He hated himself the next day when he woke up and it was nearly eleven in the morning, judging by the watch he was so adamant to wear.
He looked around for someone to blame, couldn't believe they'd just let him sleep so late. Scratch that, he could believe it. It's the type of thing these people would do. He knew they only wanted to take care of him, but this was no regular Tuesday morning, or whatever. Andrea was nearly dead just a few hours ago, and they were letting him sleep in? After the theatrics he pulled the day before, didn't they know better?
He washed himself first and knocked on her door second, not knowing what he'd find, but feeling... a little nervous? He shook his head and analyzed all his symptoms. Yeah, he was actually nervous. Not that he'd find her dead, but nervous to see her again. Last time he felt that way was in 9th grade when he was trying to muster up the courage to ask his first girlfriend out. This is ridiculous, he thought. You're not 14 anymore, you're a grown man.
"Come in."
It was Carol's voice and Rick smiled. Carol ever the mother, always fussing over Daryl and Andrea like they were her two babies. He pushed the door open and was surprised to see Andrea awake, her body half reclined up, being supported by just about a million pillows. The minute she saw him she smiled at him and he felt his cheeks blush. Carol's little knowing smile made it worse. God, he felt like a teenage girl around her first crush.
"Hi," Andrea said, breathing a little hard and tired, but her eyes were lively.
"Hey," he said, closing the door behind him.
"You look better," she noticed, her eyes looking up and down his body.
Rick sighed and turned to Carol. "I told you to wake me up first thing in the morning."
Carol looked tiny, opened her mouth to explain but Andrea stepped in. "I told her not to."
He looked at her. "Why?"
"Because you needed to rest, Rick," Andrea told him. Her statement made him think Carol had told her all about his devotion from the day before. He couldn't be mad at Carol, though. Who could ever be mad at Carol? Andrea tried to continue with her list of reasons but suddenly her eyes closed and she frowned. "Ow!"
Carol rushed to her side and Rick's hand twitched closed into a fist. "You okay, sweetie?" Carol said.
"Yeah," Andrea moaned, closing her eyes and waiting for the pain to pass. Rick approached the bed and she reached for his hand, and when he offered it she squeezed hard. His thumb stroked her skin.
"Glenn and Maggie went out again, came back with some Percocet," Carol told him then turned to Andrea. "Do you need another one?"
"No, I'm okay," Andrea said, trying to breathe the pain away.
"Are you sure?" Rick asked her. He was still traumatized by her surgery, watching her there crying out in pain, not being able to do anything about it... Groundhog Day.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she said, finally taking one last deep breath and opening her eyes again.
Rick turned to Carol. "Has she eaten anything?"
"Just one bite," Carol told him, pointing at the still full breakfast plate on the night table that Andrea had refused. "It hurts when she swallows."
"Water?"
"Yeah, she's hydrated, Hershel said."
"The wound?"
"Hello! I'm right here," Andrea said.
Rick chuckled and looked down at her. "I know, but if I ask you, you're just gonna lie and say you're fine."
She made a face at him and he made one back and Carol sat there feeling like the world's biggest third wheel. She tried to pretend she didn't notice the way their eyes were sparkling or how tight their fingers were twined together. Andrea had been in a sour mood just minutes before but then Rick walked through that door suddenly she was Little Miss Sunshine. Carol had been watching them for a while now, worried about what it might mean for the group, but now that Rick and Lori were no longer together, she figured it was fine. Happiness wasn't necessarily in abundance these days and when they found some she knew they needed to hang onto it.
Seconds later she chuckled when Rick's stomach growled loudly.
"I'll bring you some breakfast," Carol said, rising to her feet. "You better eat it this time."
Rick smiled at her. "Thanks, Carol."
"Uh-huh," Carol hummed, patting his shoulder as she walked out.
Rick occupied her spot with a sigh. Andrea closed her eyes, feeling the exhaustion coming to claim her. She'd been up since 6. She tried to fight it and drifted for a couple of seconds but then came back. When she opened her eyes he sat there looking at her the way he did so many times in the past. This time she smiled.
"You do look better," she whispered at him, trying to fight the exhaustion.
Rick smiled, taking her in. "So do you."
"I'm glad she didn't wake you up. You should've seen her. She was so nervous that you were gonna yell at her. Poor Carol," Andrea said.
He smiled, ignoring her concern for Carol. He leaned forward instead, his head close to her shoulder and he picked up a strand of her hair. It was then that he noticed all the blood still in her blonde locks and he grimaced at it. He made a mental note to ask Carol to wash her later. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Rick, I'm fine," she told him. "I'm not gonna lie, it hurts like a son of a bitch, but it'll go away eventually."
He smiled at her words, envying her strength. He grabbed one of her hands, brought it up to his face and kissed it like he did so many times while she was on the verge of death. But this time, instead of a blank expression, he was rewarded with a smile. He kept that hand close to his mouth and showered it with kisses to make up for everything else he wanted to kiss, do, or say to her.
