Okay here we go...
Four
Treading Carefully
Where were you when everything was falling apart?
All my days spent by the telephone, that never rang and all I needed was a call
That never came on the corner of first and all messed up.
Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me,
Lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded.
Why did you have to wait? Where were you? Where were you? Just a little late.
- The fray, You Found Me
Clove
Things changed that night. My mother and sisters, Cato, and me. Something that happened that day affected all of us for the rest of our lives together. I became more hostile, and ruthless. I snapped at my sisters a lot more, lost my temper more frequently, got into fights at the training center. I was never good enough, I trained constantly and by that winter I was the most feared in my class, other than Cato.
Cato. If anything his transformation was even more extreme than mine. He became almost vicious; in training he became ruthless, caring less and less about anything other than bloodshed. He had been suspended from training twice, once for nearly killing someone, once for actually killing someone. He hadn't seemed to care, I don't know, even now if he did. The message was a clear one though, don't mess with him. They didn't either, they were good little puppets.
In fact we were so feared, and worked so terribly with anyone else that we became permanent partners. Even though Cato had a good fifty pounds on me and was at least six inches taller than me, we had to spar with each other. This more often than not turned into actual fighting with both of us getting injured or something. We weren't even supposed to be fighting each other; we had been in spate weight categories since we were eight.
My mom tried harder to find a more suitable father, and ended up marrying her longtime friend and we moved in with him. Luckily for me this meant I lived next door to Cato, unluckily for me this meant one more sibling. Another sister, named Chive. Yeah, Chive, and I thought my name was bad. Honestly I loved my sisters, all of them but this was almost too much, that meant when I was home on weekends I not only had three wild children to control but a new baby.
Even if Rick, the new husband, was home(which being a peacekeeper he never was) he clearly couldn't control the spice rack, and the baby. The first day mom left us all alone to run errands I watched as he failed miserably with my sisters as I rocked the baby. Then I decided it would just be better to handle this all myself. As usual.
Everyone now treaded around me and Cato like we were nuclear bombs that could go off at any minute. I suppose in a way we were. Cato had violent outburst when he got angry, and though mine were less violent they still involved knife throwing. I was broken and no one could put me back together. Ever.
This was all one man's fault. I just wasn't good enough was I? Well dad I hope you're happy because your little girl is just as broken as you are. Sorry, personal moment. Where were we?
Ah yes, one person could get the old Clove back and even that was just for a few moments at a time, Cato. It probably wasn't the healthiest relationship to be involved in, but it was the only one I had. On days (Or nights) that I couldn't take it anymore I would go over to his house, climb up to his window (I didn't need his mother to know I was here, she'd tell mine) and we'd get rough. Most of the time we'd wrestle, sometimes we'd spar, but whatever form of training it was we were both always left with cuts and bruises. The nice thing about these cuts and bruises was that they were more bearable then the ones that only time could heal. This was all we had control over
Cato's life had gotten progressively worse, shortly after that night his father had been assigned a new peacekeeping duty here in District 2. He expected Cato to be better than everyone in the class, and even when he was that wasn't enough. So Cato turned to almost anything he could to get away, mostly violence, and then there was me. He was now always masked or hidden in a cloud of anger from most of the world. Except for me, I seemed to be able to reach him in the strangest ways. If I cried (Which rarely happened) He would just hold me and not say a word, just like he used to.
We were the only comfort either one of us allowed ourselves. I was his and he was mine. We didn't need anything else. On weekends his dad traveled to other districts and I was supposed to be with my dad and sisters. Somehow I always' managed to get out of it. I guess my mom thought my dad had changed, and he did seem okay at first, then Nutmeg came home with a black eye and those visits were put to a stop.
On this particular day Cato and I were getting ready to spar, my mom and Rick had taken the girls to the history museum and left me with Chive at home. Just as Cato and I were facing off the baby monitor emitted a shrill cry. I sighed and dashed up the stairs into the nursery, scooped her up and looked at the time and grabbed a bottle off the shelf.
"Okay, here you go." I sighed. Cato chuckled from the door way. "What?" I snapped.
"Nothing but someday you are going to feed your own kids." He said.
"No I won't. I'm not having kids." I snarled.
"Why not?" He seemed genuinely surprised. When I didn't answer immeaditly he answered for me. "Because you don't want them to have a life like you did."
"Yeah." I sighed and rocked Chive back to sleep. We went back down stairs and I sat down.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"Nothing," I put my usual 'fearless Clove' mask on.
"Clove, I'm not your mother I don't believe that lie." He snapped. It was true, I told my mother I was fine and she seemed to believe it. Sure I had been unpredictable for a few months but I wasn't totally heartless. Yet.
