and Hermione had broken up. He knew he shouldn't be happy when Hermione was clearly in so much pain but he couldn't deny his own feelings for her.
He loved her.
She was the one who always stuck with him, even when she doubted him, she always had enough faith to stay with him. She saved his arse time and time and time again. She listened to his fears without judgment. Hell, she had seen him cry more times than he cared to count in the last eight months and the only thing she expressed towards him was love and compassion. The question, though, was did she love him? Or at the very least, did she love him as more than friend?
Harry was still lost in thought when Kreacher returned with a loud pop. Snapped out of his mental back and forth, Harry turned to where Kreacher stood.
"Welcome back, Kreacher. I trust you had no problems with the goblins?"
Kreacher nodded, "None at all Master Harry. It seems that desperate your break-in last year, the money the Ministry has collected from the dead or captured Death Eaters has more than paid for the repairs to Gringotts, as well as, um, increases to their security."
Harry raised his eyebrows, curious as to what would constitute an increase in security from a dragon but let the matter be. "Very good, Kreacher. And remember, no titles, please. Also, we have a guest tonight. Hermione is here so if you don't mind preparing a bit extra for supper, I'd greatly appreciate it. Oh and she's not likely to ask for anything she needs, so if you think of something Hermione might need or if it seems like she's trying to ask for something without 'ordering' you to, please take care of it for her, if you don't mind."
"Of course, Harry Potter, sir. My apologies for using the wrong title before. Is there anything else you need before I start supper?"
"No, thank you, Kreacher. You've been a huge help today, I appreciate it, truly," Harry said genuinely.
The old house-elf gave a small smile and went off to being to prepare the evening meal. Harry left to give Kreacher some space. He went into the sitting room and gathered his lesson plans for the coming semester to take back up to his room. Heading upstairs he could still hear the shower running on the second floor.
"She must be trying to watch her feelings away as well," Harry thought sadly, continuing up the stairs to the master bedroom.
Dumping the parchment and books on his desk, he decided to pick up the clothes he had flung across the room the last few days, in case Hermione decided she wanted a tour of the house. Once the last dirty shirt was put away in the hamper, he made his bed, and with one last look around the room, he headed back downstairs to the sitting room.
When Hermione came back downstairs, clean and in a fresh pair of clothes, she found Harry sitting on the couch reading a book on Defense Against the Darks that he had gotten from Sirius.
"Harry Potter reading on a holiday? Now I've seen everything," she joked.
Harry laughed and closed his book. "Now, now, I'm hurt that you would consider me so lazy," he said in a mock hurt tone.
Hermione laughed and shook her head, "Now, now Mr. Potter, have you given me any reason to think otherwise in the past 8 years?"
Harry laughed and shrugged his shoulder. "Okay, I have to give you a point there."
As the two kept laughing, Kreacher walked into the room and announced that supper was ready. The two hungry teens rushed to the kitchen to see an elaborate supper laid out before them.
"Oh Kreacher, this is wonderful, you shouldn't have gone to so much trouble!" Hermione exclaimed.
"Kreacher, you've truly outdone yourself," Harry said, his mouth watering at the sight of fresh rolls, honey ham, roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, pumpkin pie and bread pudding.
Kreacher, clearly proud of himself and pleased to be complimented said, "'Tis nothing, Harry Potter, sir. Kreacher is proud to serve Harry Potter and provide a good meal for him and his mistress."
"Mistress?" Hermione said, her eyes darting to Harry.
"He just means guest," Harry said quickly, his cheeks growing red with embarrassment.
"Yes, Kreacher simply meant guest," Kreacher said deviously, before leaving the kitchen.
Luckily for Harry, Hermione was too busy paying attention to her stomach than Kreacher's tone and took his word without a second tonight. Harry sighed in relief and they both dug into the feast before them without another word. By the time they had both eaten their fill, there was still a ton of food leftover.
