Author's Note: Okay, I said it was slow going, but starting now is the REAL reason I wrote this. Thank you thank you THANK YOU, to everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed the last chapters. It was very humbling to see that you actually liked my story! :) Somebody actually guessed what was going to happen in the reviews...hee hee, you know who you are. :) Also, I'm sorry for any more spelling or grammar mistakes...I'm trying, those really aren't my strengths, but I'm working on it, I promise. Anyway, here it is, enjoy!
Chapter 3: Friends
Shane blinked groggily at the ceiling. That was odd; he'd been sleeping pretty deeply.
Something smacked his shoulder again. Wait, again? Oh, that's right, that's what woke him up...WHACK!
He jumped this time. "What the hell?!" he swore, turning over. He wished he hadn't. Staring right back at him - sans her usual goth makeup, but still dressed to kill - was Eve. A very furious-looking Eve. Ulp.
"Uh, Eve? Does Michael know you're in here?" he managed to croak.
She narrowed her eyes at him. "In fact, he doesn't. He's out getting donuts. But that's none of your concern. Do you know what is, Shane Collins?"
This sounded bad. Very bad. "Uhhhh, what?"
She held up her wooden spoon. Oh, that's what she'd been whacking him with.
"Why don't you get up and see?" she asked, breathing heavily.
Crap. He was going to die in his pajamas via wooden spoon.
"Um, what?"
"Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. Bed. NOW." she hissed, and then hit him over the head with her spoon. "Up up up up UP!" she snarled, punctuating each word with a whack from her spoon.
"Okay okay I'm up! Sheesh! What's the big deal?!" he yelled.
She whacked him again. "Shush, you'll wake Claire!"
Wake Claire? Why- Oh. Right. Surprise. Gotcha. Now he remembered. He gave her an okay sign, and she nodded and stomped out of his room. When he didn't immediately follow, she turned back and started smacking the spoon to the palm of her hand threateningly. He got the point and jumped up to follow.
She stomped into the bathroom and pointed at the bathtub with her spoon. He tentatively walked over and peaked in, where the turkey he and Michael had gotten was still sitting.
"Um, problem?"
"It's still frozen, Shane." she spat. He reached over and knocked on the top of it. Yep. Like an iceberg. Uh-oh.
"W-well, maybe we can-"
"WE can do nothing about this ostrich. It is now YOUR problem. I was supposed to start cooking it an hour ago, but since the stupid thing still hasn't thawed, I can't do anything about it. So now YOU get to figure out how to cook a fifty-pound turkzilla by dinner time, or get a new one somewhere that ISN'T frozen, or I will stake you with this spoon. Capiche?" she said, deadpan.
"Oh, come on, it's not THAT big!" he protested.
"The only way you could have gotten one bigger is if you went down to Sesame Street and shot Big Bird! The damn thing is huge! I don't know what you were thinking! Therefore, no longer my problem. Now it's yours." She turned to leave.
"Where the hell am I supposed to get a new one?!" Shane demanded. She slowly rotated back, spoon in hand. "Uh I'll figure it out." he said quickly. "Er, where did you say Michael was? I need his help to move this thing."
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When Shane had dressed and came down to join Eve in the kitchen, Michael had already returned with a big box of fried sugary pastry to fortify them (in his own words). He didn't look any better at being an early bird than Shane or Eve, and practically guzzled the coffee Eve had poured him. Shane took his own cup and two donuts, then sat down to wolf them up before Eve got any ideas about hitting him again.
"Oh, I stopped at the blood bank while I was out." Michael said casually, sipping his second cup. Eve and Shane looked up at him, because this wasn't something Michael generally announced to the group.
"So?" Eve said finally, still sounding ill-tempered.
A blush creeped up Michael's face. "Uh, well, guess who I ran into while I was there?" he said, still trying to keep his tone casual. Too casual. Both Eve and Shane raised their eyebrows.
"Vampires?" Shane suggested, annoyed. Eve's mood was contagious.
"Er, well, yes. Uh, one in particular. You remember Theo, don't you?" Michael said, still trying too hard at his tone.
"Of course we remember Theo. What kind of a question is that?" Shane mumbled around a mouthful.
"Well, he was asking how Claire was...and I told him about how we were trying to surprise her, and I, well, um, sort-of invited him." Michael said the last part quickly, then started gulping coffee again.
