It's My Life

Disclaimer: I own nothing except Charlene.

Chapter 5: Psychotic Breakdown


They skinned and gutted the deer well away from camp. The scent would draw geeks and they very well couldn't have them crawling all over the place. Charlene turned her back to Daryl as she grabbed a hunk of the deer, his eyes landed on her back and for the life of him he couldn't look away. It was littered with awful scars- scars that Daryl could understand because his body too was covered in them.

On her back were tattooed wings. They were large and colorful. He supposed the tattoo was an attempt to cover up the scars. The wings wrapped down below the waistband of her jeans and curved towards her front. What he didn't understand though, was how a woman like her ended up so terribly scarred. He knew she had an abusive husband, but Daryl struggled to believe he was the cause of those scars. Her back looked like someone who had been precisely tortured- each cut or burn having a certain meaning and reasoning behind it.

Charlene turned around and flushed under his stare. "What?" Her voice was just short of a humiliated sort of snarl that came from a wounded animal.

His eyes skated over her flushed cheeks and the way her body fidgeted under his cold stare. He could see the ends of her tattoo wrapping around her hipbones and disappearing beneath the jean waistband. Daryl's lips curled into a snarky smirk. "Nice wings."

Charlene's eyes narrowed. "Shut up." Her body stilled as she waited for him to ask her that question. A question she heard a million times before. Where did the scars come from? It really was a simple answer. She didn't care that people knew, she just hated discussing it. As soon as everyone found out that she had ever told, they fell about her feet, saying stupid shit. 'Aw, poor baby.' 'That's terrible.' 'You don't deserve that.'

Charlene's blood boiled at the thought of pity and sympathy those people extended to her. She didn't want any fucking pity. What happened happened and there wasn't a goddamn thing anyone could do to change it. She had made her peace and buried those skeletons. It didn't haunt her- she didn't cry about it. Charlene had moved on and people needed to understand that and just accept it without trying to fucking coddle her like a goddamn child. She wasn't a child and she wasn't suffering from any horrors. It was simply another chapter in her life that made her who she was- and she didn't regret that one bit.

Daryl never asked the question though. The relief that flooded her body must have been obvious because she could automatically feel her body sink into the relaxation. She threw the meat onto her shoulder and began trudging back to camp alongside the man. She muttered absentmindedly. "Hang onto that deer skin. I'll get all cleaned up- it'll make a good blanket when winter comes." Daryl shot her a look as he grunted in affirmation. The woman was covered in the deer blood and her shoulders and chest glistened with a sheen of sweat. He couldn't explain why, but the sight of her covered in the blood of a kill, and the sweat of hard work turned him on more than any of the dolled up woman from the bars in his previous life.

They passed by the line of cars and entered the camp. Charlene returned a wave to Dale. Her body language was etched with exhaustion, but her face contorted into a bright cheerful smile as she greeted Glenn and Amy. The woman dropped the meat on the toweled table. Morales gave a low whistle, "Got ourselves another hunter; watch out Daryl- she's going to take your place." He grinned jokingly.

"Actually, Daryl's the one that stopped the deer. Walkers would have gotten it without him." She shot a smile to the Hispanic man.

"Saving the day as usual." Morales clapped a hand on his shoulder as he passed by. Charlene watched Daryl's body tense up. He gave a low growl of annoyance before shooting a mixed look at the woman beside him. He wanted to ask her why, but he couldn't somehow bring himself to. He was confused. His thoughts were cut off as Carol appeared. She fidgeted nervously.

Charlene looked up, and smiled gently towards the battered woman. Daryl didn't miss the flicker of rage in her cerulean eyes at the large cut across the older woman's forehead. Carol returned the smile weakly. "Hey, uh- Shane said you could help me."

Charlene wiped her hands on her jeans and turned towards the woman. "Sure, what's up?" Carol looked around as she wrung her hands together. "Shane said you have medical training from when you were a firefighter-"

She held up her hand to silence the woman. "That's true, but I was only a firefighter for a couple years at the beginning of my service in the military. What's the problem, Carol?"