"I don't want all this food to go to waste," Harry said. "Hermione, would you mind helping me put some away in the fridge for later, so Kreacher doesn't have to?"
"Of course, Harry," Hermione said.
"That's so sweet of him to care about Kreacher," she thought to herself. "He's such a sweet man… Wait, did I just call Harry a sweet man? What am I thinking?"
Shaking her head free of the thought, Hermione grabbed the plate of ham and headed towards the cupboard to find a container to put it in. An hour later, all the food was put away and the dishes were done.
"Well, if it's alright with you, Harry, I think I'm going to head to bed. It's been an exhausting day," Hermione said, yawning.
"Of course, Hermione. To be honest I'm pretty worn out myself," Harry replied, stifling his own yawn. "If you need anything, just let Kreacher or I know, okay?"
Hermione nodded and the two headed up the stairs, pausing long enough at the third floor to say good night before Harry headed up to his bedroom.
Changing into his pajamas, Harry crawled into bed and stared for a bit at the ceiling. If he could see down into the room directly below him, he would have seen Hermione doing the exact same thing. Both of them contemplating their feelings for the other. Both of them wondering if the other felt the same. Both falling into an uneasy sleep.
Harry's dream took the same course they had been for the past month. It started with the battle in the Department of Mysteries during his 5th year at Hogwarts. He watched as one by one his friends were wounded and injured. He watched, not as Sirius body fell through the veil, but Hermione's. He screamed for Hermione, fighting against the hands that held him back before the dream shifted to Malfoy Manor. Trapped in the dungeon, this time alone, he could hear Hermione's screams pierce through the cement walls. He pounded his fists against the walls until they bled, screaming Hermione's name, begging to be let out.
"Harry! Harry!" he heard her shouting, but it sounded different, closer yet far off.
"Harry! Harry! You've got to wake up. Come on, it's me, it's Hermione! Come back to me, Harry! Please! Harry!"
Harry opened his eyes, his lungs begging for air, his face burning with tears, his body covered in sweat. Shaking he felt around for his glasses before Hermione gently placed them on his ears and cupped his face with her hands.
"Harry, it's Hermione. Do you know where you are?" she asked, concerned.
Still shaking, his nodded, his mind trying to grasp that Hermione was in front of him, alive, not dead, not being tortured.
"Harry, I need you to answer me," Hermione said softly, her eyes remaining locked into his, her hands holding his face steady.
"I-I'm at Grimmauld Place, my bedroom." Harry chocked, his throat dry. "I-I'm sorry, I forgot to place a silencing charm on the room before I feel asleep."
Hermione's eyes grew wide. Very seriously, she asked, "Harry, why would you feel the need to place a silencing charm on the room? I thought your nightmares were getting better, happening less frequently?"
Harry pulled his face from her hands and looked down, mentally kicking himself for mentioning the silencing charm he had been placing on his room every night so Kreacher wouldn't hear his screaming. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth. Hermione, however, wouldn't budge.
"Harry, I'm not leaving here until you tell me what's going on," she said definitively before softening her voice, "Harry, it's me. You know you can tell me anything. I'm worried about you."
Harry straightened his glasses before raising his eyes to meet hers. Finally finding his voice he said, "The nightmares… They've been getting worse… not better… I didn't want to worry you or anyone else. I mean Voldemort's gone so they're nothing but just plain old nightmares. Nothing for anyone to be concerned with… I've been placing a silencing charm on the drawn curtains of my bed at Hogwarts and then on my room here so no one would get woken up by… well I assume I end up shouting at some point during them."
"Harry," Hermione whispered, "You sounded like your soul was being ripped from you. I thought you were dying. You kept shouting, 'No, no, please, take me. Kill me instead.' Harry, you have to tell me what you were dreaming about."
"I can't," Harry whispered back. He couldn't bring himself to tell her that for the last few months, it was her he watched die every night. It was her that made him scream as though he was dying. It was her that he begged to die in place of.
