Forgive me for being rude and not updating sooner. I have literally just written this in like, an hour and a half, which is almost a record for me.


The third week after the accident was the most emotional one for Kate.

It wasn't just Castle and their evolving relationship she had to worry about. It was also Kate's frustration with not being able to go back to the precinct yet. She still had to pass the physical and psychological tests and it wasn't that she was afraid of not passing them, she was just tired of being at home all the time and not having anything to do.

Basically, she was bored as hell and didn't know what to do other than take short walks up and down the street, all with the help of Castle of Lanie – who also came to visit often – or the boys, but that rarely ever happened, because they were almost always working.

Kate was also tempted to look into her mother's murder again, and she had already pulled the files out one day, when there was a knock at the door.

It was Castle. And when he saw the files on her kitchen counter and the window shutters, that hid Kate's murder board, opened he reacted very strangely.


FLASHBACK

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Kate?" Castle asked her timidly, instead of his usual kiss-Kate's-cheek-and-ask-her-if-she-needs-anythin g routine. Kate usually didn't get scared, especially not around Castle, or because of him, but this time, she was. She had to admit. She was absolutely frightened about Castle leaving and not ever coming back, because she just couldn't keep her nose out of her mother's murder.

"I was just – look, Castle, it's not what it looks like, I swear, I was –"

"You were what? Diving back headfirst into your mom's murder? Trying to get yourself killed!? Jesus, Kate. Do you even realize what you're up against?"

Kate's mouth fluttered open and closed a few times, before she noticed that Castle seemed to know something she didn't. And she was very, very intent on figuring it out.

"No, I don't. What am I up against, Rick? Since you seem to know so much more about it?" she demanded, her tone steel hard and ice cold. Castle visibly flinched. Kate wasn't sure if it was because of the way she asked the question or because he actually was hiding something.

Castle's eyes lowered to the floor as he palmed the back of his neck with his left hand.

He was hiding something from her. Kate was sure of it.

"Castle." The man in question looked up and looked at her with eyes full of regret and sorrow. There was no anger from before. It was just that. Regret and sorrow. And guilt.

"Castle," Kate tried again, but her voice shook with fear that was clenching inside her stomach. "What did you do?" she whispered and Castle's lips tightened into a straight line.

"I did it to protect you," he started and Kate could already feel sick with dread. "He called me out of the blue. And he – he has the files, everything's in there, so –"

"What files? Rick, what the hell are you talking about?"

"About Johanna's murder. And the conspiracy. Smith – the man who called me, although I presume that is not his real name – has the files. He knows the name, Kate. So he struck a deal with them; you don't investigate the murder, you stay alive." Kate looked pale as a ghost. She felt that way, too. She couldn't even process his words well enough to understand that someone out there knew the name of the man who ordered her mom's murder, that someone was trying to help her, but what-

Oh my God, Kate thought.

"What do you have to do with this? Castle. Are you a part of this?" she hissed out, her eyes watering, her teeth pressing against her tongue to ensure she didn't say anything more, instead waited for Castle's answer. Her heart drummed against her ribcage.

"If Smith were to protect you, he needed the help of someone who could make you stop investigating." Kate's eyes clouded over. It was him all along. He had the information that could give her the break she needed, that clue that could finally lead somewhere solid. But he didn't say a word about it for nearly a whole year, instead pretended that everything was fine, that she was fine, and the only thing keeping her alive was a dumb deal her partner had made because he thought he could save her?

No one could save her. Not even Castle. That was what she kept saying to herself anyway.

"Why? Why would you keep this from me, Castle, this was the one thing that could end it all and you hid it from me, like it was something you had the right to do. It's my mom, Castle. It is my life. You kept bulldozing into it, and you've gone too far this time, for God's sake, you put your own life on the line. You betrayed me," she gritted out, the tears she had been trying to keep at bay spilling over the hills of her cheeks.

Suddenly, Kate felt too exposed, too vulnerable. She wanted to run away, from Castle, from this whole case, from her catastrophe of a life and cry herself out. Instead, she had a broken leg and a broken relationship all at the same time, even if she didn't want any of it.

Her whole damned life was a freaking mess. She didn't know why Castle would even want to wait for her, why he would want to stay. She wasn't worth it.

And that is when Kate realized that she couldn't let this one thing ruin them. She didn't want to. She had been trying to be more for him, to be able to be with him without her imperfections trying to destroy her all the time, but this was her mom's murder and oh God, she couldn't breathe.

"Kate, are you – Kate!" was the last thing she heard before the black dots swarming her vision filled into total darkness and she passed out.


Waking up wasn't exactly magnificent after that. Kate had a headache and as she turned onto her side in her bed, she found a glass of water and some pain relievers on the nightstand.

She sighed internally. Castle.

"Hey," came the quiet voice from the doorstep. Castle was leaning against the doorjamb with his hands in his pockets. He was wearing a pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt that accentuated his physique. Kate told herself she couldn't think about that right now and instead focused on taking those pills.

She stretched her left arm to gather them in her palm and swallowed them quickly, then appreciated the feeling of cold water running down her throat. She put the glass back on the nightstand and sat up in the bed.

Castle hadn't moved the entire time. His tired eyes stared her down, once she plucked enough courage to look at him.

"You feeling any better?" he asked. Kate nodded.

"Yeah. I'm fine." There was a couple of seconds of awkward silence, before Castle sighed and covered his face with his hands, exhaling loudly.

"What am I going to do with you?" Kate could hear from beneath those fingers pressed against his face. He sounded so wrecked.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking that?" she replied instead of commenting on his voice. He dropped his hands and came to sit on the side of the bed in front of her.

