Shepard awoke to a cool breeze on his face. A blinding light was all he could see. He moved his hand over his face to adjust his eyes. Seeing a blue sky stretching across the horizon He began to stand up. Realizing all the pain he had been in moments ago vanished, his armor he had on when fighting the reapers on Earth which felt like just moments ago had disappeared along with all his wounds.
What the hell is going on where am I? Am I in Heaven? No Shepard killers don't go to Heaven.
His own voice often plagued him. this was Shepard's mind. Split in to a confrontation with one another. On one hand he believe what he had done was right and just. For the good of the Galaxy. However on the other he believed he deserved to die and that he was a murder.
You're a killer of innocence!
"SHUT UP I AM NOT A KILLER!" He said aloud with rage in his voice.
Thinking of all the people he had killed intentionally and not. Shepard stopped a moment he gave himself some time to reflect and cool down. He began to just take in the air around him it had a tranquil feel to it,giving him peace for if only a moment all the pressure and heavy conscience vanished. A feeling of relief came over him one he had not felt in a very long time. Josh felt relaxed but as soon as the peace came it subsided and the voice's of his past echoed through. Again and again.
you're a murder!. "NO I'M NOT!" A..am I?" He fell to his knees.
Confusion and despair flooded him this was the real Shepard a man who through out all his history of being the lone wolf of protecting others and helping them with their problems. Could never help himself with his. Josh would never allow his crew or Liara to see him like this. Though she would sense the emotion coming from him and would help him the best she could. She knew that he would always try to push her away. But the more he pushed the more she stayed and helped him by just being there.
Often Shepard would return from a mission and just sit in his cabin for hours reflecting on those who had been lost. This was one of the sacrifices that had to be made to be a soldier. The loneliness was a thing that he could never get used to and still couldn't. However that all started to changed three years ago when he met Liara. Ever since that day he was devoted to keeping her safe. It was a funny thing for him to want to be with someone so badly it hurt. To feel that way for the first time scared and excited him. So when they were going after Saren Shepard finally told Liara how he felt. Fearing that she would never feel the same way he did, he hesitated telling her. But as time went on the two could not hide their feeling's, going on a mission that you may not come back from has a way of bringing people together. When Liara told Shepard how she felt too he was more than happy to confess to his emotions as well. Before going to Ilos to stop Saren. Liara and Shepard shared an intimate moment that made them grow closer to one another. This is what Shepard has always thought for. Now he fear's he may never see her again and it's destroying him.
I miss you Liara I'm sorry I was unable to keep my promise. Please know that I tried I hope your safe. I Love you. I hope you find peace now that their gone.
I'm a killer a murder a man who just wiped out an entire species I deserve to be dead.
All the confusion in his head was overwhelming. He had to focus on finding out what was going on.
No Shepard you not sure your dead and if you're not you will keep fighting till you find her!
Pushing the negative thoughts from his mind Shepard remained focused on what was going on. He got to his feet and check his bearings. He was atop a mountain not far off that of Mindoir's it reminded him of when he was a boy. Shepard always was an explorer, he would climb mountains and travel across his colony. Although Mindoirs mountains were big he always wanted to see Earths. His Father promised to take him but they sadly never got the chance. Shepard smiled at the memories of his child hood and began to walk down the mountain side when he was stopped by a familiar voice.
"You always did like mountains didn't you." Shepard turned to see the face of the voice.
There stood an elderly man similar looking to him if not a bit different with short hair and a beard that stretched a fair distance from his chin. Wearing an a colonist's farming attire. He had to be in his 70's yet had a very healthy look about him stared at Shepard. it was his father.
"Da..Dad? th..this isn't possible" Shepard reached out to touch the elderly mans shoulder when his hand did not go through him, thinking he was a ghost, Father and son reunited. To see him after decades was a feeling of joy and all his self torment vanished when realizing who it was.
"It's good to see you my dear boy." The pair hugged and began to laugh rocking side to side.
Shepard smiled he never thought he would see his Father for a very long time. He was not a religious man, far from it after what he has seen. War changes a man's perspective of the world. However he had faith they would meet again.
