A/N: THANK YOU. You guys are making me the happiest person ever right now with all the things you're sending me! This chapter/scene whatever you want to call it is probably one of my favorite things I've ever written.
Charlie & NJsilla & Cori & Naby this would be where a video review is COMPLETELY necessary.
Bella
Almost the entire night I've been inside my own head, not really paying attention to anyone anyways. For the first two hours I was doing exactly what you're supposed to do; greet everyone, thank them for coming, reminisce about life. I was smiley and fun and the Bella everyone wanted to see. Then when the memories took over I went to the bathroom and now I'm here. I over hear people whispering as I walk by. They think it's cute how nervous I am. They think I'm stressing over the details of tomorrow, wanting to make sure everything's perfect. They think I have the complete right to be in a different state of mind the night before my wedding. If only they knew why I'm so spacey and distant. Edward has shown up out of no where, blindsiding me completely and my fiancé thinks I'm so fucking messed up he doesn't know what to do with me.
I walk over to my dad, Charlie and his wife Sue, to say that I wasn't feeling well and I would be leaving. There was only a little over an hour left to the dinner anyways, I wouldn't be missing much. Sue was trying to help me, asking me over and over if I was okay. I kept telling her yes until she was finally satisfied enough to stop. Charlie barely acknowledged me and I'm pretty sure it's because he's drunk. Whatever, it just makes it easier for me to leave.
Mike had planned to stay at Emmett's tomorrow night and get ready on Saturday, for the wedding. He had done this so that I would have a good night's sleep and be able to get ready without him barging in. This confused things though because I didn't want to see him tonight. I wanted time away from him tonight as well. I needed time to think about how to handle myself, how to handle our relationship.
I walked over to Rose and Emmett on the dance floor, she was definitely getting her way. "Rose?"
"Bella! What's up?"
"Mike and I want to stay in different places tonight too, its easier on the both of us. Would you mind if I crashed at your place?" The lie came out of my mouth smoothly and without hesitation. I didn't even care if Emmett told Mike what I said. Mike would cover for me anyways, he wouldn't want to explain our argument. He wasn't the type of guy to go off telling people about our relationship. He would confront me alone and I would find a way out of it.
"Sure. You still have your key right? I may not be going home at the same time as you." Thank you, Rosalie. That was her hint that she was going to try and sleep with Emmett. I caught it but didn't react.
"Yes I do. I'm not feeling well so I'm leaving now, I'll see you later." I spoke quickly and walked away, I didn't want her to ask questions. She probably wouldn't have though. The pain in my chest was burning, I needed to get out of here, quick. I looked around and didn't see Mike, I was instantly relieved.
I was thankful that I didn't have to talk to him. I had nothing to say to him.
That's not how it's supposed to be before your wedding, right?
I walk over to our table and grab my purse and walk outside in the warm September night. I walk quickly through the parking lot, hoping that Mike didn't see me leave. I don't want him to follow me. My feet are killing me and I can't wait to get out of these heels. I start walking towards my car, I can see it down the row, when I hear the hotel doors open.
"Bella!" Its Mike. Screaming my name across the parking lot. I don't know if he's seen me yet or if he's just yelling in hopes I'm still here. I walk faster towards my car, maybe I can drive away and just pretend I didn't hear him. I cant find my keys in my purse and its not helping. He screams my name again. I cant go to my car now, he'll be there and he'll want to talk to me. I don't want to talk.
I hide behind a truck and look to see where he is, he's heading right for my car. He's getting to closer to me, almost running. He probably wonders why I'm so mad. He'll ask why I'm leaving, where I'm going, when he can see me again before the wedding. I back away from the truck and start running, away from Mike. My heels are making me wobbly and awkward but I can't stop. I don't even know where I'm running, I just know its away from him. I'll just wait until he goes back inside and then I'll go to my car and drive away. Away from this mess of a night.
I'm almost at the end of the parking lot when a car drives up and stops on my right, I don't stop but I slow down. It's probably Mike. He's found me. I can't out run a car, especially in heels. I just don't want to get in and have this conversation. I need to be alone, I need to think.
"Get in the car." I stop dead in my tracks. It's Edward. It's so dark that I can't see his face, but I'd know that voice anywhere. "Hurry."
I move quickly and get into the passenger's seat, shutting the door behind me. The currents flow between us immediately, heightening my senses to him. I notice that his car smells just like him, I inhale deeply. He smells so much better than I had remembered.
