Twilight=Not Mine All songs linked on profile
Credit to Avril Lavigne, Katy McAllister, and Lea Michelle for being amazing emotional vocalists.
The finals were in about a week and I still have no idea on what to do, wear, sing or anything. I am an absolute mess even with Alice and Jasper here. I decided that it would be good to leave my house for a bit and visit the Cullen house that only occupied two Cullens. On my way all I could think about was Edward and how much I missed him. Why couldn't I have been better for him? Am I not meant to be loved? I don't know but I think that I will again try to forget, but we all know that will never happen. I pulled up into the driveway and pulled out my guitar to bring with me in case I had got any inspiration. I walked up the steps and into the house because Alice told me I could just enter when I got here. I heard Alice yelling at someone through the phone. Jasper was just shaking his head.
"Want to know what, just because all of you are miserable doesn't mean we have to be! We missed Bella. She makes our life complete. Just because you are too moody to get over yourself and don't want to face her doesn't mean anything." Alice paused waiting for a response and continued. "She misses you and loves you still even after what you did. Edward, you say you never stopped loving her. If that is the truth stop making her suffer. I mean it is just hurting the both of you. Man up. I'll call you later, bye." With that Alice hung up.
"Alice was that Edward?"
"Yes, I'm sorry Bella." She came over to give me a hug.
"It's alright Alice. I am fine. I just am freaking out over the finals. Please tell me you got something."
"Alright Bella Boo, I certainly have some news for you. You will have to sing three original songs. I would suggest something that matches your image but with emotion behind it. Oh, or we could change your image."
"Breathe pixie, I think I just need a touch up on my hair, maybe even bangs. Then I will put three songs together somehow. As for my image, I will just do me Alice."
"Bangs sound fantastic I see it now, you will look fabulous."
"Jasper did you give Alice extra energy juice?"
"Why no miss Bella, that's here natural self."
"Well just making sure she isn't on some hyper animal blood. I mean we don't want her to have an attention span of a squirrel."
I looked at Jasper and we started laughing while Alice pouted. I went over and hugged Alice. She hugged me back. Glad to know she is not mad at me. We went to the hairdresser and had my hair done. It looked amazing as Alice predicted. I got home and started to work on my songs. My mind wandered to Edward. Is it really true what Alice had said to him on the phone? Did he still love me? I had no idea but my three songs were going to be about Edward and I. This is because I can't get him out of my head and the emotional state I am in will help I think to write songs.
The lines came to me and I was surprised at the ease. I just wish he could hear how I felt but I know that would never happen. A couple days passed and the competition would be in just two days. I was nervous because I still didn't complete my set. I finished off writing the songs and was soon off to bed because of school. The night was filled with tears but I haven't had a tearless night since Edward left. I got up the next morning and considered just staying away from the school because it was a rare sunny day but then decided it would not be a good idea to have thinking time to myself. I got dressed in simple jeans and a t-shirt with my hair in a pony tail. I got at the school and dragged my carcass to class. I sat under the bleachers at lunch. As if predicted Lauren came up to me. Big shock, not.
"Aw is wittle Bewwa awll awone." Lauren sneered.
"What do you want?"
"I told you I wasn't done with you and since your little bodyguards aren't here I can finally take care of you."
"That wouldn't be wise Lauren. You might break a nail."
"That is it Swan."
She then proceeded to tackle me and punch me in the face then the stomach. Ouch this hurt. Well do something about it dummy. I pushed her off me. She stumbled and went for another round. I dodged her and ran off towards my class. Violence was not the answer. I would not hurt Lauren, I kept chanting this to myself. I got to the stairs when someone pushed me. Again it was Lauren, well she caught up fast. I stumbled down the stairs. I felt bruises forming all over and I just laid there not wanting to move. Lauren laughed and ran off to her class. I stayed were I was in my own pain and pity. When the coast was clear Alice got me and brought me back to my house and laid me in my bed.
"Why didn't you fight back?"
"Violence isn't the answer Alice, beside I deserved it."
"How the hell did you deserve that?" She sounded outraged.
"Well I drove Edward away with my stupidity and wrong doing. It was the universe giving Edward justice."
"That is not true Bella at all. Just wait till he hears from me. He is an idiot for doing this." Alice ranted.
"Alice stop, it hurts when you talk about Edward like that."
"Oh I'm sorry Bella. I should let you rest for the competition in two days. Do you think you would be better to do it?"
"Of course, it is my dream. I wouldn't miss it for anything."
Alice left then and I soon drifted to sleep.
