Okay I am sorry for the delay, I've just been busy.
Five
Shattered
How many times can I break til I shatter?
Over the line, can't define what I'm after
I always turn the car around
Give me a break; let me make my own pattern
All that it takes is some time
But I'm shattered
I always turn the car around
Clove
That weekend I was supposed to go to my dad's. Mom and the other girls were going to Aunt Megs and Rick had to work, I didn't want to go to Aunt Megs and that was the alternative. I convinced Cato to come along and there we were, in front of my dad's house. Cato put an arm around my shoulder and rang the bell. I heard my dad coming and shrugged Cato's arm off.
"What?" My dad slurred.
"Hi dad." I sighed.
"Clover, why are you hear?" He supported himself on the door frame.
"It's you're weekend." I said.
"Oh." Then as though he noticed Cato for the first time (Which he would have to be really drunk to do because Cato is huge) he asked me; "Who's this?"
"Dad this is Cato." I said.
"You're boyfriend?" HE snarled.
"No, no my, uh, friend, you remember him, from training?" I sighed.
"Oh, yeah come in." He walked back into the house. Leaving me and Cato to let ourselves in.
MY dad's house smelled like alcohol, and smoke. I coughed and led Cato down to the basement, where I slept. Most of the basement was unfinished except for my small room, it had one twin bed in the corner and a set of drawers against the wall I put my clothes in the drawers and told Cato to put his things in.
"Where should I sleep?" He asked.
"Um you can sleep in the bed with me." I said.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yeah, I can't usually sleep when I'm over here anyway." I sighed.
"Okay, but will we fit?" HE asked.
"We will but I swear if you roll on me you will meet Brutus." I said.
"Brutus?"
"Brutus is the knife I sleep with strapped to my leg, he'd love to meet you." I smiled not-so-sweetly.
"Oh, well tell Brutus I'll pass on this little meeting." He said. I couldn't help but laugh. We had the weekend off from training so we decided to go to bed early.
I reflexively molded my small shape into Cato's much larger one. He didn't seem to mind very much though, as I fell asleep I felt him put an arm around my waist as though to protect me from something.
I woke to being thrown out of the bed by none other than my father. He loomed over me and I couldn't help but wince. It was like I was eight all over again.
"Your worthless Clove!" My drunken father screamed at me as I cowered in the corner. "You can't do anything!"
I whimpered as he hit me again, I learned a while ago not to cry out. This was the fourth time this week, my mother was gone and my dad was hitting me.
"You'll never be a victor!" He shouted. "It's worthless sending you to that training academy, I bet you can't do anything!" I could hardly see him through my tangled mass of hair and my tears. This was okay, as long as he didn't hurt the baby. "You will probably die in some stupid way!"
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He yelled. "Sleeping with him in my house."
I was jerked out of my thoughts as my fathers' fist collided with my ribcage. In seconds Cato was up but by then I'd had enough. For 16 years I had put up with blow after blow and this was it. He couldn't hurt me any more I wasn't six. Before I Cato could react my knife had met my father's chest, straight through his heart. He was dead in seconds.
I started to laugh, probably twistedly. "Clove?" Cato said slowly.
"It's like a sick game!" I snapped, suddenly stopping my laugh. "A sick game everyone plays! How many times can we break Clove before she is shattered beyond repair!" I storm over to the body, pull my knife out of his chest casually wiped it on my shorts I grabbed the phone. Called the peace keepers told them I found my father dead and leave. I could hear Cato behind me.
Around here murder is common, what do they expect when they train kids to kill each other? There is at least one murder ever two or three days, so it was going to be a miracle if they even got to my father before the body starts to rot. No one even looks for the murderer
I made it to the woods behind the training center, which was about a mile up the road, before I felt the pain in my ribs. They were broken for sure I doubled over and Cato bent down and picked me up. He carried me into the training center and I could hear the class going on. The two kids who were volunteering that year were the only ones training today.
