Off to chapter two, sorry for the wait we don't get Wi-Fi until Wednesday I am at a Starbucks right now..
Two
Heavy
The world is too heavy, too big for my shoulders, come take the weight off me now.
Thousands of messes from one simple question, come take the weight off me now.
- Rubik's Cube, Athlete
Clove
I woke up very early to Cato shaking me. It was funny because I didn't ever remember falling asleep. The memories of last night came back, my dirty bloodstained nightgown lied on a heap on the floor and I was in a t-shirt and pants I don't recognize, but I assumed belonged to Aimee, Cato's sister.
"Hey, we have to go soon, get dressed." Cato said.
I sat up and changed into a training uniform I recognized as mine. I went down to the main room and asked "Where did you get this?"
"Your mother brought it last night, your dad is still at your house by the way." He informed.
"Can the girls stay here?" I asked.
"Yeah they can. My older sister will be home all day today." He said. It was already 4 am and we were running a few minutes behind. I threw my hair in to a ponytail and we dashed out the door.
Cato's older sister was in a wheel chair, so obviously being a career wasn't ever going to happen, but she loved kids, so she babysat during the day. I think she was sixteen at the time but I'm not actually sure, I knew she could handle my sisters, who were all probably so tired they'd sleep through the most of the morning.
The uniforms we had to wear are tight, so you can make out every curve, muscle and movement. The pants though are a little different, they were still tight but not as bad as the shirts, which we could hardly move in at first. The pants were cut off just above the elbow and said our names on the back and our number. The number was how we were placed in order when we took tests, gave demonstrations or worked with the younger kids.
Cato didn't look too bad in his, he was well fed enough to make him taller and more muscular then me. I was overall not that appealing in the uniform. It showed off just how boney I was, all bone and muscle nothing else, I was also the smallest in my class.
I was pretty sure I would have to fight Cato today, just because I was much smaller didn't matter. The regulations said that I had to fight kids my own age, and I had fought just about everyone else in the class.
When we arrived at the training arena we started to stretch. The three judges were all victors. Lyme, Enobaria, and one I don't recognize. They were who decided if we could move on or if we had to retake the training course this year. If I assumed all would go well then I would volunteer for the games at the same time as Cato.
"Good luck." Cato said. I was behind him in line and he had to go first. I stood there waiting in front of a boy maybe a year older than me. He was one of my more frequent tormenters.
"What's wrong? You need luck?" HE spat at me.
I turned on him, maybe it was because I was tired, maybe because I was angry but for whatever reason I turned on him. "No, but if you don't leave me alone you're going to need it."
"Oh you hear that?" He shouted to the people behind him. "She thinks she can hurt me. Well little girl I think I'll just- OW!" He screamed the last part as my knife made contact with his foot, it was where his big to was.
They called in the medic, the knife was ripped out but he had to be sent home anyway, he couldn't train for a week. Good. I had crippled him, even if it was only for a week it was enough.
After training had gotten out, at around 9 pm Cato and I walked towards his house. Cato knew I had family issues, but he didn't know what or how bad they were. He knew I didn't like my dad, but he didn't know how much I hated him or why.
As we walked steadily in the directon of our houses all I was able to think about was that I didn't want to go home, and that there was a small chance of having to see my dad. Most likely though he would be gone and drunk by then.
"Are you okay?" Cato spoke up.
"Fine. W-why wouldn't I be?" I said fighting to get control of the tremor in my voice.
"Last night you seemed so, terrified, like you were running for your life." He pointed out. I probably did, and the girls probably noticed too.
"N-no I'm fine." I insisted.
"Clove, I've known you for five years now, I spend every hour of the day with you from 4 am to 10 pm. Can't you trust me?" He asked. I must have hesitated a moment too long. "It's okay you don't have too I just thought after five years you could trust a person."
"It's not that I swear. It just this is really complicated." I said.
"Okay, then. I'll leave it alone." He said.