For the next two days I basically lounged in bed all day not wanting to move. I also did not want to go to school so I took time off. I played my songs over and over again for Alice to get practice. Each time I think I got more and more emotional. Alice said she thought I would do well, but she had no idea what the outcome would be for a change. I now lay awake, nervous about tomorrow. What if I choke? How about if the others just laugh at me? Doubts kept coming through my head. Before I drifted to sleep my thoughts went to what I thought Edward would think about me if he saw me now. Probably not much.
I got up in the morning still sore from the confrontation with Lauren. I jumped in the shower and the hot water felt amazing. I wrapped a towel around my body and hair. I went to my room and Alice was there waiting. She must have got here while I was in the shower. I had picked my outfit the night before. Alice approved, which slightly surprised me. I put on a red high low skirt, a lace half white tank top, red feather earrings, two red bracelets, and red high heels with little silver spikes on the back. (link to outfit on profile)
I was indecisive on whether to have my hair straight or curled, I decided to have Alice do slight curls in my hair so it was wavy and had a slight curl effect. My makeup was simple just some light eye shadow and a little mascara. I grabbed my guitar and put it into my Audi. Alice looked slightly over happy.
"Alice, why are you almost jumping up and down?"
"Oh, no reason I just can't wait for you to see…. I mean I can't wait to you compete. Yes that's it!"
"If you say so, I best get going on my way. I will see you and Jasper there."
I gave Alice a hug and was on my way. I started to wonder why she messed up like that. Who would I see if she really meant I was going to see someone? I shook it off. I got to the place where I was competing and went to the manager to see when I was set to go. I was set to go last, added pressure seeing all the other competitors go before me. The results from the contest wouldn't be known for a couple of days even after I competed. More added reason to kill my nerves. I took calming breathes. I went through my set in my head. The competition was good. I was soon cued to go on stage. Deep breathe. I got onto the stage, sat on the seat in front of the microphone.
I looked to find Alice and Japer I saw them and smiled. Before I spoke, I saw a pair of familiar eyes. The eyes that I missed looking into were staring into mine. The person who caused my pain instantly made me feel complete just by being in the room. He betrayed you and yet you still love him. He doesn't love you. I had to go on through, this competition would be proof that I could live but also show him what I felt. I finally looked away from Edward and started to speak.
"How are you all doing?" I got a few answers but my voice was shaky. Control I told myself.
"This first song I will sing for you is about my one and only love. He left me broken and I thought life was over. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. I just wish he would come back and love me as much as he led me to believe but for real. This song is called Slipped Away."
"Na na, na na na, na na. I miss you, miss you so bad. I don't forget you, oh it's so sad. I hope you can hear me. I remember it clearly." I looked at Edward, and a tear threatened to form. I looked away.
"The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same Oh Na na na na na na na I didn't get around to kiss you Goodbye on the hand I wish that I could see you again I know that I can't Oh I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same Oh"
"I had my wake up Won't you wake up I keep asking why And I can't take it, It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by" I was thinking about when he left me in the woods, the traitor tear fell. I forced my voice a little next so the next part would sound like I was attempting to yell. It was really a cover up for my sadness.
"Now you are gone, now you are gone There you go, there you go Somewhere I can't bring you back Now you are gone, now you are gone There you go, there you go, Somewhere you're not coming back The day you slipped away Was the day I found it won't be the same no.. The day you slipped away was the day that I found it won't be the same oh... Na na, na na na, na na I miss you"
I ended the song and my emotion was defiantly intact with the song. The crowd was speechless, I had no idea if that was good or not. I forced myself not to look at Edward. I couldn't take the rejection or the pity for being as pathetic as I am from him. I swallowed hard once and began to address the crowd for my next song.
"The next song is about what I imagine would happen if he ever came back. I never believed it would happen but that didn't mean my mind never went to thinking about it. This song is called Take Me Away."
"You're beautiful. it's nice to see I wasn't looking for anyone to be with me. Didn't think you would leave this place for so long. I forgot about your brooding stare. So much to talk about but you sit there and don't have much to say. When you were far away I planned for this day. And now I can't think of what I was gonna say. You sit across from me and I can't seem to think straight. I can't remember how it got this way. Should be holding it together but you take me away. And my breath is far from steady. Can you see it on my face? Don't have to say much to me till I'm ready to up and run away. Don't know what you even do but I'm dying to just be around you. So take me away for tonight cause I know you'll be leaving soon anyway, anyway."
