Chapter 3
Ally was a little nervous as she walked out onto the terrace. It had been five days since Austin came back from his GMA gig. Five days were Austin avoided being alone with Dez, and continued to keep his feeling to himself. He had even gone grocery shopping with Ally so he wouldn't be alone with Dez. Thought the trip had only dampened his mood, since the paparazzi had decided Austin Moon going shopping was big news. He hadn't minded the few fans that recognized him, but even that became tiring when he also had to deal with flashing cameras.
She stood next to Austin who was leaning heavily on the railing. His ankle had become better, and he was able to walk with only a slight limp.
"Austin I was thinking, you and Dez—"
"I'll tell him, I will, I'm just not ready yet." Austin defended himself quickly with a lopsided smile. Ally gave a smile of her own to disarm him.
"I wasn't going to say that. I was thinking maybe you two would have a guy's night out. I mean, I'm sure Dez would love it."
"What? Like I date, I don't know Ally…"
"It's not a date, you don't have to tell him anything, just hang out together." Though secretly Ally hoped that having Dez alone would give Austin the courage to confess his feelings.
"Well…we haven't had time to ourselves for years. I kinda miss the crazy stuff Dez would get me into when we were younger." Austin laughed to himself.
"I know a club that's kinda exclusive so you won't be bothered so much." Ally said hopefully.
"Mmmm, well I guess it wouldn't hurt. I don't think I can do much dancing though." Austin said tapping his foot.
"Yeah, but you could sit in the VIP section, enjoy the music, maybe get some food." Ally made a point not to mention drinks.
"Ok, I'll ask Dez see if he wants to go. What are you going to do while we're gone?"
"I don't know, maybe I'll invite Trish over and we can have a girls night."
"That'd be nice, you know this is really a great idea." Austin announced with a big smile, and pushed off the railing and started to walk to the screen door. "I'll talk to Dez, pick out something to wear if he's up to it, and we'll leave around seven."
"That gives me enough time to call Trish and see what she's up to tonight."
.
.
Ally couldn't get comfortable and she really wasn't paying attention to the movie that Trish put in. She was worried about how Austin's night was going. She prayed that he wouldn't have too much to drink. Though Austin hadn't had more than two glasses of wine ever since Dez showed up. He seemed to keep himself under control as long as the redhead was around. This only made Ally want to push the two together more. Austin would be so much happier, and so much healthier if he and Dez were dating, she just knew it. She held on to that belief and continued to hope that Austin would confess tonight, and that everything would go smoothly.
"Calm down Ally, I'm sure Dez can handle Austin. Now relax and watch the movie."
"He probably can, I'm just over reacting." Ally told herself and took a deep breath. She tried to pay attention to the movie, but then the sound of the front door made her jump. "There back early, oh no!"
"Stop freaking out, you don't know why they're back." Trish whispered as the boys entered the apartment.
"I can't believe Shiny money was there." Austin laughed.
"I can't believe I didn't catch him again. Drunk dancing, so not a good idea." Ally stiffened when she heard Dez say that. She ran her eyes over Austin who seemed sober enough.
"I told you not to leave me, those girls you left me with totally pinch my butt!"
"They just wanted your autograph, man." Dez waved at Ally as they came to sit down on the couch with the girls.
"They wanted me to sign their breasts! Ally don't make me go out with Dez ever again. He totally abandoned me and left me in the hands of a bunch of pervy fan girls."
"When Shiny Money wants you as a dance partner to put a gang of rookies in their place you don't turn the man down!"
"He shouldn't of picked someone else. Dez didn't catch him when he did a spin jump from the dance cage."
"He's like fifty pounds heavier than me, he would of squished me, and if he weren't so drunk he would have realized that."
"Sounds like you two had fun." Trish chimed in giving Ally an 'I told you so' look. "I've got to go home, the movies almost over anyway."
"Aww, Trish, you don't have to leave cause of us!" Dez pouted.
"I can only take so much of you especially this late at night. Besides I can smell the beer on your breath. I so don't want to deal with you drunk, you're crazy enough sober."
Dez laughed, "I like only had two beers! Austin's the one who had two glasses of wine and three shots."
"The shots weren't my idea." The blond looked at Ally knowing she would disapprove. "Thos girls wouldn't leave me alone, and then they bought me some drinks, and it would have been rude to say now. Especially after I said I wouldn't sign their boobs."
It was worrying to know that Austin had drunk so much, but even more worrying that his alcohol tolerance was now so high that he didn't seem fazed by the amount he drank. Ally decided to distract herself by walking Trish to the elevator.
"Try not to give Austin such a hard time, ok? He seemed to have fun, and when was the last time he had that much fun?" Ally nodded, and gave her best friend a hug goodbye. When she re-entered the apartment she found Austin in the kitchen alone.
"Where's Dez?"