"Harry, please, I can't help you if I don't have all the information," Hermione whispered, taking his hand into hers. "I promise, we'll get through this together. No judgments from me, remember?"
Harry nodded and gripped her hand tightly. "It's you, Hermione," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear. "Every night I see you either get taken into the veil in the Department of Mysteries, or I listen to you being tortured by Bellatrix at Malfoy Manner. I-I-I scream and I scream, trying so desperately to get to you, to help you, to save you, but I can't. I sound like my soul is getting ripped out because that's what it feels like. I felt what it was like to death, Hermione. This, what I feel every night not being able to save you, it a thousand times worse than death could ever be. I-…" Harry's voiced trailed off as he desperately tried to fight off the tears.
Hermione pulled Harry to her, gripping him tightly. "It's alright, Harry," she whispered. "I'm here. I'm alive. I'm okay. You don't have to worry, I'm here. It's okay." Harry held on to her, tears flowing down his face but no sounds coming from him. She was safe. She was alive.
"Harry," she said, pulling away from him slightly, "I know you think these are plain old nightmares, and in a way they are, but its not normal for anyone to have nightmares this frequently or to this degree."
Harry didn't respond. He thought back to all the times Uncle Vernon called him a freak, maybe there was more truth to those words than he gave Vernon credit for.
Hermione, seemingly able to read his mind, "Harry, it doesn't make you any less of a person or different or a freak. It just means you've gone through so much in your life. More than anyone deserves. And you've never gotten the help you needed. You've spent your entire life trying to help others and save the entire world, you've never let other help you, at least in something other than helping others or saving the entire world."
Harry remained quiet, trying to take in what Hermione was saying.
"Harry, I want you to promise me, no more secrets. No more pretending to be okay when you're not. When you have nightmares, I don't care whether their about me or Kreacher or the Peeves, you tell me or tell someone, if you don't think you can tell me. You have to stop bottling everything inside or… or one day you might hurt yourself and- and I couldn't bear the thought of losing you," Hermione said, tears forming in her eyes.
"Hey now," Harry said gently, "You aren't going to lose me. I'm sorry for worrying and scaring you. I promise, no more secrets, no more playing pretend. Just – just have some patience with me, please. I'm-I'm not good at this whole baring your soul thing. At least not on a regular basis."
Hermione smiled and nodded. "Think you're alright to go back to sleep?"
"Yeah, I think so," Harry replied.
Hermione got up and headed to the door.
"Hermione…" Harry called out.
Stopping, she turned around and said, "Yes, Harry?"
More than anything in the world, Harry wanted to ask her to stay with him that night. To be near him, to let him hold on to her so he knew she was there and that she was safe. But he knew that wasn't fair to take advantage of her, even if she and Ron were broken up.
"Um, thanks, you know, for all this. Means a lot."
"Oh," Hermione said, almost sounding disappointed, "Of course, Harry, anytime. If you need anything I'm below you." She turned back around and head out the door. As she closed it, she called out, "And no silencing charms!"
Harry laughed to himself as the door clicked close. Placing his glasses back on the nightstand, he rolled over and silently praying there would be no more dreams that night. No sooner had he closed his eyes, when suddenly he was thrown on his back, his body spasming violently, thrashing against the covers. Harry's eyes shot open but they were glazed over.
"Reducto!"
"Ha Ha, you'll have to do better than that Potter! Come on, break out the Elder Wand. It's your only chance of beating me, though I am enjoying putting a beating to your pathetic excuse for a body."
Harry was standing, badly bruised and bleeding, in a snow covered street facing an unknown figure in black robes, hood drawn, obscuring the man's face.
"Stupefy!"
"Protego! … Sectumsempra!"
Harry tried to put up a shield but in his weakened state he wasn't fast enough. Deep gashes appeared over his body. He screamed in agony and fell to his knees.
