The Trick To Not Falling In Love
Chapter 6
(The Final Chapter)
"The trick is...don't fall in love. I did that trick quite a lot, sometimes twice a day."
The story of how Clara Oswald had to use that trick to stop herself falling in love with the Doctor...and how it didn't quite go to plan.
I wasn't just sleeping. I was reliving, dying, falling, screaming and all at once.
I felt hot like I was burning up, my soul and my body, dissolving into millions of pieces. All I could think about is the Doctor. Every life, every person I was, running to save him.
I never know who I am and I don't know where I am. All I know is that I have to save the Doctor. Each life was a person, a copy of me. I was living millions of lives all in one go and I was shifting from one to the other constantly throughout my sleep.
Each one always ended the same, I died saving him. I'd get so close to living and each time I thought it would be different, maybe I wouldn't die. But I always did. The pain of that is worse than anything that can be described with words. It was torture, heart break and agony all rolled into one.
As I dreamt I became even more disorientated. I'd slip in and out of consciousness, but I'd never really be awake. I'd think I was one of my echoes and then I'd die. I'd suddenly become aware it wasn't real. It wasn't really me.
I'm not sure how long I was doing this, jumping between different lives, dying every time. I seemed to be in this tranced state forever and I couldn't seem to wake up. I'm born, I live, I die. Repeated and repeated and repeated until I couldn't bare it anymore. I just wanted to wake up and be the real me. I just wanted to see the Doctor.
And after what felt like a million lifetimes, which in theory it was, I finally woke up.
I was screaming. I couldn't open my eyes to start off with, but I still felt like I was burning. My skin boiled and was layered with sweat, so much so my clothes felt like a second skin. I panted and shook with fear, clawing my fingers in what felt like bed sheets wrapped around me. I tried to open my eyes but they were sore and couldn't adjust to the light that was seeping through.
At first I thought I was another echo. I didn't think I'd ever wake up again. I thought I was dying.
I suddenly felt someone pull me up into a sitting position and throw their arms around me. I struggled and cried, thinking I was being abducted. But then the sounds around me became more clear.
"Clara! Clara! Please, calm down. You're okay, Clara. You're safe, I promise. I'm here Clara, I've got you." The Doctor's comforting voice made me instantly relax into his arms. My eyes slowly opened to see his face leaning over mine. He was sat on the edge of the bed beside me and pulled me onto his lap. I fiercely wrapped my arms around his torso and buried my head into his chest. I tried to say something but I couldn't, so I just sat there and cried onto the front of his shirt.
"My Clara, my impossible girl." The Doctor whispered. He cradled me in his arms and used one hand to stroke my hair. He kissed the top of my head several times before pulling me closer. "I thought I'd lost you."
His voice croaked as if he was about to cry and I looked up at him to see that he already was. My heart melted. I reached out my hand to his cheek and wiped away the falling tears. A small smile grew on the Doctor's lips before he leant forward and placed his hand on my cheek, wiping away mine.
My chest ached with how much love I felt for him in that moment. The Doctor was here. The Doctor had saved me. I was alive. It suddenly occurred to me however, I had no idea what happened.
"What happened?" I managed to murmer. "How long have I been asleep?"
The Doctor pulled me to his chest again and I snuggled into his embrace. "I managed to get you out of my timestream, Clara." I could tell from his voice that he was trying to hold back tears so I took his hand in mine and let our fingers entwine. "But you wouldn't wake up. Strax and I tried everything, but you were stuck in this coma. You've been asleep here, in your room in the TARDIS, for 3 weeks."
My head shot up. "I've been asleep for 3 whole weeks!?" I couldn't believe it. I'd been reliving every single life I've ever lived, but now that I was out, and thinking straight, it felt like I'd only been asleep for a few hours.
"Every day and every night, you would shake and shout in your sleep. You'd call for me, you'd scream because you were dying…and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm so, so sorry Clara. I tried everything to wake you. I'm just so glad that you're okay. I thought you could've been stuck like that forever."
I held him close again and he held me tight. "It's fine. Is everything okay now though? Are you safe? Did the stars come back?"