She sighed heavily and looked down at the ground almost shamefully. Her words shook as terribly as her body trembled with sorrow. "It's Sophia- she's got a bad cut- it needs some stitches." Daryl glanced back at the two women. Charlene caught his look, before she could say anything he grumbled. "Jus' go. Me and Merle can take care o' the meat."

The younger woman didn't smile; she nodded her head in thanks before striding off to her tent. Daryl saw the intense look of rage under that fake front she put forward. He gathered the venison up. "Merle! Get yer' ass over here."

Charlene put a gentle hand on Carol's shoulder. "I'm going to go grab a shirt and my med kit. Bring her to the table- I'll take care of her."

The older woman relaxed under her touch and look of pure gratitude washed over her aged features. "Thank you- I can't thank you enough." The dark haired woman gave her another gentle smile. "Don't mention it."


Charlene picked Sophia up and set her gently on the edge of the wooden table. The little girl kept her eyes downward. The woman gently tipped her head up and gave her a soft smile. "It's gonna be okay, swee'heart." The little girl's lips twitched in a halfhearted smile as her eyes fell down to her lap again. She picked at her cuticles silently.

Charlene began to as gently as she could to sew the gash on the small girls cheek. Throughout the entire little operation Sophia never so much as flinched or made a sound. The dark haired woman smiled down at her as she tied it off. "You're a tough girl. I remember when I was little and got my first stitches, I cried like a baby."

She saw a twitch of amusement in the little girl's face. Charlene's eyes caught the dried blood on Sophia's knees. She frowned as she pulled the pant leg up gently. "Let me put some band-aids on those cuts."

Carol smiled and squeezed her daughter's arm. Charlene pulled a package of Disney princess band-aids from her kit. She grinned, "Who's your favorite Disney princess, huh?" Sophia's eyes flickered with a sort of hidden childlike delight. "I like Jasmine."

Charlene smiled as she pulled a couple out of the small box. "Jasmine is perfect for you. She's tough and strong just like you, but I think you got her beat in the looks department." Charlene gripped the young girls chin gently and gave her a broad smile. Sophia gave a soft giggle and blushed. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Sophia."

Charlene patted her knees after applying the band-aids. She picked up the box and smiled more to herself than anyone and handed them to the little girl. "You know what, I want you to have these."

Sophia's eyes widened as she clutched the box to her frail little body. Carol spoke softly after a moment of silence, "What do you say?"

The little girl hugged Charlene tightly, "Thank you Ms. Char!" Charlene felt an awakening of something she couldn't quite describe inside of her. Her chest hurt deeply for the pain the little girl had to suffer on a daily basis and more than anything she wished to protect her. The older woman returned the hug and gently lifted her from the table. As Sophia took off to find Eliza, Carol turned to her with a tearful smile. "Thank you- just thank you."

Charlene laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her a reassuring smile. "Everything's okay and everything will be okay."

The older woman smiled weakly as her hand reached up and grasped Charlene's. She squeezed and nodded her head in understanding. Her blood ran cold at the harsh growl of her husband. She dropped Charlene's hand immediately.

"Where the hell have you been?" His snarling, menacing face came into view. He stopped short at the sight of Charlene. He slapped her hand away from Carol. Charlene had to count to ten to control the utter rage roaring through her veins. She backed away from the aggressive approach of the man. "Who do you think you are laying hands on my family?" Charlene struggled to think of a tactful response to urge the situation to calm down as her back hit the edge of the wooden table. "I-I uh-"

Stuttering? Stop being a little bitch. Charlene silenced herself as she looked away from the monster of a man before her. She steeled her nerves as Daryl's words from before ran through her head over and over again. She had to control herself for the sake of Carol and Sophia.

The battered woman gently laid a hand on her husband's arm and spoke so meekly and softly; you'd think she was talking to a child. "Ed- come on-"

The large man shoved her against the RV, "Don't tell me what to do, worthless woman." Charlene could feel the attention of the camp being drawn to them. Her anger was rising through her body like mercury. She clamped down on the inside of her cheek as she gripped the table. Her face twitched with infuriation. "What were you doing to my daughter?" His breath was hot against her body.

Her face curled in disgust as she leaned away from his imposing nature. Charlene spoke through clenched teeth, betraying the raging anger in her body with the softness of her voice. "I was stitching her up."