He drives out of the parking lot and onto the street without saying a word. I want to peek over at him, see if he's angry or sad or happy or anything. I want to watch his fingers curl around the steering wheel. I dont, I keep my eyes straight ahead. My adrenaline is on a high. I can feel my heart pumping in my chest. My feet hurt like hell and all I want to do is take off these damn heels, but I don't. I just sit in the soft leather chair and close my eyes, focusing on the hum of the engine, hoping it will calm me down. I open my eyes after taking a few deep breaths, it's past eight and everything along the road is closed. After driving about a mile he pulls into an empty parking lot. He parks it and turns off his lights, we're hidden now.
We're both silent for a few minutes, I don't know what to say or do. This is only our second time seeing each other since then. I haven't even looked at him yet. I finally break the silence with a small, "Thank you."
"You're welcome." I'm staring at the glove box because I still won't let myself look at him. Its quite pathetic right? I just got in the car with my ex to run away from my fiancé at my rehearsal dinner. I should be able to look at him, shouldn't I?
I just can't. I wrap my arms around my torso and squeeze, a habit I've picked up, it's how I try to keep myself together. The pain is still shooting through me, the small hiatus I had from it while dancing with Edward was incredible, I miss it. I want to touch him again and see if it does that again.
"Are you cold?"
"No, I'm good."
"You're not going to ask me why I was running away?"
"No. Unless you want to tell me, I wont ask."
"Why?"
"Because I don't think I have the right to anymore." His voice is low and sad. My heart drops at his words.
"You're wrong." I was whispering and I'm not sure why. I guess its because we weren't just talking about here and now, we were getting into the past. "You never lost the right, ever."
"Don't say that."
"Why not? Its true."
"You don't mean it." I saw his hand move slightly in my peripheral, for a moment I thought he was going to touch me, he didn't. I barely caught him pulling it through his hair, something he used to do all the time. I was happy that he still did it, that I still knew something about him. "You cant even look at me, Isabella. "
"Yes I can." I say determined. I don't actually know if I can though.
"Really? Then look at me, right now. "He adjusted himself so that he was facing me, I started to panic.
His voice grew softer as he spoke; "Please, look at me. I need to actually seeyou." I was making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. Should I just do it, look at him and get it over with? Would that betray Mike? No. It was just looking at someone, it was what normal people did on a daily basis.
I could hear my breathing, it was still very shallow and shaking, revealing my nerves and apprehension. I could do this. It's fine. It's just Edward. I turned my body so I was facing him as I looked over at his legs, long and lean disappearing under the steering wheel. One of his hands was on his leg, the other was placed on the armrest between us. I stared at his hand on the arm rest, it had always been so much larger than mine. I moved my eyes up his arm and noticed he had taken off his black suit coat and only had on the black dress shirt. His arms looked more muscular than before, the thought of him without his shirt on instantly popped into my head making my entire body heat up. I shook my head slightly to focus back on reality. I wouldn't be seeing him without his shirt, I'm getting married. My mind wanted to create ways to do it anyway, go to the beach maybe? Focus. The top buttons of his shirt we're undone, leaving part of his chest exposed. That made it a lot harder to keep my mind focused. My eyes lingered there for a moment before lifting further and scanning his neck and mouth. His lips looked soft and he had stubble all over, almost like he forgot to shave today. I wanted to rub my fingers against it. He always used to shave every day, I never kissed him when he had that much. I wanted to kiss him now. I shouldn't be thinking that.
I realized that the next move I made would be his eyes. I felt the butterflies swarming in my stomach, I could do this. We both had green eyes, we always said that was something else that connected us. Something else other than the many things we had already had. I lifted my eyes and met his dark green emerald ones. I instantly wanted to cry, my eyes starting to water. So many memories of us began to pour into my mind. His eyes were so full of emotion, he looked hurt, scared, sad. I wondered if mine reflected the same, I definitely felt the same.
My subconscious must have taken over again because I saw my hand raise and trace the side of his face. The pain vanished. He took it all away. He closed his eyes at the contact and so I pulled my hand away a few inches. His eyes opened and without saying a word he took my hand and pushed it back against his face, holding eye contact. He kept his hand against mine, it was warm and soft and yet felt strong.
When we were together the currents flowed between us but when we touched it was much more intense. It's so hard to explain. It was as if every nerve ending in my body ignited, alerting me to him.
I felt him move closer to me or maybe I moved closer to him. Our faces were only inches apart, I could feel his cool breath on my face. It was intoxicating. I couldn't think. I wanted to kiss him so badly, to feel his lips on mine once again.
I couldn't pull my eyes away from his, the green was taking over my vision. I want to move forward, just a couple inches and my lips would touch his. My breath was shaky, we are so close. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I wanted to feel his lips against mine. Only centimeters separated us, I could feel the heat from his lips, feel the currents rushing between us.
