Disclaimer: I do not own the show or these characters.

Wife Swap

The fairy had traveled miles upon miles since leaving her cohorts behind. She was a rogue and a disappointment to her teachers. "Too fool hardy and bursting with imprudent notions," they had said. Where the elders stressed one fairy to a person, the rogue fairy embellished the granting of wishes to anyone and everyone in need. One didn't have to be another's fairy godmother to make their life a little easier or a bit brighter. After all, what was the downside to more happiness in the world? Her stubborn nature and lofty ideas were not the fairy way, and was expelled as a result.

Over the sea and through the clouds she flew until a ship broke through the fog. The rogue fairy giving off a cheery yellow glow had been following this ship for days. She had spent the hours hiding behind the sails, looking through the window panes, and peeking over the rail unnoticed. She had been among the crew members of the vessel and witnessed their habits and relationships with one another. It was peculiar, the fairy thought, how they treated one another. And so the fairy was struck with a remarkable idea.

There were those that didn't take advantage of what they had and others that benefited in more mean spirited ways. Some were selfish while others were giving, but together a pair they did not make. The fairy wanted them to realize what they had and learn not take it for granted.

And she would enact a spell that would teach them that very lesson.


By her own hand, Emma felt the warmth of Regina's skin. It was the only comfort felt in a damp cabin surrounded by the wood and the rain that beat against it. It was the only liberation from choices, choices thrust upon them and called, screamed, wished them to act in their favor. Damn choices and damn that frigid cabin.

A thumb brushed the skin below Regina's bellybutton. Emma could feel the hairs stand on end, reaching for her touch. The hand stayed, never venturing lower. Watching Regina sleep was enough. She was so very still. She hardly moved when Emma hugged her through the night. The slow, peaceful breathing passed through parted lips. A distraught brow furrowed to a dream, or nightmare. Emma pressed herself against the woman's side to ensure in some way that she wasn't alone. It was a move she hoped the nightmares would take note of and understand that this slumbering woman had a protector capable of crushing them to dust.

Emma didn't like being called a savior. But she didn't mind being Regina's.

Though as disturbing as it sounded in her head, it comforted Emma that someone else had been in as much pain as herself. They were kindred spirits and all that. Maybe not friends, or lovers, but two unlucky people who can only improve. It was why they now slept in the same bunk every night. They were far from being friends or lovers, but holding each other aboard a rickety ship in the ocean was an unspoken relief from having to choose.

However, it was escape masquerading as security. Emma knew it. Regina knew it. What they didn't know was what would occur once they reached Neverland. How would these nights of Emma breathing in the scent of apples and Regina tangling legs around Emma change when Henry was rescued and they returned to Storybrooke? What would happen when there were no more private cabins to carouse in or corners to steal kisses between? Perhaps that is why she hadn't let herself be touched by the blonde. Perhaps that is why when every chance Emma got to cover a hand over a breast or slip under a waistband that that same hand was ripped away by Regina.

In exchange for such cruelty, Emma called for the same hands-off policy.

But the night was their reprieve where they could wrap arms about each other and sleep. For warmth, for protection, for fleeting comfort - that was all it defined itself as. It was a small slice of compassion in their cruel world and a price to pay in exchange for something greater that could not come of it. Could not because…

Emma didn't have the slightest clue. Things were changing. People were changing. Emma was feeling protective and needy, two things she would never have willingly chosen for herself. And the only thing she hated more than the burden of responsibility was relinquishing her independence. All that slipped away when Emma felt the skin under her palm. It was forgotten when Regina shifted, snaking arms around her and nuzzled into her neck. Fuck it. Being needy and protective felt damn good in those arms. She wanted Regina to feel better. She wanted them both to feel better.

Regina shivered against her as if she had heard the thought. The stroking against Regina's belly roused her from sleep.

"Why is your hand there?" Regina asked.

The disgust in her voice felt like the bite of one of those sharp chef knives Gold owned. Emma withdrew the hand and rubbed at her chest to make sure there was no wound.

Regina brought the sheet up to her chin and squeezed her eyes shut. From the moving of the thin white material it was evident how her body was shivering. "It's cold."

"That's why my hand was there."

"You did not ask. And I did not give you permission."

Okay, Emma thought, looks like it's going to be snippy Regina today.

"We kiss, but anything more is off limits. If you don't want me touching you than why do you let me in your bed? What's the point?" Emma regretted the words the moment they left her lips.

"What's the point?" Regina repeated to the space that had grown between them. Her teeth ground despite Emma's morning state. The blonde always managed to look adorable beyond words with her matted hair and the wrinkled fitted tank. Regina was aroused by the haphazard look, and at the most inopportune time. She hid her blushing cheeks with an angry snarl. "I thought I made that clear days ago."

"I just wanted you to be comfortable," Emma defended. Nothing further would get her out of from Regina's wraith so she threw out a flippant apology and turned on her other side.

Regina was right, she had made the new, constraining borders clear. Regina had grown detached, and reticent. More than usual, that is. Emma's advances had been pushed away with the request that 'this' not go any further than kissing. And if an olive toned leg happened to curl around a pale calf during the night than that would be acceptable, too, but nothing more. Emma had no clue what Regina had to hide. Whatever it was couldn't be terrible. She could handle a tattoo or piercing, though those possibilities never entered her mind as it was former mayor Regina Mills they were talking about. Prissy, perfect Regina. And yes, sexy as hell and beautiful inside out Regina.

