She had anticipated the chaos
She arrived ten minutes earlier
Anonymously moving through the crowd
Every species was represented in the throng
Some trying to get a glimpse of the war hero
Others the widow of their Messiah
Their eyes locked on her private shuttle unaware she moved among them
Following her own path had led her back to her mother's perch
Fate had deluded her into believing she was free
Entering the apartment had reminded her of a dig site
She remembered the smell of stagnant water
The stale air of the ruins
It had invigorated her to step into the past
Here…she felt trapped by memories…Therum
Could she be rescued by him?
In the end he was more machine, than human
Was she becoming something similar?
He'd loved her
While she loved nothing
A man once flesh and blood
Now smoke and ash
No
Whatever she'd become
It bore no resemblance to the man she'd loved
She felt the echoes of her past
Resentment, anger, and loneliness hung in the air
Alone most of her life without experiencing love
She'd craved it
Now having had it only to watch as it disintegrate
It seemed like madness
To strive in vain for something that could not be attained
Even when found it was elusive
Love was finite it always came to an end
Whether by death or the passage of time
How could one life absorb everything?
Her mother's shadow cast her into darkness
His first death launched her into the light
She was a creature forged in the fires of a personal hell
How had she resurrected herself after such a devastating loss
If she could only remember
Maybe she could find her way back
A way back to him
A voice from the shadows whispered
I'm always coming back.
A lie
She'd thought Illium would have the answer she sought
Instead a memory she couldn't touch hung in the air
She touched the case containing the only piece of him in the room
She could almost feel him
His lips against her own
Whispering promises
Each broken
She remembered that day
The day of broken promises
Searing hot shrapnel breached the armor
Her flesh screamed a leg buckled
She crashed to the ground
Her eyes never leaving the man she chose to follow
No
She hadn't chosen this
The constant danger the worry
Love had never been a choice
Dark violet stained hands clawed at the blackened earth
She dragged her unwilling body after him
In a flash of red light he was gone
A bloodstained scorch mark upon his home world
Yet she continued her slow trek towards him
Would she ever stop chasing after him?
Only a few agonizing moments later she watched him rise
If he could withstand such violent force
Surely she could do the same
Her mind was willing but her body weak
She collapsed once more
Her screams unheard by the ringing in her ear
He never looked back
Her fingers clawed the dirt as she dragged herself forward
The beam was within reach when a pair of strong hands took hold
Pulling her away
No…
Her throat was raw, but she yelled to be released
She would follow him
Her body had failed her
She had failed him
Yet again she was helpless
It was Therum all over again
Imprisoned by her own failures
She prayed to a false Goddess
Hoping for one moment she could be real again
Maybe if she believed
The memory faded
The Matriarch whose shadow had caged her
She was to blame
She'd led the human to her
He'd been searching for the Matriarch
When he'd found the Maiden
Her decision to mate with an Asari that caused her to be ostracized
She would have known love
Happiness without the human
The Matriarch had caused every ounce of pain in her soul
Her mother's voice broke into her thoughts
You sought the isolation of tombs
Preferring the company of the dead to the living
You are the monstrosity that takes lives willingly
I take responsibility for being an absent mother
Blocking your path
And denying you a mother's love
I will not accept blame for what you have become
An empty vessel abusing her power to fulfill a pointless fantasy
She shut out the voice
There were no innocents
It had been for them he'd died
Every life owed her restitution for what she'd lost
Nothing about him had been pointless
He'd done what no one else could
Yet he never looked back
Did he realize he would not return?
Had he known would he have looked back?
She could feel the anger
The resentment of being left behind over and over again
By her father
Her mother
Him
Humans made so many promises they could not keep
Was it their lifespan?
Did they believe they would not live long enough to be held to them?
Nothing was stopping her from breaking her promise
She could find peace in the ….
No, there was no Goddess
Only a Prothean lie
She had nothing left to believe in
There was a time she would have sought the answers
In the ruins of Therum, Illos, or Feros
But now…the truth was known to her
They had usurped the knowledge of those before them
The Protheans could not accomplish the one thing he could
It always came back to him
He would hold the answer
She had to find him
The glass case shattered and she picked up the last remnant of him
She would follow him to the end of his path
If he could not be found there
He did not wish to be found
He had turned his back upon her for the last time
She looked down at the glass upon the floor
Was she as irrevocably broken?
There had been a time when she believed
When hope existed within her mind
Any hope she harnessed always dissolved
When she realized there was no substitute
He could not be replaced
She left the apartment
It had once held despair and rage, but there had also been hope
Now all hope was lost