The Doctor reached to cup my face again and looked into my eyes. God, those eyes. So much sadness yet so much relief and still so brilliant. "It is most definitely not fine. You almost died, Clara. You almost died and it was all my fault. Never, ever risk your life for me again, okay? Because I couldn't watch you give your life for me again. I wouldn't be able to live if I knew you died for me. I couldn't bare it. But yes. We are safe and the stars did come back. The whole universe has been restored and that's all down to you Clara. You're the most important being in the whole of creation and the saviour of the universe. You're my impossible girl, my hero, the only mystery that was worth solving. I could never thank you enough."
I placed my hand over his and guided it down to my lap so I could hold it again. I looked down to the floor. "I'm not important Doctor, you are. I'm just a boring girl from Lancashire, but you are the protector of worlds and the universe needed you. If jumping into your timestream saved so many lives, who cares if it killed little me?"
The Doctor shook his head and lifted my chin so I could look into his eyes again. "Clara, you must never think that. After eleven hundred years of my life, I've never met anyone who isn't important. Especially not you. I don't think you know who important you are to me Clara. You mean everything…"
Tears ran down my cheeks and he wiped them away again. I didn't really know how to respond, but then I felt the sharp sensation of burning inside my mind. "Will it ever stop? The burning inside my head?"
My headache was getting worse with every word. My eyelids felt heavy and sore and my whole head was pounding.
The Doctor kissed my forehead and began to rock me slightly in his lap. "One day."
I cried again onto his chest and he held me as close as before. He soothed me and told me I was safe, he would never let anything happen to me again. I was under his protection.
-x-
My eyes darted open, to see that I was lying on my bed in my room on the TARDIS still, with strong arms wrapped around me. I hadn't had any nightmares or recaps of various lives, just some relaxing well needed sleep. My headache was gone and the room had a lighter glow to it now than it did before. I presumed this meant it was now morning in my time.
It was then realisation hit me, that these where the Doctor's arms around me, and my head was lying on his chest. I must have cried myself to sleep. I thought, glancing up at him. I was very surprised to see that his eyes were closed and he was sleeping peacefully beside me. The Doctor had told me many times that 'Timelords almost never needed sleep' but maybe he just needed some rest like I did for a change. Maybe all this worrying had gotten just too much.
The feeling of being curled up to him felt really nice, so I let my head rest back on his chest so I could listen to the beating of both of his hearts. It was the most unbelievable yet reassuring sound.
The Doctor suddenly shifted slightly and I watched his eyes flutter as he reawakened. I thought he would want me to get off of him, but to my surprise he just kissed the top of my head and grinned. He had been kissing me a lot since I woke. I thought.
"Good morning sleepy head." I said, returning the smile.
"Good morning, Clara." He stretched before moving to sit up against the headboard, pulling me up to sit next to him. I let my head fall onto his shoulder and he put his arm around me again.
"How long was I asleep that time?" I asked curiously.
The Doctor pretended to check his watch. "Eight hours, fifty-seven minutes and three seconds."
I raised my eyebrows and chuckled. "That was the best sleep I've had in a while. You're not too bad as a pillow, chin boy."
The Doctor reached out and tucked stray strands of my hair behind my ears. "I couldn't leave you, I needed to make sure you were safe." His voice turned more serious and protective so I lifted my head to look him in the eye.
"I thought you said we were safe here, in the TARDIS?"
"We are...I meant, I needed to make sure you were safe from yourself. So if you had more bad dreams or called for me I was here to help you."
My smile softened. "You didn't have to stay here watching me for almost 9 hours."
"I've been here watching you for 3 weeks and 9 hours."
"You what?" I couldn't believe it. He'd been there with me for over 3 weeks? Watching me, looking after me, no way could he have possibly done that for 3 weeks...Then again, no wonder he'd been tired.
"I couldn't leave, I didn't know if you were okay and I needed to be here in case you woke up. I wanted to be here in case you needed me."
I gestured towards the armchair that was placed beside my bed. "So you're telling me, you've been sat in that chair, for 3 weeks, doing nothing but watch me?"
"Well, yes. I read a little bit too though. Before Vastra, Jenny and Strax left they brought me anything I needed in here so I didn't have to leave you."
I looked at him gobsmacked. The Doctor I know usually can't sit still for five minutes, let alone three weeks.