Emma sulked and stared at the opposite wall. A stretch of silence followed before she felt Regina's hand on her lower back. A thumb roved from side to side while the palm held ownership over her spine. She turned over like she didn't want to be away in the first place. Regina looked like she needed to get something out – an apology, an explanation – but her heaving chest prevented it. The brown eyes were full of something besides tears. The emotion swirling in there was hard to pin down for it was liquid and mysterious. A shadow of the past, a vision of the future.

The burning in Regina's chest was unbearable. The confused expression staring her in the face made it worse. Emma's forehead wrinkled to excess as she tried to make sense of what was happening. Her effort was superfluous, Regina knew, but endearing. Without warning a sob bubbled up and she choked over it, a few tears slipping. Regina didn't want to fall back into that weakness – she still called it that. She didn't want to feel helpless and not be able to turn back the clock once it happened. Because it would happen. From the creases in Emma's forehead and her hitching breath Regina knew it would happen to both of them once the line was crossed.

Regina swallowed and whispered, "What would you have me do?"

"Let me…" Emma choked over her words as emotion bubbled up to the surface. Tears obscuring her vision she shook her head and settled for something better, something that would speak more than words could say.

It was the most tragic kiss they ever shared, mixed with tears and fueled by fears of impending hurt. Their mouths seared and burned with passion. Suddenly, the heat became real; it actually burned not as a metaphor, but searing your lips off burned. They broke apart with a pained gasp, each holding fingers to sore lips. Their eyes were as wide as the Grand Canyon when they saw it.

"What the –"

"Why are you…?"

"Jesus fuck!"

"How dare you curse in my presence?!"

"Jesus FUCK!"

Emma crashed to the ground from the shove. Flat on her back and moaning she rubbed the welt forming on her head. Her vision cleared just when it was absolutely not necessary. She inhaled sharply when she felt hands clamp around her wrists. Hunched over her and looking every bit the menacing queen was Regina, or Norman Bates' alter ego.

"I will ask once and if you refuse to answer or get smart with me I will make sure that head parts from your neck." Her grip tightened around Emma's wrists as her face came closer. "What were you doing in my bed?"

"You think I wanted to wake up with you? I have been known to have a few bright ideas but being in bed with you is not one of them. Jesus," Emma's voice curdled and face soured through her words, "considering our relationship that's just disgusting. I would assume you had too much to drink and threw yourself at me after another one of your guys' lover's spats."

Regina flinched visibly. Her mouth opened in retort but nothing came. Her memory of the night before was hazy. Maybe she had indulged more than she thought. The migraine rearing inside her skull would certainly explain it. Then brown eyes narrowed and she leaned further in. "From the way you were kissing me it would seem you fell all too easily for my plan."

"Come off it, Regina," scoffed Emma. "Your tongue made the first move. I was practically choked by your desperation."

"Where is my husband?"

"I can see the weight of your question, with you straddling me and all," Emma snarked and quickly answered, "How the hell should I know?"

"Humor me."

"What, did you forget to loop his leash around the bedpost again?"

Regina's hand met the cheek with a crack that rivaled lightening.

"God," Emma groaned from the impact, holding her reddening cheek. "You said to humor you! I humored you! Ha, ha, get it?"

She earned an elbow in the stomach before her assailant left the room like a tempest on dainty bare feet.


The telltale sound of a fight could be heard before Regina twisted the knob. She shouldered into the solid wood and with a whoosh the door practically swung off its hinges.

Clad in pajamas the couple continued their arguing despite their visitor. Technically, they were ex-couples, and Regina would remind them both of that fact. Painfully so. She leapt into the fray, claws out.

"How dare you! Steal him from me like a thief in the night!"

"Regina, honey…"

"You…" Regina's blazing eyes never left Mary Margaret's, "… you harlot!" The infamous persona she was once known by displayed in a deep voice, and looming shadow. She bared her teeth, ready to tear Mary Margaret limb from limb. She could eat her for breakfast and not in the loving sense. Regina's heart pounded in appeal for such vengeance. She needed the warm, curdling blood of Snow White on her hands. She could almost feel it, slippery, black. It felt like victory, or so she would imagine. Regina poured the burning sentiment straight into the child-like eyes of Mary Margaret, the woman who would be her enemy in any world, at any time, and in any parallel universe. Her fists clenched and her face reddened. The wraith of the Evil Queen was upon them.

"This is not what it looks like," David assured gently.

"David's right," Mary Margaret took a step towards the growing shadow. "Nothing happened. It's a misunderstanding, Regina. That's all. We woke up and –"

"You call waking up in bed together a misunderstanding? Enlighten me as to how that could – on the other hand, don't. Do not tell me. Are you so unable to control yourself that you would take another woman's husband? My husband?"

"It's not like that. I promise you I did not mean for this."

"You promise?" spat Regina, head jutting forward in disbelief. "You're promises lost their credibility when my fiancé was murdered. David is yours no longer. He is mine. It's been three years since the divorce. I think it's time to move on."

"Honey, you're making more of it than –"

"She will pay for this! I knew what her plans were for you. Lonely, dependent Mary Margaret missing her Charming and just can't do without him. I had my eye on her from the beginning. Ever since the wedding she's been following you, dear, watching from the shadows, clocking your movements. She looks at you like a needy, spoiled child who got her doll taken away. She probably knows what kind of coffee you get and what you order for lunch every Wednesday!" Regina turned to the petite woman as a fiery goddess of hell itself. "You had every intention of getting your claws into him. Ever since he left you for me."

"That was not my intention at all," Mary Margaret gaped, waving her hands furiously. "I don't want this. After everything we've been through I would never consciously do something that would threaten your happiness. I would never try to tear you two apart. David loves you and I've accepted that. I even remarried!"