Ed whipped around and gripped his wife's arm and drug her from the RV. She cried out, "No, Ed! She needed stitches, I-" He slapped her upside the face. "Don't talk-"

That had been Charlene's breaking point as her vision and body burned white hot. Her body tensed with adrenaline as her voice strongly cut into his words, "Hey, asshole, didn't your momma every teach ya' to keep your goddamn hands to yourself?"

Her words silenced the camp. They all stared at the current situation with poised and tense fear. Ed turned on her, "What did you say to me, bitch?" Charlene laughed cruelly, "You fucking heard me, you disgusting piece of-"

Her words were cut off as Ed's hand clamped around her throat. Her small body was lifted from the ground and her back was violently slammed into the table- the man screaming in anger all the while. Charlene's vision was beginning to fade from the power of his grip. She felt the shards of word pricking at her back painfully. Her fingers grasped uselessly at his grip- her body struggling to breathe through her crushed windpipe.

She faintly could hear a scream- a scream from Carol as she tugged on Ed's arm trying to stop him; a scream of help. Where the fuck was everyone? The bear of a man slammed her once more into the table and released her. Charlene's throat screamed in pain as she clutched a hand to it, gasping and sputtering for breath. Her vision was clouded with pain. Ed slapped Carol to the ground while screaming at her.

Her white-hot anger blocked out the sounds as she gripped the edge of the table for support. Charlene stood on two shaky legs, her chest heaved as she roared in total rage. "I'M NOT FUCKING DONE WITH YOU YET!" Everything felt as if it was in slow motion. Her words scratched at her throat and shot pain throughout her body. Each breath hurt her terribly, but it didn't stop her. Nothing would fucking stop her. It was time this shit ended.

Charlene charged the man, her small frame railed into his violently. He landed on his back and his skull cracked against the dirt. The woman was on top of him quickly- she fisted his shirt in one hand and fiercely pounded his face with the other. The woman slammed her combat boots down on his splayed arms to hold them in place. She took a seat on his chest and removed her gun and combat knife.

Charlene pressed the barrel of the glock against his cheek and held the knife to his throat. He gasped fearfully as his beady, evil eyes watched her carefully. She swallowed painfully as a cruel smile crossed her features. She faintly registered the sound of footsteps behind her, and Shane's hand on her shoulder. Charlene twisted her body and pointed the gun at him, staring through narrowed eyes as he held up his palms in surrender.

"Back the fuck off, Shane." The enraged woman took in the sight of the camp staring at her and Ed. Daryl and Merle stood beside her brother and she couldn't quite make out what was going through their minds. She was sure Daryl was angry, but she couldn't just sit by while this man beat his wife around. It wasn't right and it wasn't in her nature to just take it.

Charlene twisted back around as Ed twitched beneath her. She growled, "Don't you fucking dare." His movements stilled. His breath was raspy from the weight of her body on his chest. She grinned sadistically. "Ya' know, Ed; I used to have a husband exactly like you. He beat me mercilessly and nearly killed me on several occasions." She took a breath as her face twisted at the memory.

"Do you know what happened to him?" She dragged the knife across his face. It's point barely skimming against his skin. He flinched in fear. His breath quickened violently. Her voice was a mere whisper, but seemed incredibly loud throughout the silent camp. "I killed him."

Ed's eyes widened as he seemed to be locking in on her words. Charlene took a deep breath, smiling cruelly once more. "I blew a hole in his chest the size of your fucking worthless head." Her rage flared in her body as she pressed the glock against his cheek with more force.

"If you ever lay a goddamn ugly hand on your wife or daughter or anyone else in this camp ever again, I will fucking kill you, Ed."

Charlene allowed the words to sink into the monstrous man beneath her. She could see the sheen of sweat forming across his forehead as his body began to tremble. This power she held over him only broadened her psychotic, calm smile. "Do you understand?"

Ed only stared at her. He didn't say anything- his eyes narrowed in defiance. Charlene roared angrily, she sank her Kabar deep into the dirt- narrowly avoiding his head. The man let out a pitiful yelp of fear. "Do you fucking understand?" He nodded vigorously. His eyes clamped shut as the sweat rolled off in loads from his face. Charlene yanked her knife from the dirt and stood to her feet.