"Enobaria." He called. She sees me and calls the medic over, I'm crying now, not from the pain, and unsurprisingly not from the guilt of killing my father, but from being so broken all the time, I can't take it anymore. I bury my face in Cato's chest and cry.
"What's wrong worthless?" Enobaria asked. Anyone who knows Enobaria knows that being called worthless is the closest you'd ever get to a complement. I didn't answer and she and Cato had to coax me out of my sanctuary known as Cato's chest.
"I-I killed my father, but that's not what upset me." I wiped my eyes.
"You killed your father?" Enobaria knew my father well, they had been friends once. "Well kid congratulations to you, you have enough guts not to take that abuse anymore. Now what's bothering you?"
Enobaria was like my second mother, I had practically grown up in the training center, every pivotal moment in my life had happened here, my first broken bone, my first period, I mean everything. Enobaria had been the one to explain these things to me. To some she would come off as heartless but really she could care.
"I-I can't take it anymore." I started. "I-I feel like everyone in the world is playing a game of 'How Many Times Can We Break Clove Before She's Shattered Beyond Repair?'!"
"Really worthless? No one is playing that game, now let's get you patched up and sent home." She patted my shoulder. I realized I'd managed to cut myself pretty badly with my knife because I didn't put it back. I remained seated on Cato's lap as the medic patched me up. He told me it was fine for me to go back to training tomorrow and I head home. We walk for a few minutes in silence.
"Cato?" I asked.
"Yeah?" He said.
"My house is still empty." I muttered.
"Well then I'll stay with you." He put his arm over my shoulders and I found myself leaning on him.
We walked into my house and it was indeed empty. I pulled out a pocket knife and handed it to him. "What's this for?" HE asked.
"I want you to be mine and I want to be yours, you carve your name into my hip I'll carve mine into yours." I said.
"Okay." Cato agreed. I lifted my shirt and pulled down the waist band of my shorts just far enough for him to carve his name. He began making cuts. It hurt but I loved it.
Soon he was done and he wrapped gauze around me to keep the blood from soaking through my clothes. Then, before he stood he did something that surprised me, he kissed the area where he had cut, finally he stood up and I knelt to do him. My name was in neat curvy cursive on his hip. I wrap gauze once around him then stood. He hugged me tightly and I found myself in tears again.
"Are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm not good enough." I muttered, referring to an incident a few nights ago.
Cato's girlfriend was yelling at him, I could hear it from my room.
"Cato!" She yelled. "Get over the girl next door she'll never love you!" I immediately assumed she was talking about Indiana, the girl on the other side of Cato. "She can't love anything! She's a monster!" I frowned, that didn't sound like Indiana, who was just about the sweetest person on earth. "She's not even pretty she's a hag!" Defiantly not Indiana, Indiana was gorgeous and the girl who lived where I do before me wasn't beautiful but I wouldn't have called her a hag.
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"The incident with Lavender." I said. "She was talking about Indiana, who is a good person."
"How is that your fault?" HE asked.
"I was the one who mentioned to her how wonderful Indiana was to my sisters." I muttered.
"Wait, hang on, you think the was talking about Indiana?" He asked.
"S-she was." I muttered.
He lifted my head and made me look at him. "Clove, she wasn't. She was talking about you."
"M-me? But Cato, I'm nothing special." I sighed.
"Clove, you can't see it but you are. You're beautiful." He whispered.
"I'm broken."
"Your both, you are the only one who puts up with my out bursts, you're the only one who can pull me out of them, you are the only one I trust fully. I don't care if you're broken, I will help you pick up the pieces." He said.
"Thanks." I whisper.
"Any time. Now let's get the blood off of you." He picked me up and I scowled.
"Put me down, I can walk." I ordered.
"Fine." He set me down and followed me up the stairs into the bathroom, I let him unwrap the bandages and soak my tank top in the sink to get the blood off of it.
I sat there in just my bra and shorts while Cato disinfected and rewrapped his name. I wondered briefly if this was making him as uncomfortable as it was making me. He washed his hands off and looked me over.
