A/N: Edward has a very active imagination ;) Thank you to NJSilla for your help.
Hint: Italics are flashback.
Edward
I woke up to someone kicking my leg.
What the hell?
Who would be kicking me?
They woke me up out of the best dream, full of Isabella.
My eyes peeked open and I saw a mess of dark curls in front of me.
What?
That's not possible.
Isabella.
She stayed, she's still here. I wasn't sure she would, I thought she'd leave once I fell asleep. She didn't though, she's still here.
And she's wrapped around me. Our bodies are tangled together.
I was just having the best dream about her.
A wave of disappointment washed over me as my brain began connecting the dots.
It all made sense now.
I wondered why my dream had been so vivid.
It had been perfect, too perfect.
She had said she didn't want him, she never wanted him. She had thrown her ring to the ground, showing me her commitment. I loved seeing it fall to the floor. I loved that her finger was bare for once. I loved that the ring was not staring at me, reminding me of what I had given up and lost. She had told me she wouldn't get married on Saturday, that she would leave him.
She told me she loved me.
But it wasn't real. It was a figment of my imagination. I hadn't had a good dream about us since I left, they were always sad or scary and left me waking up in a cold sweat. This had been different, this had been incredible.
Why couldn't that all be real? Why couldn't that have happened?
I wrapped my arms tighter around her and she snuggled in closer to me. I love the feeling of her against me, I miss this so much. I miss her so much.
What was she trying to do to me?
I couldn't handle this, I'm trying to be somewhat good. Somewhat respectable. If I was Mike I would hate me. I have his fiancé in my room, I've just told her I love her and want her to come back to me. She tries to kiss me and I deny her.
It doesn't even make sense to me, I should be letting her kiss me. She has all the power, she can do whatever she wants with me but I don't want to get my heart broken either. I want to be able to walk away from this if I need to. If I kiss her again, press my lips against hers again, I wont be able to. Who am I kidding, theres no way I can walk out of this situation unscathed. I have always been in too deep with her, I love her.
"Kiss me."
"Isabella, I can't."
"Edward, " Her hands came up behind my neck, one grasping my hair. It was becoming so difficult to turn her down over and over. I know she wanted to kiss me, I wanted it so badly as well. "Don't break me again, please."
"I never wanted to hurt you, baby. I promise you. I never want to again either. "
"Then don't."
"I can't kiss you."
"Why?"
I paused. Should I really tell her why? Yes, she deserved that much of me.
"I know the second my lips touch yours it will be like I never left, like I've always had you. I should have always had you." I paused, reminiscing of the times I've had her. Why did I ever let her go? " I will always want you Isabella but the second our lips touch I will be insatiable. I know it. I will want to kiss you, touch you, do anything and everything to you. It will be impossible for me to stop." I heard her breathing hitch, I wondered if she agreed with me on that or if she just wanted to kiss me for fun.
"I don't want you to kiss me and then leave me for him. I know I've hurt you, I will be sorry forever, but I'm hurt too and I can't handle that. I won't be able to handle you leaving me. I'm such a fucking hypocrite, but it's the truth, and you deserve the truth from me always. You deserve so much better than me. You shouldn't even be with me right now, I'm bad for you."
"No you're not. Don't say that."
"I'll always love you Isabella, I swear to you."
This is where my dream had taken over in my head, re-creating the perfect response to everything I had said. It had felt so real, her body against mine, her lips pressed against mine. I felt it. I wanted it.
Everything I wished she would say to me.
Everything I wished I could do to her.
The side of me that wanted to not only love her but worship her body came out. Oh, how I would love to lay her down across my bed like that once again. It feels like I haven't been with like that in so long, but I suppose it has. It's been years.
It's my fault.
I left her. I messed everything up.
I never should have done that.
As much as I wish my dream could have happened, we did get a lot out last night that we needed to.
"You really do love me." She said, her hands still intertwined in my hair.
"Yes, of course I do. I never stopped, Isabella." She smiled weakly at me, tears coming to her eyes. She dropped her arms from my neck, I wanted them back there immediately.
"I really wish you would have told me that before you left." She mumbled, probably not wanting me to hear. Moving away from me a few more inches, was she done trying to kiss me? As much as I wanted her to stop I also wanted her to keep trying. It meant that she still wanted me. God, I wanted her.