"Why?" I asked simply.
"I told you, Clara, I wanted to be here for yo-"
"No." I interrupted. "Why did you jump into your own timestream to save me? You could have killed yourself."
The Doctor sighed and put his other hand on my neck, making my heart race. "Because I wouldn't be able to live without you here, Clara. I'd miss how funny and bossy you are and how you always make me smile. I'd miss having you by my side and spending everyday with you. Watching you die wasn't an option."
"You wouldn't be able to live without me?"
"I've lost too many people, I couldn't lose you. You're my Clara, my impossible girl and I…"
"You?"
The Doctor stroked the side of my face. "Does it really need saying?"
I searched his face desperately. Does he mean…no he can't…he doesn't see me like that…does he? Oh of course he does. Why would he have cuddled up with you in bed if he didn't? Why would he constantly kiss your head and watch you for 3 whole weeks? He's in love with you, Clara, like you're in love with him.
"Because even if that was true…which it's obviously…not. I know you well enough to know you would rather die than say it." I thought back to what I had told the Doctor on that day with the cybermen. He would rather die than say it.
"Then show me."
The Doctor hesitated slightly before lifting his other hand to my other cheek gently. He slowly brought our faces closer together until our noses almost touched then closed his eyes. I let my lids fall as our mouths grew closer and then suddenly, his lips were on mine. The kiss was slow yet soft and tender. It was perfect. Before I knew it I was kissing him back fiercely, putting my hands on his shoulders and running them up to the back of his neck as he moved his down to my waist.
We finally stopped for breath and leant our foreheads against each other. He gave me another quick kiss then broke away with a huge grin on his face. "Wow."
I chuckled and leant back against the headboard, trying to register what have just happened. The Doctor just snogged me...and I snogged him back. "I know."
The Doctor wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a cuddle. "Does this mean…"
"I'm afraid it does." Friendship, officially ruined. But I don't think either of us cared about that, this was what we both wanted, it had just taken us lifetimes to realise it. "So, you like me then?" I began to tease.
The Doctor started playing with strands of my hair. "Of course I...like you. Have done for a long time. You're beautiful and clever and kind and...perfect. I kept telling myself that what I was feeling was wrong, but it feels so right. I want to be with you, Clara."
I looked into his eyes and beamed. I didn't think this could ever be possible, the Doctor feeling the same way about me. It felt like I was dreaming. As if I was going to wake up and this would have just been the fairytale ending.
"I want to be with you too. I never thought...you would...you know, see me that way. I had this trick, 'Don't fall in love', because I knew I was falling for you and that you wouldn't feel the same way. I didn't want to end up with a broken heart. However, I used that trick quite a lot, sometimes twice a day...and as time went on, the trick wore off and I started to fall in love anyway. You're brilliant and despite the chin, fairly handsome too. So, I guess you made it pretty hard for me you clever boy."
The Doctor just smiled silently and lifted my hand to his chest so I could feel the steady beats of both his hearts again. The words he said next were so simple, yet held so much meaning in them. They were the words I never thought I would here him speak and must have meant an awful lot to him to say them. That's what made them so special. So important. "I love you."
It was as if I felt the Doctor's hearts skip a beat as he spoke. My own heart fluttered also, and much to my surprise, a tear trickled down my cheek. Happy crying. "I love you too."
-x-
In the end, I suppose the trick to not falling in love didn't quite go to plan. I fell in love and he did also, the two of us in his snogbox, travelling together.
At first I thought it all went wrong...when I fell in love. But it turned out to be a good thing that I did. If I hadn't been in love I may not have had the courage to save him at Trenzalore. I may not have been strong enough to make it through.
So that's the end of my story, the story where I fell in love. And for the first time in a long time, it has a happy ending too.
Looks like running away with a madman in a box wasn't such a bad idea after all...
*A/N: So that's the end to this fanfic! I loved writing this one and it would be amazing if you guys could give me some reviews!
I wanted it to have a happy ending because...I'm not moffat.
haha, reviews and favourites are much appreciated :) Thankyou so much for reading this fic and I will definitely be writing more soon.
Please tell me what you thought of this story and any ideas for future fanfics.
It's been a pleasure writing.*