"Oh, yes, the pawnbroker. What a lovely pair you make. Such a convincing match after the great romance of Snow White and Prince Charming."

"Regina!"

Wearing a frown, the brunette turned to the shout.

David said more gently, "Regina, she's right. I love you and nothing will change that. Mary Margaret will never change that. It's just you and me. Together, forever."

Regina softened to her and her husband's loving tag line. The scowl dissipated as she melted in the arms of her prince.

"Nothing happened," Mary Margaret repeated weakly, tears in her eyes.

"Like hell it did!"

A blonde head peeked in from the hallway. Emma wore a permanent expression of shock as her parents and stepmother fought it out in the ring. From past experience it was best to stay out of it. Though the same age as her parents these fights always had a way of making her feel small. It was like being the kid eavesdropping on their arguing mother and father, and fearing they would never be a family. In fact, that was exactly what was playing out.

Emma hung back despite the savior in her. David and Mary Margaret were in their pajamas and from the looks of the rumpled bed had just woken up together. Childlike hope bubbled up at the possibility that her parents were getting back together. They were always at their best together, and the rising voices were usually kept to a minimum compared to the days they were apart. And Regina, her evil stepmother. What a bitch. Talk about getting your claws in someone. She made it look so easy. Like taking candy from a really agreeable baby.

Regina had always been the singular cause of Emma's problems. She drove a wedge between her family, spent insurmountable time with her father, and caused such humiliation on her mother. Regina made Emma feel like an orphan.

Regina shot another vicious attack at Mary Margaret while David held her back. From around the door frame Emma could see the anger thrumming and the resentment burning. She could also see fear and pain. Emma remembered Regina's frenzied state during their little power struggle just moments ago. Emma remembered how watery her eyes were and how strange it might seem to attribute that to crying. Had Regina been crying before? If so, was Emma the cause?

"… and that daughter of yours - that girl - is nothing but a spoiled, arrogant brat."

"Hey!"

Three heads turned to the offended child standing in the doorway. Hands on hips she was more the adult in that moment than the other arguing fools.

"Emma," Mary Margaret breathed out. Shaking her head to rid herself of the bad juju swirling around the room she asked, "What are you doing up? And why are you still wearing your pajamas?"

"Um…" Emma, in her shorty shorts and tank top, experienced a jaw dropping moment as she wracked her brain for an excuse. Let's see, she thought there was a pajama party in town? No. She heard shouting and decided to break up the fight? Too predictable. She was hungry? Not if her mother's room was a kitchen, and it wasn't. How about she woke up next to her attractive yet bitchy stepmother whom she probably made cry, got straddled and interrogated which made her wet as fuck, and when she couldn't shut her trap she was subsequently beaten up and left on the floor?

Nope, never tell the truth no matter what.

The wide brown eyes locked with hers, almost begging. Emma's chest hurt at the sight of dried tracts that once ran like a river down her cheeks. She looked so goddamned scared.

"I, ah – I heard some shouting," she murmured barely above a whisper. "Just wanted to make sure everyone was alright."

"Everything is fine. Just a misunderstanding. Isn't that right?" David nudged his wife.

Regina nodded, still staring in abject fascination at the blonde.

"Thank you for your concern, sweetheart."

Emma nodded dumbly to her mother's words.

"I think this is enough family bonding for one day." Regina slipped from David's arms and flipped her hair back. "Come along, dear." She led him out by the hand, breezing past Emma without so much as a glance.


"Hey, love. Need a hand? Only have one to give, of course."

Emma grumbled something inaudible while battling it out with one of the sails.

"What's that, love?"

"I said don't call me that!"

"Sorry."

The unfurled sail dropped in a limp pile to the deck. Her shoulders slumped as she finally looked at the pirate. "No. I'm sorry, Killian. I didn't mean to… Just forget it. I'm an ass."

"Aye, we all are at some point in our miserable lives. Though your arse is the prettiest of the bunch."

"And who else would you be comparing me to? Anyone lately?"

Hook backed up before the blonde with crossed arms and a developing death glare. "Come on, you know I don't fool around anymore. Hook has done some growing up thanks to his very civil, non-glare-y eyed girlfriend. "

"Do I need to be jealous of this girlfriend of yours?"

"Oh, you're being funny now. I see."

Emma stiffened like a plank in the embrace, but let him kiss her. Hmm, she let him kiss her. That was a new one.

"Hey, you alright, lo-whoops, dear?"

"Oh god," she cringed at the pet name and pushed at his chest, "that's worse."

"Seriously now," he batted down the hands reaching for the sail and turned her around to face him, "you seem a million miles away. What's bothering you?"

A boot tapped away on the bridge while Emma bit on her lip. She did not want to unload her problems on Hook, especially when she didn't understand half of them and why they rustled up the most extreme of emotions. But Hook had always been a good listener, an odd feat she had uncovered after weeks of dating.

"I walked in on my parents."

"Ooo, this is getting good."

"No, you sicko. Regina was there, too."

"Even better!"

"Jesus, Killian, really? No, I walked in on them arguing."

"That's not news, Swan. Those three have been fighting since the beginning of time."

"This time was different." Way out of left field kind of different, Emma thought to herself. "My parents were fighting, but… it was not about Regina. I could see it in their eyes. They weren't fighting each other; they were fighting their feelings for each other. They haven't looked like that since before the divorce. It's just… I don't know why they keep kidding themselves. They're not fooling anyone, including their own daughter. God, I'm not a child and that's the way I'm treated every time we're in the same room together. And that Regina," Emma spat the name out like it was a bad taste in her mouth. Like it was poison.

