3. Self Indulgence

Thor entered Loki's chambers without knocking, as usual, and lounged on his little brother's bed as though it were his own. He watched the green-eyed youth for a moment to determine if he was actually practicing some sort of magic or just simply reading. He had made the mistake of startling his brother when he was trying to shape shift once, he would never make that mistake again. The pained gasps Loki made as he tried to fix whatever had gone wrong internally had haunted Thor's dreams for months.

After Thor decided on the matter, he interrupted without concern. "I'm worried about you, Loki."

Loki did not bother to look up from the giant tome balanced on his slender thighs as he replied. "Why is that?"

"You never take a break!" Thor deftly stole the book from his brother's lap as he continued. "You are forever studying, practicing, training, reading… You need to relax every so often. You have earned it!"

It was a tribute to how well Loki knew his brother and how dearly he loved him that he merely looked on as Thor went on a small tangent.

"…Sif buys these strange oils and the like to maintain her beauty despite all her training and fighting. Fandral always ends each quest with a maiden or two. Volstagg dines on the finest foods whenever he given the opportunity. You need to indulge yourself in something that gives you pleasure some times."

Loki smiled at his brother lightly. "What if the pursuit of knowledge gives me pleasure and I am indulging myself at every turn?"

"I don't believe that." Thor scoffed and then pulled his brother up onto the bed beside him. "You are trying to prove that you make up what you lack in bulk and sword skill elsewhere." The young god then turned solemn, compassionate -something he only did in his brother's presence. "You have no need to, brother. I would choose to have you by my side over a dozen of the finest warriors Asgard has to offer."

"You would." Loki agreed. He did not need to explain any further. Thor understood.

The older boy tried to keep his tone gentle. "If you did not keep to yourself so, perhaps others would see what I do."

Thor could see that Loki did not believe those words; he was not sure if he did either. He sighed. "At least find your own way to strike back at their cruelty."

This time Loki sighed. Then he looked up at his brother. "Why does this mean so much to you?"

"You're my brother." By Thor's tone, one would think the query was a veiled insult of some sort.

Loki smirked and shook his head. "Very well, brother dear; if it means so much to you, then I shall try."

Thor beamed and Loki smiled back for a moment before questioning politely. "May I have my book now?"

Thor groaned.

The next week, a young warrior insulted Thor while the blonde was out riding, claiming that the other fighters still took it easy on Thor when they sparred so as not to insult his father. By the time Thor returned to hear the tale, he was furious. Before he could find the scoundrel to challenge him to a duel, the young warrior was humiliated when he wet himself before a round of training. He swore there were poisonous snakes in the trunk he had opened, but all others saw were the daggers that always resided within.

A couple days later, Sif made several cruel remarks about Loki's strange coloring and slim build, finally comparing him to a frail maiden in a Midgard fairytale. She and several others taunted him for weeks, until Sif entered the dining hall one morning to find that -while she swore she had put on her usual training garb- she was wearing a gaudy ball gown and singing bluebirds flew around her head. No matter how many times she shooed the birds or changed out of the dress that day, they always returned.

The next few months were riddled with such strange occurrences. A servant (who Thor knew somehow always accidentally served Loki cold tea and undercooked food) woke to find that it was snowing in his room one day. One of their father's advisers (who Thor had been loudly infuriated with after overhearing the man comment that he would have 'discreetly taken care of the matter' had he had a son as weak and reserved as Loki) found one day that any wine he drank turned bitter the moment it passed his lips. A noblewoman (who made some underhanded comments suggesting that Frigga was not truly the mother of Odin's sons but was just a pretty figurehead) found that she bleated like a goat whenever she attempted to speak for a fortnight.

Only Thor realized that his brother was the likely culprit behind all these incidents and at first, he was pleased that Loki was finally having some fun and striking back at those who pained him. Over time, however, his little brother grew more mischievous and his tricks more grand and cunning. Even still, Loki appeared only to spend his time with Thor, his books, or his teachers.

It was not until the incident with the dwarves that Thor began to wonder if he had encouraged his brother to indulge himself a little too well…


4. Betrayal

Thor could admit that thinking things through and putting together small clues had never been his strong suits. He had no mind for riddles, no eye for nuance, no ear for subtleties. He had always left that side of things to Loki, but now Loki was not here and Thor could not figure out the 'how's and the 'why's of that fact on his own.

It was all too much. He could barely process everything let alone make any sense of it. It was not just the events of the past week either. No, while not a heavy thinker, Thor was smart enough to realize that this all started years ago.

However, where it started and where it would end, Thor could not fathom.

Laufey had abandoned his infant son to die. Odin had defeated Laufey and found the baby. Odin took the baby with some grand plan in mind. Odin abandoned said plans and raised the child along his own. Loki never fit in (and no wonder).

Others whispered behind Loki's back but not out of earshot; he retreated inward. Others taunted Loki; he became mischievous. Others despised Loki; he despised himself.

Sif mocked Loki's appearance and called him ugly. Loki cut off her hair. Sif got some dwarves to replace said hair. Loki got said dwarves to replace it with raven locks instead of the golden ones that matched Sif's old hair. Sif was beautiful. Loki was beautiful. Sif hated Loki. Loki hated Sif.

Thor was arrogant, selfish, spoiled, and a general arse. Loki loved him anyway and tried to stand beside him, whispering words of wisdom into his ear from time to time. Thor ignored him most of the time, and got into a lot of trouble but was praised for his bravery and strength in the same breath. Thor got himself banished. Loki lied to Thor. They battled… horribly.

Loki learned of his past and was crushed. Loki schemed to gain the throne temporarily to play out a grand plan of his own. Loki killed his birth father and attempted to annihilate his own race. Loki just wanted to be seen as worthy for once.

Loki tried to explain his logic. Odin would not hear it. Loki gave up. Thor watched him fall. Thor knew that somewhere, somehow, it all fit together. To someone of Loki's intelligence, it probably made perfect sense. To Thor, it was an impossible conundrum.

Where exactly did the blame lie? When precisely did the trouble start? Where lay the true betrayal? Could he have done anything to save his brother that day on the Bifrost, or was he already too late by years?