"Are you going to get dressed?" He asked.
"Um, all my clothes are at my dad's house." I blushed.
"All of them?" He asked.
"I have two tank tops and two pairs of shorts, one tank top has been ruined I am wearing the one pair of shorts and the rest is at my dad's. We wear training clothes most of the time anyway." I rolled my eyes. Then before I had time to protest Cato had removed his shirt and pulled it over my head.
"There you can wear that until we get your tank top done." He said and turned to walk out. Until then I hadn't ever been able to fully appreciate what all this training had done for Cato. I pushed my arms out of the shirt and filled the sink with cold water. Slowly the blood came out and I hung it over the towel rack to dry. I walked down stairs and found Cato in the kitchen. As usual.
"Do you have any food?" He asked.
"Well yes, but we didn't go shopping this weekend because we were all supposed to be gone." I said.
"Then let's go shopping." He grabbed my hand and pulled my out the door.
"They aren't going to let us in, you are only half dressed." I said.
"Fine wait here." He dashed into his house and came out minutes later with a shirt on.
We walked past the newsstand and the headline read "District 2 mental institution to shut down" I froze. "Clove what's wrong?"
I managed a "Look" and pointed he frowned at me.
"Yeah so?"
"C-cato." I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a back alley. "I have a twin brother."
"You what?" He asked.
"I have a twin brother Pepper, I don't like to talk about him though." I was shaking.
"Okay but how come you never told me." There was something in his eyes that I recognized, betrayal. Of course he didn't think I'd keep secrets from him.
"Because he's not right, in the head I mean. He sustained a pretty bad head injury when we were four and he stayed four." I tried to explain.
"How did he stay four?" Cato asked.
"I don't know exactly, his brain just kind of stopped developing, and my mom couldn't handle the tantrums, the screaming, the hitting, the bed wetting so when I was seven and we found out that she was expecting Nutmeg we didn't have much choice so we sent him there. I visit him on weekends, which is why I'm never around a-and-" I couldn't finish, I burst into tears. Cato held me to him for a few minutes and then slowly lead me back to my house.
"You need to call your mom." He ordered. I nodded and dialed my aunts number.
"Hello?" My mother's voice said on the other end.
"H-hi mom." I managed.
"Clove? Are you alright? Why aren't you at your fathers?" She asked.
"I-I'm fine. I have bad news and worse news." I managed to keep my voice somewhat steady.
"Okay, start with the bad news." She said.
"Dads dead, he was murdered. Don't feel like I'm traumatized it's too late for that. Besides I killed him. " I said.
"Oh." There were a few moments of silence. "That's a surprise, I-I'll call the peace keepers later. Is Cato there with you?" I got the feeling she was worried about my state of mental health.
"Yes mom." I sighed. "Cato's here."
"Are you two okay?" She asked.
"Mom, we're fine. What is someone going to do? Try to hurt us? Need I remind you I am not afraid to kill?" I asked.
"No. But what's the worse news?" She asked.
"The mental hospitals closing. Tomorrow." I said.
"Oh dear." She breathed.
"Cato and I are going to go get Pepper okay?" I asked.
"Okay are you sure you can handle him?" She asked.
"Mom, you used to leave me with Nutmeg when I was eight, when I was nine I got left with Hazel and Nutmeg, by 11 I watched all three girls during the evenings and on weekends. I can handle Pepper. Good bye." I hung up the phone. "Come on Cato, we have to go get Pepper!"
"Clove." Cato grabbed my arm. "Clove, calm down, you really have to calm down."
"Why! How can you tell me to calm down? I am under immense stress right now!" I snapped.
"Exactly, you need to calm down of all of our sakes." Cato pulled me close to him. "Look, go take a bath, I'll get Pepper, okay?"
"Pepper doesn't respond well to other people." I argued.
"How much bigger than you can he be? If I really have to I can carry him. Now go get in the bath I'll see you soon." He kissed my forehead and left. For once I didn't feel like arguing.