"Ah I see you joined the Alliance then." He said whilst placing a hand on Josh's shoulder.
"Yeah after well you know I didn't know what else to do." he said with a sigh.
Shepard grew up with his family on Mindoir, it was a simple and quiet life the most Shepard ever had to worry about was tending crops. Yet that all changed when an attack forced Shepard to abandon his old life and adapt to a military career in order to survive.
"I know son I know. You have become a fine man I guess I was wrong to so harshly judge the Alliance you've became an N7 as well, oh I almost forgot and the first human specter.."
"After everything you taught me and Anderson had rescued me it seemed right. I wanted to protect people dad and make the Galaxy a safer place." Shepard said.
"And indeed you have. The things you have endure would have broken any other man. I would never have been able to have survived what you have. I'm very proud of you."
"Thanks dad, I guess we Shepard's are natural soldiers. Thanks to you
How does he know all this?
Shepard was taken back a bit he does not really know how he is with his Father and how is Father knows all this. Reality hit him hard he ask hesitantly.
"Am I dead?"
The old man smiled and walked away, back facing Shepard.
"No Joshua you're not dead."
A sigh of relief came over him and he asked."Then where are we?"afraid of what the answer would be.
"Were in your mind boy, don't you recognize it?" ask the old man with sarcasm in his reply.
"Sorry guess I haven't been here in a while" the two laughed. Shepard was happy to see his grandfather again more than happy. But something was not right. Was he in a hallucination a dream or god knows what he did not no.
"How?" He ask puzzled.
"How is not important. You should not bother even trying to work it out you'll only be confused?" He said with a slight chuckle.
"But why are we here?" Shepard asked smiling.
"You are here because you need to stop blaming yourself for all the death in your life. Think of all the good and peace you have brought to the galaxy. You united every single known species, You solved countless century's old dispute's and feud's. You have to stop torturing yourself over the pass and focus on your future." The old man was standing about 3 feet away facing Shepard hands behind his back and keeping his posture.
"I seem to recall a man telling me when I was a child that a soldier will always be plagued with the ghosts of his past. That their not a burden but a reminder to go on and keep fighting. To hold the line when all seems lost." when said aloud it made sense to Shepard. He never really listened to himself until that moment.
"So if you remember all I taught you why do you still insist on being the one to take the blame. Your human boy. You can't tackle all the Galaxies problems and not tackle your own. You are not to blame for death of those who have lost their lives in this war nor those that came before them!"
No matter how many time he heard it said he still would not believe it. Even from his own flesh and blood he still believed he was to blame for all the death that had occurred in his life. Despite trying to stop it all.
"Remember my last words to you." the elderly man said with sadness in his voice.
Taken back by his memory's Shepard fell silent then finally said.
"I'll try. I am sorry for everything." heat began to make its presence in Shepard's eyes. The two men stood facing out to the sun setting over the mountains.
After a minute or so of silence the old man said.
"You have made me proud more than you know. I blame you for nothing you have become the man I knew you would be and more. You are all that was good about me and I need you to remember that. You have always made me proud. Now it's time for you to return. Remember all my words I have said to you. They will keep you strong. As for the past I can't make you forget about them. Nor would I have you do so. but there are alternatives to grieving for them. Don't push yourself you may one day find your limit. Although I hope we never see that day. Take care of yourself Joshua I love you son."
Shepard's Father was gone. He stood atop the cliff side looking as the sun was still setting over the distant mountains. It reminded him of when he was home his home that would for ever be a remnider to fight on. Now he had a new home one he wanted nothing more than to be there with Liara now. All of a sudden a bright light emerged and darkness came to Shepard again. His Fathers voice came from out of the darkness
"You can not change the past, but you can change the future. You have a promise to keep to some one very special do not let them down Joshua."
This future was not yet lost.
NOTE: Thank you all for reading so far. This particular chapter was unique and I felt it had to be done to show my personal Shepard in a different way. All the past between him and his father will be reviled in future chapters and stories. Again thank you all very much, have a good day.