"Ah, she's just protective is all. You know I've known Regina for a while and I can see why she is the way she is. In fact, I applaud her efforts in going on the offensive with Mary Margaret. The pixie princess needs reminding who David's attached to. Gotta hang on to what's yours, am I right?"

"Simmer down, you old pirate. That's my mother you're talking about."

Not appreciating the 'old' comment, Hook scratched his head with the point of his shiny attachment. He mumbled an apology which was followed by a roll of the eyes.

"She's just so manipulative. And there's no excuse for attacking my mother the way she does," Emma accused with a solitary finger. "We were all doing fine before she came along. My parents hardly fought, they were so perfect I wanted to vomit. But the way they looked at each other, how they exchanged gifts for no reason besides wanting the other to smile… It gave me hope that it would happen for me. But then that woman came along and screwed up a good thing. She tore apart my family, Killian, and there's no way I'd forgive her or make nice."

"Who said you had to make nice?" Hook inquired seriously. His chin lowered as he looked on Emma with concern. "Are you sure that's the only reason why Regina pisses you off? She seems to know how to push your buttons. Did she punch a particularly sensitive one today?"

Well, she certainly punched something, Emma thought rubbing the area that had received a queenly elbow. Why did Regina piss her off so much? And why did it seem like she knew all the ways to do so?

It's possible that the desperation behind wanting her parents to reunite had to do with Regina. Maybe Emma wanted Regina all to herself. With David back with Mary Margaret Regina would be left in the dust, alone and unloved. Chalk it up to being the savior, Emma wanted to be the one to catch the rejected woman. She literally wanted to wrap her arms around Regina and hold her, whisper sweet, romantic things in her ear, tickle her pulse with puckered lips. Her parents had been such an inspiration and a model of what two people in love were supposed to look like. Maybe a part of Emma wanted to look at Regina the way her mother still did with her father. Maybe Emma was waiting for a birthday to roll around so she could present Regina with a gift that would make her smile, even if it was displayed after said gift was thrown in the general direction of Emma's face.

Hold the phone. Back that train up.

Whisper sweet, romantic things in her ear? Pulses and puckered lips? What the hell?! Did I just inhale some funky pink magic? Emma thought. Did I just get impaled by a unicorn's horn and get reincarnated as a hopeless romantic with a thing for stepmothers?

It was starting to feel like the romcom version of The Twilight Zone. Emma didn't feel like herself. This wasn't her and Regina was to blame. She was manipulative, selfish, and just plain mean. Her father fell for the witch's charms and now Regina was after the poor, unsuspecting savior. Regina was playing Emma and probably having a gay old time watching her drooling and stuck with her head in the clouds.

"No," Emma replied both to herself and Hook's question. "She hasn't pushed my buttons. Not yet, but when she does – if she does – I will be ready for that evil home wrecker."

"Aye, those don't sound at all like the words of the spawn of Snow White and Prince Charming. What a princess I'm dating."

"I'm no princess. I'm not defined by who my parents were or what kingdom I lived in for so many hours. So what if a kid wants to get her parents back together." And get her hands in another woman's pants, Emma thought fleetingly. "You can't blame a girl for hoping."

His shoulders went up in a shrug. "If David and Mary Margaret are meant to be then they will find one other."

"Please!" Emma cried in anguish. "Not that again!" She slapped the jiggling shoulders and joined in the laughter.

"At lease we found each other. Not too shabby, huh?"

Placing her head on his chest Emma's arms looped around him in silent affirmation.

Her heart was not as agreeable.


"David, please. Just listen."

"No. We shouldn't be seen together after what happened."

"That's exactly what we have to discuss. When I woke up this morning and saw you laying beside me I… I…"

"Stop!" David shouted. He slammed down the pile of socks in his grasp. Grabbing the sides of the washing machine he hunched over, closing his eyes. "Mary Margaret, I can't do this."

She looked down at her feet whispering, "It's hard for me too you know. And I don't mean Regina. When I saw you this morning, all hair untidy and snoring like a baby it reminded me of what it used to be, before the… you know. And, well, I realized how much I missed that, seeing you so peaceful, so like the charming man I married."

"How long were you watching me sleep before I woke up?"

Eyes widening at her embarrassing admission she stuttered, "N-not long! Nothing happened!"

"I know, Mary Margaret. I know."

Mary Margaret had known her husband – ex-husband – long enough to tell when he was deep in thought. Despite the vows he took with another woman there was doubt showing in the creases of his face. She took a tentative step towards him and pressed hopefully. "But?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this. I shouldn't be thinking this."

"David, we may not be married anymore, but I'm still here. We have a beautiful daughter who without us has grown into someone her parents can be proud of. She has a family of her own now, but that doesn't mean she's any further away from us. Just because you have someone doesn't mean we can't bump into each other every once and a while. We're on a ship. It's bound to happen."

"Regina doesn't see it that way."

"What I meant was you and I can still be friends. We did well before just as Snow White and Prince Charming. Before we married. It can still be that way now." Mary Margaret placed a hand on the man's shoulder. Never had flannel felt so good under her fingertips.

David inhaled slowly and then let it out. He finally met her gaze and said, "I'm still in love with you."

"Wh-what?"

"When you woke up beside me this morning and… the way you were feeling towards me that's how I felt the moment I saw you. I had no idea how we got there, but once I opened my eyes and saw you…" his head shook from side to side like it was the world's most precious conundrum, "… you were as breathtaking as when I woke you from the sleeping curse. I couldn't believe my own eyes."

