"Argh!" Rowan shrieked, jumping away from a low shrub amongst a clump of large oak trees. I felt my skin prickle at the sound, horror whipping quickly through my veins.
Rowan ran back towards me, placing his hands on my hip, hiding behind me. My heart slowed as soon as I saw the danger.
A small brown adder slowly slithered out across the rough ground from one set of roots to another, continuing happily on its way.
"It's alright Rowan, the little fellow won't hurt you."
Rowan looked surprised with his mother's bright eyes.
"It's alright, just a little grass snake- he doesn't want to hurt you."
"You're sure?"
"Yes. I promise a snake will never hurt you unless you hurt him."
We returned to the inner courtyard beyond where my old home had a draw bridge and iron gates and I was met instantly by a young girl, a capuchin monkey named Brigna, who was the apprentice to Tibberus. She bobbed a curtsy and then began to speak in a rushed tone,
"Your highness', you may wish to visit the Queen unaccompanied in her quarters- Tibberus advises she may wish for some company." And then she was off. Rowan looked confused, I felt confused. Why would Tibberus have advised it, was there something wrong?
I quickly ushered Rowan back to the Nursery with his boat and promised I would come to see him for a while before his sisters arrived home. I hated disappointing him, I had promised the lad we could have the day to ourselves, just for us boys before his sisters returned. He was used to this disappointment, much to my dismay it wasn't uncommon for plans to change and sometimes I wished we could be simply Narnians without the royal aspect, so the children could have been children for longer, spent more time with us. If they had however they would've been more aware of their Mother's pains.
(Susan)
I was wrong. This was wrong I shouldn't have done it. I felt the burning expanding pain as my body complained and protested. It tried to fight against what I'd tried to do to myself but it had already lost; I was already beginning to bleed.
I thought about what had been before, that I'd jumped into action far too quickly. I remembered before, when Rowan had been growing inside me. The happy days when he was strong and large and healthy. The days where important meetings were almost abandoned by Caspian's need to rub away the practise pains that raked my body. The days when the girls were filled with curiosity, the days of a chubby baby with dimples and fat feet. I wished I could have those days back. I missed Caspian's secretive grin and the spring to his step, knowing something that only we did. I missed the butterfly feelings but I couldn't take the risk again. I wanted things to go well but I knew they couldn't. I knew it was necessary.
(Caspian)
"Susan," I gently knocked on the door of our quarters- I could hear her tears through the door. She cried, sniffling like a child in total despair I had never heard her like this. She didn't reply and I stepped through the door. She paced the floor gracefully gliding like a swan across a lake, her hands were poised over her rounding stomach. I believed she wasn't aware I knew yet but with each baby she grew quicker, showing much sooner than she had in the past. I watched as her hands suddenly gripped into her dress and she bit her lip, blood beading on the pink skin as she tried to prevent herself from making a single sound. Her face was white but her cheeks flushed and tear stained. Her hair swept back in the rough updo she called a pony tail. She looked ragged, ill. Something was happening to her body, she must have a sickness but why, then, did she call me here? I didn't understand, only the sorrow in her eyes was connecting with me, the sorrow of a traitor.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she croaked out, water flooding her face, her eyes lay dead in their sockets.
"What is it?" I asked, using the same soft voice as I used when speaking to a frightened child. I crossed the room, went to parcel her in my arms, let her hide from this.
"No." She stepped away from me.
"What?" I asked. Shocked, something was very wrong.
"Susan, what is it?" I tried again, reaching out to touch her hand but she pulled back, taking an obvious step away from me. Her eyes were stoney and defiant for a split second before tears coated her face again. She cried and grabbed at her stomach,
"What's wrong?" I tried again, being stronger trying to force my voice through her crying to make her hear. She handed me a cup, a porcelain one and continued to cry.
"I'm sorry," she wailed. I took the cup from her shaking hands and looked at the green liquid sloshing inside. It looked like tea but the smell was nothing like it. She saw the lack of recognition and shook her head in despair,
"It's silphium."
"What?"
"I," she continued to sob but began to take more control. She stood straighter, looking up at me but her eyes were pained, miles from the girl I had curled around in the early morning.
"I couldn't do it again, I know how foolish I was-"
"Just tell me," I was aware I was becoming cold. Something felt wrong.
"Caspian, it's dead. The child."
I watched her fingers spider over her belly. She was so cool. I glanced at the green stuff in my hand, let it drop, slip to the floor and shatter. It mirrored my temper.
"What? That, that vile stuff, you killed out baby! You, Why? Why would you do such a thing? Susan! Speak to me!"
I grabbed hold of her shoulders giving her a rough shake. She rattled emotionless and I let her go. Force knocking her back, making her stagger for a step or two.
"Cas, plea-"
" No! You, your a, a Murderer!" She reached out with one hand, a gold band glittering on her finger.
"Don't touch me!"
She saw it on my face, she saw my anger and horror. She knew,
"Please Caspian, please. I'm so sorry I didn't, I didn't."
I shook my head, welling anger boiled. I went straight for the door.
"Where are you going?" She begged,
"Away from you!"
(Inara)
"What do you think they'll say?" Diara asked me, she sat awkwardly on her white mare, Snowfire. Her stomach was clearly more than filled with a big meal. I could see it, mum would definitely notice. I hoped for Di's sake that Dad didn't. He would be furious, Di fornicating and ending up fuller than she used to be. The boy had been handsome, I guessed, he was a local from Galma. He was muscular and a charmer but Di didn't see that, she thought she loved him- he wasn't interested and now she was expectant.
"I think that Pater will have you murdered. Mum? I don't know for sure,"
She sighed deeply, her spine collapsing a little more where she sat. The castle appeared through the trees and the lights were on. The castle looked empty, no one was waiting for us. Not a single person was waiting on us, not even Mum and Pater.
"Something's wrong," Diara suggested,
"I think we have need to hurry your majesty," Snowfire suggested, picking up speed. I agreed,
"Yes, come on Sapien," Sapien snorted and trotted after her friend.
Entering the gates Glenstorm's eldest son greeted us, bowing low,
"Your Majesties,"
"Where are they all?" I asked, noticing that Diara came up on the other side of me trying to hide her belly.
"His majesty went out a few hours before dusk, her majesty has not been seen and the young prince is with Brigna,"
"Thank you." We abandoned the horses, letting them find their own way home and disappeared up to find Mum. Sighing at our lovely welcome home I climbed the stairs and went in search of what on earth was going on.
"What's going on?" Di hissed catching up with me.
"Aslan knows, you don't think they've fallen out over something?" Diara nodded,
"They never fall out but, remember the last time?"
I nodded, I definitely remembered the last time they had really fought.
We had been younger, almost fifteen, and Pater had been furious about something. We didn't know what but the voices got louder and more vicious. I had lost my nerve and ran to Diara's quarters for comfort. We'd sat in her bed listening to their tongues clash like broadswords. Di had been worried for mum he was very heavy with Rowan at the time and stress wasn't good for her.
That was when we heard the clatter. We thought for a second Pater had done something, would he really hit her? We had ran from our rooms and down the corridors, our hearts straining from our chests and minds whirling.
We had known, deep down, Pater would never hurt her. She had almost fallen whirling round at the top of the stairs and he had just managed to grab her, holding her hard against his body. They made up then and there, kissing in a way that had my stomach churning.
Pater didn't disappear last time, maybe this time it was different. Sometimes their love was sickening but they deserved each other needed each other as much as they needed to disagree.
This was different.