"Harry? Are you awake, listen I need to talk to you about something," Hermione opened the door to Harry's room and walked in. "I thought it might be easier if – HARRY!"
Hermione rushed to Harry's bedside. His body was still thrashing, eyes glazed, face contorted in pain, and his mouth open, silently screaming. "HARRY! HARRY WAKE UP!"
The hooded figure watched as Harry slowly bled out. "CRUICIO!" Harry's screams pierced the night air. "Let's end this, shall we Potter? As long as I kill you, the Elder Wand is mine, and I'll find it soon enough once the wizarding world is at my mercy. The Boy Who Lived will finally be dead for good." Three other hooded figures appeared behind the figure , followed by dozens more in blood red death eater masks
Harry, barely holding on to consciousness, braced himself for what he knew was coming.
"Avada Kedavra!"
Harry bolted forward in his bed. Struggling to catch his breath, his body tingling painfully where the spells had hit his body.
Hermione grabbed his face and watched as the glazed eyes came back into focus. "Harry, can you hear me?"
Hermione's face slowly came into Harry's vision, but her voice sounded far off.
"Harry, please, answer me," Hermione pleaded, tears steaming down her cheeks. "Harry, you're scaring me!"
Unable to breathe, Harry could feel himself slipping into darkness. Just before he passed out he managed to whisper, "Hermione. Help."
Harry opened his eyes to find daylight shining through the bedroom window. "Was it all a dream?" he thought to himself. He tried to roll over to get his glasses but found his arm being gripped by another person. Turning his head slightly, he found a large bushel of brown hair nestled on his shoulder. Harry started to panic. "Why is Hermione in my bed? What's going on? Oh Merlin! What do I do?"
Before he could come up with an answer to any of those questions, Hermione stirred. Lifting her head cautiously, she smiled with relief to see that Harry was awake. Throwing her arms around him, she hugged him tightly.
"Um, Hermione? Not that I don't mind the morning greeting, but can you tell me what's going on?" Harry said, secretly thrilled what was happening.
"Oh," Hermione said dejectedly.
"OH!" she exclaimed, "Harry, this isn't what you think it is!"
"And what exactly do I think it is?" Harry asked mischievously.
"Ugh, blokes," Hermione grumbled, hitting Harry with her pillow. "I just meant that you probably don't remember what happened last night." Changing to a gentler tone, "Harry, what do you remember from last night?"
"Well, I remember you waking me up from my usual nightmare and us talking about it. Then you made me promise to always tell you or someone when I have a nightmare. Then you left. Then… Then I remember I put my glasses back on the night stand and rolled over to go to sleep but…" Harry trailed off.
"But what, Harry?" Hermione asked.
Quietly, Harry replied, "But then it was like my body was being possessed. I remember being thrown on my back and then I-I'm not sure what I was seeing…"
Hermione shifted closer to Harry and placed her hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Harry, tell me what you saw."
"Well, I was dueling this hooded figure in a street. There was snow everywhere. I-I wasn't winning, that's for sure. It didn't look like the guy had a scratch on him and I was beaten up pretty good… Anyway, the guy kept taunting me, trying to get me to use the Elder Wand. When I didn't, he hit me with Sectumsempra… I was too slow with my shield, " Harry said, ashamed. "The pain… Merlin, Hermione, it was almost as bad as being hit with the Cruciatus Curse, which he then proceeded to throw at me. And even though it was a dream, or whatever it was, it felt so real, like it was really happening… Finally, he said he didn't need me to tell him where the Elder Wand was because if I was dead, he'd be able to find it on his own because he'd be in control of the wizarding world… Then…" Harry's voice trailed off again. He couldn't bring himself to tell Hermione the end.
"Harry, what happened next?" she asked.
"It-it doesn't matter," Harry replied, not looking her in the eye.
"Harry James Potter!" Hermione said, "Don't you dare tell me it doesn't matter, not after what you promised me last night. I don't care what it is or how you think I might react, tell me what happened."
