Too bright and too early the following week, I was standing with Emmett, Rosie and Alice in what used to be The Pull Out Kings, but was now pretty much just a colorful but rundown looking warehouse with debris and crates everywhere.
I sipped the beer Emmett put into my hand and kicked a fraying wire aside.
"Where's Janie?" Emmett asked, smirking like a smug jack-off.
"My fuck ups are so funny," I said, raising the bottle to him before sipping again.
"Well. At least you showed up," Rosie said, sitting down on a crate, hand on her tummy.
I refrained from asking her how in the hell she planned on saving that baby from…life. I'd done it once before, it didn't go over well.
"Why wouldn't I show up?" I asked, and all of them stared at me, the only movement was Alice, tugging on her hat.
"I thought you were dead," Emmett said, hoisting a box to his shoulder. "But Rosie said to give you time."
"I wanted to pick out a nice stone and plot. Something on a hill to represent your downslide," Alice said.
"You," I said, pointing a finger at her, "are always very considerate."
"Thank you. And now I'm going to blow your mind. Prepare yourself."
"Okay."
"I'm officially Jasper's apprentice," Alice announced, and we all took a turn gaping at her. "And I need practice, so under Jasper's tutelage, I'm going to act as the accountant for the rest of this mess and I'll do it for free."
"Accountants take on apprentices?" I asked.
"Seriously?" Emmett asked her, dropping the box to wrap his arms around Alice.
"Oh, Alice—thank god," Rosalie said, getting to her feet. "That's huge for us right now."
"You're going to be an accountant?" I asked.
"Well, yeah," Alice said.
She was wearing a lace tutu over neon green leggings and she'd drawn a spider web at the outer corner of her eye in blue make-up. There was no way Alice actually wanted to be an accountant.
"There's no way you want to do this," I said.
"It's not about what you want to do sometimes," Alice said. "I'm good with numbers and it'll pay a few bills until I can…what? Be Blondie or Siouxsie Sioux? I mean, it'll be good I think. I'll be with Jasper and it'll be great."
Rosie glared at me and Emmett scratched his eyebrow blew out a breath.
"I think you're right. You'll be brilliant," Rosie said, beaming at Alice.
"I'm going to work for my uncle in construction," Emmett said. "He's offering full health coverage."
I nodded and swallowed.
"He could get you in. I asked," Emmett said carefully, like I was going to just whip out a pistol and stick it in my mouth.
"It's not how we thought," is all I said with a shrug. "It's just not the way it was going to be."
"No. But it's how it is," Emmett said, picking the box up again. "And really, we're all lucky. We all have something."
"To have something."
Alice and Emmett picked up a box each and headed out to the U-Haul, which would take the crap to Rosalie's parents garage.
Rosie squatted down in front of a box and started flipping through albums, her eyes glassy with tears.
"I'm so fucking emotional," she said, smiling down at The Cure. "He hurts over it, too, you know."
"I know."
"No. Like, really hurts. If we didn't have this kid on the way, he probably would have been laying in bed with you all week."
"Hah. There wouldn't have been room."
"She's back?" Rosie asked, her head snapping up.
"No, she's pissed. I…said the wrong things. I couldn't just—"
"But she called."
"I don't think she even has my phone number."
"Tanya? Of course she-"
"No," I said, surprised. I hadn't thought of her at all.
"Someone else? Did you meet a girl? Is that where you've been?" Rosie asked, now the tears were falling over on to her cheeks.
"It's already over."
"Why?"
"Look at me. I'm…."
"I'm having a baby with a guy in the same position. And I'm happy."
I smiled at her and she smiled back, wiping her face and going back to the records.
"Edward?"
"What?"
"It didn't work out," Rosalie said, looking over her shoulder and around the place. "It was a helluva ride but it didn't work. But that doesn't mean you stop trying to be….to find…you know. The place."
"What place?"
"The place where you do belong."
"It was—"
"It wasn't here. If it was here, you'd be here."
"I'm over fate bullshit speak, Rosie. But thank you."
"Then I guess you would've busted ass to stay," Rosalie said, throwing her hands up in exasperation, "Sometimes shit works, sometimes it doesn't, so deal with it or go back to bed!"
I wasn't even mad at her. I was getting exasperated with myself.
"I can't even get beyond myself to care about anything. Nothing even…well."
"Well what?" Rosie asked, then narrowed her eyes. "Why did you get out of bed today?"
"We had to do this. I couldn't sleep anyway, this girl is in my head—"
"Where did you want to be, Edward?"
"I just…this girl, it's just on my mind."
"Well, that's something you care about then," Rosie said.
"I do…like, I really do. But I can't even get my own shit together and you know all that crap about getting yourself straight before you can be with someone or whatever."
"Nah. The good ones stay even when you're completely fucked."
I blinked at Rosie as that sounded exactly like Bella.