"He had some emergency call from the producer, apparently the budget is running out but the editing still isn't done." Austin poured himself a glass of wine absentmindedly.
"Don't you think you've had enough." Austin looked at the glass and gave his friend a wary smile.
"I guess you're right." He set down the glass reluctantly.
"So you had fun?" Ally questioned. Austin usually only continued to drink if he was upset.
"It was nice, but the club was crowded, and those girls were really demanding." Austin shrugged. "But the beginning of the night was really nice. I hadn't laughed that much in a long time. I couldn't believe Shiny money remembered Dez, it was hilarious. We had a really cool conversation with him, before, you know, the dancing thing."
"That's good….so did you—"
"No Ally I didn't, ok? I didn't want to ruin the night so I just kept my mouth shut."
"Austin, when are you going to tell him? Do you want to keep wondering 'what if' for the rest of your life?"
"No I don't, but I don't want to lose what we have either. Tonight was so much fun. I hadn't had that kind of time to spend with Dez in years, I don't want to lose that!"
"But if you tell him there's a chance that you can spend time with him every night and every day."
"A chance, Ally. Just a chance."
"So give him a chance, Austin, give him a chance to say 'yes'."
"That's easy for you to say! You don't understand Ally, I can lose in so many ways. I can lose Dez's friendship, and can gain him as a boyfriend only to lose him because the tabloids won't leave us alone. There is so much that can ruin this and tear us apart, so excuse me if I'm afraid of telling him. Excuse me if I just like the way my life is now."
"But you don't! If you did you wouldn't be drinking!" Ally covered her mouth the moment those words left her mouth. "Oh god…Austin I didn't mean to yell I just—"
"I know…I know you think I'm just a drunk, but you don't know about that either do you? You just sit in your room and write songs, and don't have to deal with the fame. You just sit behind the scenes and enjoy the benefits."
Guilt sank into Ally's gut, because she knew what Austin was saying was true. Even if her friend had never said such a thing before, even if he had always had a smile on his face and supported her and didn't push her because of her stage fright. She knew it was true that her career was at the expense of Austin's privacy and quality of life.
"I'm sorry…." She muttered and left. She closed the door to her room behind her and collapsed on her bed. Austin had never said anything like that before, even during his previous drunken episodes. What was worse was that she knew Austin wasn't really drunk yet. That Austin was still sober enough to understand what he was saying, and to really mean it.
.
.
He really didn't know how he ended up leaning heavily on Dez's shoulders muttering, "I love you," over and over again. To which his friend only responded, "I know, man, now let's get you to bed."
Austin looked up to take in his surroundings, to try and remember how he ended up in Dez's arms. However when he looked around all he saw was the piano and Ally's worried face as she cleared and empty wine bottle off the piano bench.
"Ally can tell you. Right Ally, I love him." His drunken mind seemed less concerned now about how he ended up in this position, and more concerned about convincing Dez his feeling were real. However Ally didn't back him up only continued to clean, and he wondered if she had heard him at all. Dez helped him turn the concern into the hall way that lead to all the bedrooms in the apartment. Austin's was on the very end, and it seemed so far away and Austin didn't feel like he was walking straight even with Dez's help. The hall seemed to twist and turn and appeared a mile long. The blond closed his eyes and leaned his head on his best friend shoulder again muttering his confession of love softly.
Austin only opened his eyes when he felt the soft fabric of his bed beneath him. He wrapped his arms around Dez before he could pull away. "I love you." He repeated, and pulled his friend down onto the bed with him.
"Austin!" the redhead protested, and rolled to the edge of the bed. "Just sleep it off ok?" But the blonde wasn't concerned about sleeping it off, and any earlier thoughts as to how he ended up so drunk in the first place were forgotten. He grabbed his friend's hand and weakly tugged.
"Don't." He muttered and pulled Dez closer to his bed.
"You're drunk, Austin."
The blonde felt deeply insulted. "I'm not, I'm fine." He said, though anyone could plainly see he wasn't. It was then that Ally entered the room. With practice efficiency she took of Austin's shoes and sock, before removing the covers from under him and tucking him in. Austin tried to protest, but he could hardly keep his eyes open. His grip on Dez's hand slackened.
"This isn't the first time is it?" Austin could hear Dez's voice question Ally.
"No…" His songwriter answered with great embarrassment in her voice. The sound of footsteps echoed in his ears as his thoughts began to fuzz and sleep took him over.
.
.
Ally just wanted to go hide in her room. She never felt this guilty before when Austin was in one of his moods. However this time she really felt like she had pushed Austin into drinking. It had only taken fifteen minutes for Austin to drink an entire bottle of wine and start playing a melancholy tune on the piano. Of course the song only sounded more depressing because the blonde's drunken fingers didn't have the skill to play properly.
So now she felt great shame as she hovered in front of her bedroom door waiting for Dez to ask more questions.
