I'm baaaack! Miss me?

I'm so sorry for the delay.

*Insert excuses right here*

Standard and Witty Disclaimer Applied

...

4.) Reveal a secret that no one really wanted to know.

Itachi Uchiha had had enough. As a matter of fact, Itachi Uchiha had had more than enough.

Firstly, he had a terminal disease.

Secondly, his brother hated him.

Thirdly, his ex-village hated him.

Fourthly, well, everybody hated him. Especially that goddamn jar of fucking pickles that would not open. Well, maybe not fucking pickles. That brings up some pretty peculiar mental images.

Still, the point remains, and the fact that pickles were Itachi's comfort food was an obscure one at best, and Itachi preferred to keep it that way.

So Itachi sawwed and levered away at the lid with his trusty pickle-opening-pen, swearing under his breath. He had run it under hot water, rubbed margarine on it, jumped on it and tried pretty much every other trick known to mankind to open it.

However, the Universe was conspiring against him — both in the form of the evil pickle jar, and in the form of an orange-masked moron. Tobi came skipping into the kitchen, full of youthful energy and literally sparkling with positive emotions.

It made Itachi sick, quite frankly — and made him want to go curl up in his so-dubbed-by-Kisame "Emo Corner".

However, hopefully Tobi wouldn't notice him. He shrank down behind the island in the kitchen, clutching his shoulders and rocking back and forth a little.

However, alas and alack, his wish was not meant to be.

"Hi, Itachi-san! Whatcha doin'?" Tobi peered down at Itachi.

A plethora of nasty comments ran through Itachi's head, all of which had something to do with "your mom…".

"Absolutely nothing that concerns you, Tobi. Run along now."

...

"Were you trying to open that pickle jar, Itachi-san?"

"...no."

"Re-eeally?"

"Yes."

"Are you suure, Itachi-san?"

A long pause. Someone's foot taps.

"Fine! Yes, I was trying to open the pickle jar! Whats it to you?" Itachi snapped, ashamed of himself as he felt the prickle of tears of annoyance (ANNOYANCE, I TELL YOU! NOTHING ELSE...)

Tobi blinked. And again. And again. Did Itachi-san actually sound...choked up? Oh dear, maybe Itachi-san needed a hug... or even...?

"TICKLE TACKLE!"

"Argh, god, NO! Bad Tobi, BAD. Off-ff, no-no-please-no, not there, argh —!" All that was discernable of what had once been the two separate bodies of Itachi and Tobi, were now a few twitching limbs, a flash of orange and two mops of dark hair.

During this ferocious fight, this bludgeoning brawl, this dangerous dust-up, this — sorry, I'll get to the point — an unwelcome figure strolled into the kitchen, of a tall person carrying a decapitated head aloft and away from his body.

Of course, it was Kakuzu, holding the head of his newest partner, Hidan, aloft. He stopped dead three feet away from the kitchen's island, the scene of the crime.

"What." He deadpanned, his voice plumbing astonishing new depths of disgust, "are you doing?"

Itachi, having finally managed to wrestle Tobi to the ground, holding his wrists down in a vaguely suggestive and sexual manner, craned his head upwards to peer into Kakuzu's face.

"…please don't tell anyone about this…"

Kakuzu held his hand out expectantly, "Paycheck."

Itachi jerked his head backward, "It's in my back pocket."

Oh hells to the no, Kakuzu thought, but against his better judgment, he set Hidan's head down roughly on the island and reached into Itachi's back pocket delicately and —

The one person who could've made this situation any worse than it already was walked in, looking critically at the sorry threesome, err, trio.

"Well, well, well," Leader-sama said dryly, eyeing them.

"Sir, this isn't what it looks like." Kakuzu said with a hitch in his voice that once, long ago, was the long lost cousin of despair.

"Fascinating." Leader-sama poked at the severed neck of Hidan, garnering several choice swear words from the Jashinist.

...

Conclusion:

"Does anyone else have anything left to add to this months meeting?"

"Ooh, ooh, I do! Oh, pick me, pick me!"

Sigh. "Yes, Tobi?"

"Did you know that Itachi's neck and calves are ticklish? Oh, and also his knees!"

Konan blinked. Deidara cackled unrestrainedly, only to be silenced mid-chortle by Itachi's signature Mangekyo Sharingan Glare of Death (TM).

"Well...um...we," Konan shot a desperate glance at her partner, who merely shook his head, "well, we didn't actually know that...um..thank you, Tobi. Um, well on that note, this meeting can, ah, be adjourned."

x.x

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-CherrySmoothies-