"I said shitty things and she walked out. I mean, it's good she did. I don't have anything going. And she's full of like…she's so vivid, Rosie and I can't even make myself move."
"You're standing here in a dead end," she said flatly. "You found something and now you're doing what you do. Pulling right out because you're so wrapped up in your own garbage, but Edward, sometimes, people want to help you with your crap. Or just sit next to you while you deal with it."
"Why…would anyone want to do that?" I asked, and god. It was so pathetic. It was so pitiful and insecure sounding I couldn't even look her in the eye.
"Because if it's where you belong it's where you belong, regardless of circumstance," Rose shrugged. "Edward. Where do you want to be?"
"There's one place I want to be," I said, nodding my head, slowly getting it.
And there were so many I-don't-knows and I-don't-cares and even though I was barely motivated to even breathe…there was one thing I was certain I wanted.
"Where?"
"Aeropostale."
"What?" Rosalie asked, clearly confused. "I was going with the girl-as-savior thing. You want tween-wear, crappy sweaters?"
"Well-folded tween-wear crappy sweaters," I amended, then handed the pregnant girl my beer so I could get to Eastgate Mall, to an Aeropostale store and speak with the sweater-folder; and if two years ago or two weeks ago someone had told me that that is where I belong, I absolutely would not have believed them.
But, apparently there is truth to the old saying truth is stranger than fiction, because on my way there, I knew without a shadow of a doubt, my place, my person, my notch was a former kleptomaniac sweater-folder who harbored a crush on Alex Trebek.
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"Finding everything okay?"
There was a girl who looked to be about fifteen years old standing in front of me, fingering her earring, with about seven big plastic badges hanging around her neck, one of which read her name, Bree. And she was wearing pink fleece that said Aeropostale on the front.
"No," I told her. "Is Bella working today?"
"Why?" she asked, her eyes narrowing.
"I need to speak with her."
"Is this about a return? If you don't have a receipt I can do in store credit, but not for clearance items—"
"No, not a return. Well, kind of a return. Look, when does she work next?"
"She doesn't."
"Did she get fired?"
"She quit."
"Can you give me her number?"
"Gross, stalker. I can get you the number to security."
"It's not like that. I'm her…she….I'm her boyfriend—"
"You are not Tyler."
"Who?"
"Tyler you are not. I'm going to call the police, this is weird," she said, taking a step back.
"Bree, wait," I said, holding my hands up in surrender.
"How do you know my name?"
"Your badge."
"Oh. Right."
"I'm in love with her, okay?"
"Are you the puppet porn guy?" she asked, her eyes widening in recognition. That would be the one defining thing about me Bella went and shared. "The pink puppet freak!"
"I don't have a puppet fetish."
"It is you!"
"Hah. Yes, it's all very funny. Now that we established that I know Bella, can you please help me out?"
"No, you prick. You broke her heart and she's a really good person."
"I want to tell her I'm sorry."
Bree chewed on her lip and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Freshman year, my friend Vanessa got her heart broken by this guy named Riley, right? But he would constantly text me and write me these notes, saying talk to her for me. Tell her I'm sorry. Tell her I love her. And so, like, who doesn't want true love to work out? So I helped. I convinced her to take him back. Know what happened like, two weeks later?"
"No?"
"He fingered Jessica Stanley in the auditorium."
"I….am not going finger anyone else."
"The point is I tried re-matchmaking before and all it got me was a brokenhearted friend and a crap load of drama."
"This isn't high school."
"Grow up, slacker man. High school is everything."
"What? Look…I just want to make it right," I shrugged, then decided I'd level with a fifteen year old girl in the mall. "I'm fucked, kid. Okay? But the only thing that is good about my life right now, the only place I can even imagine being is with Bella. So please."
"I should be a side character to Reese Witherspoon right now," she sighed. "This is so rom-com."
"What? I don't even….look. Will you help me?"
"Her almost-was-ex or whatever Tyler is helping her. She quit this morning and had her bags with her. He bought them a couple of bus tickets. Greyhound. She said she's looking for her place or whatever."
"To where?"
"No idea. But they were Greyhound tickets."
I nodded, my thumbnail between my teeth, my shoulders sagging.
"Okay."
"That's it? Okay?" she asked. "Aren't you going to go get the girl?"
"I…yes. Yes. I'm going to go get the girl," I said, and this sound came out of me, a sound I hadn't heard with a feeling I hadn't felt since…maybe since forever. If I had to say what it sounded like, I'd say it sounded a lot like a laugh with hope, mixed with something amazing: wonderment.
"Go!"
"I'm going," I said, and just like that, I was going, running, really, with a pounding heart and an awkward smile on my face and everything.
Down the sidewalk, my body went in this ridiculous gait or jog, and I was absolutely propelled, all of the sudden I was sprinting like a lunatic for something that I wanted so much; suddenly I had boundless energy and so, I ran.