"Isabella, " He whispered "Don't."
Don't.
It rang in my ears over and over. He was telling me no. He was denying me. Why would he do that? How could he do that to me? After all this time? He left me. He hurt me. He wasn't allowed to do that again and yet I just let him.
I felt like he just punched me in the stomach. Like he slapped me across the face. Like I was nothing.
I opened my eyes, pulling my hand back and putting it into my lap. He had moved himself back against the door of the car, getting as far away from me as possible. He must have seen the confusion and hurt in my eyes. The pain was back.
"I'm sorry I just-" He rubbed his hand over his face and through his hair. "I can't let you do something you'll regret."
"Why would I regret that?" Why would I regret kissing him? Would he just hurt me again? Did he like making it a game? Was he just playing me? I was looking right at him, I didn't hold back now. I wanted to know what was going on. He wouldn't look at me though.
"Michael." He spoke so quietly I almost didn't hear him. His eyes were focused on his hands in his lap. My heart dropped. I had completely forgotten about Michael. How had I done that? I'm getting married in two days and I'm sitting in a car with my ex and I almost let myself kiss him. Oh my. I'm horrible. What am I doing?
Oh that's right, I'm getting mad at Edward because he won't kiss me. I must be delusional. Why would he want to? I'm taken. I'm engaged.
I lean away from him and slouch into the seat. I'm a terrible person and now Im embarrassed. I just want to hide from everything and everyone.
I felt myself fall back into the mess I had been in earlier. My heart was hurting again and I started to shake. I wanted to curl into a ball and cry. The guilt I had earlier was nothing compared to now. Now I felt guilty for multiple things, most including Edward.
I needed to stay focused. I was getting married, I was happy. I was going to have a great life. Edward didn't want me. Edward had left me alone.
Then why was he back?
No, I wouldn't let myself think of that. I couldn't. It would only make me want to change my mind about things, planting seeds where they didn't need to be.
"Drive me back to my car, please."
"Isa-" He started to talk to me but I cut him off.
"Please." I just wanted to get my back to my car. I couldn't be in here with him. I was embarrassed, I was hurt. I felt like I was back to where we were when we first met. I was in awe of him and then I obviously still am. I need to get out of that, I need to be strong.
"Okay." He sounded sad but I wouldn't let myself care. I couldn't.
We drove back to the hotel in silence, now I was thankful for the short drive. I was back to keeping my eyes on the dashboard, away from him.
When he parked his car beside mine I froze. I didn't know if he planned on going to the wedding, if he wanted to see me again or anything. I had no idea why he was even here tonight, we hadn't talked. I had messed everything up by trying to kiss him.
How could I have thought that was a good idea?
"Thank you." I said and I tried to find the handle that would let me out. I was nervous and it was taking longer than I wanted it to.
I almost jumped when I saw his arm come infront of me and put his hand over mine on the door, holding my hand there. "Meet me tonight."
"What?"
"Or I'll come and meet you."
"Are you crazy?"
"I just need to talk to you. Please can I see you tonight?"
"We can't." I couldn't think. Where could we go that no one would see us?
"Where are you staying tonight?"
"Rosalie's."
"I'll find you."
"I can't, Edward." I shouldn't.
"Yes, you can. I'll be there at midnight." He opened the door with his hand and pushed on it. I sat there for a few seconds, staring at the open door, my mind racing. He wants to meet me tonight. I'll have to sneak out of Rosalie's house. I can't do that? Or can I?
"Thank you again, for your help." I mumbled as I got out of the car, for saving my from my fiancé, for showing up, for stopping me from kissing you.
"Midnight Isabella, don't forget about me." Don't forget about you? You forgot about me. For years.
"I can't." I mumbled as I closed the door to his car, effectively cutting off our eye contact and the electricity humming between us. "That's the problem." I said to myself as I walked towards my car.
I unlocked my car and slid into the seat, shutting the door behind me. Edward was still parked beside me, not moving. I know he was making sure I was safe and I appreciated that but I was on the verge of a breakdown and I didn't want him to see me. I could still feel my body trying to make me give in, but I was forcing myself away from it. I wanted to stay strong just a little while longer. At least until I got to Rosalies house and I could just melt down in peace. Without being under the eye of those who were hurting me.
I turned my car on and kept my eyes away from Edward and his car. He was still there, I could see him in my mirrors. I didn't want to look though, I didn't know what to do if I did. I pulled away and started the short drive to Rosalies house. I was glad she lived close. I had a lot to think about.
A/N: Reviews are better than being in a car with Edward.
