… there is hope
Slowly Seamus came to.
Above his head he saw the characteristical ceiling of the hospital wing. He had woken up here far too often to not recognize it. Mostly due to his exploding accidents but this time he did not remember any exploding.
So why was he here?
"Seamus?" a voice suddenly called him. Seamus looked up and saw his best friend sitting by his bed.
"Dean? Everything ok?" he wanted to know because Dean looked awful. Although Dean was dark skinned, Seamus knew him long enough to know he was pale. His eyes were red and Seamus could spot dark circles under them, like he had not slept in some time.
Dean looked at him with sad eyes then looked at Seamus wrists.
Slightly confused Seamus followed his glaze and saw that his wrists were tightly bandaged.
"Why didn't you tell me?" asked Dean with tears in his eyes.
And with that all came back to Seamus. His father's words, cutting himself and being ready to end his life. Also the realization hit him that this stranger on the tower had not been a stranger at all. It had been Dean.
Seamus looked at the blanket and could not meet Dean's eyes.
This had been also one of the reasons why he had never thought his suicide through. Why he was sort of afraid of suicide.
What would happen if he did not succeed?
His father would think he was even more of a failure than he had already thought. His mother would not say anything but secretly would agree with his father.
"Seamus?" said Dean but Seamus could not meet his eyes.
"Madam Pomfrey wanted to inform your parents" told him Dean and Seamus could not suppress a flinch.
"I asked her not to. I guess I was right."
"Thank you" mumbled Seamus barley hearable but Dean heard him anyway.
"You don't have to tell me why you did it if you don't want to" here Dean's voice broke. He had to clear his throat a couple of times before he could continue.
"I just want you to know that I care. I care about you and I am going to there for you."
Seamus finally looked up and saw Dean smiling.
"Thank you Dean" he said and tried to smile back but could not.
Seamus had lived in darkness for too long, to let himself be fooled by hope. He had had those rays of hope before but every time the darkness in his mind had consumed them. Leaving him more desperate than before.
But those last times he had been alone. This time Dean knew, told Seamus a part of his mind.
"Shay?" Dean asked and Seamus turned his attention back to his best friend.
"Could you promise me one thing?" Dean said and Seamus nodded reluctantly.
"If you have to urge to cut again or if you … want to stand on the tower again don't do it. Come to me instead and we talk" Dean said and laid his hand on one of Seamus' bandaged wrists.
"Or I'll do the talking if you don't feel like talking."
"I am going to help you through this" Dean promised and this time Seamus managed a smile.
A small smile but a smile nonetheless.
"Ok" he answered.
Maybe, just maybe, if Seamus held on to the ray of hope it would stay this time. With Dean's help.
I wish you guys in advance a happy new year. May all your dreams come true.
Don't give up!