As we got closer, I got worse. The shaking started, the tremor in my voice got steadily worse, and I was fighting back tears. We kept walking past Cato's house, after he told his sister he was walking me back. I think that only made it worse.
"Clove, you are about to lose it. What is going on?" He asked.
"N-nothing." I muttered, I had started speaking as little as possible.
"Clove, if it was nothing the you would be carrying on a pleasant conversation with my right now, like we always do." He said.
I snapped. "No I wouldn't!" I cried. "I am always carrying on a pleasant conversation but I am never having one, because I am always terrified that my drunk father will be home, and that my sisters or mother might be hurt. I always know that I will have to face my sisters who don't really know what a terrible person I am or why I can't eat dinner with them!"
Cato was in shock, he was just standing there, his eyes wide while I stood there a sobbing wreck. Oh who am I kidding? I've always been a wreck. He didn't move, and I didn't move. We just stood there.
"Clove, I don't even know what to do." He said.
"N-neither do I." I whipped the tears from under my eyes but more kept pouring out. I fought to get ahold of myself.
"Clove, everyone needs to cry sometimes." Cato said
"I can't afford to." I said.
"You want to just wait here a while?" He asked me.
"Yes please." I muttered.
So we sat, I cried, he looked lost. Until finally I was able to regain control of myself and we walked back to my house in silence.
"Thank you, for walking me back." I said before I entered.
"I couldn't have just left you out there." He said.
Before I could stop myself I turned and hugged him. "Thanks." Then I dashed back into the house.
My father wasn't there, this time but neither were my sisters I looked at my mom, who was holding the baby and a pair of knitting needles.
"Your sisters are staying with a friend, I don't want them here in case your father comes back." My mother explained. I nodded.
Wordlessly I filled the basin with cold water and bathed, taking care to wash my hair carefully. I pulled my night gown on and crawled into bed, and pulled the curtain around the bed closed. It was no use though, I couldn't sleep, not because my mother had the oil lamp lit and was knitting but because the bed was much too empty. I could roll and turn all I wantd and sleep in any position I desired and yet I was not comfortable. I could not find my sister's warmth, where Nutmeg would usually have been was nothing but cold empty space. On my other side, where Hazel would be with her worn blue blanket and feeble teddy bear sucking her thumb is nothing.
I was awake long after the lamp goes out and my mother is asleep. I was still awake by around one in the morning, I finally decided that I wouldn't get sleep anyway and it would be better for my sanity if I got up and did something.
I lit the dim oil lamp and dressed silently in a pait of old jeans, and old t-shirt that I wasn't entirely sure belonged to me, and pulled my dark waves into a high pony tail. I stick three knives in my belt and go outside. I saw a lizard on the side of the house and cut it in half in 2.5 seconds. Yum. I considered starting a fire but decided that wouldn't be the best idea so I cut the lizard into bits and went inside.
I heated up the stove and put a frying pan on. While the stove heated I picked the bones out of the lizard and then placed the long strips in the frying pan. While they were cooling I went out to the garden and picked a bit of rosemary and threw that on the bits of lizard. I pulled a bottle of milk out of the icebox and poured a glass.
I ate my breakfast on a cracked plate. I didn't mind having to eat with my hands, though I did realize that this was the first meal I'd eaten at home in a long time. Usually I was fed lunch and dinner at the training center but the rest was all up to us to eat at home, we couldn't feed my sisters and me so I ate at the training center and they ate at home.
When the clock struck four I pulled on my training gear and made my way to Cato's house. He walked with me.
"Morning Clove. Sleep well?" He asked, throwing and arm around my shoulders, which I shrugged off.
"I didn't sleep at all." I said.
"Really? Was your dad there?" He growled.
"No, no." I said quickly, I could tell his temper would flare up if I wasn't careful. "My sisters were at a friend's house, and the bed was too empty."
"That's ironic." He laughed. "You always complain about being soar from sharing a bed and now you can't sleep without them."
"Shut up, or you'll be my next target." I said.
"Sorry." He pouted.