"Good. Don't fucking forget it. Get out of here before I change my mind."

Her boot kicked his side and the man immediately clambered to his feet and stumbled towards Shane. Charlene turned to face them; the man seemed to grow in strength with the men surrounding him. He sneered, "Crazy bitch."

Charlene gave a short, cruel sounding laugh. "Whatever. Don't fucking forget what I said. No one is going to save you."

Ed's mouth seemed to clamp shut and the familiar fear returned to his beady eyes. Charlene stuffed the glock into the front of her jeans. Shane stared at her. She couldn't quite make out what the look was- disbelief? Disappointment? She really wasn't sure. Charlene sheathed her knife and headed towards the lake. She caught the eyes of everyone on her. Some were delighted and others fearful- no one said anything to her.

She didn't want to talk to anyone- she didn't want to see anyone. Charlene needed to be alone and as she strode away the pain in her throat returned. She resisted the urge to cough and gasp or grip at her throat. She could feel the stinging pain in her back from the table beating she received. Charlene snarled- that familiar warmth of rage coursing through her body again. Fucking asshole. She needed to cool off before she lost herself again; for the first time since the whole incident she felt a wash of shame come over her.


Charlene hung her legs off the edge of the rock. They swung idly as she wrung her hair out. Her thoughts went through the whole fight over and over again. What could she have done differently? Was there any situation in which Carol wouldn't have been physically abused? Charlene sighed vehemently and dropped her hands to her lap.

Her back stung painfully, her hands reached back and felt the angry skin. Her touch caused her to hiss and withdraw. It was then she became aware of a presence other than hers. Charlene craned her neck to see Daryl staring at her from a few feet away. He wasn't glaring nor snarling. It was a tight-lipped look she couldn't quite identify. Her shoulders drooped a bit and she spoke quietly so as to not hurt her throat again. "I know. I'm a selfish, crazy, uncontrollable bitch. You don't need to say it."

Charlene turned her head again only to be silenced by the amused look on the man's face. The emotion quickly was replaced by his usual haughty glare. He dropped to the ground behind her and she felt him lift her shirt up. Charlene reached back only to withdraw at the feel of his hands slapping hers away. "Stop movin'."

She felt the heat of his calloused fingers graze over her wound surprisingly gentle. "How bad is it?" Charlene whispered. Daryl grunted with a quick shrug, "Got some nice sized splinters."

"From that blood soaked wood- that's just fantastic." Her voice sarcastically muttered. "Maybe I'll die of a staph infection instead of this goddamn zombie shit."

She reached back once more and Daryl smacked her hands away again. "Ain't nobody dyin'. Shut up and hold still." He grumbled in annoyance.

Charlene felt him pull her combat knife from its sheath. After a few minutes, Daryl growled irritably. "I need ya' to lie down on your stomach." The small woman obliged. She rested her chin on her folded hands. She felt the inside of his knees brush against the outside of her thighs. She jerked a bit as she felt the knife dip into her skin. "Wha'd I say? Quit fuckin' movin' princess."

Charlene's eyes narrowed in irritation. She huffed, but obediently remained still as the point of the knife dug in again. Afte a bit, she felt the brush of his fingers against her backside. Charlene twisted beneath them, so that she was looking at him kneeled over her lap. He stared at her as she spoke quietly, "It wasn't some psychotic breakdown Daryl."

Her cerulean eyes met the cold, icy blue. Charlene carried on. "You know what the two strongest human emotions are? Fear and hope." Her tongue drug across her lower lip as she sucked in a breath.

"I used my past with my dead husband to instill fear into him, and also when I stabbed the ground and pressed the gun against his face. I used hope by allowing him a way out of a violent death by leaving his wife and daughter be, and by narrowly avoiding his skull with my knife."

Her eyes returned to Daryl's. He was still kneeling over her body. It drove her crazy that no matter what she did, she couldn't seem to get a read on this man. His thoughts were well buried in his mind- unavailable even to a trained eye. Charlene figured maybe he didn't understand why she was telling him all this. She followed up her explanation quickly, "I- uh, just didn't want you to think I was crazy."