"Kate. I was thinking. Maybe I pushed you too much back at the hospital. Maybe you could use some space from me."

Kate gaped at him. "No," she said then. Castle's eyes widened in shock at her refusal.

"What do you mean?"

"It means that I'm saying no. You're not running away from this and I'm not running either. We agreed to give it our best, Rick, and I want to do it. I'm so sick of everything coming between us and pushing us apart, and I want to talk things through. I don't want to take a break from you. You're pretty much the only thing still keeping me sane at the moment and if you go, I don't know how I'll even function. Please. Don't go," she whimpered. She mentally cursed her needy and desperate voice, but at the same time, she mentally applauded herself for standing up for what she wanted, for finally listening to her heart.

Rick couldn't say a word. All he could do was stare at her with open mouth and eyes wide as the Pacific.

"Rick? Say something." Kate's voice finally brought Castle out of his . . . whatever that was, but oh man, did it feel good to finally hear words like that come out of Kate's lovely mouth. Speaking of Kate's mouth . . . She was currently biting her lip so hard, she was going to pierce the skin any second.

"I really want to kiss you right now," was all that Castle could say. It was one of those moments when his filter just kind of failed him. And come on, who didn't want to kiss Kate?

The detective stiffened, her lower lip escaping from the confines of her teeth, her mouth shaping to form an 'o'.

But she didn't say no.

Rick internally cheered.

And also, moved closer to Kate, his breath fanning over her skin. He raised his hand, ran a thumb up her arm, then clasped his palm over her shoulder. Kate was shivering, her eyes glazed, the pink line above her chin glistening, her legs spreading to make it able for Castle to come nearer. And he did. He kneeled on the bed, in the vee of her legs, one of his hands now already caressing Kate's neck and diving into the curls of her hair. His other hand wrapped around Kate's hip, fingers stroking over the thin line of skin above the hem of Kate's sweats, where her t-shirt had ridden up. His face came closer.

"Castle," Kate half-whispered, half-moaned, and her lids fluttered, eyelashes almost slashing across her cheeks.

They were maybe two inches apart, noses already bumping and tongues wetting lips, fingers gripping so hard they were bruising, rapid breathing and heartbeats so loud, trapped in such a small, intimate moment in a quiet room, when it happened.

Castle's phone rang, and he and Kate both startled so hard, they almost smashed their heads together. After avoiding that disaster, Castle jumped back, away from Kate, and unintentionally almost toppled off the foot of the queen-sized bed.

Kate didn't know if she should laugh or just not say anything, not do anything, because they were so damned close to kissing, and she was going to freak out.

"Alexis. Hey," Castle breathed out into the receiver, then looked nervously at Kate, running his free hand through his hair. "Wait, back up. What did she do?" he asked Alexis, then sent Kate a look, excusing himself, and he left the bedroom, shutting the door after him.

That left Kate enough time to plop down on her back, stare at the ceiling and then, when she could feel her mouth stretching up, her cheeks moving, her teeth baring themselves to the air, Kate turned her face into one of the pillows, bit the fabric, and tried not to scream out like a teenager too loudly.

HERE COMES THE LINE. (:

She found him by the front door, putting on his shoes, his back turned to her. Of course, Kate took the opportunity to check him out. She was only human, after all. And also in love with this man.

What!?

Okay, so 'in love' might had been a bit of a strong phrase for something like this, but at the same time, Kate wanted to hit herself, because yes, she admitted, she was in love with him, head over heals and all that cheesy stuff.

A smile broke out on her face, and that's how Castle saw her when he straightened up.

"What are you smiling so cheerily about?" he asked her, slipping his suit jacket up over his arms and onto his shoulders. Kate could feel herself getting hot.

"Nothing," she lied, but shuffled closer. "Are you leaving?" she asked, then remembered how she had begged him not to, just before he almost kissed her and she almost let him.

"Yeah. Alexis, she um . . . Mother's brought her acting class into the loft again, and Alexis has given up on studying or just being there, so she asked me if I could meet her for ice cream and coffee down the street."

"Oh," Kate replied. She wasn't happy that he had to go. Hell, if he didn't get that call, they'd be making out like a couple of horny 16 year olds, for sure. Then she'd be happy. But not now. Not when she'd been bored and alone and she missed him the very second he stepped through the door every time he left.

"You know, you could . . . you could come with us."

Kate shook her head. "I wouldn't want to impose, Castle. Besides, I don't really know how Alexis feels about me at the moment, and I also can't really go that far, seeing as I should still be resting as much as possible. So, I guess no."

"Kate."

"Castle. I'm serious. You've been here every day for the past three weeks. Go be with your daughter. I'm sure you miss her," Kate reasoned. She wanted to be selfish and tell him that she would come with, but at the same time, he wasn't just hers. Well . . . she didn't even know if he was even a bit hers.

"Okay. I do miss her. But I miss you too, you know." Her stomach fluttered.

"You haven't gone yet."

"I'll miss you when I do go. It's weird, not being around you."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean," Kate told him sincerely and gave him a warm smile. Castle stepped closer and enveloped her in his arms. He smelled like lavender and coffee and softness and home. Kate never wanted to let go. But then he let go. He smiled at her, brushed a wayward strand of hair out of her face, then leaned down to kiss her cheek, just a breath away from her mouth, lingered there to brush his lips against her jaw once again.

"I'll see you tomorrow," he said as he stepped back and opened the door. Kate exhaled shakily and nodded.

"Tomorrow."

And then he left.


So I wanted to get this secret out of the way, too. They WILL talk more about this, just not right now.

I don't really have an excuse for not uploading this sooner. I tried to write so many times, but I just couldn't. Until today.

Thoughts? (:

Ariela