Where Has This Gone?
Chapter Two
Lily awoke in her own bed, still dressed, minus shoes. She yawned widely, her arms stretching over her head as she heard her joints click into place. She lay with her eyes closed for a moment more before allowing herself to see her dormitory. The girls she shared the room with- Marlene, Katie, and Alice- were still asleep. She watched the dust particles float on the sunlight that filtered in through the half-open curtains hanging from the window. She stretched once more and swung her legs out of bed. Her sock-clad feet made no noise as she padded to her trunk to dig out her uniform.
Lily's dorm mates were just waking when she slipped out of the room and down the stairs of the girls' dormitories. She hurriedly gathered her books and notes that had been left by the chair she'd fallen asleep in the night before. A blush rushed to her cheeks at the thought of falling asleep next to James Potter. Lily assumed he had been the one to carry her back to her dormitory. She lugged her belongings back to her room, setting them down quietly. Marlene was struggling to get a shoe on, and Lily giggled. Marlene glared pointedly at her- Marlene was not a morning person- and continued in her struggle. Lily continued to wait for her friend until she was ready, and the pair trudged down to breakfast together.
As they walked, Marlene regained her usual, cheery persona and was chattering with Lily by the time they sat at the table. They slipped onto the bench across from each other and immediately, Marlene piled food onto her plate, causing Lily to chuckle. Lily began to do the same, though much more slowly. Minutes later, the Marauders- as they had come to be known around the school- approached the table where they sat. Sirius slid into the space beside Marlene, coming to a rest rather close next to her, greeting her and wrapping an arm around her waist. Lily exchanged a glance with Remus, who pretended to gag at the display of affection, causing Lily to giggle. She felt a warm body next to her and looked to see James Potter sitting next to her. She raised her eyebrows at his closeness, and he moved away slightly.
"Morning, Evans," he chirped. Lily was slightly put off by his uncharacteristic cheeriness, but greeted him in return, following with saying hello to Remus and Peter.
"Sleep well, Evans?" Sirius asked from across the table. Lily glared at him, and she was fairly sure she caught James doing the same out of the corner of her eye.
"What did I do?" he asked innocently as Marlene elbowed him. Lily rolled her eyes, but allowed a smile to slip onto her face.
For the rest of the day, James was waiting to walk Lily to her classes, and the Marauders ate lunch with Lily and Marlene. Marlene had been poking fun at her all day because of James, but Lily only teased her back. When dinnertime came around, the other Marauders were making less subtle jokes than usual about James and Lily. One particular one from Sirius had Lily burying her face in her hands when her cheeks lit up like a flame, though James was laughing loudly with the rest of them.
The group made their way back to the common room, Sirius and Marlene drifting off to sit in a chair off to the side of the group, much to the teasing of the other Marauders. Sirius flipped them off behind his back, and fortunately for him, Marlene didn't see.
Remus and Peter sat on the sofa across from James and Lily, and the four were chatting amiably about classes. Peter and Remus were in the midst of a heated discussion about Slughorn's essay when James shuffled closer to Lily. The pair who were debating didn't notice, but Lily certainly did.
"Potter, what are you doing?" she murmured without looking at him. James grinned at her.
"What do you think I'm doing?" he murmured back. Lily's lips tugged at a smile.
"I think you're trying to make a move and failing," she responded, chuckling softly, looking at him now. James feigned hurt, placing a hand on his chest, and shuffling closer once more, so their knees were just barely touching. Lily looked up at him, suppressing a smile as he smirked at her. He laid an arm across her shoulders, his fingers on her shoulder hot through her sweater.
"Potter, you're quite terrible at this, you know. I honestly don't know how you've ever gotten a girl," Lily teased. James's smirk turned into a teasing grin, his fingers beginning to trace patterns on her shoulder.
"Oh, really? So you don't feel anything right now?" he murmured back, his grin telling her that he knew. He knew her heart was tattooing a rhythm into her ribcage, could feel it, likely. She narrowed her eyes playfully, shoving him with her shoulder. He chuckled, pulling her closer.
"Hmm… I think I'm right, aren't I, Miss Evans?" James poked at her. Lily rolled her eyes and attempted to pull away half-heartedly. By now, Remus and Peter had noticed the exchange and their debate was half-hearted and half-nonsense as they paid more attention to James and Lily. Remus had a knowing smile on his face, while Peter just looked slightly confused. Lily blushed at the audience. In a sudden movement, Remus stood to leave and tugged Peter with him. Lily watched them go, bewildered by the sudden change of mind. She looked to James, and understood. He had told them to bugger off. She internally rolled her eyes, but didn't really mind. She allowed him to pull her closer again, and drew her knees up to rest against him. She looked up to see him already staring. She offered a smile, and he returned the favor.