"You WHAT?" yelped Eve, while Shane simply sighed and took a swig out of his mug.
"W-well, you invited Myrnin, and Theo's okay, I mean we all like him, right?" stammered Michael. "Oh, and he might bring some of his family."
Shane winced, while Eve shrieked "Why would you do that?! You can't just invite whoever suits you at the time!"
"He looked a little sad, and it just came out! I don't know what I was thinking! And besides, at least we have a big turkey, right?" Michael tried helpfully. Shane rapidly shook his head behind Eve, who stared at Michael in horror for a minute before simply falling into a chair and bursting into tears. Both boys jumped.
"Oh, come on, Eve, everything's going to be alright. Don't cry, we'll work everything out." Shane said quickly, patting her on the shoulder.
"Come on, babe, it's not that bad! Don't cry..." soothed Michael.
"Yes, it is. It is bad! And everything's not alright!" Eve sobbed. "The stupid turkey isn't even thawed yet! AND I forgot to bring the pie from Common Grounds with me yesterday. Everything's ruined!" she wailed.
"No, no, everything's going to be fine," Michael said in his soothing voice. "We've worked through much worse."
"And don't you worry about the turkey, that's my problem, remember?" Shane added. Eve shook her head.
"No, Shane, I just said that 'cause I was angry. There's no way we can get it done in t-time." she sniffed.
"No problem, I, uh, have a plan." Shane lied with confidence. Michael looked up at him hopefully, and he shrugged and mouthed 'I'll figure it out'. Eve looked at him from around her hands.
"R-really?" she gulped.
"Yep. Just leave it to me." he said gruffly.
"And I can run to the store and get a new pie." Michael suggested quickly. "Everything's going to be just fine, okay?" He kissed the top if her head.
She nodded, wiping her eyes. "I-I'll start the other stuff." she said, her voice sounding a little stronger. The boys nodded, relieved.
Michael kissed her goodbye again before grabbing his keys and heading out to hunt for a pumpkin pie, while Eve threw on her apron and began staring down the ingredients on the counter. Shane stalked into the living room, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do about the giant hunk of dead poultry lying in their bathtub.
Deciding he was going to have to get it out before Claire saw it either way, he was half-way up the stairs before he remembered he needed Michael to lift the stupid thing. Dammit, Collins! he fumed to himself. You don't need a vampire to lift dinner for you. You can do this yourself!
He changed his mind when he got to trying to lift it out of the tub.
The damn thing wasn't only heavy, it was slippery, too, and he couldn't get a grip on it. He had just managed to get his arms around it when he lost his footing and fell head-first into the tub filled with water, soaking himself. Swearing, he reached over and let the water out, then tried to get his grip again, only to drop it and slid once again, just barely managing to avoid smacking his head on the faucet.
He swore some more, which did little to the turkey but made him feel better.
He heard someone say his name and, assuming it was Eve, stuck his head out the bathroom door only to find Claire standing on her crutches in the doorway to her room, her eyes wide.
"Shane?" she asked, "What are you doing?"
Crap. "Uh, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be in bed?" he asked, dearly hoping his voice sounded normal.
"Trying to see what all the noise is. What's going on in there? Why are you all wet?" she asked trying to look around him to the bathroom. He stepped out and closed the door behind him, leaning on one arm against the doorway in what he hoped was a casual stance.
"We're, uh, having some plumbing problems. Yeah, it's, er, quite a mess. You don't want to go in there."
Claire frowned. "What kind of plumbing problems?" she asked, just as Eve came thundering up the stairs, a box of donuts in hand.
"Morning, CB! Guess what Michael went and got-" Eve froze mid sentence when she saw Shane.
"Just fixing the drain." Shane said purposely. "You know, the one that Michael's boxers got caught in?"
Eve blinked, then seemed to recover. "Oh, yeah! How's it going?"
"I should be done in a few minutes," he replied, trying to give her a hint.
"Right, right, well. Come on, Claire, you're not supposed to be out of bed! Here's some donuts, look, pumpkin flavored, very festive! We'll just get you back in bed, and turn the parade on TV..." her voice trailed off as she led Claire back to her room, then closed the door.