Harry looked up and paused for a moment, staring into Hermione's eyes. He could read the concern, worry, and fear in her eyes, as though they were words written clearly on parchment. Against his will, he finished the dream.
"Three other hooded figures appeared behind him… Then dozens more, only they had on these red death eater's masks… And then… Then, I heard him yell the Killing Curse and, I think that's when I woke up. That parts a little fuzzy, to be honest. I remember hearing you and seeing you but then it was like as soon as everything was in focus, it all went dark."
Hermione sighed, "You passed out almost as soon as your eyes came back into focus. You were hyperventilating so badly your brain wasn't getting enough oxygen to stay conscious. I couldn't get you to wake back up, even though you started breathing normally, so I stayed with you, hoping you'd wake up. I guess I fell asleep."
Harry smiled, "Well that explains what I woke up to this morning."
Hermione returned the smile before her face turned serious, "Harry, I don't think what you had was a dream… I think it might have been a vision, a future vision."
Terror washed over Harry, "Wait, like what I used to have with Voldemort? But that's not possible. The connection's gone! Voldemort's soul isn't in me anymore. He's dead!"
"No, no. Harry, you're right. Voldemort's gone, this has nothing to do with him," Hermione said quickly, trying to calm his fears. "I meant I think you were having a vision of the future, like what Trelawney would have on those very, VERY, rare occasions. Just instead of a prophecy you got a detailed look at a future event in your life."
"You mean I got a detailed look at how I'm going to die," Harry shot back, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach.
"You don't know that, Harry!" said Hermione, her voice trembling. "All you heard was the spell being said. Anything could have happened afterward. And besides, regardless, I-we're not going to let that vision come to pass."
"We're not?" Harry asked, confused.
"Of course not! Clearly you had this vision for some purpose, it only makes sense it is so that we can make sure it doesn't come to pass," Hermione reasoned calmly.
"I thought you didn't put any stock into Divination, Miss Granger," Harry teased.
"Hmpfh," Hermione retorted, clearly annoyed, "awfully smart remark for the boy who just saw himself possibly die and managed to scare his best friend half to death twice in one night."
Embarrassed, Harry apologized, "Merlin, Hermione. I'm so sorry, I can't believe I was so thick to not even realize that I did that to you. You shouldn't have been put in that position. I'm sorry."
"Oh Harry," Hermione said, "I wasn't trying to make you feel guilty. I was just teasing back. Now, we need to figure out this vision."
Hermione scooted off the bed and went over to Harry's desk, picking up a spare piece of parchment, quill, and ink bottle.
"Harry, I want you to write down everything you saw in the vision, every detail, no matter how minute. I'm going to go downstairs and have Kreacher make some breakfast. After we eat and you finish up whatever you needed to do today, we'll do some research," she said, passing off the parchment, quill, and ink to Harry, and then heading out the door.
"Huh, well, she took that better than I would have guessed," he thought to himself. "Fully expected her to go into research mode now."
Harry quickly wrote down all that he could remember, even sketching, as best he would, the hooded figure. It wasn't much but it was something. When he finished, he placed everything back on the desk and went to go take a shower. Throwing off his shirt, Harry stared at the mirror in shock. A deep red mark was slashed across his chest, in the exact same spot her remembered seeing Snape's curse cut through him in the vision. He carefully touched it, relieved to find that it didn't hurt to touch, though clearly the skin was irritated.
"Well that can't be good," he muttered to himself as he turned on the shower. "Best not tell Hermione about this, she's being so calm about all this as it, no reason to freak her out more."
Little did Harry know that Hermione, after asking Kreacher if he would make them some breakfast, adamant to emphasis it wasn't an order much to Kreacher's amusement, had returned to her room. Through hot tears she was pouring over every book on Divination, dreams, and visions she had in her possession, desperately searching for a way to save Harry.
"I won't let him die," she kept saying over and over to herself. "I won't let him die alone again."