She looked down suddenly, the wheels in that head turning. When she looked at him again, she seemed uncertain. "Did we get them?"
He nodded. "Every single one of them."
Andrea frowned and nodded, remembering the attack and trying to add all the numbers in her head. "Did we lose anyone? I've only seen you, Daryl, and Carol. Is Glenn okay?"
"Glenn is fine, sweetheart," Rick said. The pet name made them both too aware but he was only shocked by how right it felt to call her that. "We're all fine. You were the only casualty."
She nodded, taking in his words. This wouldn't have happened had she not been so stupid and she mentally scolded herself as his fingers offered her hand strokes of comfort for the hell he knew she was putting herself through mentally.
She looked at their hands again and frowned slightly at his ring finger. She looked at him questioningly. "What happened?"
Rick smiled. "We..." He sighed, not knowing how to explain it. Not wanting her anywhere near this heavy weight. He kept it simple. "It's been over for a while."
"I'm sorry," she told him sympathetically.
"Don't be," he said, sighing. "She had a lawyer and all that, we were ready to call it quits. Then the turn happened."
Andrea wished she could move from that bed, because she felt an overwhelming need to reach for him and hold him close. But she only had enough energy to talk. If that. "How's Carl?"
Rick smiled at the mention of his son. "He's fine. He might come by later and bug you for a bit."
She chuckled. "I'd like that." He smiled and she closed her eyes for a bit and drifted away, then came back. Rick knew he should probably get her to get some sleep, but he greedily enjoyed every moment. "Hershel apologized earlier."
"Yeah?" he said, kissing her hand again. Wishing he could kiss her lips instead but at her request he fought the urge.
"Guess he had to get rough," Andrea said, bringing her other hand to his head and running her fingers through his black hair. Whether it was the effects of the Percocet or not, he didn't know, but it felt too good.
Rick pressed his forehead to her shoulder. He couldn't lie to her, but couldn't bring himself to look at her, either. Not when he remembered that mess of a surgery.
"I'm glad I wasn't awake for that," she sighed.
"I wish I hadn't been," he confessed to her.
"That bad, huh?"
He looked at her. Thinking, yeah, that bad. It was really fucking bad. Two truths had enveloped him as she'd laid there bleeding to death on that field. The first truth: she was going to die. The second truth: he loved her. A hidden third truth: he loved her and she was going to die and he was never going to be able to tell her.
"Just don't get shot again. Okay?"
Andrea smiled warmly. "I'll try."
He stayed there, watching her open and close her eyes and he knew before her when she was drifting off. Finally, she whispered, "Rick, I'm tired."
"Okay," he said. Carefully, very carefully, he removed each pillow from behind her back, scared he might hurt her, until only one remained. He laid her back and sat next to her again. He thought she was gone, until her eyes opened again.
Andrea smiled. "You don't have to stay. There's stuff you need to be doing."
She was right, and he knew that. He needed to gather the group for a meeting. He needed to go out there and help reinforce the fences. He needed to go out with Daryl and find out who these people were. There were so many things he needed to do, and she knew that.
But being by her seemed so important. "Just 'til you fall asleep, then."
She gave him another weak smile, her eyes closed this time. "Okay."
It didn't take long. 3 seconds and she was out. Carol came back in with a plate of food and Rick gulfed it down with a hunger so ferocious he nearly ate the plate, too. After breakfast he made Carol promise to keep him informed of everything. She agreed, but he still didn't trust how easily Andrea had influenced her. So he got Carl involved, too. Carl's mission was to check in on Andrea every hour and report back should something go awry. And Beth's mission was to make sure Carl didn't get distracted from his mission. It was a complicated scheme.
Carl never came out to find him. There was so much to do. The whole day he spent helping the group fix the fence, checking and examining each one of the bodies of the group that had tried to overtake them, planning with Daryl and Glenn for future intrusions.
By the time he was able to get away, it was nighttime.
He felt like shit when he entered her room. He walked in apologizing but Andrea gave him a look and said, "Oh, hush."
Rick frowned.
She huffed. "Sit down, stop stuttering. Tell me about your day. Who were they?"
He did as she told. He was still confused. Why wasn't she mad at him? He was so used to being yelled at that it took him a moment to get his mind on track.
"Um, well, we don't know," he said as he sat down and his hand reached for hers without his permission. He didn't even think about it. Suddenly their fingers were tangled together and it was right. "I don't think it's like the Governor, though. It's been two days and no one's come to claim them. I think they were just stragglers."
Andrea nodded at the information. God, she wanted to be out there again, fighting with them. "You sure?"
He took a deep breath and let it out. "I think so. I set Daryl out to track them. He'll be back in the morning with more news."
She swallowed the information for a few seconds. "I'm just worried."
"I know," he said, bringing her hand to his lips once again to reassure her. "Me too. I can't lie to you, Andrea, I just don't know."
She smiled. "Thanks."
There was a knock on the door and she looked up. "Come in." They both looked up and both smiled when T-Dog peaked his head in.