Mary Margaret felt a wave of emotion build up in her chest. Her eyes filled with tears and her chin trembled. This was not how their lives were supposed to turn out. David was meant to be the last man she ever kissed. Their marriage was ordained to be only marriage in their lifetime. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together, not having to find each other over and over and over again. But this... it was too much, and it was too late.

"I shouldn't have brought it up," she confessed. A hand was placed over her constricting chest, a comforting gesture to keep the sobs at bay. She couldn't even look at David when she said it. "I can't explain what happened this morning. What I can explain is the fact that I have a husband now, and you have a wife. This is absurd," her smile was about as much of a sham as their marriages, "I don't know what I'm doing."

She turned and left.

Without a thought – just a feeling - David rushed forward to snag the arm. He held onto the hand and stared Mary Margaret in the eyes. Her beautiful eyes were crying. He stared into them like they were the only things in his world because they always gave him a reason to stay grounded to it. He needed that same assurance while the earth shook beneath him, threatening to bury him in the misunderstandings that his life was defined by.

"I don't know either."


Emma was on her way for a midafternoon nap when she was confronted by a surly brunette. She didn't have to open her mouth to piss Emma off, just her mere presence did the job fine. In fact, Regina hadn't even spoken. She just stood in a wide stance, fists hung to her sides and glaring like someone about to steal some kid's lunch money. The strong, silent bully type. On Regina that combination translated as kind of adorable.

Hardly in the mood for round two, Emma didn't bother acknowledging the angry Pooh bear. If she had to stand there one more minute before Regina she'd have to make a beeline for a cold shower. She couldn't take Regina looking all authoritative and sexy. She couldn't see that without doing something about it. Or doing someone.

An arm planted itself against the wall, obstructing Emma's path. "I don't know what you are up to, Miss Swan, but it is borderline inappropriate."

"You got some n –"

"Ah!" Regina's raised finger stopped her midsentence. "I wasn't finished. I know what you and that sorry excuse for a fairy tale queen are up to. What I don't know is why she would be wasting her time with the pawnbroker if she still can't see past her previous marriage. Some people take their vows seriously. Your father and I are together and nothing, not some frumpy ex-wife or a hopeful child will change that. So if you think sneaking into my bed will tear my marriage apart you really are pathetic. David and I are committed to each other for better or for worse."

There was a long sigh. Emma made sure that it looked like Regina wasn't pushing her buttons. "God, you really are full of yourself."

"What?"

"No, really, that was a nice speech. It's exactly what you should say. It's perfect and neat and it probably makes sense. But you made one, maaaaybe two mistakes." Emma let that sink in. Seconds passed and Regina showed no signs of breaking her super strong façade. A smirk grew wide and cocksure on Emma's lips. She mocked, "I can't believe you don't remember. And you think I'm pathetic. I mean, I'm not shy about giving self-pleasure, but even I can't grind against myself, looking all hot and bothered. Actions speak louder than words, you Majesty.

"What are you insinuating?"

"I am, 'insinuating,'" she put in air quotes, "that you have the hots for me. You actually seem to think your charms work on me." Hands planted themselves on her hips as Emma stepped into Regina's personal space. She had to show her just how immune she was to her spell. The closer she was too that smoking hot body the more effective Emma's point would come across. Or so she hoped. She glanced down to see the throat bob up and then down in a gulp. Regina was so out of her league. This show Emma was putting on just might work.

Their eyes locked as Emma whispered right to Regina's mouth. "I may be my father's daughter but I am not so naïve as to fall into some desperate woman's trap. I mean, do I look like a sucker?"

Yes, Regina thought, she did. Whatever game Emma was playing was turning to a complete failure. She didn't know the rules like Regina did. She couldn't know the right moves or the sleight of hand in faking one. The moment Emma stepped forward her cheeks had gone rosy as well as her neck and chest. Her breath was quickening; Regina felt it in the breaths tickling her cheeks.

It was amusing to watch someone's confidence slip, especially when they were completely unaware of it. Regina had that affect. It pleased her to see Emma was no exception. It pleased her to the point that her own body was mirroring the blonde's in reddened cheeks and a racing pulse.

Emma was being predictable. Regina would be the opposite.

Emma was expecting one of two things. Regina would slap her across the face and call her something along the lines of 'harlot' or 'fallen woman.' The other option just consisted of more arguing. What she did not predict was Regina slamming her against the wall and taking her neck with her mouth. Oh my god, Emma thought, was Regina a vampire witch?

Emma's back collided into the wall with the sheer force of the advance. Regina took the flesh with her lips and sucked. Her teeth bit down enough for the blonde to cry out but not enough to break skin. A tongue swiped against the marks before another was placed beside it. Regina's eyes were slammed shut and she just kept at it, sucking, nipping, and soothing in a delirious pattern that had Emma on her toes in ecstasy.

Emma held her arms out awkwardly, not sure whether to push the wild animal away or press her closer. It was not until a hand dipped into her pants that she decided her own hands would be put to better use of the latter. Head hung back she let out a low moan. Regina's hand struck gold in the form of soaking wet cotton. Emma heard the resulting whimper. She smiled lazily, fingers clawed through short brown hair

Then it hit Emma like a Mack truck. Regina, her stepmother, her father's wife, had a hand on her crotch, rubbing agonizingly slow whilst moaning in her ear. It was all kinds of wrong. In yet her body was screaming that it was all kinds of right.

"I'm not gay."

It didn't at all come out like Emma wanted. The words were in their correct order, yes, but the husky tone it was spoken in and the way her hips pleaded against the stilled palm did absolutely nothing to back that statement up, a statement that may or may not be true.

