The Trick To Not Falling In Love

Chapter 5

"The trick is...don't fall in love. I did that trick quite a lot, sometimes twice a day."

The story of how Clara Oswald had to use that trick to stop herself falling in love with the Doctor...and how it didn't quite go to plan.


My eyes fluttered open. My vision was hazy.

"Angie?"

My eyes darted fully open and I sprung up to the sound of the Doctor's voice.

"Artie?"

I'd almost forgotten, it was Wednesday.

"Am I getting warm?"

I sat still on the floor for a minute, trying to reap what I had just witnessed. What's the Doctor's secret? Is Jenny dead? And who's Professor River Song?

"Am I getting warm?!"

I got up from the floor slowly and began to walk down the staircase. I could hear the Doctor's voice shouting from the bottom. I was mostly in shock after that meeting. All I knew was that I had to tell the Doctor. I had to make sure Jenny, Vastra and Strax were safe.

"Am I getting warm? Look, I'm pretty sure you have to tell me if I'm getting warm. I'm…I'm…I'm…I'm pretty sure that's in the rules."

I ran down the last part of the stairs to see him stood in the middle of the floor with a blindfold around his head.

"Doctor?"

"Ha! Clara! How are you? Don't worry, everything is under control."

"What are you doing?" I sighed, although I suddenly guessed what had happened. The Doctor can be so naive and Angie can be very manipulative. She and Artie had wanted to go to the cinema earlier. I'd said; "No, not until you've finished your homework." I had a feeling not much homework had been done.

"Oh! Um, Mr Maitland went next door so…I said I'd look after the kids. They'd wanted to go to the cinema but I said no. I said no, not until you wake up. I was very firm!"

"At which point they suggested blind man's buff?"

"Yes! Where are they?"

I stepped down to the foyer and undid his blindfold for him, trying not to look into his eyes as the piece of fabric revealed them. "At the cinema."

You have to act like everything's normal, Clara. You have to stop yourself from falling even further in love.

"The little…daleks!" The Doctor muttered, glimpsing around the room.

I glanced back at him, worry building inside me. I needed to tell him about the conference call. I needed to tell him about everything that happened.

He guessed something was up and frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Come into the living room and sit down. I'll put the kettle on." I said, moving towards the kitchen.

However, the Doctor reached out and grabbed my arm to turn me back around to face him. As usual my heart skipped a beat. "Clara, tell me, what's wrong?" His face became more serious. I knew the Doctor could tell just how worried I was.

"I…" I shook him off lightly and let him follow me into the kitchen as I started searching for some teabags. "I was in a dreamy-conference call thing with Vastra, Jenny, Strax and Professor…River Song."

The Doctor swallowed before nodding. I could feel him watching me as I began boiling the water.

"We were talking about a secret of yours that has been discovered. It sounded very important by what Vastra was saying."

"I have a lot of secrets."

"Yes, but this was different. They were talking about a place called Trenzalore."

-x-

I poured the freshly made tea into mugs at the dining table whilst watching the Doctor out of the corner of my eye. He was sat on the sofa staring into nothingness looking incredibly anxious.

"So who was she? The lady with the funny name and the space hair?" I asked out of curiosity.

"An old…friend of mine."

"What, like an ex?" I'd meant it as a bit of a joke. I couldn't ever imagine the Doctor with someone like her. Actually, I couldn't really imagine the Doctor with anyone.

"Yes, an ex."

I froze. She was an ex? The Doctor had been with a woman like that? That's the Doctor's type? I suddenly felt jealousy surge through me which I couldn't seem to get rid of. Thinking of the Doctor with anyone made me feel slightly sad and envious. I hated this feeling more than anything.

"River asked Vastra for the exact words. What were they?" He questioned.

I took a deep breath, turned around with the tray carrying the tea and walked towards the sofa. "The Doctor has a secret he will take to the grave. It is discov-"

I stopped when I was standing in front of him and could see his face. The Doctor's amazing, brilliant, handsome face. I couldn't say anything out of shock. No words could reach my lips for a second...I'd never seen the Doctor like this before. He was…crying.

Painful sniffles altered his breathing and tears were beginning to emerge in his eyes. He looked down at the floor unable to make eye contact with me. My heart felt like it had shattered. This man I loved and cared about was sitting distressed in front of me. It looked like his heart was shattering too, but for a completely different reason.

"Doctor?" I said with great concern.

"Sorry." He whispered, placing his hand half over his mouth. The Doctor looked so innocent and so scared. All I wanted was to see him smile again. "And it was Trenzalore? It was definitely Trenzalore?"

"Yeah."

He put his head in his hand and let another sob leave his chest. I couldn't watch him like this; it made me ache with emotion seeing him so upset. It was killing me. All I wanted to do was throw my arms around him and let him cry onto my shoulder. I wanted to comfort him and make sure he was okay. But I couldn't.

