Minion, despite all of the cooking capability he had (hiding somewhere under mountains of awful cheesewiz or something of the like) managed to set fire to the bread he had intended to toast in the microwave. From what I could gather by Megamind's reaction to the blaring fire detectors, this was a common occurrence. Megamind sulked in the corner for a moment before the robotic fish exited the kitchen sheepishly, followed by an ominous cloud of smoke. Emerald green eyes rolled in their large sockets.

"I don't know why you keep trying to cook like the huumans. We are mighty villains, minion! With the mere dial of a phone we can have food brought to us!" Megamind spun around excitedly, grabbing a pile of take-out menus from the top of a makeshift table.

"Ahh, but sir, I keep trying to tell you. I think they want us to pay for it…"

"Nonsense! How would you like the sound of pizza?" I could barely contain myself at this point. I coughed deliberately, fighting a losing battle to keep my face neutral. The entire situation was so ridiculous it was unbearable. Here I was after a boring day of work, listening to a kind-hearted, supervillain alien argue with his robotic-suited aquatic friend argue about which company made the best pizzas. I may have been hungry as hell and tied to a chair, but this was still probably the most exciting day of my life. And that's saying a lot if you average in my day at work.

"Mushroom it is!" Megamind gloated as he called. With the decision made, Minion turned his attention to me.

"Uh, hi. We haven't really been introduced. I'm Minion." His large robotic feet shifted anxiously.

"Bernard."

"I-uh… I'm real sorry about the whole kidnapping business. We're usually really good about kidnapping Miss Richie." I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt at that. Everyone in Metro City knew about the frequent kidnappings of Roxanne, but when I imagined Roxanne waiting to be rescued from an evening like this? I mean, sure, there was the occasional death-trap mixed in, but in all of the records of Megamind's attacks on the city, the only person who had really sustained injuries was Megamind himself. I could be at home right now considering if I wanted another Cup Ramen before I went to bed alone for the umpteenth time. Roxanne Richie may have better things to do, but I sure as hell don't.

And that's the thing. Roxanne Richie is the kind of person who knows what she wants and knows where she's headed, but me? I think I'm just looking for something to change.

"I really don't mind. In fact, it's a pleasure to meet you, Minion." At this the fish blushed and looked toward Megamind for security. It was clear that neither Minion nor Megamind were used to talking with anyone besides Roxanne, Metroman, and themselves. Bony blue shoulders merely shrugged awkwardly in response before he turned back and excitedly watched the door for his "pizza slave". I'd like to say that the moment was something close to awkward, but I suppose at this point, it's all relative. I cleared my throat tentatively.

"So… Minion? That's quite a name…" Really the ropes behind my back were starting to chafe and I was ready for something to take my mind off of it.

"Megamind named me. We're bonded," he replied with a soft look in his eyes. Bonded?

"B-Bonded?" I asked, becoming more than curious about how the relationship worked between the alien and the fish. "Like… married?" I tried to keep the shock in my voice to a minimum.

"What? No! Bonded! Symbiotic companionship not… mating, more like, friendship?" he replied, struggling to even finish the sentence.

"Oh, uh... okay," I replied more confidently than I felt, turning away from the awkward conversation to watch Megamind snatch the pizza excitedly from a mortified teenager. Seeing the spindly man grin with delighted satisfaction at the warm pizza in his hands made me feel a little pleased with what minion had said. There really wouldn't be any logical place for my company if the two were in a romantic relationship, but considering the lonely way they both lived, they could both definitely use some company.