Regina gaped, the corner of her mouth teasing a smirk. "That is what you came up with? Not, 'We're related,' or the fact that I'm older than you?"

Emma's head cocked and her eyes narrowed. The suspicion and scarcely concealed wonder painted on her scrunched face made Regina smirk wider. "None of those things bother you?" she asked.

"If they did do you think in that bleach blonde head of yours that I would be doing this?" The question was punctuated with a pressing index finger.

A whimper turned shriek let loose as Emma felt the shooting sensation spread from her clit to every end of her body. Her head fell back on the wood with a thump and she arched into the hand. She reached blindly for Regina and felt a firm breast in her grasp. A thumb grazed over nipple a few times, raising it to a peak. Regina moaned into her neck when she started massaging the flesh, fully grabbing and squeezing as her thumb made tight circles on the sensitive nub.

Over sensitized and never before this turned on Regina moaned louder. She pressed Emma against the wall further and grinded their bodies together with needed friction.

"Shit," Emma breathed as a tongue wet her ear. She felt the lips pull at her earlobe and suck gently. The woman took great care in lathing every curve. Grazing lips emitted hot gasps into her ear which Emma's body than translated into a glorious shiver felt to her very bones.

"Emma."

As the name registered in her sluggish brain a gasp escaped the parted pink lips. The silky smooth voice did things to Emma she wasn't sure were human. Regina's voice, her lips, her breath, the whole package brought a whole new meaning to 'out of this world.'

Regina ran her hands under Emma's top and up her back. Emma did the same but drew sharp lines with her nails on the way down. The devious act had Regina gasping and practically crying out in anguish. There was no backlash, though. Regina didn't fight back with the razor sharp words Emma was accustomed to or a hand cracking across a flushed cheek. Hot and intoxicated by Emma's boldness Regina simply continued her exploration of the shell of an ear with gentle flicks.

It came as a surprise that Regina could be animalistic one minute and affectionate the next. With a hand cupping her through her damp panties and the other grasping behind her neck Emma felt cradled in warmth. She felt safe in those arms. So protected and needed.

Regina pulled back to look at Emma. She appeared minutes from collapsing, but Regina held on. Her eyes were half-lidded in pleasure, her neck arched to display the marks made without care. Regina paned up to slightly parted lips. Licking her own she grazed them softly against Emma's. Their breaths hitched in sync when they each felt the feather light touch. They locked gazes then, reading the emotions swirling in their brown and green eyes. Regina's were no longer filled with fear or anger. Emma's were curious and tempted.

But they didn't kiss. A kiss would mean something more, which was something they didn't deserve – or what they think they didn't deserve. Emma and Regina were beholden to their partners, no matter how little love was shared in those relationships. To kiss would be a betrayal.

Noses touching, Regina felt the barely there smoothness of pink lips. Her own mouth shuddered as Emma's breath mingled with hers, teasing a tongue and lips that only understood one word: closer.

But it could never be.

Before Regina gathered the courage to close the distance Emma was slipping away. Like sand through a sieve, she escaped from Regina's protective embrace and ran.


"Where were you today?"

"Regina…"

She looked down and swallowed. She had no right to ask it, now when guilt was eating her alive. She was swallowed whole by another woman's strength and inner grace; captured by her very presence. Set free by the peace found in the arms of another only to be imprisoned by a marriage she didn't believe in.

So yeah, Regina was screwed.

"I've been here all morning and afternoon," David said, not looking up from the pile of laundry. He picked up a shirt and folded it neatly. "You know that."

Regina inhaled shakily. Her eyes were fixed on the white tank top being folded.

"Regina? Honey, don't cry. I wasn't trying to make you feel bad."

"I'm fine," she snapped.

David's hand fell. He shrank back with an expression of hurt.

"I… I didn't mean to… never mind." Her head went from side to side. She wiped at her cheek and sniffed.

David dropped the tank top and rushed to her side, bringing her in a hug. "Tell me."

"It's n-nothing," she sobbed, not wanting to answer. Then lips betrayed her, settling for a partial truth. "You're too good for me. I don't deserve you."

"Don't say that." His hand rubbed soothing circles on her back. "What we have is special. It's ours, no one else's. You're safe here. Shhh."

She was pinned to him, hands splayed to his chest and nose grazing his itchy flannel. Eventually she gave in. Laying her head to his chest she let his shirt catch the errant tears. They stayed like that until she could see through drier eyes.

A creak sounded from the hallway. Regina's head lifted, her hands still buried in flannel. David had not heard the noise, which was probably best for everyone.

Through the half-open door was Emma.

Brown eyes fluttered. Plump lips opened. Nothing vocal came from Regina, but her heart was screaming out for the woman standing there in all kinds of remorse. Green eyes dropped to the floor. Pale lips formed a thin line. She left.

"We should probably talk more."

"What?"

"Us," David clarified, meeting her stare. "We should talk about us. It seems like we spend more time fighting than working out our issues. Whatever happened before is in the past. How about we plan for the future, huh? Let's talk about building our own family."

"I do not agree."

"About making a family?"

"No, about the talking thing. I don't want to talk."

The back of his neck was grasped as Regina pulled him in for a kiss. It was not like before. Lips were not smooth like hers. Breath was not sweet like cocoa. There was no arousal growing in her belly or tingling across her skin. No trace of the unexplainable magic she felt when her lips grazed Emma Swan's. But she remembered it just the same when her mouth moved on her husband's. It was all she remembered. It was all she knew. It was Emma.

"Emma."

David broke the kiss.

"Did you say something?"