"Entertain my thoughts. You're like a fantasy leaving my stomach in knots. You're within my reach but seem untouchable. It's like I'm trapped in a movie scene. And I'm the one who's too damn obvious. You're a mystery and I wasn't born to mind-read." I thought that bit of irony worked well in the song.
"You're the one who's blessed with perfection. I'm the hot mess not easy, just easy to read." This was also true. He was perfect and I am just an open book.
"Take me away. And my breath is far from steady. Can you see it on my face? Don't have to say much to me till I'm ready to up and run away. Don't know what you even do but I'm dying to just be around you. So take me away for tonight cause I know you'll be leaving soon anyway, anyway." I began the little instrumental part. I looked up at Edward as I began to sing the next part. I sort of was soft like I was partially out of breath but I wasn't.
"Take me away. And my breath is far from steady. Can you see it on my face? Don't have to say much to me till I'm ready to up and run away." I then began to pick up the part faster.
"Don't know what you even do but I'm dying to just be around you. So take me away for tonight cause I know you'll be leaving soon anyway, anyway. You'll be leaving soon anyway, anyway."
I finished and the crowd was released from whatever daze they were in from the last song. They clapped, which I was surprised by. Edward just kept staring at me. I looked over at Alice next and she looked worried. She mouthed I'm sorry. Alice knew Edward would come. This was just great. I'm basically playing my heart out for someone who doesn't feel the same. Pathetic ex, population me.
"My last song is about how I tried my best to make everyone happy. I tried to fix my mistakes but ceased to get them right. I always fail to make anything better. This song is appropriately titled Get It Right. Thank you for listening." I switched to play piano.
"What have I done? Wish I could run away from this ship going under. Just trying to help, hurt everyone else now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders. What can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just wanna fix it somehow. But how many times will it take Oh how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?" A couple tears came from my eyes but I did not care, I just kept singing.
"Can I start again with my faith shaken? Cause I can't go back and undo this I just have to stay and face my mistakes. But if I get stronger and wiser I'll get through this. What can you do when your good isn't good enough and all that you touch tumbles down? Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things I just wanna fix it somehow. But how many times will it take Oh how many times will it take for me to get it right, to get it right?"
"So I throw up my fist, throw a punch in the air and accept the truth that sometimes life isn't fair. Yeah I'll send out a wish yeah I'll send up a prayer and finally someone will see how much I care." I held that note for a little while and continued with the chorus.
"All that you touch tumbles down. Oh my best intentions keep making a mess of things. Just wanna fix it somehow. But how many times will it take? Oh, how many times will it take to get it right, to get it right?"
The crowd began to clap. I was surprised though when everyone started stand, even the judges. A couple tears rolled down my cheek at the combination of everything that happened since I got here. I ran to the back and looked for a closet. I could still here everyone clapping. I found a closet and went into it. I hoped no one would find me as I broke down. I don't want to ever leave this closet. I don't want to face judgment, I don't want to face Edward. I'm just pathetic to him and tonight proved it. I put my heart out there and as soon as I come out I will be laughed at by him. I continued my pity party. Tears continued to come down my face. Alice and Jasper kept trying to call me and text me. I ignored it all. Could I disappear?
I was in the corner of the closet when the door opened. I looked up with tears streaming down my face. He sat down and pulled me in. I cried into his chest ruining his shirt. He just soothed me by rubbing circles into my back. The familiar scent overtook me. I continued crying and didn't care that I looked like a complete mess. I was a blubbering fool in his arms. Pathetic, I just proved myself right. I looked up at him as he looked back.
"I'm so sorry, I ruined your shirt. I'll leave now. You probably have something else that is way more important than I am. I am truly sorry..." I choked his name out. "..Edward."
"Bella don't go. The shirt is not important. You shouldn't be saying sorry, I should. I was completely out of line by leaving. I know that doesn't take away the damage. Will you please let me explain my ways? I understand if you don't but I love you and I never stopped." Edward sounded desperate.
"I don't know if that's the truth but you can come back to my place I suppose. I will hear you out. I am pathetic though I don't know why you would want to waste your time on me."
"You are worth my time, I will prove it. I… could I ride back with you."
"Sure, I don't see why not."
This trip home would be interesting. Edward found a back way to exit so I wouldn't have to face people. I was still crying. Stupid emotions. We got in the car and we were off. I could barely concentrate on the road. I barely made it home. Now was time for explanations. Deep breathes.
Taa Daa! I hope you guys liked it. Let me know what you think in the comments. The music makes it a lot more emotional. It was quite a trip writing this. I'll update soon.
With love and tears,
Bella Boo
