Chapter One
The elevator of the New Hampshire hotel they had us stashed in dinged, allowing me to step into it and head down to the conference room that the Grant administration had been allowed to set up camp in during the campaign. As the elevator numbers moved slowly down, giving you that funny feeling in the pit of your stomach, my mind began to wonder. I couldn't suppress the slow smile that spread across my face. There was something about elevators that just made people do crazy things. She was no exception.
For me, it had all started with the truth. His expressive gray eyes burned into my own chocolate orbs as I loaded the truth about why he was losing the hearts and minds of the American people on him. Then an angered man. An awkward moment. A smile. That simple act set things in motion. I should have set him straight, but I couldn't. An elevator. Brushing hands. A speech. An almost… Things were slowly spiraling out of control and I don't know if I can fix it. I don't know if I can handle it.
The more I thought, the angrier I got. He knew what he was doing. He knew the danger he was putting on his campaign. He knew how wrong it was. He knew how it made me look…
It was easier to blame him than face the fact that as of twelve hours ago, I had become the other woman. That I had consciously made the decision to cross that line. I tried reminding myself that it took two to tango, but it didn't quell the queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach nor the anger bubbling in my blood. As effortless as it would be, I couldn't just fault him. He had given me a way out, multiple times. Every time though, I lead him on, blurred the lines between us even more. Sighing, I frustratingly ran a hand through my arrant curls.
What had I just done? The question should have cleared my mind. Make me feel numb, want to crumble, but I was the fixer and I was already planning how to fix everything I had ruined. But I didn't know if I was already in too deep… My head now not only ached, but throbbed as my mind continued to race at all the possibilities how this could hurt him. I was no longer Olivia Carolyn Pope, the great fixer, the political nun. I was Olivia Carolyn Pope, the presidential mistress, the home-wrecker.
Monica Lewinski. Marilyn Monroe. Jayne Mansfield. Blaze Starr. Judith Exner. Gennifer Flowers. I was going to be one of them. I was one of them. The media ate them up and spit them out. That couldn't happen. I couldn't end up like them. Ashamed, scared, scarred? Afraid to leave my house? I vowed I would never be one of them, I swore to myself I would never have to deal with feeling the way those women did. No matter what that meant for Fitz and me. I would protect myself first and for most.
I had to. Not only for my reputation, but his reputation. Fitz didn't understand how the media could be; or the stomach for the things that they would say. It may be cruel and heartless, but I had to pretend like nothing happened between Fitz and me. The ding of the elevator alerted me to the fact I had to compose myself and become the political nun, fixer that I no longer was. The feeling twisted my already queasy stomach that much tighter. Walking out of the elevator with my head held high, I pledged to be strong and indifferent no matter what. I had a president to make after all and getting involved in any way besides a professional one would be wrong.
Despite my new resolve the moment I heard her name I wasn't so sure it would work. "Liv," a deep, raspy voice came from behind me. I knew that voice; I'd know it anywhere. Just fantasizing about the deep baritone voice sent shivers down my spine. But hearing him whisper my name so close, it did inappropriate things to me. Shaking my head, I tried to control my emotions before facing the love of my life.
Turning I met the hooded, smoldering gray eyes of the only man who could make me weak at the knees by just one look- Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III. My breath hitched when I saw the unbidden lust within his probing eyes. My eyes stayed locked on his as a slow, cocky smirk spread across his unconventionally handsome face. Trying to act defiant I plastered a smile on my face, looking at his chiseled chest for a moment to mask my emotions before meeting his gaze again, "Good morning Governor Grant," I smiled professionally before turning to walk into the conference room.
Fitz grabbed my arm before I could walk to far away. The force with which his hand gripped my arm, almost hurt, knocking me slightly off balance in my four-inch Louboutins. Pulling me into an empty conference room only a few feet away from their own was risky and looking into Fitz's eyes, he knew the danger. "Governor, we have to be there in ten minutes, we are leaving at six to get to the events for today," I reminded him thoughtfully.
Before I could turn to continue, he had me pressed against the door we had just walked in. "Give up the Governor Grant bullshit, we are so far past that," he huffed, invading my space. I wanted to recoil from him, but being pressed against the wall restricted my movements. For the second time in less than twenty-four hours I was gazing into the eyes that had haunted my dreams, the ones that had little flecks of deep blue on the edges of his iris that you only notice if you looked closely.