Firstly, because I was stunned. Secondly, because I was still carrying the tray of tea, and thirdly because I was scared of how he'd react. I knew the Doctor had grown used to our little interactions but in this scenario I wasn't sure if he'd want me to try and ease his pain. So, I just watched. And I regretted it.

After a moment the Doctor shook himself and sniffed away the remaining tears. "Sorry!" He exclaimed before running out of the living room in what appeared to be embarrassment.

I stood still in complete surprise for a moment before hearing the front door bang shut. I placed the tray down on the coffee table and ran to the TARDIS after him. Why had he been crying?

There was one thing I knew for sure. I never wanted to see the Doctor cry again.

-x-

And yet I did…and this time, it did kill me. Like my heart it tore me into millions of pieces.

He was being re-written. All his victories, friendships, the best moments of his life. All vanishing in the blink of an eye. We were in his grave at Trenzalore and The Great Intelligence had stepped into his timestream, destroying his entire life.

The Doctor began to scream and thrash about in my arms, crying out in agony. Tears streamed down my cheeks. He was experiencing so much hurt and I knew that he was dying. I was watching the man I love die and it was crushing me. I wept because I couldn't bare it. I couldn't live without him. I love him so, so much and he was fading away from the universe. He was fading away from me.

His timestream turned red, signalling the Great Intelligence's success.

"Dear Goddess." Vastra said to Jenny. The 3 of them were standing on the other side of the room, watching fearfully.

"What's wrong?" She replied.

"The universe without the Doctor. There will be consequences. Jenny, with me."

Vastra, Jenny and Strax went outside leaving me and the Doctor alone in the tomb, or so I had thought.

"The Dalek Asylum…" I began. Ever since we'd entered the tomb…memories were reawakening for me. I was remembering a day. A day that never happened, yet definitely did. The day I woke up exhausted, the day I had the strange sore hand, the day the Doctor was waiting outside my room. The day with two days packed into one. I remembered a conversation. He said he'd met me before…and now I knew how. "You said it was me that saved you. How? Victorian London, how? How could I have been in Victorian London?"

The Doctor coughed in pain and looked into my eyes. Those eyes. That man. That man I adored but would never admit it to anyone. Of course, he knew. He knew what I was thinking of doing. "No. Please, stop, my whole life…my whole life is burning."

I looked into the whirl of shining light. The beautiful light that is the Doctor's entire life. "I have to go in there."

"Please. Please, no." The Doctor whispered.

"But this is what I've already done. You've already seen me do it. I'm the impossible girl…and this is why."

In those moments, I didn't care if I died. I didn't care if this ruined me. If it could save him, I would do anything. Absolutely anything at all. Life wouldn't be worth living without the Doctor. At least this way I could die saving him. I could die saving the man I love. The man I've fallen for so hard, after trying so long to stop myself. After all the tricks, all the 'Don't fall in love's, nothing had worked. Nothing could've stopped me falling in love.

"Whatever you're thinking of doing, don't." I heard River's now familiar voice to the left of me, watching as I comforted the Doctor.

"If I step in there, what happens?" I'd asked.

"The time wounds will tear you into a million pieces. A million versions of you…living and dying all over time and space. Like…echos."

"But the echos could save the Doctor, right?"

"But they won't be you. The real you will die. They'll just be copies."

"But they'll be real enough to save him." I smiled and shrugged. I'd already made up my mind. This was what I was going to do. "It's like my Mum said. The soufflé isn't the soufflé. The soufflé is the recipe."

If there was ever a soufflé to saviour, this was the one.

I leant over to where he lay in front of me, his eyes closed tight and his mind at war with itself. Yet he looked so…peaceful. I cupped his face with my hand and stroked his cheek. If his dead wife hadn't been there…I probably would have kissed him. "It's the only way to save him, isn't it?"

I watched River nod sadly.

Suddenly Vastra ran into the room looking utterly distraught. "The stars are going out…and Jenny and Strax are dead. There must be something we can do!"

I stood up preparing myself. I was going to save the Doctor, hopefully Jenny , Strax and the rest of the universe too. If this saved so many lives, who cares if it killed boring little me? "Well how about that? I'm souffle girl after all."

"No…please…" I heard the Doctor plead with his dying breaths.

"If this works, get out of here as fast as you can. And…" I tried to lighten the mood. "Spare me a thought now and then."

"No…Clara…"

I made my way towards his timestream, panting nervously. This was it, this was the end. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

"In fact, you know what?" I turned to look back at him one last time. "Run. Run you clever boy and remember me."

I ran into my death, my last thoughts being; I love you.

-x-

I don't know where I am. I just know I'm running. Sometimes it's like I've lived a thousand lives in a thousand places. I'm born, I live, I die. And always, there's the Doctor. Always I'm running to save the Doctor again and again and again. And he hardly ever hears me, but I've always been there. Right from the very beginning. Right from the day he started running.

I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going or where I've been. I was born to save the Doctor, but the Doctor is safe now. I'm the impossible girl…and my story is done.

Pain, like I'd never felt it before. Pounding in my head and though every single inch of my body. I fell and I landed hard. I'd gasped at the shock of it, tugging in breaths from the air around me like a lifeline.