"Emma," she whispered again. Her closed eyes were still holding the image. Feeling the memory on her lips she finally opened her eyes to the real world.

"What?!" David cried.

Regina saw David and then his bruised lips. "What?!"

"Oh my god!"

"Oh my god!" Regina slapped a hand over her mouth. She was going to vomit.

"You said my daughter's name while you were kissing me."

"Kissing you? Kissing you? Why would I kiss you, Charming?"

"Because… well," eyes roving wildly he bucked up the courage to raise his voice, "because I'm your husband goddamnit."

"You're my what?!" she barked. The second it left her lips more images of her fake life came flooding back. "You think we're married."

"We are married."

"Oh my god."

David's confused expression developed to squinting eyes and an agape mouth. The wheels of his brain must have been clogged because he continued to appear dazed and confused. He looked about as dopey as a Labrador drunk on Milk-Bone. It was clear where Emma got her genes from.

"All right," sighed Regina, her hands in front of her in a calming gesture, "David, I think we were put under a spell. That's why you think we are married. From what I remember the rest of the crew are affected as well. The spell must have broken after we kissed. But…" her brows knit together and she stared off, "… I wasn't thinking of you, so the kiss only affected me."

"Regina, honey, you're not making any sense. If the whole crew was cursed than who would have enacted the spell?"

"I have no idea. First thing's first. You have to wake up from this delusion. I can't stand you like this."

"Hon –"

"The next time you call me that I will have you hanging from your boot straps above a sea of blood thirsty sharks and not even your wife – your real wife – will be able to do anything about it."

His jaw snapped shut and he gulped audibly.

"Now," straightening her back she shook out her hands to loosen herself up. If she could do any of the horrible things she did as queen she could certainly do this. God, just the thought of asking was about as torturous an experience as being electrocuted. She took a deep breath, willing her body to obey. "Kiss me," she instructed with slight recoil.

"… okay."

She held his lips back with two fingers and added, "But think of Mary Margaret and don't tell me you can't. I know you love her. I've known you both for far too long and from that insufferable time I know that you and Mary Margaret will…" she cringed inwardly, "…will always find one another." David was sputtering a weak refusal until Regina, hackles up, roared, "Do it David!"

Like every day for the three years he thought he was married to Regina Mills, he bent to her will and leaned in. Eyes drifting closed he thought of the ex-wife he desperately wanted back and did the deed.

Lips held in a firm line Regina kept her eyes (and everything else for that matter) shut. It wasn't until she heard the horror stricken shriek that she opened them.

"Wh-ugh!" he cried. As the memories came flooding back David reeled backwards almost tripping on a chair.

They both wiped furiously at their mouths, immensely grossed out but relieved it would never happen again, not if they put each other out of their misery first.

"How will we wake up the others? We can't go around kissing everybody."

"No, I doubt it would work anyway," Regina lied. She shifted from one boot to the other and looked down clumsily. "I have an idea of how to wake up Emma. I can deal with her if you want to do your wife."

David nodded. He then threw a curious glance her way and asked, "Hey, did you say something about Emma earlier? Before you woke up, I mean?"

A throat cleared. "Whatever are you talking about?"


"Emma, please listen!"

She was not, of course. The wood steps creaked under heavy boots as Emma rushed down the stairs and down the hallway to escape the woman gone mad. Seriously, Regina had lost her mind. Having played stepmother to Emma's mother, Regina declared war on the Charmings, cursed them to a fake town in Maine only to be defeated, sort of redeemed and somehow 'in love' with Snow White's husband. A quickie divorce followed by a quickie marriage followed by three years of rubbing it in Mary Margaret's face and now she was proposing a make out session with her own stepdaughter. Emma's brain felt like scrambled eggs just thinking about it.

Rounding the corner she headed towards her cabin. Try as she might Emma was not fast enough. Hearing Regina fast on her heels she stopped and faced the inevitable.

"This will not work if we don't kiss. That is how this has to happen."

"Regina, are you okay? You're not making any sense."

"The hex!" Regina shouted, waving her hand for emphasis. "We are all under a transference spell. It's…" Her words dragged off into the space between them. She flipped her hair back with a hand. Eyes closed as she tried to find the proper way to explain a complex curse to a six-year-old. "It is like body switching only instead of bodies it is emotions that are switched from one person to the other. David and I are not under the spell because we were thinking of our other halves – no, our significant others, or… damn, no, just…"

Emma's eyes widened at the very crazed looking woman before her. Emma's hand went out of its own volition to ground the brunette speaking nonsense. Or was it nonsense?

"… you know what I mean. And when we kissed we woke from the curse."

"What?" Emma surprised even herself with the jealous shout. She pulled the hand back like it had touched Satan himself. It was absurd. Regina wasn't even hers to be jealous over. "You kissed my dad?!"

"I was thinking of you."

"Oh that makes it better! You really know how to make a girl feel special."

"Will you stop acting like a jealous teenager and kiss me?! It's the only way the spell can be broken."

"Excuse me?"

"Are you deaf? The curse can only be broken with a kiss. That shouldn't be news to you. It's not like this is your first time."

"Well, that was a true love kiss."

Indeed, Regina thought. She saw Emma slouching there with crossed arms and blunt skepticism on her face. It was so like her to be stubborn about curses and kissing. She couldn't imagine how frustrating it was for Henry to convince this woman of Operation Cobra's validity. Letting out a heavy sigh, Regina said, "I will not force it upon you. If you want to kiss me than kiss me."

"Uhhhhh…"

You don't want to?"

"I'm confused."