"So, Miss Evans, what are you thinking of me now?" James asked. Lily rolled her eyes and promptly refused to answer. James chuckled and lightly poked her side, causing her to squirm away from his half-embrace. He jutted out his lower lip, causing her to suck in a sharp breath and look at her hands folded in her lap.
"Ah, I know what you're thinking of me, if you won't answer." The implication made Lily blush and hit his arm lightly, causing James to laugh unapologetically. Lily yawned widely, rubbing her eyes a moment before laying herself down, her head in James's lap. Nerves flared momentarily at her own daringness, but when James lay an arm across her waist, she realized nothing she did would be too forward with him. She smiled up at him before closing her eyes, not to sleep, but to enjoy the moment. She wondered what he thought, when she did things like this- leaning into his embraces, laying her head on him, grabbing his hand to drag him somewhere. Did he think she liked him in return, that she was leading him on, that she was only being friendly? Honestly, she didn't know what she thought, except that she wasn't leading him on, and that she wasn't being friendly. But to like Potter in return? The thought itself was preposterous.
Lily shook herself out of her thoughts when she felt James's fingers toying with her hair. Her eyes flittered open and met his and she smiled. He looked deep in thought, lost in it rather. Once more, she wondered what he was thinking. Did he enjoy the moments like these? The ones she was sure he had waited a long time for? And was that what she wanted? For these moments to continue? For him to think things like that?
Suddenly, he leaned down, and Lily panicked. As he neared, her eyes closed, out of both fear and hope. But his lips stopped near her ear, whispering words.
"I never thought Sirius would like a girl for longer than a few days. I suppose McKinnon has proved me wrong, hmm? Though, I'd appreciate it if they weren't constantly sucking face," he murmured. Lily grinned up at him.
"As though you wouldn't do the same, Potter? I'm sure you have," she poked fun, but he shook his head seriously.
"Actually, not as often as he does." Lily's eyebrows rose.
"Really, Potter? Not a new girl every week?" James looked surprised.
"No! One, possibly every few months, but not for all of that time. And never for very long."
"And why is that? Can't hold your interest? Is that what you'll do with me?" Lily heard the concern creeping into her voice, where she had meant to be teasing, and cursed herself for it. What was she talking about? He hadn't even done anything to indicate he wanted to do anything of the sort with her, and here she was being concerned. What should she care if Potter was planning to lead her on and leave her? She wouldn't be falling for his attempts to make a move on her!
But James looked appalled.
"No! Never! None of them…" he trailed off into mumbled words. Lily frowned.
"What was that?"
"I said, none of them…" and he trailed off once more, but she caught "compared to you." Lily sat up quite quickly, surprising him. He then looked fearful, almost.
"What? Me?" James averted his eyes, suddenly shy. Lily's fingers touched his cheek, moving him to face her.
"Really? And how do I know you don't say that to all of them?"
"You don't, really, but I don't. Just you," James promised, sincerity seeping through his words. Lily smiled softly at him. She pressed her lips to his cheek, lingering for a moment before pulling away. James looked surprised.
"You don't hate me?" It was Lily's turn to be surprised.
"Why would I?"
"Well… if I ever even talk about anyone else, most girls would go running, or slap me. But you didn't," he pointed out.
"Well, that's obvious. But it may also be because you said they all get compared to me. I'm sure if you told them that, they wouldn't go running," Lily suggested. James smirked slightly, though the shyness still lingered.
"But I don't need them anymore. You're here. Right?"
Lily stared at him. Was she? Could she? She hadn't sorted out her feelings for this boy in front of her. He had tormented her and Severus for years, had confused her previous feelings of hatred for the younger James with the current, seemingly sweet and changed, James Potter. It was all jumbled in her mind.
"I-I-" Lily stammered. She didn't know how to respond. How could she?
"I'm sorry- I didn't mean- You don't have to-" Lily continued staring at him.
"I don't know," Lily responded, somewhat late now. James nodded abashedly.
Lily scrambled away, scurrying off to her dormitory before any more damage could be done to whatever the hell they had.