"Nothing is wrong Cato!" I snapped, brushing my long dark hair out of my face.
"Clove." He raised his eyebrows.
"Cato." I raised mine. I knew very well that neither one of us would back down and this would turn into a full out fight.
"Clove, what's wrong?" He tried.
"Nothing!" My voice rose.
"Clove something is obviously wrong!" He yelled.
"Even if something was wrong it wouldn't be your business would it Cato?" I yelled back
"Clove you might be able to hide from your family but like it or not I know you far too well to be fooled like that!" He shouted.
"Really? I somehow doubt that, how do you know better than the people who have known me the longest, and how do you know something is wrong?" I screamed.
"I have seen you like this before, I have seen you at your best and worst! I know something is wrong because of that look in your eyes." He shouted.
I lunged. I might have been much smaller but I could still knock him over, pinning him to the ground was near impossible though. We hit the ground with a dull and satisfying Thud! He flipped us over and pinned me down, holding my arms down with his. I leaned over and bit him, he retracted in surprise more than pain, just long enough for me to flip us back so I was on top. I could feel his muscles retract as he prepared to flip us back over, but before he could I heard a loud clapping sound. Both of our heads snapped up.
"Hey!" It was Rick. I narrowed my eyes. "If you two are going to act like animals then take it outside!" I hadn't even heard him come in, or the rest of my family for that matter. I guess I ought to be somewhat relieved that this didn't go any farther because if it had the result probably would have been some broken plates and small holes in the walls from my knives. Cato stood up, me still straddling his body from trying to pin him down. I fell to the ground, admittedly I made a bit of a squeaking sound, I brushed my long hair out of my face and glared up at Cato, who smirked down at me.
Nutmeg, Hazel and Paprika looked up at me still in their winter coats. They had seen this before but I tried to keep it all hidden from them as much as possible. Which with a temper like mine and a friend like Cato, it wasn't easy and had a tendency to be quiet flawed. Paprika ran up to me and hugged me around the waist.
"Clove, hold me." She said. I sighed but in the end obliged to picking her up. She giggled, even at four she was the optimist the one who never failed to be happy or make others happy.
I had celebrated my fifteenth birthday that winter and now spring was looming, even in early April, Cato and I had encountered many animals when we took the back roads when we went to training in the morning. We had mixed luck with these animals, some left us alone, some followed us to training and in the end I killed them, suspecting rabies.
One night, when my stepfather and mother were yelling at each other I couldn't take it anymore I crawled out my window and ran next door. I knew for a fact that Cato slept with his window open so I climbed up and into his room.
"Cato?" I whispered.
"Clove?" He asked groggily. "Why the hell are you in my room at," He checked the clock. "Two am?"
"I couldn't take the tension anymore. My parents are fighting so I came here. I had to get away." I muttered.
"So you came here?" He asked. His house wasn't much better, his father was reassigned to District 11 this month and his family wasn't talking it well.
"Anywhere is better than there." I sighed.
"Well I'm going back to bed, feel free to join me." He sighed and rolled back over, I took that literally and climbed in bed next to him. "Clove?"
"Well you said I could join you." I said.
"I was- oh never mind." He sighed.
I was woken a few hours later to the blare of his alarm. He changed quickly and tossed me another uniform I recognized as my own, I was about to ask where he got it when I remembered I left it over here when I stayed a few nights while we were moving. I changed and ran my fingers through my hair and followed him down stairs.
His parents and sister were seated at the table. "Dad what are you doing here?" Cato asked.
"Good morning. Ah, who's this?" His father's eyes locked on me. He looked so much like Cato, only he was colder, and crueler which was saying something.
"I'm Clove, I live next door." I said.
"Why are you in my house at four am?" He asked.
I put on one of my fake sweet smiles which were more demonic then anything. "I climbed in through your son's bedroom window last night. Do you want to know the rest?"
"I'm okay thanks." He said. Cato grabbed two rolls of the table, handed one to me and walked out the door. I waved to his family and followed.
I was laughing as soon as we were out the door. "That was priceless."
"That was risky and stupid." Cato said.
"How?" I asked.
"My dad probably would've hit you." He started to walk off down the path.
"You think I can't handle myself?" I asked.
"Clove, I have seen the bruises, I know your dad hits you. I know you let him do it as long as it never happens to your sisters." He growled.
"Maybe I do let it happen but like I said last time I was there, if he ever does it again I intend to fight back." I snarled.
"Clove there are only two things that make me furious ." He started, I held back a laugh because I knew very well that was a lie. "When people under estimate me and when people hurt you."
"Well you can get rid of the last one because I don't let people hurt me." I snarled. He never answered. We walk the rest of the way in complete silence.