"I should have." I don't know how but we had changed the mood in the room. It wasn't lustful anymore, it was reminiscent and sad.
"You left me," Hearing her say that I left her just killed me. It killed me. "fora long time, Edward."
"I'm sorry." I whispered at her, I didn't know what else to say. I was lost for words to bring her back to me, to make her see what I needed her. "I completely regret ever leaving your side."
"You don't know how much I wanted you to come back and just- just say things like that. Make everything just go away."
"I know. I didn't realize at the time that I was leaving the one I couldn't live without. " I wasn't trying to make it harder on her, I just needed to know if my effort was taking me somewhere. If I was actually doing something that made sense or if I had just confused her further. All I wanted to say was ; I'm here now, does that count for anything?
"I thought you hated me."
"What?" I couldn't believe that, with all the times I had told her that I loved her, told her how much she meant to be. Could that all be shattered with one action?
"You left and you didn't say a word, you just vanished. I assumed you'd found something better, moved on, just decided to get rid of me. It made more sense to think you hated me than still loved me."
"I could never hate you baby, ever."
"I didn't know that." The tears began to spill down her face. I reached up and wiped a few away with my fingers. She flinched away from me at first but then allowed me to continue.
"Do you not see how hard this is for me?" She paused. "You left and my mom died. I lost two of the most important people in my life. My entire world just crashed that week." She paused, I could hear her choking up, see the tears forming in her eyes. She kept avoiding looking directly at me, she would focus on the floor or my chest or my hair but never my eyes.
"I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." I moved forward, wrapping my arms around her tightly. She didn't push me away, instead she buried her head in my chest. I could hear the muffled sounds of her crying. My heart squeezed.
"I don't know what to do." She spoke. I don't know if she meant it as a question or if it was rhetorical.
"Do whatever makes you happy. If being with Mike is what you want then I'll get out of the way. If you want to be with me, I'm here. I just want you to be happy Isabella."
"Stop." She pushed away from me and covered her face with her hands. "I want you, you must know that. I wouldn't be here if I didn't." She was right. I watched her back up and sit on the edge of my bed.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do. I know I say 'sorry' so much but I cant help it. I feel like I can never say it enough, I feel like I can never tell you how sorry I am." I wanted to tell her why I left but I couldn't, not yet at least. She wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, she twisted her fingers together repeatedly and I just stood there, my mind was racing.
"Have you talked to him since?" I whispered, barely able to hear it myself. I did it without thinking, I was afraid to ask but I couldn't help it. It was on my mind and I needed to know. She didn't know what I knew about it, you could see it on her face that she was surprised.
"No. Jacob can rot in jail for all I fucking care." Her voice was hard, she sounded so different when she spoke of him, so angry. "I hope he dies in there."
"Really?"
"Edward, he killed my mom. I hate him. I know you were friends with him before but hes different now. I mean, how could I forgive him?" I hadn't seen her like this before, I hadn't been around to see the aftermath of her moms death. I have so many regrets. When my parents found out and immediately called me, telling me that Jacob had been driving his car and hit Renee and went to jail. They wouldn't give me details, saying they didn't know or couldn't find out. I think its because they wanted me to come back and they figured if my curiosity won over, I'd be home. It didn't work. I hadn't come back until now.
"Yeah, I understand." What else was I to say? Jacob and I were very close friends. We always had been. I looked at her and I could tell her eyes were in a different place, she was probably remembering things she shouldn't.
"I don't want to talk about that anymore."
I noticed that I couldn't stop staring at her lips, I had been watching them for a few minutes now. A quick glance at her eyes made me realize she was staring at mine too. I wanted to kiss her, I really did. I ran my fingers down her cheek, rubbing my thumb over her bottom lip. I heard her breath hitch and my eyes flashed up to hers. "Do you still want me to kiss you? Because I really do want to."
I put my hands on either side of her face and stared directly into her beautiful green eyes.
"I want to leave him." Before she finished her sentence I had pressed my lips to hers. The spark between us erupted. I felt her hands immediately reach up into my hair. This kiss was a million times better than my dream, feeling her soft lips moving against mine, her body pressed against me. I felt her tongue peek through her lips and I instantly opened mine and slid my tongue against hers. I could feel my lips overtaking hers, covering her mouth with each kiss.
A/N: So what do you think of what ACTUALLY happened ;)
Please leave me a review & let me know your thoughts
Reviews are better than Edward kissing you.