"Goodnight Ally." The statement shocked her and she turned to look at her friend with confusion. All that met her was a smile. It wasn't Dez's usual radiant smile, but it was enough to disarm the tension.
"Goodnight." Ally returned warily and took one last look at the redhead before entering her bedroom. She changed into he pajamas, and her mind was racing with worry and regret. She shouldn't have pushed Austin into confessing before he was ready; she shouldn't have kept bringing it up. Most of all she shouldn't have gotten into a fight with him, and left him alone. She should have realized how much Austin's feelings scared him, how out of control he thought the situation would become if he ever opened his mouth. Now the situation had lost control, and it was all her fault. Now Austin had confessed, and she doubted that Dez had even given it a second thought.
This was a complete disaster and tomorrow they would have to pick up the pieces.
.
.
Austin hadn't slept long. The Alcohol in his body made him sleepy but did nothing to stop his active mind. With incoherent thoughts continuing to invade his half sleeping mind he soon gave up on getting any rest. He got out of bed and shielded his eyes has he turned on the lap sitting on his night stand. The flash of light reminded him of a camera and an alcohol induced depression swept over him. He really loved performing and singing, it was his dream come true, but it came with such a heavy price. The more famous his music became the more famous he as a person became. People wanted to know everything about him, and though he could put up with the occasional nosy fan, he really wasn't prepared for the tabloids. They snapped picture and spread lies. They were obsessed with his love life, and the only thing he ever dared to look up online was porn. He didn't even check his own e-mail, having Trish do that for him. After receiving hate mail about tainting the lives of daughter and little girls with his songs he had stopped checking his mail all together. After stumbling upon to many article of speculation about him he had stopped browsing the internet. The worst part of all was that he felt utterly alone in his fight against tabloids and paparazzi. He'd become wary of going out, and just enjoying the everyday activities most people took for granted. He was stuck in his penthouse for the most part, and he felt like a caged bird alone with no mate to sing along side him.
He envied Ally. She was still able to do so many things and go out in public without being bombarded by cameras or questions. He would never hate her for it, after all he knew what he was getting himself into when he'd asked Ally to become his partner and make him famous. Just living the reality of his dream had put a lot of stress on him.
Many singers turned to drugs in order to cope with the demand of putting out new songs and new music videos. Smoked weed in order to get peeped up and perform yet another concert. So really drinking a couple of glasses of wine wasn't so bad, his habit wasn't so bad. Still it didn't help with the loneliness he felt when he was stuck in the apartment and Ally was out doing her own thing. It didn't help him cope with the work load, but really only slowed him down when his voice was raspy and the lights of the recording room were too bright and aggravating his hangover.
But he was in too deep now, and he didn't know how to stop. As he continued to think about his life his mouth became dry and the only thought was to get something to drink. He stumbled from his bed and made his way to the kitchen with a hand against the wall for support. He was surprised to see the lights on in the living room, but didn't bother to figure out why as he continued toward the kitchen. He passed by the couch unsteadily and forgot why he was going to the kitchen in the first place when a voice caught his attention.
"Austin what are you doing out of bed. Are you feeling alright?" It was Dez. The redhead was sitting on the couch and Austin blinked to get a better look at his friend. Forgetting about his dry throat the blond plunged onto the couch next to his friend. He leaned in close and rested his head on Dez's shoulder.
"'m fine, couldn' sleep." He slurred.
"You should go back to bed, you really shouldn't be up." Dez's voice was so stern, it was so unlike him. Austin didn't like his tone, so he looked up at his friend with a pouted lip.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" the redhead asked softly his eyebrows coming together in a show of concern.
"I love you." Was Austin's only response and he threw an arm over his friend's chest.
"I love you too man, that's why—"
"Really?" Austin interrupted his friend hand lets his hand trail toward his lap. "You love me?" he nuzzled against Dez's neck. The redhead tried to push him off, but there was no real strength behind the action.
"Austin you're still drunk." The blond planted a soft kiss against his friend's neck, and scooted in even closer. This time Dez pushed him in earnest and Austin found himself on the other side of the couch. "Stop you don't know what you're doing."
Austin blinked and looked at his friend questioningly. Dez really didn't seem to be himself. He wasn't even looking at him. He got up and again without making eye contact spoke to the blonde.
"You should get back to bed." Austin hurried after his friend, swaying a little on his feet. Dez was making his way to the guest room.
"Come with me." Austin pleaded. "Stay with me, I lo—"
"I know, I know." Dez was absolutely frustrated. Though Austin didn't seem to notice, he simply grabbed his friend hand and moved closer. "Austin let go."
The words weren't headed; instead the blonde moved in closer and closed his eyes before clumsily touching his lips to Dez's. If the singer were in his right mind he would never have been so bold, but as it was, alcohol not only gave him the courage to confess his love but act on it as well. If he had been a little more sober he might have been surprised when Dez's lips pressed firmly against his own deepening the kiss.