His voice grunted finally. "I already thought tha' b'fore." The rich southern accent sunk into her mind as she mulled over his words. Her head snapped up and stared at him intently- a small, disbelieving laugh escaped her full lips. "Did you just make a joke?" Daryl's lips curled into a snarl and he didn't answer her.

He stood to his feet and extended a hand to her, thoroughly surprising her. She was yanked to her feet. Charlene brushed her jeans off when she felt his calloused hand grip her chin. The woman tensed as he pulled her head up- his eyes examining her neck. She could hear a low growl as his hand brushed across the angry bruising around her throat.

Charlene jerked at the touch, her eyes falling to the ground. Daryl's hands recoiled back. Her eyes searched his face questioningly. His hands wrapped around her belt and he jerked at it- her body fell against his in surprise. Her hands clutched his shirt on his chest to balance herself. A furious blush heated across her face as she felt his hot breath brush across her neck. Biting into her lip aggressively, Charlene lifted her gaze to his face.

Daryl smirked as he shoved her knife back in its sheath; and just like that he turned and walked away from her. Charlene's hands tightened into fists. Just like a fucking school girl. Jesus Christ. She rubbed her hand furiously against her face. He was fucking messing with her head and she couldn't for the life of her imagine why. Jackass.

"Are ya' just gonna stand there, or are ya' gonna stop wasting my time, woman?"

Charlene's head snapped up, her face contorted inquisitively. "Wha-"

"Those cuts need ta' be cleaned out or they'll get infected."

"Oh." She blinked dumbly and followed behind him. Her steps felt numb as her throat throbbed and her mind raced with humiliation of being toyed with. Reentering the camp was awkward as hell. She felt everyone's eyes jump to her and Daryl. He seemed to either be completely unaware or ignoring them. The woman was certain it was the latter.

Jim stood up from the RV, he gave her a disappointed sort of glare. Her rage raised its ugly head again, Charlene spat angrily, "If ya' got something to say Jim, fuckin' spit it out." The older man stared before shaking his head and walking away. She glared at his back all the way. Her irritation boiled over as she leaned over the table slightly.

Charlene hissed at the burn of the alcohol. "Fuckin' sit still. Good lord, woman." Her anger dissipated as a small, tender smile crossed her lips. She felt a hand on top of hers and looked up to a smiling Dale. "Ignore Jim- I think it was a noble thing you did even if it was a bit…" He drew off and tried to maintain his friendly smile. Charlene grimaced and finished for him. "Outta control?"

The old man hummed to himself. "I wouldn't go as far as out of control." Charlene's face soured. "Well, I guess it's a good fuckin' thing I don't give a shit what others think. I did what needed to be done."

Dale smiled again and patted her on the shoulder. The sound of Merle's voice jerked her head in the other direction. "Well, what have we here." Charlene growled, "Not in the mood, Merle."

"What's a guy have ta' do ta' get you all bent over fer' him, like that?"

Daryl grunted uncomfortably as he began applying a cream to the scratched skin. "Play nurse?" Merle supplied. "I'll gladly do that, sweetheart." He gave her a lascivious smile that had her lips curling into a growl.

"Yeah, I don't trust you back there, sweetheart." Charlene muttered irritably. The older Dixon brother's eyes narrowed, "And why's that?"

She gave him a snarky smirk. "You wouldn't be able to resist the lure of my fantastic ass, I'm afraid." She wiggled herself a bit, causing Merle to burst out loudly with laughter. Daryl's hand gripped her hip tightly, he snarled in annoyance, "Knock that shit the fuck off."

Charlene leaned forward on her elbow. She heard the sounds of bandages being opened. Daryl not so gently slapped them onto her back. He threw down the edge of her shirt over his work. Charlene turned and sat her butt on the edge of the table. Her face broke into a playful grin. "Why, thank you for your help darling."

He stared at her hard. His lips curled into an irritated snarl. "I ain't fuckin' playin' nurse no more."


Here y'all fantastic readers and reviewers go :) I can't thank y'all enough for the reviews, faves and such! I love hearing y'alls thoughts, so please continue to review and let me know what y'all are thinking on what I can fix/improve on etc. I hope ya guys enjoy the chapter! Thank you!