Banging. I sat up and looked around fretfully. My breaths echoed the place where I was, but all I could see was smoke and rocks and graves.

"Doctor?" It was like I could feel him all around me, yet I was scared, alone and lost.

"Doctor!" I yelled as loud as I could this time, I just wanted to know if he was there.

Nothing replied but my echo.

I hadn't realised I was crying before, but more tears fell down my already tearstained cheeks. I'd never been so frightened. I'd never wanted to see him so much.

"Please! Please, I don't know where I am!" I leant forwards letting my forehead fall against the misty ground. I cried harder, not only because I was afraid and alone, but because I'd never felt such a hole in my heart then I did in that moment. I felt like I was broken, a puzzle piece had been torn from its place.

"Clara." At first I thought I'd imagined it. The Doctor's voice. He was there. I wasn't alone.

My lungs took a sharp intake of breath and I jumped up from my position, slowly sitting upright.

"You can hear me, I know you can."

I scanned my surroundings. "I can't see you."

"I'm everywhere, you're inside my timestream. Everything around you is me."

All of a sudden, I saw him. Not my Doctor, one of the first. One of the eleven I'd saved so many times. But it was still the Doctor. It was still him. The figure ran past me quickly and I beamed. "I can see you."

More of them darted past in different directions. "All your different faces, they're here."

"Those are my ghosts. My past. Every good day, every bad day."

"Agh!" I heard a shout that sounded like the Doctor and spun round. There was a flash of light, the sound of thunder and the ground rumbled causing me to hit the floor harshly.

I pushed myself back up in desperation. "What's wrong? What's happening?"

"I'm inside my own timestream. It's collapsing in on itself."

What is he doing? He's going to kill himself! "Well get out then!"

"Not until I've got you."

He came for me. I fell back to the ground, unable to contain the tears. I was so confused, so disorientated. "I don't even know who I am."

"You're my impossible girl. I'm sending you something. Not from my past, from yours. Look up, look."

I did as the Doctor instructed and looked into the fog above me. A leaf fell. But it wasn't just any leaf. It was my parents leaf, the leaf that brought them together. The one I sacrificed at the Rings of Akhaten, it was falling towards me.

"This is you, Clara. Everything you were or will be. Take it." I reached out and grabbed it, feeling the ruff, dry texture of it in my hand. "You blew into the world on this leaf. Hold tight, it will take you home."

I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going or where I've been. All I know is that the Doctor is here. The Doctor is going to save me.

But there was no one, nothingness. I noticed as I walked one of my ankles was extremely swollen and painful to walk on. This caused me to limp and stumble. My head was still pounding. I was still lost.

"Clara! Clara! Come on!" The Doctor's voice came from behind me. It sounded more genuine then before so I turned around to see. "Come on, to me now. You can do it I know you can!"

It was him. My Doctor, from behind the mist. He was defying the possible, he was here to save me.

"How?" I asked, I was exhausted and I felt like my mind was burning.

"Because it's impossible and you're my impossible girl." I began to stagger towards him, still clinging onto the leaf with my hand. "How many times have you saved me, Clara? Just this once…just for the hell of it! Let me save you!"

The Doctor outstretched his arms, waiting for me to fall into them. I was weak, but so close. I was almost there.

"You have to trust me Clara I'm real! Just one more step…"

I fell...and he caught me.

I threw my arms round his neck as tight as I could and dug my fingers into the back of his tweed coat. He was actually, properly real. It felt like it was so long ago since I saw him last, so long since I felt safe. But now I did.

The Doctor pulled me closer and we both cried. More and more tears on top of those that had already been shed that day. But these were different tears. These were tears of happiness, relief and…love.

"Clara, my Clara!" He sounded so happy, so thankful to find me alive...and I couldn't be more thrilled to see him again.

His arms were strong around me. I felt him put his hand behind my head to keep me close and the softness of his lips as he kissed the side of my face. The hole in my heart was instantly healed, the last piece of the puzzle finally in place.

I love you. The words were there but they weren't said, because they didn't need to be. Actions speak louder than words… and what we'd both done confirmed that. We both risked our life for the other; there is no action in the universe that can speak louder than that.

I don't remember much after that. I just remember words and weakness and drifting to sleep. But I didn't let him go. If one thing was for certain, I was never going to let him go again.


*A/N: Bit of a long chapter, sorry about that. This was my favourite chapter out of all of them, but it took me and eternity to write...so I would be really thankful if you left some reviews for this chapter!

There is one more chapter to go on this fic and it should be done by Friday, then this story will be complete :) thank you for all the support I've had whilst writing it, it means a lot.

Also, if you're looking for a long whouffle fic to read with a storyline, please check out the story on my fanfiction page 'the time travelling trio'. These 2 stories are completely unrelated, but just in case you wanted something else to read :)

If you've got anything you want to ask, leave a review, send me a PM or an ask on tumblr (Blog link on profile)

thanks for reading x*