Shane gritted his teeth, then ran back into the bathroom. He slipped on a wet spot and landed in the tub again - this time with enough momentum to slid the turkey right out of the tub and into the bathroom floor. He blinked until he no longer saw stars, then got up and tried to lift the turkey again. No dice. He scowled, then got an idea. He grabbed hold of the bathroom rug, then started scooting it out with the turkey on it.
There, he thought smugly, no stupid frozen piece of meat is going to out-smar-THUNK!
Shane swore as he lost his footing at the top of the staircase, and the turkey rolled - well, more like threw itself - down the stairs with the velocity of a bowling ball. It dented the wall and hand rail on the way down, then bounced out of sight into the living room with a loud thump.
He stood there at the top of the steps, his mouth open, when he heard Claire yell "What was that?! Shane?"
"Uh, nothing, nothing! The bathroom's fixed!" Shane yelled back, then thundered down the steps.
He swore some more when he saw the turkey, lying beside the upturned coffee table, a broken X-box controller smashed beside it. He was just wondering why Eve hadn't come running to see if he had broken his neck falling down the stairs when he heard her squeal something from the kitchen. He dashed in to see what was the matter, only to find her on the phone, looking more than a little frantic.
He was about to ask her what was wrong when she mouthed the words 'What was that sound?'
He grimaced and opened his mouth to answer, only to be interrupted by a voice from the living room calling "Hello? Am I on time?"
Eve turned around slowly, looking aghast. Shane sighed.
"I'll take care of it." he grumbled, marching back into the living room. There, dressed in all his formal late 1800's glory, was Myrnin, holding what looked like a toolbox.
Shane froze a minute, then put his hands in his pocket and sighed. "Dude, what the hell?"
"Pardon?" said Myrnin, raising his eyebrows. "I was invited, if I may recall, by dear Ever." He held up his toolbox. "I even brought something to eat, just like she said."
Shane shook his head. "It's Eve. And no, what I mean is, what the hell are you doing here now, in our living room. You know we have a front door, right? And it's not anywhere near dinner time?"
Myrnin frowned at this. "I was not given a specific time. And why would I walk when it's easier to use the portals?" He looked around the room a minute. "And I should say it's not dinner time, I don't smell any good food cooking. Are you aware there's a dead bird in your living room?"
Shane scowled. "No, I had no idea." he snapped sarcastically.
"Really? That's troubling, the thing is enormous, it's rather hard to miss." Myrnin responded. "It alarms me how negligent you and yours are when Claire isn't keeping up with you."
Shane glared at him in disgust. "Coming from the guy who comes up with new and interesting ways to set himself on fi-" He froze, a light dawning.
Myrnin blinked at him, one eyebrow still raised. "Yes?" he hedged, irritated.
Shane stared at him, then moved forward so that he was right in front of him, making Myrnin look a little taken aback.
"Do you have any wacky inventions that could, oh, I don't know, cook a very large frozen turkey in less than three hours?" Shane asked, looking a little manic.
Myrnin blinked again, then said "I've been working on several that could, hypothetically, cook several grown men in less than three minutes. Why would you want to cook a turkey?" he asked, mystified.
Shane shook his head. "Not a turkey, that turkey, right there." he said, pointing to the poultry resting on the living room carpet.
"Why, yes, of course I could, I suppose. Though I don't know why." Myrnin said with a shrug.
Shane sighed a breath of relief, stepped forward, and said "Look, I can't believe I'm saying this, but..." he sucked in a deep breath. "I need your help. Do you have any gadgets that could cook this bird before dinner, when Claire gets down here? Will you help me, for Claire's sake?" he asked, pride beaten.
Myrnin looked surprised momentarily, then smirked. "Why, yes, of course I'll help you, Collins, if it's for Claire." he said, looking oddly pleased. "In fact, I have the perfect new invention for this!" he said, with a child's excited delight.
With an odd sense of foreboding, Shane reached out and shook Myrnin's hand.
AN: Again, thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapters. It really did amaze me...I take Thanksgiving off, and when I return I see everyone who liked it and get all warm and fuzzy inside. :) I'll try to update soon, maybe over the weekend but no promises. If you liked this chapter, PLEASE review...its how I know how I'm doing. Thank you!
Edit (November 2014): Fixed some grammar, spelling, and formatting as well as a few other minor issues.