"Hey, sugar."
Andrea smiled widely at him. "Hey."
"Got you some stuff," T-Dog said as he stepped in, carrying a small box. He placed it by the foot of the bed, all focused on it. When he threw a glance at Andrea he finally noticed the person sitting at her periphery. He didn't seem at all surprised. "Oh, hey Rick."
Rick smiled at the man with a nod, and smiled at the realization that at that moment he was kind of invisible. T-Dog didn't bat an eyelash at seeing him there and he felt so relieved. Like it was something normal to see Rick there, holding Andrea's hand and pressing it to his mouth every few seconds. He'd been so worried about the drama that this might've caused, but so far no one seemed to give a shit.
That made four, then. Daryl, Hershel, Carol, and T-Dog. Who else knew? Lori certainly did. Who else? Did Carl know? How would Carl feel about this? And how long had they known?
"What'd you get?" Andrea inquired.
"Uhhh, went out with Glenn and Maggie earlier. Man, those kids can run," T-Dog sighed. Andrea chuckled and Rick smiled. Nobody wanted to tell T-Dog that maybe he just needed to get in shape.
T-Dog dropped the box by her feet, dug into it and spilled several books onto the bed. "Bam! Harry Potter." He looked to Rick for support. "Girls love that shit, right?"
Rick just shrugged his shoulders with a smile. The hell should he know? Carl had never really taken to it. All he knew of Harry Potter was that it was a kid's book from England.
But when Andrea grinned he kissed her hand again. And T-Dog didn't seem to care. God, he was so relieved.
"I love Harry Potter!" she said.
"Well, that's parts one," T-Dog said, inching closer to read the side of the few books, "uh, three, four, and seven. I can go back and get you the rest. They were right there. I just didn't know about the numbers til Maggie explained."
Andrea grinned at him. T-Dog was one of her closest, dearest friends. "Thanks, T."
"Oh, I'm not done," T-Dog added, digging into the box again and showing her a jar. "Peanut butter. Hershel said you need calories. But," he dug into the box again to show her a bag. "Oreos. Cause eating these without peanut butter was a crime back in my hood."
Andrea gaped at him. "You brought me Oreos and Harry Potter? Rick, I'm replacing you."
Rick chuckled, even though he didn't get the joke. What? With Lori, he always had to bring home flowers and jewelry to make her happy. He never had to bring home books and Oreos. He flinched and made a mental note to stop comparing Andrea to Lori. It wasn't fair to either of them.
T-Dog stayed for a few minutes, showering Andrea with love and attention and Rick stepped back mentally to watch them interact. At that moment, he felt kinda guilty. Andrea had formed so many intimate relationships. She was intimate with Carol, her adoptive mother. She was close with Glenn, her baby brother. She was close with T-Dog and Daryl, her best friends. Maggie always came to her for girl advice. She'd even taken Beth under her wing, trying to teach her how to handle a gun. He was shocked by how much closer she was to the rest of the group. He wasn't close to them like that. He wasn't even close to Lori or Carl. Lori was in his past and Carl's development was getting away from him. Andrea had a pull on everyone, and he admired that so much.
"I can't believe he brought me Harry Potter," she told him seconds after T-Dog left. "Amy loved these. She was so into them. She was just a kid, though. But I read the first few to her, when she was just a baby."
"Never read them." Truthfully he was more excited about the Oreos and peanut butter. T-Dog had been right. Eating Oreos without peanut butter should be a crime. He grabbed the bag and opened it greedily.
"Are you serious?"
"Yup." He reached for the peanut butter and dunk one of the cookies in it. "Carl never really liked reading. He was more into Legos."
She sat there trying to explain the plot and truthfully, it sounded like a bunch of rubbish to Rick but he listened anyway. The minute he took a bite out of that cookie he made a mental vow to find T-Dog later and kiss him. It'd been so long since he ate one of these and the flavors exploded in his mouth and made him salivate. He knew Andrea did need the calories, but suddenly he worried he'd eat the whole bag of cookies by the time she made it through book one.
By the time she finished she was so exhausted, and he was so full, that he knew they both needed to rest.
"I hope I can get out of this bed tomorrow," she told him, still hugging book one to her chest.
"We'll see what Hershel says," Rick replied. "You want me to get Carol?"
Andrea dismissed the thought with a shake of her head and a frown. "No. Let her rest, for God's sake. I'm fine."
"You sure?"
"Rick," she warned him.
"Alright, alright," he said with a chuckle. "Good night, then. I'll be back in the morning."
She looked at him disbelievingly and rolled her eyes playfully. "Good night."
When he leaned closer she prepared herself for the kiss. She even bit the side of her lower lip in anticipation. But instead of kissing her lips, he kissed her forehead. She thought it strange, suddenly. After their talk in the woods, him staying by her side while she was gone, the hundreds of times he'd kissed her hands in a loving way... he couldn't even give her a kiss?
When he pulled back she smiled, but her smile turned into a frown as she watched him go. What the hell?
TBC