"No," I shook my head, not going to break my professional resolve. "You need to get to the conference room, you have briefings and speeches to go over and I don't have time for this either," I stated rationally wanting to put distance between us.
Fitz's eyes went from utter lust to confusion to realization in several seconds. "Livvie, don't," he pleaded, I rolled my eyes. I can't believe that after one night of recklessness he wanted more.
"Governor Grant no, you don't," I pushed on his chest, feeling the definition that I knew was there. His eyes closed for a moment at the skin to skin contact. "Last night was a mistake. Last night can't happen again, ever," my statement was matter of fact and left no room for negotiation. "Now you have speeches to memorize, babies to kiss and meetings to attend to," I patted his chest with a tight lipped smile. "And while you are off doing that important stuff, I'm stuck doing the dirty work. I have news channels to check, polls to look at and the list goes on and on," I stated again, moving to walk past him out of the empty conference room, down the hall from our own.
His hand caught my arm again, much gentler this time, tugging me back to him. I came willingly. "You didn't enjoy last night," he questioned, his eyes suddenly becoming uncertain and worried, burning for me to contradict his words. I felt awful for making him doubt himself, but I knew he had had many women. He knew that he wasn't disappointing in any way.
I should have let him think that I didn't enjoy myself, but that would have been a lie and I couldn't lie. Not to him and certainly not to myself. His ego didn't need the extra stroking after all, but I couldn't stop myself from uttering the words that involuntarily popped out of my mouth. "No, I did," those few words shouldn't have made a difference, it was the truth, but it did. His eyes lit up with happiness and pride.
"Then don't run away from me," Fitz's warm, minty breath washed over my face. "It wasn't a mistake Livvie, don't you feel this," he asked, cornering me again. Running his hands up and down my arms before resting them on my slender hips pulling me and simultaneously pushing me back into the wall before continuing to speak. "I know you feel it, you felt it last night and now you want to pretend like it didn't happen, why Livvie?"
I shook my head, he wasn't supposed to want more, it was supposed to make him focused and more dedicated to his wife now that he had had me. "It's not that simple Governor Grant and you know it," I sighed, trying to push him away again, but the grip he had on me was too strong. "You aren't a normal man, you are running for president. It's wrong either way and I can't continue like this, we need to be professional," I answered. He couldn't throw away all of everyone's hard work. Besides, dropping out this late in the game would raise suspicions, not that I would let him do that.
"Livvie for one minute pretend I'm not Governor Grant and like you aren't the campaign fixer, just be. Lay it on the line," he whispered into her ear this time, brushing his fingers up my arm, tilting my chin up towards his. "Look at me and tell me you didn't like me touching you," his voice took on a huskier tone. "Tell me you didn't like me dominating you and fucking you until dawn," Fitz said, his hand leaving my chin to travel down my neck to the v-neck of my white eye-lit blouse. "Tell me you didn't like me ripping off your clothes, tell me you didn't like me devouring you," with each statement his voice grew more gruff and his dexterous fingers started undoing the buttons of my shirt.
I was powerless to stop him, my breath coming in soft pants as his hands made quick work of my shirt discarding it on the floor. Once he had it off, his eyes were licking up my exposed flesh. Things were escalating too quickly and truthfully I didn't want to stop, but I had to. "Someone could walk in," I tried to rationalize.
"Just tell me you didn't like marking me as yours, just tell me you didn't like it, me and I'll stop," he whispered out. But I couldn't, we both knew I couldn't because I was too weak.
"We can't do this," I rasped out as his hands finally made contact with my bra covered breasts. I arched up into him, letting out a soft moan.
Fitz smirked down at me, but I barely noticed. My eyes were mirroring his –lust filled, half hooded, past the point of caring if anyone walked in on us. "Say those four words and you'll never have to worry about me again," Fitz whispered, bending his head to my dark mocha chest placing soft butterfly kisses there, making a trail up my neck, behind my ear, finally landing on my lips.
