I would like to thank the diligent TheRealGoodyTwoShoes for pointing out in her review my blatant disregard of the guidelines, so I am going to revise this a bit. Chapter One will be a table of contents, then the next ten chapters will be in-depth one shots based upon the Reasons. Then after those ten chapters are finished, I will post the next set. This will be a time consuming (and really long) venture, so bear with me.

Standard disclaimer applied.

Warning, I tend to deviate from canon to make things funnier, as seen in Kakuzu's memory.

So here we go! Number One on the list:

1.) Switch your partner's toothpaste with wasabi. 'Nuff said. This would also work with Vicks Vapo Rubs.

The mission had gone absolutely perfectly. The sun was shining weakly through the Amegakure clouds and the bounty on one of the men's heads was a highly substantial amount.

In other words, Kakuzu was in a Good Mood. This was a rarely occurring circumstance, so he was planning to make the most of it — by taking a little trip down memory lane. He had pried open his oldest safe as soon as he had locked his door, now safely ensconced in his room, and was now lying on his bed, cooing at his First Dollar Bill.

And yes, it was so important, it was Capitalized. Take that, bitches-who-are-uncapitalized! You have just been Served!

...

Anways, it was a truly gorgeous Dollar Bill. The years had not detracted an ounce from its beauty — its creamy green coloration, its gently feathered and ripped edges, and its heady scent of ink and paper and various other items that had been next to it in the money lover's pocket.

Kakuzu could remember the very day when he had recieved this monumental gift in clarity and perfect detail. He had been called into his father's study, where his father, a tall man with very un-cannon and elegant mutton-chop whiskers and a long pipe filled with a fragrant tobacco, had beckoned him closer before pressing something small and papery into his hands.

"What is it, sir?" Kakuzu had asked, and his father had explained that it was money and that you could buy things with it.

Kakuzu had gazed upon it in awe - this little piece of paper could be the start of an empire, or the founding piece in a millionaire's hoard.

And thus began his unhealthy monetary fascination. He then turned on his father, like a stray dog, and robbed him of every penny he had on his person. And then slit his father's throat for good measure. As his father lay writhing in agony, spasming before the jaws of death, twitching with the onset of rigor mortis - Kakuzu had just stared at his First Dollar Bill. It now had a faint tinge of copper - his father's blood - on it's beautiful paper, and Kakuzu believed it was all the more beautiful for it.

This memory was Kakuzu's earliest and fondest memory and he got the fuzzy tingles he normally associated with justifiable homicide (i.e. for money) or happiness (i.e. receiving money) every time he re-lived it.

But Kakuzu's Good Mood was too good to be true and could never last.

A loud bang jolted him from his reminiscing and his door was crudely flung open, and the blood-drenched form of his foul-mouthed partner stumbled in — and fell directly on top of Kakuzu — or more importantly, his First Dollar Bill.

The money-lover screamed. And screamed. And screamed. This was no ordinary scream of rage — this was the scream of a scared parent or terrified lover. It was strident and piercing and loud and saturated with fear and anxiety.

"YOU BLATHERING IDIOT!" Kakuzu bellowed, flinging his partner off of himself and his precious Dollar Bill. Hidan hit the opposite wall with a wet smack and slid down it painfully. Hidan craned his head upwards to look at his partner.

"Son of a bitch, do you have to throw me so fucking hard? You batshit-insane-money-whore, I hope —,"

"What. Do. You. Want. Now?" Kakuzu ground out through clenched teeth.

"I was just fucking wondering if you had any more damn toothpaste — I just ran out." His partner held up a badly bloodied and flattened plastic tube.

"T-toothpaste?" Kakuzu growled, stuttering with rage, and stalked forward and grabbed his partner's collar, "Toothpaste? Why, I'll tear your fingers off and feed them to you as hot dogs, I'll…" and as soon his rage had bubbled up, it died down and was replaced with the greatest idea in the whole history of Great Ideas. Why not replace his sadistic partner's toothpaste with…wasabi?

It was so brilliant and cruel and mean and just so deliciously painful.

"Why, of course, Hidan, my dear fucke…ah, man, wait right here, and I'll bring you some of mine." His infuriated bellow was now replaced with a sleek, candied purr.

Hidan nodded silently and took a seat on Kakuzu's bed. Kakuzu had to bite his fingers to restrain himself from throttling his partner for getting blood on his pristine — and second hand — sheets and blankets, but he stalked cheerfully out the door, nearly skipping with joy, and into the kitchen, where he spooned some potent wasabi into a small container and then skipped back out, whistling the score to "Mama Mia".

Sasori, who had been carefully pouring coffee into a mug, stared after the heavily stitched man, not paying any attention to the piping hot coffee that was trailing its way down his cloak-front.

Meanwhilst, Kakuzu deposited the container into his partner's lap and showed him to the door, slamming it behind him. He then proceeded to mourn over his First Dollar Bill.

And, well, The Rest, as they say, Is History.

x.x

Reviews are love and food for the soul...

I will still love you all though, even if you don't review, but it would still be nice...

...

Oh, and thank you to the kind TearsOfTheFallen, for her (I assume that you are a she... if not, well, that'll make for an interesting conversation...) very kind review, I like number 6 also. ;]

Well, I like them all, but still...

CherrySmoothies

11-26-11: minor edits.