I didn't see that one coming. It totally came out of left field.

The blanket felt strange between my fingers so I slowly released it and brought my hands up to rest in my lap.

"What?" I asked, almost relieved.

He nodded. "Yeah. James and I realized that. You're being abused."

I almost laughed. "By who?"

Sirius shrugged. "I don't know. Could be your father, could be a teacher. Either way, once a month, you sneak off to see this abuser because you feel like you deserve it for whatever reason."

Now my heart was back to pounding.

I did feel like I deserved some sort of abuse because of the monster I became once a month, but no one was abusing me.

I did that to myself enough in the form of self-mutilation.

To be honest, I was glad he didn't guess that, because I would have puked.

"You don't have to be ashamed, Remus. We're your friends, no matter what." He said.

I swallowed and briefly considered telling him the truth.

Telling him what I am…and what I do to my body.

But I only considered it briefly.

After that brief lapse in judgment, I shook my head.

"No, Sirius. You're wrong, I'm not being abused."

"Really?" He asked, taking a step forward and leaning his hands against the railing of my foot-board.

I nodded. "Yes, really."

"Then roll up your sleeves." He commanded.

My heart started thumping again and my brain was going into full-on panic mode.

"What? Why?" I demanded, unconsciously shrinking further away from him.

Cold sweat ran down my back and I felt like there was a baseball in my stomach.

"To prove to me that you don't have any bruises or anything on your body." He stared at me, kind of challenging me.

I shook my head. "No."

"Why not?" He asked.

"Because I said not." I snapped, unconsciously tugging on the ends of my sleeves.

"Remus, we only want to help you." He said.

"I don't want help, Sirius. I don't need help." I said.

He took his hands off the railing of the footboard and walked over to the side of my bed.

Sirius sat down on the edge of my bed.

"See, that's the thing, Remus. You do need help and we want to help you."

I sighed and shook my head again, glancing back at down at my book.

"I have a lot of homework." I said.

"So?" He asked.

"So I don't have time for this." I said.

Before he could say anything else, I closed my Transfiguration book dropped it down into my bag. "I can't do this right now, Sirius."

He stared at me as I picked up my bag and stood up.

"I'm going to go downstairs." I said.

"Remus…" Sirius stood.

I shook my head. "I need to be alone."

He didn't say anything so I exited the room, shutting the door behind me.

Downstairs, I sat at a table in the Great Hall and started working on my homework.

I knew that in about two hours, lunch would appear across the four tables in the great hall.

Until then, I had almost the whole room to myself.

There were a few kids studying at various tables and a group of girls were in the corner, whispering loudly.

I finished my Transfiguration homework, and started on my essay for Potions class.

I was almost halfway done with it when dishes started appearing on the table.

I gathered up my books and dumped them into my book bag.

I dropped my book bag onto the floor beside me, and I started eating.

Although I'll never admit it, I was hoping that my friends didn't come down for lunch right away.

I wasn't in the mood to get hassled. And I know that my friends thought that they were helping me or whatever, but they weren't.

It just made me feel guilty for keeping the secret from them. It was pretty obvious that they would accept me if I just told them the truth.

But then again…anything could change their minds. And if they rejected me, I'd be alone again.

And I was so tired of being alone…

No one understood the struggle it was to be me. Not Dumbledore, not my parents…half the time, I didn't understand it either.

Sighing, I propped my chin up on my hand and stirred the food on my plate around.

After a few minutes of pushing the food around and taking small bites, I heard my friends just outside the closed doors.

They were laughing and joking about something.

The doors opened and the three of them walked in, still laughing and punching each other on the arm.

Other students were already in the hall, eating lunch and a lot of others were coming through the doors right behind my friends.

The three of them made their way over to the Gryffindor table and James and Sirius sat down on either side of me.

Peter sat down across from me.

"How are you doing, buddy?" James asked, shoving a roll into his mouth.

"Fine." I replied, giving a small shrug. "Why?"

"We're just worried about you." Sirius said.

My chin was still propped up on my hand.

I continued to stir my food around on my plate.

"You sure?" Peter asked.

I glanced up at him.

He looked nervous.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Dropping my gaze back down to my plate, I felt my sleeves slide upwards a little, so I quickly dropped my hand back to my lap and sat up straighter.

James picked up another roll as he swallowed the first one with a swig of pumpkin juice.

"You sure?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah." I continued stirring my food around my plate.

"Why aren't you eating?" Sirius asked.

I shrugged. "Guess I'm not hungry."

"You guess?" He asked.

I turned toward him and nodded. "Yeah, I guess."

"Why not?" James asked.

Sirius scoffed as I turned to James.

Before I could respond, Sirius spoke.

"Because he thinks that he deserves it for us finding out that he's being abused." He said.

I rolled my eyes and flicked my gaze back to him. "No, I'm just not hungry."

"So you admit it!" He said.

"Admit what?" I asked.

"That you're being abused." He said.

I gave a frustrated sigh. "No. Sirius, I'm not being abused."

James and Peter shared a look.

"Sirius, James and I did some talking. We don't think it's that either." Peter said.

Sirius glanced at the two of them. "Then what do you think it is?"

James cast a nervous glance my way before he spoke.

"We think…" He started, then paused.

I held my breath as I waited for his response.