I lost it. My hands flew to his perfectly coiled hair, tugging him closer to me. I moaned into his mouth as his hands found purchase on my backside, pulling me closer. I could feel his excitement through his thin trousers and willed myself to say those four words to make him stop. I couldn't. His tongue probing my mouth made me completely lose all rational thought.
My hands slowly made their way from Fitz's crazy curls to his shoulders, beginning their work on his white button-up oxford. I had just pushed the offending shirt off his shoulders, as I felt the muscles ripple under my touch as my hands came to rest on his well defined pectoral muscles.
We moved further into the room, bumping into a table. I was hoisted up onto the table suddenly and Fitz slammed me down onto the it. He was pushing me back, making quick work on the button and zipper of my own trousers when Cyrus's voice rang through the door as he passed. It made both of us freeze, our eyes going wide.
Looking around the room, at our discarded shirts and compromising position, I pushed him off me, running both hands through my hair before walking swiftly over to my removed shirt. Putting it on with ease, I tried to focus on getting my hands to stop shaking.
How could I have almost let that happen? My head was back to thinking of all the previous presidential mistresses because let's face it; with me behind his campaign, Fitz would win the presidency in a land slide. The head ache that had subsided came back in full force, making me want to climb back into bed and never wake up.
I didn't want to face Fitz, but I knew I had to. "This can't happen again, ever," I reiterated to him as I turned, busying my hands to tidy my hair so he wouldn't notice that I was shaking. Although looking at him it didn't seem he was fairing much better than me, but I hide it better. "Do you understand Governor Grant," I asked, using the formal title with him to get his attention.
"No Olivia," Fitz said, invading my personal space yet again. "I won't let you do this, I won't let you give up on this," he gestured between the two of us. "You can't fix this," Fitz ran his hand through his hair, making the curls stand out every which way. In the back of my mind, I made a mental note to save this image forever and to mention to Cyrus that Fitz and Mellie might be more believable if they weren't always so put together…
"Olivia," he sighed, "Please don't," Fitz begged again for her to give them a chance. I shook my head no. It wouldn't work for them, ever and Fitz had to learn to understand and accept that. Besides as my mother had always said, once a cheater always a cheater. And I knew firsthand what it was like to grow up in a home where the father frequently cheated on the wife. From the tender age of nine when I learned the truth about my father and his many secretaries, I knew I could never get involved with a married man no matter how I felt. Besides that, I couldn't put Karen and Jerry through what I went through.
Shaking my head I spoke, giving Fitz a little glimpse into my childhood. "You don't understand governor, my father cheated on my mother from the time I was born until his death. I," pointing to myself, "know what it is like to grow up in that kind of a home and I refuse to get involved with someone like you, knowing full well that you are married with children and what it can do," I sighed resignedly, shaking my head once more. "Do you understand now? This is wrong," I waved my hand between us, "for so many reasons. We will only get burned if we continue," I spoke logically, remembering hearing my parents argue, my mother walking around our home a shell of a person with tear stained cheeks, how it took a toll on my father's career. It wasn't worth it for a few moments of ecstasy.
Eons passed before Fitz nodded his head, finally conceding to agree with me, "Fine, but don't expect me to stop," but he trailed off. I nodded my head, giving him another tight lipped smile not waiting for him to continue before exiting the conference room.
As she walked down the hallway, she couldn't help but get an eerie feeling that that wouldn't be the last time she denied herself and Fitzgerald Thomas Grant III what they truly wanted...
A/U: So again, I feel the need to write another author's note even though nobody reads them, but whatever! Once again though, I have several things to cover. A) First official chapter up, hell yes! I hope to hear from everyone… B) Thank you to everyone who reviewed, I adored each and every one. C) Once again, important people to thank, babycakesbriauna for editing (thank you for fixing my love for commas) and amaryllis214 for pre-reading (you always push me to fix redundancies and don't get mad when I don't always listen). D) Thank you to the above to ladies for doing all you do to help this story along, it wouldn't be as good without you two! E) If you have taken the time to read the author's note than please take my advice and read the above author's writing, you won't be disappointed. F) I'm irregular at updating, sorry about that. G) Last one, this story will probably end up being a very strong 'T' rating, it probably should be rated 'M', but oh well, it may change, fyi… Probably won't though.