Regina rolled her eyes and could have laughed. Without warning she took Emma's head in her hands and brought their lips together.

It was instantaneous. When the lips pressed more firmly against hers, Regina knew it was her Emma. Free of the spell there was no holding back from the blonde. Emma pulled back to make absolutely sure it was Regina she was making out with. When it was confirmed their lips reunited in a hungry display of passion.

Hardly taking a breath, Regina backed Emma into a corner and slammed Emma against the wall for a second time that day. Fingers tightened in her hair. She was on the verge of sobbing at the pleasure and pain that came of scraping nails.

"Fuck," Emma gasped, "I didn't know I'd feel like this."

A liquid chill ran through Regina's veins, stiffening her body like a frozen statue. She reared back slowly with fear clouding her vision. "Feel like what?"

"Like I haven't seen you with my own eyes in…." Forever, Emma finished to herself. Her eyes beheld her own thumb caressing Regina's cheek. "I missed you."

Regina's eyes fluttered closed. Emma missed her. Well that wasn't so bad. It was sort of akin to missing bearclaws, or missing a lost dog. Regina frowned, realizing she just compared herself to a dog and a sugary pastry.

"I missed you, too," Regina finally admitted, her eyes soft and her smile honest.

They kissed softly, patiently. Hands never left cheeks, hearts only growing.

Suddenly Emma pulled back again. Her face revealed her revulsion and gaping shock. "You kissed David!"

"Oh," Regina murmured. "It couldn't be helped. There was no other option in breaking the spell."

"You kissed my dad?!"

Regina shrunk under the rising voice. "I was thinking of you."

"Yeah, you said that."

"And why are you accusing me? You were all over Hook!"

Emma's head jerked back on her neck. She made a sour face, groaning, "Oh my god. I was."

Regina bit her lip and bobbed her leg anxiously. It had to come out sooner or later. Now was a better time than any. Looking down at the floor Regina mumbled quietly, "Well, to be accurate it wasn't the first time I tried to kiss your father."

"Do you want me to vomit all over you?"

A commotion from above made them pause. When they got to the upper deck it was clear that one of the crew was still under the curse.

"Back I say! Back!"

"Sweetheart, it's me. It's your Rumplekins."

"Will you snap out of it?! And stop trying to kiss me you wrinkly old bastard!"

"I know. I know you don't love me for my looks, but there are many likable qualities behind this face. Because true love is about what is underneath," he sang sweetly, "not what is on the surface."

"Ugh, if you knew what you were saying…"

Emma's eyes widened as her mother kept her 'true love' back with his own cane. The short woman prodded Gold, keeping him at a safe distance while trying to talk sense into the man. It was like watching a fairy tale version of National Geographic: Snow White taming the wild, love sick beast.

"It's evident that my mother will not be locking lips with Gold any time soon, even if he's thinking of Belle when it happens. Regina, you should really help them out. Break the spell."

It was no question; Regina had the power to break it. Being the Dark One, any threatening spell placed upon him could be easily broken, and more importantly broken without a kiss.

"Why should I? They would do no such thing for me," she said darkly. Crossing arms over her chest she leaned back leisurely against the ship's railing. "In fact, I'm rather enjoying this little set up." She caught her lip between her teeth to keep from grinning too widely, but oh what the hell. Letting go of the plump flesh she beamed in delight.

"Okay, I'm going to give you a good 15 more seconds of this and then you change him back."

"Yes, dear."

Emma checked her watch. Five seconds…ten seconds… she looked up as Mary Margaret shrieked, having lost the cane in their passionate struggle… 13 seconds… Regina hooted with laughter when the other brunette craned her neck back from the pursed old lips… 14 seconds… Gold leaned in… 14.5 seconds… Gold was inches from his goal… 15 seconds…

"GO!" Emma shouted at Regina, pulling her own hair out. "Now, now, NOW!"

"Time flies when you're having fun," sighed Regina, rolling up her sleeves with sorrow. She threw a purple stream of smoke in Gold's direction before he could lock lips with Mary Margaret. The spell was reversed instantly.

There was a horrified gasp when Gold's eyes opened (literally and metaphorically) to the petite woman inches from his face. Eyes bulging they both pushed away and backed up ten feet. They would have widened the distance, had there not been an ocean of water behind them.

Regina still chuckled. "That was certainly worth it."

"Now," Emma sighed and looked around, "what about Hook?"

"Your father seems to have it under control."

Emma followed Regina's gaze towards stern and had to snicker at the scene.


Fists hung to his sides David's face grew redder with every word that came from Hook's mouth. It only took a few harsh words of his own and a steely jaw to back the captain into a corner.

"Well, you certainly picked the opportune time to act macho," Hook sassed. "Your watch must be off a few minutes. Where the hell were you when the bolt rope was jamming?"

"Don't get smart with me you old pirate! You kissed my little girl!"

"Emma?" He guffawed loudly, and winked. "She's hardly a little girl if you ask me."

David's fist went out like Thor's hammer and met the chin with a resounding thwack.

Body twisting comically with his head, Hook landed hard. When he came to seconds later his memories returned. Lovingly petting the wood floor of his ship, he greeted it with a smile. "Hello, sweetie."


From afar a golden fairy clapped her hands, rejoicing in her accomplishment. It only took a sprinkling of magic dust and a predisposition towards true love for her subjects to pass the test. The spell had opened their long shut eyes to what was in front of them from the start. Time would no longer be wasted on past insecurities, and the relentless push would be converted to pull. If they didn't understand before, they did now.

Flapping her wings mightily, she rose to the sky with a delighted smile.

On to the next unsuspecting fools in love.